[center][hr][img]https://i.imgur.com/WZyxkRP.png[/img] [img]https://i.imgur.com/Ykr0chB.png[/img] [/center] [right]Interactions: Elena [@Qia] [code]St Alexia’s Practice[/code][/right][hr] [color=ff7360]"Oh yeah, my coven’s really interestin’! Really nice too… like my boss, Momo! She’s [i]really[/i] strong magic wise, pure Green, so you’d expect her to be scary, but she really ain’t. If it weren’t for her I’d be havin’ a much harder time, ‘specially with Luciana. Before I met her I thought all covens were evil, cause’ve the stories my Mamá told me. But Momo showed me that ain’t the case… she cares ‘bout all of us like we’re her family."[/color] Loni babbled away, gently rocking Luciana as she did. She didn’t notice Elena’s lack of commitment - it went completely over her head. She was just happy to [i]talk[/i] about someone she liked. Not that Elena had asked. But Loni had taken it as that, talking away before laughing at the tea comment. Wow, Elena sure did dislike bagged tea… which was understandable if she worked with it. Loni had never been much of a tea person herself. She did love a good mug of hot cocoa, though her Mamá had made it best. But maybe the non lifeless loose-leaf tea would be nicer. Again, the deadpan humour itself went over her head… [color=ff7360]"Thanks for not dying tea has a nice ring to it,"[/color] Loni smiled, glancing over at the slightly ajar door. If Elena was going to make her tea sometime… they’d need a way to meet up again. While Loni had made the decision not to give her number to either of them… it would be fine with Elena, right? After all, the problems she had before were always with men. Not that Elijah seemed the sort, but Momo and Vin had been [i]really[/i] firm about her not giving out her number to strangers. Guys especially. So… it was fine for a lady! Someone who’d protect her daughter as well. [color=ff7360]"Oh! If we’re gonna have tea sometime, in case you don’t come round to my work…"[/color] Loni leaned over from the bed, awkwardly reaching for her bag. The blanket across her injured shoulder slipped down, revealing the mostly healed wound. It was in the last stages now, with the skin growing across exposed muscle. As she leant down she felt a bit lightheaded… but the healer had said her blood would take a little longer to regenerate. From her bag Loni pulled out a pad of paper, and a red crayon. She scribbled on the paper, before ripping it out and holding it out to Elena. [color=ff7360]"Here, that’s my number. It’ll make things easier if you wanna stop by too."[/color] Luciana’s hand reached out, grasping at the crayon. Loni let her have it… though she didn’t go to start doodling like Loni had hoped. Instead she grasped it in her little hand, curling back up against her chest. If Loni had known they were going to get attacked, she would’ve brought one of Luciana’s plushies… but how was she supposed to know something like that? [color=ff7360]"C’mon, baby, why don’t you hold Mamá’s hand? Ain’t that comfier?"[/color] Loni gently unwrapped Luciana’s hand from the crayon, replacing it with two of her fingers. Luciana pulled them up to her chin, hiding her face away again. Loni kissed the top of her head, before looking over at Elena again. [color=ff7360]"When I next see you she’ll be back to her normal happy self."[/color] [hr][hr] [center][img]https://i.imgur.com/jsE3c6F.png[/img] [h1]Ten Years Ago[/h1][/center][hr] [color=dedfff]”[i]Again.[/i]”[/color] Bright lights in a sterile environment were the most blinding when coming back to reality. Breathing was difficult too… Suddenly aware of it, chest heaving up and down as if emerging from choppy waters. It felt like it. Being inside a mind without consent was like being trapped in underwater tunnels, having to keep swimming without drowning or getting lost. The goal was never worth it… [color=dedfff]”[i]Vanessa.[/i] Did you hear me?”[/color] [color=8877BD][i]Don’t argue. It’ll hurt.[/i][/color] Vanessa nodded. Her vision was beginning to come back, her father’s voice ringing in her ears over all the thoughts that clustered her mind. She didn’t want to see. Seeing meant seeing [i]him[/i]. A man strapped to an operating table like they were about to cut him open. [i]They were[/i], just not in the traditional way. He was larger than her, but so weak. Red Lux adept, kindled four years ago. He specialised in water and ice magic. Couldn’t use any of it right now. Charles had seen to that. His magic wasn’t incredibly potent, but it wasn’t that weak either. He was crying. She’d barely done anything and he was crying. She felt sick. [color=dedfff]”Why are you still here if you heard me? I don’t have all day to sit around watching you flounder in a man’s mind trying to use a simple spell.”[/color] Vanessa felt a sharp scratch in her mind as she turned to look at Charles with slightly narrowed eyes. He lounged in the corner of the room, arms folded with a gaze fixed firmly on her. Everything about him exuded harshness. His crisp business suit was out of place in the sterile, mostly empty room that he made seem so much smaller. Not a room… an experimental prison chamber. Simple spell? It wasn’t simple at all. She was trying to manipulate a man’s mind. Just like hers had been… the scratching pain a reminder of what would happen if she argued. It wasn’t just that. It was the indifference her father looked at her with. That hurt more, her chest constricting with panic. He wasn’t happy with her. [i]Again.[/i] She couldn’t deal with that. She had to do better. [color=8877BD]”I was just thinking about where I went wrong. Sorry.”[/color] Her eyes slipped to the floor. She couldn’t bear to see how he looked at her. [color=dedfff]”You should already know. Get on with it.”[/color] She had to go back in. There was no arguing with him… not if she wanted to stay conscious. She’d made no progress the whole week. She had to today. If she did, maybe he’d tell her she did well. Maybe they could have dinner together. [color=8877BD]Maybe he’ll love me.[/color] Vanessa closed her eyes as Pink Lux flooded through her. [color=8877BD][i]I want him to love me, I want him to love me, I want him to love-[/i][/color] It was easy to slip right through the crack she’d made in the man’s emotional field. Images flashed across her vision in quick succession and she could feel [i]everything[/i]. His pain, fear… desperation to get out of the situation he’d found himself in. There’d be no escape. None of the ones she worked on were the ‘lucky ones’ Charles let leave. All of this was useless to her. She cleared it all away until she was floating in near emptiness. It was almost peaceful. A moment where she just [i]was[/i] within the mind of another. It never lasted. It couldn’t last, because she was in here for a reason. She needed to fundamentally change his brain. It wasn’t a pleasant process for him… or for her. Only a psychopath would enjoy it. [color=8877BD][i]Like Father.[/i][/color] A jolt of phantom pain brought her back to what she was doing. [color=8877BD][i]Let’s start.[/i][/color] Picking through the mind was much like sorting threads from each other. She’d spent years just cracking emotional fields and doing basic mind control on people, so moving her way through all the strings of thoughts, emotions and functions wasn’t so difficult. But it was mutating them. Mind control was easy. She just took control. It was active. She didn’t even need to be [i]inside[/i] like this to do it. Just the magic was enough. But it wasn’t permanent. Permanency was harder. Even the cursed mind control was something she’d gotten a [i]bit[/i] of a hang of… because she liked being in control. But permanently changing the mind with her Pink Lux? She just couldn’t get it right. It always bounced back… and it shouldn’t be so hard! Everything wavered around her, and she took a deep breath. [color=8877BD]Concentrate.[/color] She’d found what she needed. The part of the brain that caused movement. She knew how to adjust it if she wanted to force someone to [i]move[/i] while controlling them. But what she wanted right now was muscle spasms that never went away. A magical chronic illness. [color=8877BD][i]But why even do this? What use is it to you… or to him? Why does he do any of this? Why is he teaching me this?[/i][/color] It didn’t matter. She couldn’t answer any of her questions… and she couldn’t question her father. She’d tried. Hadn’t understood his explanation. Then every other question was seen as [i]defiance[/i]. Magic flowed through her, twisted pink tendrils that latched onto all the areas she needed to change. Slowly, carefully… It hurt. His pain as the shell around them jerked against its bindings hit her. Then, the fighting back. His mind pushed back against the intrusion. More magic, gritted teeth, and she suppressed him. [color=8877BD]Done.[/color] Her magic pulled away, and she could feel the shift around her as it [i]all went back.[/i] No! Fuck! That wasn’t what was meant to happen. It was supposed to stay! Why couldn’t she figure this out? Why? It just wasn’t working. She couldn’t do it. No, no, she had to get it this time. She had to figure it out before she left his mind. If she failed… he’d punish her again. He wouldn’t talk to her. She’d be left all alone. More magic. She had to use more magic. Of course it would be harder to make it permanent. But she could. She had enough. Magic flooded out of her and into his mind. It crashed into the spots she’d been carefully adjusting before. [color=8877BD][i]More, more, more, more-[/i][/color] Everything went white. She couldn’t breathe. Acrid burning filled her nostrils, and she choked on it. The cold floor underneath her hands didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real. How was the floor so close? When had she fallen? Pictures swum in front of her eyes, covering up the shining grey. Was she dying? No. Not her last memories. [i]His.[/i] Vanessa’s head snapped up. A limp hand came into her still blurry vision. A limp body. His chest… was his chest moving? It had to be. She’d just used too much, he’d passed out. Right? That was it. He’d passed out, so she could just check his mind easily- it wasn’t there. There was nothing there anymore. Nothing for her magic to latch onto. Her curse wasn’t there anymore because his mind was gone. She’d killed him. It was difficult to breathe again. Her chest heaved up and down as she curled forward, chest pressing against her legs. She couldn’t… she hadn’t. She had. She’d killed someone. She was a murderer. But she hadn’t meant to! That didn’t matter. He was dead. Oh God, he was dead. She felt sick. Her nails dug into her thighs to stop herself from dry heaving. The pain helped. [color=dedfff]”Not the spell I was trying to teach you,”[/color] Charles scoffed. His chair screeched against the floor behind Vanessa, and his tailored grey dress pants came into view in front of her. She tilted her head back until she could see his face from where she knelt on the floor. Impassive. But not… disdainful. [color=dedfff]”I suppose I no longer have to show you how to kill someone from inside their mind. Well done. I’m surprised you managed to develop a spell yourself.”[/color] It wasn’t like that. She hadn’t been trying to do anything. She hadn’t meant to. But he was… proud of her. He wasn’t disappointed in her. She hadn’t failed. She wasn’t a failure. Happiness bloomed in her chest, pushing away the heaviness that had settled there. Finally. She’d been failing so much… now he wouldn’t abandon her. He’d love her. [color=8877BD]Was it worth it? Killing someone.[/color] It didn’t matter. It wasn’t [i]really[/i] her fault. And he wasn’t upset. [color=dedfff]”Get up. That’s enough for today. I suppose there’s enough time for a meal before I proceed with my own work. Come on.”[/color] Vanessa didn’t say anything, just pushing to her shaky feet and following behind Charles’ daunting back. But he felt a little less cold today. She’d killed someone, but for now she wasn’t going to think about it. Not with her father’s attention like this. She wouldn’t process it until later, lying alone on her Queen sized bed with the lights dimmed. A mindless movie played on her new tablet in an attempt to fill the silent emptiness. There’d be no peaceful sleep for her tonight. The brief spark from her father’s interest wasn’t enough. And there would be many, many more restless nights in the future. [hr][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/pUYd0Dd.png[/img] [img]https://i.imgur.com/ItU46sA.png[/img] [hider=aching, breaking, trying again][youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjHVYxiMDcw&ab_channel=TheWarningVEVO[/youtube][/hider][/center] [right][code]Deciduous Apartments, South Side, Westwood “Junglelands”[/code][/right][hr] It was difficult to tell whether it was the light shining through her curtainless window or the memory fueled nightmare that woke Nessa. She was still stuck in it, one close enough to reality that it played with her mind as her eyes squinted open. She expected to be there- her large, luxurious bedroom filled with things she’d bought to fill the void in her heart. Instead all she saw was a dull, off cream ceiling that was chipped away. The damp patch she’d spent hours staring at was still present in the corner. She wasn’t there anymore. She wasn’t [i]her[/i] anymore. Just Nessa. Not Vanessa Beaumont, not someone that needed to hurt and kill anymore. [color=8877BD][i]Does it really matter? It doesn’t change what I’ve done. And is [b]this[/b] really better?[/i][/color] She'd been trapped in a nightmare for almost three days, rotting away in bed. Spiralling further down and down with only her thoughts and memories for company. What was the point anyway? Why did she bother trying to live this miserable existence? Did she even [i]deserve[/i] it? It was a sharp knock at the door that finally dragged her out of bed. ‘Bed’ consisted of a small double mattress pushed up in the corner of the room, with a ratty duvet and two flat pillows. It was shit, but it was a bed. The only thing that didn’t look worn as fuck was the small heated pad that hand ended up shoved to the side sometime in the throes of her nightmare. The one ‘luxury’ she’d purchased to present herself from freezing to death in winter. The rest of the small room wasn’t much better. There were two chairs shoved under a tiny table opposite the mattress. One leg of the table was practically broken, so an unassuming leather journal was shoved underneath it to stabilise it. Behind them, a tiny kitchen - turned off refrigerator, one countertop with storage underneath it and a thankfully working gas stove. The only other piece of furniture was a wonky wardrobe, unused. All her clothes were in a suitcase beside her bed, covering her few remaining ‘valuables’. Mildew creeped across the dingy corners. There were empty bottles shoved in the corner nearest the door- an ill-considered purchase that she’d hoped would drown her sorrows, and perhaps she wouldn’t wake up from it. Instead she [i]had[/i] woken up, so sick that she’d spent the whole day curled over her toilet. At least she didn't need to eat that day… The knock sounded again, this time louder and more impatient. [color=8877BD]”Calm down! I’m fucking coming!”[/color] Nessa groaned, shuffling across the cold floor towards the door. She didn’t bother getting dressed, still in her night clothes - an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants filled with holes. There were very few people who’d bother knocking on her door. She unlocked the double locks- the only good thing about this miserable fucking place was that she was unlikely to be murdered in her sleep. Sadly. Pulling it open revealed the taller stature of her landlady. Middle aged, she was a South Sider that had gotten lucky and now owned this small apartment block in the worst area of Westwood. Single room apartments that originally hosted short term workers were now filled with the destitute who’d lost everything. People with no hope. Like her. “Rents due.” The stern looking woman - Irene, Nessa’s mind slowly supplied - got straight to the point. Dark eyes narrowed at Nessa, while her smile was expectant verging on taunting. [color=8877BD]”Today?”[/color] “It’s Monday.” Shit, was it. She didn’t have the money… Fifty dollars. Fifty fucking dollars, and she didn’t have it. “Y’know if you pay by the month I won’t visit so much.” Nessa bit her lip to hold back on the nastier things she wanted to say. She couldn’t piss off the person who allowed her to keep a roof over her head… and who’d taken enough pity on her to allow her to move in and out as she pleased. She even got their utilities at an illegally low rate, found her cheap bedding and blankets. It was the closest thing to sympathy you’d get in this place… it was just the snide comments. She couldn’t stand it. And she had magic. Nessa had no idea what, but there was a firm emotional field preventing her from intruding. [color=8877BD]”I don’t have it. I’ll get it to you tomorrow.”[/color] Irene raised an eyebrow, then laughed. “Will you? You ain’t gonna just walk out with another man, then drag yoursel’ back the next week? You still gotta pay for today.” Nessa bit her lip again, staring silently. [color=8877BD][i]Don’t rise to the bait. Don’t snap.[/i][/color] “Fine. Tomorrow, or you’re out.” A polite nod, and Nessa let the door close. Locks were clicked back into place. She was left alone again. Alone to figure out how to not end up on the streets. She’d sold every single expensive thing to her name, bar a small amount of clothing. But if she sold that then she needed to replace it… and the replacements would be lower quality, and require replacing again. She couldn’t do that. And she had to look [i]good[/i]. It would be so easy to solve all of her problems with her magic… but she couldn’t. She refused to use the spells Charles had taught her. If she did then she was no better than him. She’d be complicit. Truly guilty. [color=8877BD][i]I’m already guilty…[/i][/color] A hand came up to touch the cat claw hanging from her right ear. There [i]was[/i] one more thing left to sell. She frowned, crouching in front of her suitcase. An outfit for today was picked out as she rummaged, put on the mattress behind her neatly. Finally she found it- pulling a necklace out by its gold chain. A delicate V hung at the bottom. It was a gift she’d gotten from her first girlfriend. They were both sixteen at the time, exploring their sexuality for the first time. Nessa had been attracted to women before but she’d never acted on it… until then. It had been a particularly hard time in her life as she started to learn spells so bad she felt she didn’t deserve to live with the ability to cast them. But [i]she[/i] was nice to her. It was one of the first times Nessa actually felt loved. Such a short period of almost happiness. Like everything, it ended. Her girlfriend’s parents found out and forced her to end it. Then Charles found out, and his reaction had been just as bad. [color=dedfff][i]I won’t allow pointless relationships that can’t continue my legacy.[/i][/color] This necklace was all that was left. An expensive trinket from one rich teenager to another. A sentimental keepsake of something that could never be. Her survival was more important than sentimentality. She’d sell it… but the money wouldn’t last. It just put off the inevitable. She needed to find something to drag her out of this. [i]Someone[/i]. It wasn’t like she could work… her fucking Social Security Number would immediately show who she was, and she’d end up in a cell right next to her father. She [i]couldn’t[/i]. So she had to depend on other people. People who she could move in with, or would at least buy her food… Maybe tonight she’d be lucky, and find the [i]one.[/i] It was a nice hope. Enough motivation for Nessa to pull out her one pan, filling it with water and throwing it on the burner. One pan full of boiling water was thrown into a plastic basin, then another. Finally she put a smaller amount on to boil as she waited for that to cool, pulling out a nearly empty bag of dried pasta. She’d need to get more food today. It wasn’t a satisfactory meal, but it was something. She’d grown used to only eating once or twice a day, swallowing down whatever she could get for cheap. She couldn’t afford to be fussy. By the time she was done the water was cool enough that it wouldn’t burn her. She dragged it into her tiny bathroom, into the square shower that she never actually used. It’s hot water didn’t work. Never had. Instead she used the water she’d heated up to wipe down her body after stripping off. Days worth of sweat removed until she was as squeaky clean as one could be in this godforsaken place. Then she crouched down, leaning forward to dunk her whole head in. Her thicky, wavy hair was a nightmare to take care of even after she’d cut a good amount of it off. She just couldn’t bear to remove more of it… so she was left struggling to clean it in a plastic basin. She was forced to twist her whole body, arms pulling up to scrub shampoo out of it. It was good enough. Time ticked by slowly after she got dressed, waiting for her hair to dry enough that she wouldn’t end up an absolute mess the moment the wind touched it. She filled some of the time by doing her makeup, carefully to only put on as much as she felt she needed. Enhancing her looks, hiding the dark bags beneath her eyes and other blemishes without wasting too much of dwindling supplies. Eventually her hair dried, and she was satisfied with how she looked. It was time to force herself outside for the first time in days. She’d sell the necklace, then she’d find a guy to spend the night with. Hopefully it would be more than just a night. A week, a month… anything. Any amount of time where she might not have to worry about where her next meal would come from. And when she wouldn’t be [i]alone[/i], either. It didn’t matter what the company was like. But maybe, if she was really lucky, this time she’d find someone that would help her [i]escape.[/i] Nessa wasn’t going to get her hopes up.