[center][img=http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnsva31YXV1qcmguw.gif][/center] --- [center][B]You're Glorious Guide to Not Getting Yourself Killed:[/B][/center] [indent]1. Don't be stupid. Have some common sense, please. If there are any disputes, take it up with me and if I can't find a reasonable way to solve it, then I permit you two to a Mexican stand-off, within the privacy of your own rooms. I heard those either end in two ways: with the two of you in a heated, steamy pile of coitus or one (or both) of you riddled with bullets. I'm fine with either solutions, as long as it is a solution. The kind that fixes things, not the one where you mix... never mind.[/indent] [indent]2. If I make an order, then you follow it. That's pretty simple, right? So, if I say, "Hey, Phil, why don'tcha get me a sandwich?" what do you say? Definitely not, "Kindly fuck yourself, sir." No, I kid. You're at your own devices, but if there's a time I need to put my foot down, I do expect you all to wholeheartedly listen.[/indent] [indent]3. Life demands of us all. I totally understand if you're ten tentacled wife is being the B word and the C word combined to make the S word. That's bitch, cu—never mind, you aren't children. But, if it does happen to pull you away from work, I'm docking your pay... and I would like you to notify me beforehand. You don't have vacation days, but I'd like to fill your spot in as soon as possible. Chances are she's going to kill you and you're going to end up on the nightly news as that 'One-guy who just couldn't please her woman,' and we're all going to laugh at your expense. But, hey, at least there wasn't a meltdown at work today because I didn't have a navigator that could have told us we were heading into a photon storm near the Andromeda Galaxy, which shredded us to pieces and left no one to mourn for our long, lost, and disintegrated bodies.[/indent] [indent]4. Don't be too hasty there, hotshot! I can't have you turning the ship port-side into that gas giant station without first having our co-pilot give the station our docking codes so we can get our clearance without getting shot out of the sky. Plus, if you go in too fast without our engineers checking for any leakage or properly venting the excess heat from our exhaust, then we're all going to explode the moment we hit the stratosphere. Slow your horses, kiddo—this is a ship we're running, not a carnival. Wait for at least two people do do their jobs before you go running around like a maniac. Even the ship's idiot has to have time to prepare his gallivanting before he goes and does it (and tie his shoes).[/indent] [indent]5. I don't want nonsense! If you want to speak, then use the Queen's English! Or, at least turn on your translator. I'm not asking for much here; I just want to know what the hell you're saying. We don't need any mishaps caused by a misunderstanding. I don't need any of you shouting 'Pom-Poms' while pointing at a cheerleader and having it read as, 'BOMB! BOMBS!' to the nearest policeman. I don't give a shit if she gets her head blown off by a .50 caliber. What I care about is the expense we'll have to pay when they find out you were just screaming out a jumbled nonsense and getting someone killed! No need for fancy words or grammatical cues that our local stenographer will have to type out. I just want people to understand you.[/indent] [indent]6. A maximum of two sentient artificial intelligence, please. I can't stress this enough. You have no idea the money I would have to pay to keep more than two operational and even then, there's a likelier chance that a HAL 9000 will come rolling on in to kill us all. Can you open the bay doors?! "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." My name's not Dave. Just no, please. I'm not dealing with a homicidal maniac—human, robot, or otherwise.[/indent] [indent]7. Be respectful of your crew mates. I can't stress this either. I don't need you to get along, I just need to know that none of you are going to kill each other. It'll only benefit you because I'm not paying for shit—emotional or physical trauma. Don't be dicks and you may survive each other.[/indent] [indent]8. Have fun. This only benefits you. If you're having fun, then you aren't worrying about the fact that you aren't making shit for money and have no insurance if you get maimed and broken. Just make sure your fun isn't at the expense of others and, most importantly, isn't costing me money.[/indent] [indent]9. Lastly (maybe), if you're going to have sex with your crew mates, then I have a few guidelines to lay out. Firstly, if it's not a relationship, then you DON'T have to fill out a form. Secondly, no sex on the fucking controls. Thirdly, no goddamn sex where we eat our food, for fuck's sake. And lastly, this is between two (or more) CONSENTING ADULTS. Oh, and don't do it publicly. You can do it anywhere but where I've told you not to, as long as you're the only people there. No one wants to see any of your nasty asses getting it on. So, be kind and do not fuck in public. And no weird mutilation shit either. I don't care if he or she or it has ultra regenerative powers. I'm not cleaning any of that shit up.[/indent] --- [center][img=http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7fmdyRBIE1r5lk54o2_500.gif][/center] --- [center][b]A Howto on How to Make Yourself Presentable: A Guide on Cleaning Up (And Not Looking Like a Fucking Slob All the GODDAMN TIME)[/b][/center] [hider=A Sheet for your Character] [center][b]Name:[/b][/center] [center]Self explanatory. If I can't pronounce it, I'm giving you an alias.[/center] [center][b]Alias:[/b][/center] [center]What you're called or what I give you. Hehe...[/center] [center][b]Gender:[/b][/center] [center]Again, self explanatory. If your species doesn't have a gender, then just put N/A for not applicable. This is to insure us that, no... we cannot, in fact, get you pregnant through regular means.[/center] [center][b]Age:[/b][/center] [center]I don't accept anyone below the age of 18... uh. (But don't let that deter you, kids! I know this guy that can make these awesome fake IDs, so that you can get to working at the ripe age of 4)[/center] [center][b]Race:[/b][/center] [center]If you aren't a standard human, elf, tentacle thing, or robot, then I'd like you to explain your race in a few short sentences. If you want to go further, then feel free to do so. I'm not stopping you from throwing out your government secrets and shit.[/center] [center][b]Appearance:[/b][/center] [center]If you look like someone from an anime, I'm going to end your life immediately because that's a painful existence. Eyes should not be that large and you should not look like you haven't eaten in years. And your hair shouldn't look like that without a sooo much hair products and chemicals. I consider it a mercy killing. Of course, I don't have anything against anime... I just don't feel it belongs in THIS particular universe. I'll accept anything else, though.[/center] [center][b]Position:[/b][/center] [center]There are a lot of spots on this ship, but it can only comfortably fit 10 people, and uncomfortably fit about 20, and becomes a slave driving ship at about 50, or so. I'll put up a listing of the positions and whether they're taken below.[/center] [center][b]Personality:[/b][/center] [center]No psychopaths. You can be mentally unstable as long as you aren't prone to killing your entire crew, should you be stranded in space for an allotted period of time. And no emos or gloomy whatevers. No perfect people either. No one's perfect and I will find your weakness and I will expose it for the rest of the crew to take advantage of. No generic evil geniuses, please, because there are an abundance of that in this universe. We don't need one blowing a part a section of our ship's hull.[/center] [center][b]Biography:[/b][/center] [center]Go bonkers. Please, I insist. But, keep it a good deal below the acid trip line.[/center] [center][b]Miscellaneous:[/b][/center] [center]Paraphernalia, uh... likes and dislikes, anything interesting that you couldn't quite find a place for in the above sections, even if they should be in the above sections and you either didn't know or weren't quite sure. I won't bug you on it because it'll be on the sheet and that's all that matters. Got any pets or any quirks and idiosyncrasies that need to be highlighted here instead of in the personality section, then go ahead. Uh, parents and family. Whatever you want.[/center] [center][b]Answer:[/b][/center] [center]This is something I'm debating on. Right now, don't put it in sheets that you currently make. I have a feeling it'll be interesting, but not necessary and I want to just see what people think about it right now. Currently, what I'm thinking is giving you guys a question about your character when you've finished him, her, or it to give me a good idea on whether you read the info I posted and whether you thought this out clearly enough and know where you're going with your character. Characters in this RP may get a bit muddled and gross and everything, and that's fine; however, I want you guys to understand your characters and make them dynamic. I don't want random things thrown together. I want someone that's thought out and interesting, even if they're on the more nonsensical side.[/center][/hider] --- [center][img=http://data1.whicdn.com/images/63843453/large.gif][/center] --- [center][b]One of those Yellow Dummy Guides on How To Maintain a Spaceship Without Killing Everyone[/b][/center] [indent]Scientist (Physicians/Astrophysician/Dimensionalphysician?) - Taken by [i]Sixsmith[/i] (Who is also the CEO and owner of the business) Pilot Co-Pilot Engineers/Mechanics Janitor Resident Idiot Cook (Preferable One That Makes Edible Food) The Sex Appeal (Crew Perceived Individual That is Nice To Look At Regardless of Species or Gender. Everyone gets a chance to be objectified! Position can be filled by someone already in the crew) Medic/Doctor Delivery Boy/Gal/Thing (The landing party; can also be taken by the crew. One is allotted the delivery thing and the others are chosen mission by mission) Tech Expert (Also in charge of advertising and marketing) Navigator (Also our Cosmic and Planetary Meteorologist!) [b]NOTE:[/b] If I missed anything, then please tell me! All of these don't need to be filled for us to get started, but eventually we will need most of them filled to keep going. Also, if we need, then some of these can be taken by more than one individual. As long as it makes sense[/indent] --- [center][img=https://31.media.tumblr.com/8150ce6cd3362ec98fa7b61953955215/tumblr_inline_mxx9e1yZhV1s4j585.gif][/center]