Yuki's hand trembles. Is it a shiver of fear? Of anger? She puts down her teacup carefully, so carefully, but even so it clatters against the saucer, a ring of little tremors as her hand shakes. 

Then she just loses it. "Aadya...what the fuck? How am I supposed to even start on this? What, do you want me to tell you something wise?! I've got the quote, first thing I thought of is Gandalf telling Frodo that we can wish all we want to have had different times but that all we can do is decide how to use the time that's given us." 

Yuki balls her fist, slams it on the table. The teacups rattle again. Some people look over and then quickly look away. "I know what I'm [i]supposed[/i] to feel, Aadi! So do you! But fuck that. Doesn't make it hurt any less! No, I don't know why it wasn't me, why it can't be me. I guess I'm just not the right person for the job this time. Fate decided that whatever I had when I was twelve, I don't fucking have it now. Or fuck, maybe I do but it's the wrong thing to beat the...I dunno who are we even fighting, the rot star maybe? Whatever, doesn't matter, whatever beat Azaza isn't gonna win here, so it's not me, it's Hazel."

She takes a deep, shuddering breath, holds up a hand to stop Aadya from talking. "I am doing the best I can, the [i]absolute best I can[/i] to be happy for him. He deserves to be happy. He deserves this adventure. Who the fuck am I to tell him that I deserve it more than he does, huh? So...so why would you want it to be me then? You want me to try and take it? Join the hunters? I'm not doing that to Suli and Juni! I won't, I refuse!" She pounds the table with both hands palm down. 

Then she stares at Aadya. A part of her is aware that Aadya just beat herself up too. That Aadya can't imagine a world where she's not pushing herself to her absolute limit all the time until it breaks her. Yuki should reassure her about that somehow. But, she doesn't have the words. She doesn't have any words left. All she can manage is to slide over next to Aadya, hold onto her arm, and cry as she remembers again what it felt like to be filled with starlight.