Oh alright, I wasn't exactly clear that there was another team. I thought it was all one fighting against an NPC team or something, the way you made it sound in the introduction.

Yeah, I still needed to edit some things before I went to bed. I forgot to add that up there. Thanks for the constructive critisim though.

^-^ Hey~ Thinking of making an application?

So where's the second team, what do they do? Because all I'm seeing in the intro is one.

Wreck said
Oh alright, I wasn't exactly clear that there was another team. I thought it was all one fighting against an NPC team or something, the way you made it sound in the introduction. Yeah, I still needed to edit some things before I went to bed. I forgot to add that up there. Thanks for the constructive critisim though.

No prob!

Wreck said
So where's the second team, what do they do? Because all I'm seeing in the intro is one.

I think Under basic history there's a list, Amelia's the trainer of stealth.

Yeah at the bottom

"Life within the Base is simple. We train. We guard. We fight. There are 6 Trainers, to lead 6 divisions, all have to be at least 18. The 6 divisions are :
Stealth - It's a scouting team of assassins, master of their craft and great at hiding themselves. They use many weapons, ranging from daggers to polearms however nothing too heavy.
Aerial [UNPLAYABLE]- Lead mainly by the Alkire, they take down any in the air battles using grunt force. Uses any weapons.
Offence - Grunt force on the floor, a team of strong warriors. Uses heavy weapons like two-handers or lances.
Defense [UNPLAYABLE]- They guard the city, patrolling and ceasing any in-city attacks or defending the walls.
Ranged - The ranged attackers. Uses bows, guns, chakrams any further ranged weapons.
Engineering [UNPLAYABLE]- Helicopter/plane fighters. Bomb and gadget fighters. They help fix things around the city too."

So there's only three playable teams? Alright, I thought those were like subdivisions of one team.

Mhm, there's only 3 because I wasn't sure how many would sign up so it might be too scattered.

Oh, well, all i'm saying is that might discourage some people from siging up. Maybe you could post something about that in the intro. Or not.

I thought he could be an older recruit because there's no way he could've done all of that stuff before the age of 14, so ideally he would have been brought in at the age of 18. Maybe the military noticed his readiness for action or something and picked him up on the spot.

But I hate being one of those people that force you to change stuff around, so if you don't want to do that, that's fine, really. I'll just figure out something.

Hm.. 18 -Can- be do-able but the only way I can find around it is that before you were too unstable and the government only offered you a place if you got off drugs, then they'd offer you to Military and provide a drug free haven? Does that sound about right? But if you join at 18 you wouldn't be able to become a veteran til 28 and your character's 26.

And yes, you're right, there is a lot to be done on the first post, It's a pretty basic "cut-out" on what I want, I'm fleshing it up now.

Okay I edited Ash

Thank you Spriggs <3

Spriggs27 said
Okay I edited Ash

Okay! So~ I had a look over, you added Stitches improvements and you updated the application without needing to be told so that's a nice plus <3

It looks like everything's all good and that you can be accepted!

Thanks

Yeah that sounds fine actually. I'll edit my post accordingly.

I think I fixed everything.

Whoops forgot about this issue.

Jessikka said
Also cocaine would be hard to get now, any cocaine would go for thousands, which, being poor, might be hard to get!

He wasn't exactly poor. His parents were higher ranking officials, and therefore I assumed they brought in more money hence the large house.
I can make him be addicted to another made up substance, but that part of his character and I'd rather not change that aspect. The addiction factor is why he acts the way he does.

And also, why is your Trainer 19? Doesn't she train the Warriors who have to be 18? Seems like a weirdly small age gap to me.

Haha. I guess today is one of my more dickish days, sorry bout that.

Wreck said
Whoops forgot about this issue.He wasn't exactly poor. His parents were higher ranking officials, and therefore I assumed they brought in more money hence the large house.I can make him be addicted to another made up substance, but that part of his character and I'd rather not change that aspect. The addiction factor is why he acts the way he does.And also, why is your Trainer 19? Doesn't she train the Warriors who have to be 18? Seems like a weirdly small age gap to me. Haha. I guess today is one of my more dickish days, sorry bout that.

" Haven entered the underground scene of street fighting to pick up a few tabs and gain funds" I just assumed, since you needed to acquire money which you did not have, that you'd be poor.

Addiction would be frowned upon in.. Any military situation, the military won't provide you with said substance and ( As far as my research has taken me ) You get paid after service while they pay off medical, financial and other government issued payments. So how you'd be able to fuel the addiction is questionable and either that is your plan and your character withdraws from it or perhaps you have another point to raise?

The only age requirement is 14 years or 24+ for veteran. There wasn't any mention (As far as I'm aware) for Warriors age. She became a warrior at 15 due to having had training previously and did not, in fact, need the training again. After 3 years she became a deputy and a year later the previous leader had died in a late night ambush attack, where Amelia took her place, under-trained and inexperienced.

I edited his backstory earlier to include where the military sobered him up and such as you suggested, so his addiction isnt a problem anymore but causes some personality grievances. I just thought you wanted me to change it from cocaine to something else since it sounded like cocaine wasn't avalible in this universe, an in reality a few grams isn't that expensive.

Okay. Let me assess it.

Straight away I see you still have 4 strengths, I see the "You name it I shoot it" strength is still there, I suggest moving that to Fighting style, a new area in the application so I can guess which team you'd be put on. Otherwise yeah... It seems okay, I see you lowered the severity of the addiction as he was willing to go to a sober area, just as long as he isn't taking the drugs too often in RP because there will be IC punishments.

Alright, I'll edit it later.