[OOC] An Oriental Story [Martial Arts Themed RP] - LF Force Master

[Loki Odinson]

@Holy Soldier Sorry, sorry, but I'm trying not to make a generic sheet, so it might be a little longer, but no later than tomorrow. Promise.

[Holy Soldier]

@Loki OdinsonThere's no hurry. Just don't take 30 days.

[Feisty-Pants]

Hider

Name: Amai Hiraiyuki
Alias: The Chosen One -- Disciple of the Force
Nickname: Bean Sprout (Her father's nickname for her.)
Age: 19
Region of Origin: North

Hometown: Qu Yi Village
Deity: The Dragon of the East -- Meng Zhang
Master: Force Master

Gender: Female
Race: Gon
Height: 5'10" (She's a little short for a Gon. It is something she was teased about growing up.)
Weight: 145
Hair: Platinum in hue, which is often tied tightly into a braid which extends just below her knees in length. If ever unbound, it is extraordinarily beautiful to behold, as it seems almost liquid in texture.
Eyes: Heterochromic Eyes, one of vibrant emerald, the other of burning Azure. With narrowed draconic slits for pupils.
Skin: A fair tan.
Handedness: Left Dominant.
Scars: None
Tattoos: Across her entire back, she bears the mark of the dragon. A mazzive, abstract tattoo that extends symetrucally from the nape of her neck all they way down to her tailbone. Monochromatic in a silvery color to make it stand out from her tanned skin, she often wears backless clothing to insure its visibility, for she's quite proud of it. It's designs however, are extraordinary, or even mesmerizing to behold, as from the top, it grows in intricacies and complexity of the art. With Meng Zhang as the centerpiece, roaring furiously while the background is filled with elements of Sacred Geometry.

Basic Description: The Disciple of the East, a Master of the Force, is likely the most unexpected of them all. With the softened textures rarely seen in Gon bloodlines, at first glimpse she is truly a sight to behold. With horns of black that curl back from her forehead, Draconic pupils, and lusciously tanned skin being the marks ofnher lineage. With softness that others would beg to touch, she would seem to be frail as a Gon. Yet as many would find out in time, she possesses strength that none, not even her parents, had expected.

Likes: Sweets, Relaxing Music, Tropical Weather, Meditation, Gold, and Good Wine.
Dislikes: Short Jokes, Jokes about her mixed blood, racial bigotry, coffee, bitter or flavorless food.

Goals: To become the greatest Force Master of the Era, as well as to someday travel and truly see the world outside the walls of Meng Zhang has his disciple holed up within.
Fears: Loss of her family, and the fear of being held within the temple until the end of her days.

Mannerisms: Since she cannot rmember a day outside of the walls of Meng Zhang's temple, Amai holds a great curiosity concerning the world outside of them. Whenever there were visitors to the Dragon, as a child she would follow them. As it were declared that she was to be his Disciple, she began to distrust them. While skeptical of outsiders, she is deeply caring for anyone else who resides in her Master's temple, and has been downright benevolent at times. Helping the sick or ailed whenever they visit, she has been known to be a curer of disease, sometimes even a worker of miracles.

Psychological Condition: Perhaps a little ADD.

Superstitions: Other than a belief in Ghosts, none.

Social Pressures/Problems: She is inherently socially awkard, and does not fit well into Gon societies. Even in spite of being appointed the disciple of Meng Zhang, and a master of the force which made her a public figure, the awkwardness never faded in the least.

Parents:
Hiraiyuki Hanami -- Mother -- Gon -- Supportive of her choice to be a disciple.
Hiraiyuki Koga -- Father -- Gon -- Skeptically supportive of her choice to be a disciple, distrusting of Meng Zhang.
Siblings: None
Rivals: None
Enemies: None

Weapons: None
Skills: You will list below 3 non-combat-related skills.
1. Cooking -- Is quite adept in crafting both Gon and Jin delicacies.
2. Lockpicking -- Years of being stuck in a temple has given her the ability to sometimes sneak into places where she should not.
3. Sleight of Hand -- The intricacies and complexity of the Force have given her remarkably precise and swift dexterity.

Powers:
1. Mastery of the Force -- An invisible hand which guides all things, living or not. Masters of this art are able to control the elements, create blasts, shockwaves, or even telekinesis. Often called magic, as it bears great similarity, Amai has managed to harness the force in ways never thought before. A simple but not fully inclusive list if what she can do is below.
-Pyrokinesis (Manipulation of Fire)
-Hydrokinesis (Manipulation of Water)
-Aerokinesis (manipulation of air)
-Telekinesis (lifting items, blasts, shockwaves)
-Terrakinesis (Manipulation of the Earth)
-Healing (Hastened mending of wounds or injuries)

2. Sensory Attunement -- Amai is succinctly sensitive to the ways of the Force. She can sense if there are beings nearby who are hostile to her, or even if there is another force user nearby. This also allows her to sense the surge in ki towards her aggressor's limbs and arms, allowing her to somewhat predict how they are going to attack her. This only applies to users of Ki.

3. Sound Body // Sound Mind -- Due to the critical requirement that users of the Force have an incredibly focused concentration, Amai as a result has developed a martial art that is succinctly unique to her. Each movement she makes similarly causes the comjuration of the force, shaping it to her will with incredible rapidity. Naturally, this also gives her an incredibly increased balance.

Current Story: Amai was only four years old when Meng Zhang chose her to be an attendant to his temple, called the Tiāntáng Temple, in the east. Like any child would be, she was absolutely petrified, while her parents seemed equally so. However, due to their relatively impoverished situation, the young couple acquiesced to the request that the Great Dragon from the east be allowed to take their daughter. It were not as if they stood a chance to say otherwise.

So from a tender young age, Amai was raised to be an attendant to Meng Zhang. With such tutelage came things like Martial Arts training, culture, language and the like. However, all of that changed when she turned seven years old.

Having gotten into a bit of trouble, she was running across the oasis that were the temple grounds from her elders. Frantically out of fear, she burried along, dodging into shadows with swift little feet. However, she could not outpace them forever. It was when she had been cornered, that something else awakened in her. In a cry of simultaneous frustration and fear, she stomped her foot; and what happened next was far beyond what anyone could ever possibly expect.

A roaring shockwave ruptured out, with Amai as the epicenter. Sending her pursuers flying away in scattering directions. Finally, in that moment, the Dragon of the East truly settled his gaze upon tue child for longer than a moment. And in this moment he saw within her monstrously tremendous power, and unlimited potential. Within hours, she was declared his disciple before all. Which truly came as a shock.

Now a Disciple, she rapidly was forced to undertake a new level of strife in her life. As her newfound retainers and teachers began her lessons with a renewed fervor. And she began to defend her diety's sanctuary with a fierce disposition. At the tender age of seven, she was seen easily defeating those of greater age, and supposedly greater age and mastery alike, as it seemed she overwhelmed them with the sheer magnitude of her power. It was not until she reached ten hears of age that she became known as the Sentinel.

A guardian.

For the Dragon of the East's temple was a small paradise in a vast wasteland. Intruders oft came, and she would expell them witj extreme prejudice. None but her and those Zhang had anointed would be allowed to tread on such hallowed ground.

And while she aged, her massive blunt weapon of power not only increased, but also refined into a scalpel-sharp precision. And as a result, as people truly began to fear going amywhere near her Master's temple, she was awarded the title of Grandmaster of the Force.

Terrifyingly enough, she earned this title at fourteen years of age.

However, as her master's temple became continually vacant with only her to tend to it, she gradually came to understand the pain of loneliness. His other attendants left her alone out of fear, and he would not allow her to go beyond the walls of his temple. After all, as she was not only a master of the Force, she had grown to become an enrapturing young woman. So five years later, as she had not spoken to another living being outside of the plants and nature that blossomed in the temple grounds, we find our Master of the Force. Amai the Sentinel.

Work in progress! I'll have it finished soon!!!

[Holy Soldier]

We need someone to be disciple to the Dragon. I'm surprised Dragon didn't go first. But if you're going to make a Grandmaster then it would be the school for the Dragon and not the Tortoise.

[Holy Soldier]

@Feisty-PantsForgot to mention you, but basically, what I said above.

[Feisty-Pants]

@Feisty-PantsForgot to mention you, but basically, what I said above.

@Holy Soldier

Gootcha. Fixing now.

[Loki Odinson]

I'll have my starting post up in a few hour's time

[Feisty-Pants]

I'll have my CS fully done later tonight. And a post tomorrow, if accepted.

[Feisty-Pants]

Almost done. Just concocting the last of her current storyline. But faaarrr too tired to write anymore. Nini.

[Milkman]

I will be away during christmas. So I will most likely not post during those two days. At least not IC because I will leave my laptop at home :)

[Feisty-Pants]

@Holy Soldier

Done and done. Please see above, and let me know if I need to edit!!

[Holy Soldier]

@Feisty-PantsYour character cannot be of mixed blood. We had this discussion before when an applicant tried to make a hybrid of all the races. She will either be Gon or Jin because one trait will be dominant and the other recessive. As for her draconic characteristics, there isn't a race in this game that has that so I don't know why you used it. If you want her to be beast-like, then the only race that is beast-like in appearance are the Lyn. These were the major mistakes I saw so far. I am going to keep reading.

[Holy Soldier]

Hider

Name: Amai Hiraiyuki
Alias: The Chosen One -- Disciple of the Force
Nickname: Bean Sprout (Her father's nickname for her.)
Age: 19
Region of Origin: North

Hometown: Qu Yi Village
Deity: The Dragon of the East -- Meng Zhang
Master: Force Master

Gender: Female
Race: Gon/Jin (Mixed Blood)
Height: 5'10" (She's a little short for a Gon. It is something she was teased about growing up.)
Weight: 145
Hair: Platinum in hue, which is often tied tightly into a braid which extends just below her knees in length. If ever unbound, it is extraordinarily beautiful to behold, as it seems almost liquid in texture.
Eyes: Heterochromic Eyes, one of vibrant emerald, the other of burning Azure. With narrowed draconic slits for pupils.
Skin: A fair tan.
Handedness: Left Dominant.
Scars: None
Tattoos: Across her entire back, she bears the mark of the dragon. A mazzive, abstract tattoo that extends symetrucally from the nape of her neck all they way down to her tailbone. Monochromatic in a silvery color to make it stand out from her tanned skin, she often wears backless clothing to insure its visibility, for she's quite proud of it. It's designs however, are extraordinary, or even mesmerizing to behold, as from the top, it grows in intricacies and complexity of the art. With Meng Zhang as the centerpiece, roaring furiously while the background is filled with elements of Sacred Geometry.

Basic Description: The Disciple of the East, a Master of the Force, is likely the most unexpected of them all. The child of a Gon father and a Jin mother, she became a beautiful mixture of both. With the softened textures of Jin flesh and bone, combined with the exoticness of a Gon, at first glimpse she is truly a sight to behold. With horns of black that curl back from her forehead, Draconic pupils, and lusciously tanned skin being the marks of her Gon Lineage, the remainder of her physical form is insistent upon the Jin. With softness that others would beg to touch, she would seem to be frail as a Gon. Yet as many would find out in time, she possesses strength that none, not even her parents, had expected.

Likes: Sweets, Relaxing Music, Tropical Weather, Meditation, Gold, and Good Wine.
Dislikes: Short Jokes, Jokes about her mixed blood, racial bigotry, coffee, bitter or flavorless food.

Goals: To become the greatest Force Master of the Era, as well as to someday travel and truly see the world outside the walls of Meng Zhang has his disciple holed up within.
Fears: Loss of her family, and the fear of being held within the temple until the end ofnher days.

Mannerisms: Since she cannot rmember a day outside of the walls of Meng Zhang's temple, Amai holds a great curiosity concerning th world outside of them. Whenever there were visitors to the Dragon, as a child she would follow them. As it were declared that she was to be his Disciple, she began to distrust them. While skeptical of outsiders, she is deeply caring for anyone else who resides in her Master's temple, and has been downright benevolent at times. Helping the sick or ailed whenever they visit, she has been known to be a curer of disease, sometimes even a worker of miracles.

Psychological Condition: Perhaps a little ADD.

Superstitions: Other than a belief in Ghosts, none.

Social Pressures/Problems: Due to the fact that she is of mixed blood, she does not fit very well into either Gon or Jin societies. Even in spite of being appointed the disciple of Meng Zhang, and a master of the force, the discrimination and awkwardness never faded in the least.

Parents:
Hiraiyuki Hanami -- Mother -- Jin -- Supportive of her choice to be a disciple.
Hiraiyuki Koga -- Father -- Gon -- Skeptically supportive of her choice to be a disciple, distrusting of Meng Zhang.
Siblings: None
Rivals: None
Enemies: None

Weapons: None
Skills: You will list below 3 non-combat-related skills.
1. Cooking -- Is quite adept in crafting both Gon and Jin delicacies.
2. Lockpicking -- Years of being stuck in a temple has given her the ability to sometimes sneak into places where she should not.
3. Sleight of Hand -- The intricacies and complexity of the Force have given her remarkably precise and swift dexterity.

Powers:
1. Mastery of the Force -- An invisible hand which guides all things, living or not. Masters of this art are able to control the elements, create blasts, shockwaves, or even telekinesis. Often called magic, as it bears great similarity, Amai has managed to harness the force in ways never thought before. A simple but not fully inclusive list if what she can do is below.
-Pyrokinesis (Manipulation of Fire)
-Hydrokinesis (Manipulation of Water)
-Aerokinesis (manipulation of air)
-Telekinesis (lifting items, blasts, shockwaves)
-Terrakinesis (Manipulation of the Earth)
-Manipulation of Living Matter
-Manipulation of Nonliving Matter (No matter mamipulation.)

2. Sensory Attunement -- Amai is succinctly sensitive to the ways of the Force. She can sense if there are beings nearby who are hostile to her, or even if there is another force user nearby. This also allows her to sense the surge in ki towards her aggressor's limbs and arms, allowing her to somewhat predict how they are going to attack her. (There is Ki and Chi. If she can only sense Ki, then that will be all she can sense. It makes sense because Force Masters use absolutely no Chi in anything they do.)

3. Sound Body // Sound Mind -- Due to the critical requirement that users of the Force have an incredibly focused concentration, Amai as a result has developed a martial art that is succinctly unique to her. Each movement she makes similarly causes the comjuration of the force, shaping it to her will with incredible rapidity. Naturally, this also gives her an incredibly increased balance.

Current Story: Amai was only four years old when Meng Zhang chose her to be an attendant to his temple in the east. Like any child would be, she was absolutely petrified, while her parents seemed equally so. However, due to their relatively impoverished situation, the young couple acquiesced to the request that the Great Dragon from the east be allowed to take their daughter. It were not as if they stood a chance to say otherwise.

So from a tender young age, Amai was raised to be an attendant to Meng Zhang. With such tutelage came things like Martial Arts training, culture, language and the like. However, all of that changed when she turned seven years old.

Having gotten into a bit of trouble, she was running across the oasis that were the temple grounds from her elders. Frantically out of fear, she burried along, dodging into shadows with swift little feet. However, she could not outpace them forever. It was when she had been cornered, that something else awakened in her. In a cry of simultaneous frustration and fear, she stomped her foot; and what happened next was far beyond what anyone could ever possibly expect.

A roaring shockwave ruptured out, with Amai as the epicenter. Sending her pursuers flying away in scattering directions. Finally, in that moment, the Dragon of the East truly settled his gaze upon tue child for longer than a moment. And in this moment he saw within her monstrously tremendous powee, and unlimited potential. Within hours, she was declared his disciple before all. Which truly came as a shock, for she would be the first ever disciple with a mixed lineage.

Now a Disciple, she rapidly was forced to undertake a new level of strife in her life. As her newfound retainers and teachers began her lessons with a renewed fervor. And she began to defend her diety's sanctuary with a fierce disposition. At the tender age of seven, she was seen easily defeating those of greater age, and supposedly greater age and mastery alike, as it seemed she overwhelmed them with the sheer magnitude of her power. It was not until she reached ten hears of age that she became known as the Sentinel.

A guardian.

For the Dragon of the East's temple was a small paradise in a vast wasteland. Intruders oft came, and she would expell them witj extreme prejudice. None but her and those Zhang had anointed would be allowed to tread on such hallowed ground.

And while she aged, her massive blunt weapon of power not only increased, but also refined into a scalpel-sharp precision. And as a result, as people truly began to fear going amywhere near her Master's temple, she was awarded the title of Grandmaster of the Force. She was one with the workd and nature, and bent the rules of reality as she saw fit. (Nope.)

Terrifyingly enough, she earned this title at fourteen years of age.

However, as her master's temple became continually vacant with only her to tend to it, she gradually came to understand the pain of loneliness. His other attendants left her alone out of fear, and he would not allow her to go beyond the walls of his temple. After all, as she was not only a master of the Force, she had grown to become an enrapturing young woman. So five years later, as she had not spoken to another living being outside of the plants and nature that blossomed in the temple grounds, we find our Master of the Force. Amai the Sentinel.

Work in progress! I'll have it finished soon!!!

@Feisty-Pants

All this CS did was disturb me. It made me wonder if you read the game because the Q&A specifically tells you that hybrids are not allowed. You were also going complete god-mode with your character. I refused a player already for doing that. If writers make their characters gods, even if they were nerfed, I can see the writers still trying to do it IC. You will have to really convince me to believe otherwise.

I made my comments on your CS in yellow. I am very strict when it comea to Advanced applications because this is Advanced. This is not casual at all.

[Feisty-Pants]

Well. Let me make the edits, and make her purely Gon. My apologies. ^^;;

Edits will be done as you see fit shortly tonight. I did skip over the Q n' A. Just thought it would make for an interesting dynamic.

Though whole CS making you sick seems to just be insulting for the sake of it. That's kinda unnecessary, Holy.

[Feisty-Pants]

@Holy Soldier

Coreect me if I'm wrong, but the edits have been made.

[Milkman]

@Holy Soldier@CelticSoldier@Lexicon@Loki Odinson Merry christmass :)

[Holy Soldier]

@Feisty-PantsI'll get to this tomorrow. It's late, and I'm going to bed.

[Holy Soldier]

@Feisty-Pants...I see that you made her Gon and changed her current story. Besides those changes, you didn't change the other things I asked you to change. You should also use a spell check program and read over your work. As I said, for Advanced RP I am stricter than Casual. Because I believe that Casual and Advanced should not be blurred. I take reading comprehension and basic grammar and spelling into heavy consideration in Advanced because those basic skills are forsaken as the younger generations have shorter attention spans (and due to ESL writers lol). Read over the last two posts I wrote in response to your CS to see the corrections I asked you to make.

[Milkman]

@CelticSoldier Any idea when you will post again?

[Loki Odinson]

@Lexicon Just letting you know that Amaya could meet Mei-Ran in the North. But, of course, whether you want them to or not, I'll leave it to your discretion.