It was April’s third day in CAGE, and she was slowly getting used to the routine of it all. Danni and Dorian had brought her lots of books and pictures the day before, and she had been getting more comfortable around one of the other patients, August, who had become her self-appointed tour guide as to life in the facility. Mercifully, she had also managed to avoid Vicky so far - the last time April had seen her, Vicky had insulted her out of nowhere, and it had sent her spiraling. She didn’t doubt that that would be the case again here. 

So it wasn’t the facility itself or her circumstances that were causing her stomach to slosh with nervousness as she waited in the visitor’s lounge, having been informed that there were some people here to see her. Not Danni and Dorian - they’d be coming by later, she knew. Zelda hadn’t tried to show, which was typical - they were sisters only by blood, blood that seemed to be running thinner and thinner by the day. And while her parents had tried, April had refused to see them - a decision she was only just beginning to fully grasp why she had made, days after the fact. No, it was her girlfriends here to see her - Sabine and Leah - and as much as she was happy to see them, it also filled her with dread. 

Leah shoved the doors to the lounge open and stormed in. Her eyes swiveled around and looked at everything like this place was ready to be destroyed by a bomb. She did not look happy.

[color=ff9a4f]”I already don’t like this place,”[/color] she decided. [color=ff9a4f]”Looks like a prison in here.”[/color]

Sabine hated that she had to hear from Danni and Dorian about April being committed to some psych ward. She knew April would not likely be able to speak to them about it, but it still burned her that Dorian and Danni got to see her first. Sabine bit her tongue though. It would not do her to cause trouble and they needed to be there for April in this moment.

Sabine could also tell Leah was less than thrilled about all of this, even before she opened her mouth. [color=A2797E]”Right, because prisons famously have colorful wallpaper, a nice patio, and other amenities. She’s not locked up, she’s being treated. Behave yourself.”[/color] Sabine was mainly joking, though she fully expected Leah to make a scene at some point.
Sabine walked up to the front desk to sign in. April should be waiting for them.

[color=ff9a4f]”I’m behaving, your majesty,”[/color] Leah joked. And it [i]was[/i] a joke. She was totally behaving. [color=ff9a4f]”But come on, who names a place like this [i]Cage?”[/i][/color]

April was waiting in the visitor’s lounge, doing her best to fix her hair as much as she could. Her friend August had helped her out with some of the tangles that had formed yesterday, but she still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about it. It felt way too frizzy, and the more she tried to smooth it down, the more it seemed to rebel against her. And the only good alternative to fussing over her hair was to pick at her nails, trying to not let the anxiety overwhelm her as she waited. They’d have to be here soon, right?

[color=ff9a4f]”I mean. Yeah, sure, let’s put the people who need help in a [i]cage.[/i] When did that ever go wrong?”[/color] Sabine’s sass was rubbing off on Leah… Sadly.

Sabine ignored the comment with a lighthearted eye roll before they were given directions to the visitor’s lounge. Sabine led the way and as they entered the room Sabine looked around. It looked like an average living room, just with more seats to fit more people. And there, sitting, waiting, was April.

Sabine fought the urge to run up to her for fear she would be tackled by security. Even though Sabine hadn’t clocked any guards she was sure they were being monitored. The power dampeners could be felt. Sabine walked up and smiled. [color=A2797E]”Hey April. How are you doing?”[/color]

Leah walked up slowly, keeping an eye on the people around them out of habit. [color=ff9a4f]”Everything okay? I’m guessing they didn’t let you text anybody that you’d come here.”[/color] She really wanted to sit down and hug April. Badly.

April’s heartbeat went into double time as Sabine and Leah walked into the room, looking as gorgeous as ever. There was an undercurrent of nervousness in her every action though, as she couldn’t help but wonder what they thought - Danni and Dori had told her that no one in their circle had judged her or thought worse of her for this, but what if they had been lying? What if Sabine and Leah were just weirded out by this entire situation and sick of her? And as Sabine and Leah asked April how she was doing, the same impulse to immediately say she was fine and brush over the entire situation came to her - it would have been so much easier to just pretend nothing was happening. 

But that was what had landed her in here. She bit her lip. [color=42A9FF]”Um… If you mean right now in this minute, I’m okay. This place isn’t too bad. It’s - it’s not as scary as I thought it was going to be. I mean it can definitely be scary, but like - it’s not like in the movies. Um.”[/color] 

She paused again, trying to force herself to be brave - brave enough to just be honest here. [color=42A9FF]”If… If you mean in general, then… Things have gotten pretty bad,”[/color] she glanced down at her hands. 

Leah took a deep breath. [color=ff9a4f]”…If I hugged you, would someone shoot me?”[/color] She was trying to be funny. It wasn’t working. [color=ff9a4f]”Are they treating you alright? They- What’s going on? Whatever it is, we’re not going to look at you different. Promise.”[/color]

Sabine had been silent about a lot of things. But looking around the facility had reminded her, or rather continued to remind her, of her past. What she had went through, albeit briefly. [color=A2797E]”Yeah, more the general one. I imagine they don’t have people in here if everything is going great.”[/color] Sabine felt…what was the word for it? Lost? Unsure? She felt like she was floating but she was definitely grounded.

[color=A2797E]”April, I am so sorry. If I knew how you have been feeling I would have…I wouldn’t have…I would have been better. I’m sorry..”[/color]

April shook her head, uncertain as to where to really start. So much of this was things she was really just beginning to understand too. The sessions with Dr. Whitehall had been really helpful, but at the same time overwhelming. Even April hadn’t really realized how bad things had become - she had been so used to just denying it all and pretending it hadn’t happened, and now that she was starting to do the painful work of acknowledging that it had, it felt like trying to scale a mountain. How could she explain to someone else what she still didn’t even understand herself? 

[color=42A9FF]”It’s - it’s not your fault. Please don’t think it’s your fault. I - I got really good at lying to other people, and to myself,”[/color] April admitted. She bit her lip again, her eyes darting back down from her girlfriends to her hands. It was easier to not look at people. [color=42A9FF]”Um. So they told me yesterday, after Danni and Dori left that I’m… that I’m bipolar.”[/color] She then froze, bracing herself for a reaction. 

The reaction she got from Leah was bewilderment. Leah looked off into the middle distance for a moment, wondering something. [color=ff9a4f]”Okay. That doesn’t sound good, but why’d they put you in here for that?”[/color] She asked. [color=ff9a4f]”That’s not something they can just give you medicine for, is it?”[/color]

April swallowed, having known this conversation was coming, but it wasn’t any easier. [color=42A9FF]”They…. they put me here because I was going to try to kill myself,”[/color] she winced. Her body started shaking, but she forced herself to continue. [color=42A9FF]”They can give me medicine, but it’s also not just medicine - I… I have a lot of work I need to do. Lot of bad habits to stop. Um. It’s going to be difficult. But… at least I know what’s wrong with me now.”[/color]

Sabine heard the words, but couldn’t quite process them. Not yet. Bipolar was such a heightened word. The thing itself brought up scary images, though she knew better that it wasn’t some term to be thrown about loosely. And to hear April had wanted to kill herself? Sabine’s hand flew right to her wrist before she could stop it. 

[color=A2797E][i]”Share damn it! This is what Dr. Whitehall suggested.”[/i][/color]

It wasn’t that easy though. She had opened up in therapy but doing so to her girlfriends was another beast. [color=A2797E]”I’m glad you’re getting the help you need April, though I wish you would have told us how much you were hurting. And that’s me being a big hypocrite.”[/color]
 Sabine paused. Now or never.

[color=A2797E]”I self-harmed when I was younger. Started with my food intake and formed into cutting myself. And therapy didn’t help me then. But I wish I had someone to talk to about it. My mom was that person but she died when I needed her the most.”[/color]

To Leah, it was like hearing words from the other end of a long tunnel. She felt ice cold hearing April say that. Her throat closed up, and for a moment, all she could think about was how she should’ve done something about this. [color=ff9a4f]”Fuck, April- I- You could’ve-”[/color] [i]You could’ve told us how you felt.[/i] [color=ff9a4f]”I guess the three of us all suck at talking about heavy things, don’t we? I- I don’t know how this feels. If you’re… If you’re getting help, that’s great. Is there anything we can do?”[/color]

April didn’t know what to say. 

She felt terrible, hearing Leah and Sabine say that they wished she would have told them. Somehow that made April feel more ashamed than the near-attempt had. She hadn’t told them because she hadn’t been able to even admit it to herself - to be honest about how much she was struggling, that the episodes weren’t just one-offs, that it was a recurring issue that had only been getting worse. There was still so much about herself that she still didn’t understand - so much she had pushed deep down to avoid it. 

And to hear that Sabine had gone through that pain… April would have never imagined someone so strong and confident ever would have felt that way. [color=42A9FF]”I… I’m so sorry. I - I should have told you both. I… I didn’t tell anyone, because I didn’t want to admit it was happening,”[/color] April began, glancing at the two of them, before looking away again. [color=42A9FF]”I’m - Sabine, I’m so sorry to hear that - I - you always seem so brave, and put together, and…”[/color] April paused for a moment, wiping the tears that were starting to form away. She knew what she needed to say - could feel that it was time - but how was she supposed to say what she needed, when Sabine had just confessed that to them? It felt cruel. 

[color=A2797E]”I didn’t admit that to make either of you feel bad. I know what it’s like and that is why I show confidence, because it’s scary to admit there’s something wrong. So please, if you need something April, tell us.”[/color]

[color=ff9a4f]”Yeah. We’re here, okay? You’re cared for, you’re still April. Whatever you need, ask us. We want to be here for you.”[/color]

[color=42A9FF]”I….”[/color] April faltered again, as the tears started gushing out. [color=42A9FF]”I think I need to break-up with you both. I - I’m so sorry. I - I just… There’s so much stuff that I hid from even myself and I - I don’t think I have it in me to be the girlfriend you both deserve right now. I’ve had so much fun dating you both, a-a-and it isn’t you, it is me - like it really is just me. I… I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”[/color]

If you listened closely, you could hear the sound of a pin dropping in another state.

[color=ff9a4f]”April… Why would we be mad at you for that?”[/color]

Sabine nearly gripped the table. But she unclenched. Leah sounded…calm?

[color=A2797E]”I mean…of course. That makes perfect sense. You can’t reasonably be a good partner for someone if you don’t take care of yourself.”[/color] Her words did not fully match her eyes. Sabine blinked back tears. She would not do this in front of April, who had it worse than she did.

Sabine looked around the room, anything to avoid eye contact.

[color=42A9FF]”I… I really don’t want to hurt either of you,”[/color] April said, forcing herself to look up. She took a breath, wiping her eyes dry on her sleeve. She hated how much she had been crying lately. [color=42A9FF]”I-I-I just… I just don’t think I can do this a-and do school and focus on t-trying to get better and everything - l-like you don’t deserve anything less than my best, b-because you’re both so incredible and… and yeah.”[/color] 

[color=ff9a4f]”Hey. Stop.”[/color] Leah put a hand out and sat it over April’s. [color=ff9a4f]”The best you can do, right now, is help yourself. You- April, when you’re fucking [i]drowning,[/i] you can’t do anything more than save yourself. I’m- It really, [i]really[/i] worries me that you’re in a place like this. It worries me that you had to come here, and I wish I could make it better so you didn’t have to be here.”[/color]

She looked down at the table. [color=ff9a4f]”But I don’t know how to give you that. So… If this is what you need, then I want you to do what’s best for yourself. Okay?”[/color]

Sabine hated this. Every moment. On the one hand this felt like giving up. Isn’t that what couples did? When one was struggling the others helped, was there for them, supported them and didn’t run. This felt like running.

But on the other hand, could she say she wouldn’t be in the same boat? Their whole relationship started weird and Sabine hated to admit that. 

[color=A2797E]”What Leah said. If this is what you need then I support it. It’s not like we won’t see each other anyway. We’ll still be friends.”[/color] Sabine caught herself trip at the last word, nearly gagging trying to hold down her sobs. She clenched her fists underneath the table. She wanted to break something.

They were both being so nice about this. It almost made it hurt more. [color=42A9FF]”Yeah, we’ll be friends,”[/color] April choked out, doing her best to try to keep the tears to a minimum - to keep them from shaking her body with sorrow. [color=42A9FF]”I’m - I’m going to be okay. I’m not right now, but I’m going to be okay. You don’t need to worry about me, I promise. I - they have a plan and anything, it’s very thorough. And the doctor here is really nice, Dr. Whitehall. She’s funny, too, you’d like her a lot.”[/color]

[color=ff9a4f]”We can come see you more. We have a lot less to do after Coulson basically passed us for the year. And the contest isn’t [i]that[/i] bad,”[/color] Leah said. Her face was showing some sadness, more than she usually let people see. [color=ff9a4f]”You’re still… I know people think people are weird or dangerous and scary when they’re mentally unstable or ill or whatever. But that’s not you. You’re still the person we know, even if you’re- Fuck, I’m not good at this. This- We’re not mad.”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”Mental illness doesn’t make someone a bad person. It’s just something they need to work through. That’s all. And we will get through this. We have a contest to win!”[/color] Again, her words didn’t quite meet her eyes. Her mind was swimming. She was tempted to peer into April’s and Leah’s, but she couldn’t even if she was able to, for multiple reasons. [color=A2797E]”Dr. Whitehall is cool. I will probably talk to her again.”[/color]

[color=ff9a4f]”I got a really [i]bad[/i] vibe from her, honestly.”[/color] It was like this girl had [i]no idea[/i] where she was. [color=ff9a4f]”Too nice to somebody she just met. I’m not going back there.”[/color]

April sniffled a bit, as Leah said that she was still April - still the person they knew. That meant a lot. She gave Leah’s hand a squeeze, and vowed that she was going to remember that - that she’d remind herself each day she was still April. And Sabine too - she was so grateful that they said that. It was terrible of her, but April had really bought into all the dialogue on mental illnesses - had really accepted that they made people dangerous, violent, wicked. It had made it so much harder to accept what was going on with her - to even admit to herself that she needed help. [color=42A9FF]”Really? She’s, like, funny - and really nice - when they brought me here my first night, she helped me a lot - got me out of an anxiety attack - and then she screamed [i]fuck you[/i] at the cameras to be silly, ‘cause I had asked her if we could swear. You think she’s… you think she’s bad? Like Arcade bad? Or just bad?”[/color]

[color=ff9a4f]”I don’t know. She just creeps me the fuck out. She could come out and say some crazy shit, like she’s secretly a domestic terrorist giving information to people that kill mutants, and I wouldn’t be surprised [i]at all.”[/i][/color]

Sabine shook her head, but bit her tongue. Of course Leah would see enemies where none were. [color=A2797E]”Regardless, if she’s helping April maybe give her the benefit of the doubt. I don’t fully trust her, but I am willing to see where it goes.”[/color] Sabine felt jittery in a way she never felt before. [color=A2797E]”So what is it like in here, really? Nice rooms? Is the rest of the staff treating you well? Say the word and I’ll go full Karen on someone!”[/color]

April’s heart skipped a beat as Leah proposed that [i]maybe[/i], just maybe, Dr. Whitehall was secretly anti-mutant. She bit her lip, trying to shake that idea out of her head. That was one of the things that had really scared her about this place, when they first brought her here - April wasn’t as intense about her mutant identity as Danni and Dorian, but she was a mutant. And she knew enough about what it was like to be a mutant to know that places and people like Leah had described were incredibly possible. [color=42A9FF]”Um, I… I really hope she isn’t, because I do not want to be murdered,”[/color] April squeaked out, nervously rubbing her hands together. [color=42A9FF]”Th-the rooms are nice, yeah - all have their own bathrooms, so you don’t have to go down the hall like at school. Staff is good, the lady that distributes meds in the morning is a bit cranky, but I think I’m getting used to her? I dunno. It’s kinda exactly what you’d expect but also nothing at all like that? There’s a boy here who, like, kinda decided we were going to be friends so I’ll play games and stuff with him, or read books - Danni and Dori brought me some yesterday - and then there’s like group sessions and individual sessions and stuff. I thought I’d miss my phone more than I do. It’s mostly just super chill here?”[/color]

[color=ff9a4f]”They took away your [i]phone?[/i] Why?”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”Why would she keep her phone? Outside contact is probably not allowed unless vetted. I mean hell, we had to sign in and I guarantee we are being monitored here.”[/color] Sabine was happy to hear the place seemed nice, and that April was making friends.

[color=A2797E]”Also cool it with the anti-mutant shit. If they are like that saying it out loud would probably get us flagged!”[/color] Sabine chided Leah with a whisper. Sabine didn’t believe the place was anti-mutant but who knew anymore? She was safe, somewhat, being inhuman, but she figured people didn’t discriminate if they really wanted to hate someone.

That didn’t do much to convince Leah this place wasn’t rancid in ten different ways. [color=ff9a4f]”Yeah, okay. As long as you’re getting the help you need, April, I’m not going to level this place.”[/color]  That was a joke. She was trying to be humorous and lighthearted, somewhat.

[color=42A9FF]”Y-yeah I think it’s… I think it’s normal, to not have it,”[/color] April said uncertainly. [color=42A9FF]”If it’s not, it might be because I’m technically not here voluntarily? Like… like I’m okay now with being here but when they brought me, it was, like, in an ambulance and everything…”[/color]

[color=ff9a4f]”...Yeah, I guess that makes sense, actually,”[/color] Leah admitted. She could tell Sabine was about to blow the fuck up. [color=ff9a4f]”I don’t really know how places like this usually do things… How long are we allowed to be here for?”[/color] She asked.

Sabine shrugged. [color=A2797E]”As long as we can, but I imagine there’s sessions and other important things she needs to do.”[/color] Sabine felt the walls shift a bit. Was that her imagination? [color=A2797E]”Well, hopefully you’ll be out soon, but do you want us to bring you anything else in the meantime? Or do you want us to let anyone else at school know you’re here?”[/color]

April paused for a moment. And then she shook her head. Everyone that she wanted to know already knew. She knew Zelda had to know, despite her sister not making a single attempt to come and visit. Mads knew already. As did her boys, and her girls. [color=42A9FF]”I - I don’t think so. But um. If you see Danni and Dori before I do, you can tell them the diagnosis, I don’t - I don’t want to tell anyone else what it is.”[/color] She then paused for a moment. [color=42A9FF]”I think right now they need to see, like, how I’m responding and stuff but I think I should be able to go back in a few days? Maybe? I’m - I’m not super sure how it all works. Think they need to sign off on some stuff saying I’m not - I’m not a danger to myself anymore?”[/color]

Sabine glanced over to Leah, wondering if she was going to open mouth, insert foot again. When she didn’t say anything, Sabine continued. [color=A2797E]”Of course, we can let them know. And please have Dr. Whitehall or whoever reach out if you need to see us again. And take care of yourself. Obviously.”[/color]

[color=42A9FF]”I - I’d like to see you both again, if that’s - if that’s not too weird or anything,”[/color] April admitted. She’d never broken up with anyone before - and definitely not in the psych ward. She wouldn’t blame them if it would be too weird or painful to come and visit her again - but she did really hope that they could stay friends. 

[coor=ff9a4f]”Why would that be weird?”[/color]

[color=A2797E]”Of course we’ll come back to see you, you are our friend first and foremost.”[/color] Sabine looked over to Leah, hoping she wouldn’t say anything to worry April further. Sabine had to check herself too, lest she say something she would regret.

April was incredibly grateful for Sabine - she did really enjoy spending time with Leah, but right now, every other sentence that came out of Leah’s mouth just gave her a newfound wave of anxiety. [color=42A9FF]”Um, it might be weird because… because we just broke up?”[/color] April said tentatively. 

[color=ff9a4f]”Nah. That doesn’t make it weird. We’ll be back, promise,”[/color] Leah assured her.

[color=A2797E]”On that note, we should let you rest. But please let us know if you need anything else. And…take care of yourself.”[/color] Sabine bit the inside of her cheek. So many words she wanted to say. So many emotions. She hated herself a tiny bit for letting April go, but it was for the best. It had to be.

April nodded. [color=42A9FF]”I will - I promise,”[/color] she said. [color=42A9FF]”I’m not okay but… but I think I will be.”[/color]

[color=ff9a4f]”That’s good. It’s okay if you’re not okay now. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t.”[/color] Leah wanted to punch a wall right now. Or something metal, or something alive, she didn’t know. She really hated that she sucked at this sort of thing.

[color=ff9a4f]”We’ll… We’ll be back soon.”[/color]

Sabine stayed silent but reached over to hold April’s hand, just for a bit. Then she stood up and waited for Leah to join her before she waved goodbye and made her way out of the room. She wondered if she screamed really loud if they would admit her then and there.

It took Leah another fifteen seconds of sitting there, looking at April as if they’d never see each other again, before she got up and hurried out past Sabine.