[OOC] A Game of Cat and Mouse [emmyanne & Red]

[Red]

Lol, it's cool, I knew what you meant about it being from Fox/Fox Entertainment/whatever it is x)

Your thesaurus finally came through, hurray!! xD After that whole "euphoric" disappointment hahaha. Yeah you're not alone, I also googled how to pronounce it lol. It's sort of fun to say. Svelte. x) Hey! I want to use a word that stands out too. I'll have to surreptitiously throw one in...

Oh yay I'm a trifecta too!! x'D Thank god, I was starting to wonder. But thank you! I'm glad they seem believable. I'd say that's something you're really good at too. I never get why people want to write Mary Sues, it's way more fun to have your character get beaten up a little.

How's your movie so far?? Is it over? Are you dead? I'm about to start Psycho, now that I finished your post. See you on the other side. (lol, actually I'll still be on here to chat x) )

[emmyanne]

I'm very happy about this, to be honest XD It is a fun word to say... I may try and insert it into my everyday conversations now, "Hello, you're looking very svelte today." XD I don't know how well that would go over with some of my friends. Also, uh... surreptitious? Pretty sure that's a stand out type of word in itself, hehe. *high fives*

Trifectas for life. Haha. But thanks dude, and I agree it just makes me mad, trust me I could go on for hours with some of my character theories :p

Uhh, it was really good! I was caught between saying "Oh no, oh please god no... please don't do that. You're dumb as shit." At my television and laughing at my family's commentary. There was this part when they were showing an empty room and everything was really quiet when all the sudden my mother's matter-of-fact voice piped up and said: "Something evil is going to happen." Yes mom, It's a horror movie something 'evil' is going to happen. Haha, but anyways it was a really good movie and super scary and such a set up for a third movie. I highly recommend it.

Have fun with Psycho! Whatta ya think so far? Ooh, and if you like this you should check out the show "Bates Motel" it's like a modern day spin off of Norman and Norma Bates and the motel, and goes more in depth with his childhood.

[Red]

Ahhh mannn, I've been swamped with school work and final project stuff this week, so I haven't had time to get on here the last few days >.< I absolutely LOVED your last post and kept rereading and thinking about how I wanted to react x) I finally have a window of time to sit down and write it tonight - I didn't want to half-ass it!! Lisette is fantastic. Did I say that already? x)

Psycho was great!!! I think I will check out Bates Motel! ...but after finals lol. If I survive...

[emmyanne]

Ew, school. Grimace. Haha, but it's really no big deal, I haven't really been on either, so yeah. XD

Thank you so much!!

I'm glad you ended up liking it! Yes, definitely check out the show... after finals... I'm praying for you. :p

[Red]

Yay one more final project due Tuesday and I'm freeeeee 8D Well, free to work some more at the grocery store lol x) I'm actually at work right now, on break, but it's a beautifully short shift from 4 to 8pm.

But yeah I really enjoyed Psycho. No wonder it's a classic. I new there was some twist with the mother but I couldn't remember what it was. And I mean sure the stabbing scenes seemed a little funny but they were still really effective. And Norman Bates was fantastic, the acting I mean. A tv series about how he got to that point seems like such a cool idea. Ok, should I watch the Shining next? x)

How's your week going btw, I feel like I've been gone so long. Any dance competitions coming up?

[emmyanne]

Yay for almost being done school! I only have 36 school days left which is kinda scary because we only just started the second unit in my biology class and I have no idea what is happening (my grade is only an 87... it makes me angry! I use to have a 94 average and now it's bumped down to a 90.5), my teacher sucks and I have her next year for bio 12 which is a million times harder and now I'm crying. Anyways, ooh that is a beautifully short shift, lucky you!!

It is a really good movie! The twist is kinda disturbing but it makes the movie that much better, and I can imagine how scary/weird it must have been when it first came out. The show is really cool, my sister and I started watching the first season and there is some obvious things that are changed, like it's in present day and there has been some character developments, but that's what makes it so neat. Ahh, hell yeah watch The Shining next, eek that one still scares me to think about. XD Have fun, hehehe.

My week? It was okay. My best friend told me that she is going to London for the summer and might not be coming back. The only reason she is staying is because of me and her mom and I just can't deal with that, I can't be the one keeping her from realizing her dreams but at the same time, I'll be so lost if she goes. *sighs* It's so complicated. But in happier news, I got my marks back for my solos and my jazz got a 93!! The girl who won the overall jazz routine was in my solo category and took it with a 93.25 or something like that... which is kinda awesome since that is only .25 away from my mark! Haha, and yeah, I do! We're competing next weekend, it should be fun but the comp is really serious and has a lot of dumb rules. What about you, how's it going? :)

[Red]

Heh, I took biology too in high school. My school had this thing called the IB programme (spelled all fancy and European with those extra letters), short for International Baccalaureate. I was in the program and I had to choose between Biology, Chemistry and Physics. So naturally, I chose the lesser of all evils xD I didn't mind it too much. We had a terrible teacher too, but she ended up only teaching IB Bio 1 because she retired, so we got a new teacher for IB Bio 2 and he was the best. Get those grades up girl!! Just kidding x) they're not bad at all. Do you guys use a ten point system or something similar? Some schools here make an A 90-100, B 80-89, C 70-79, etc. Our school was lame and the grade scale was A 93-100, B 85-92, C 77-84, and so on, which doesn't make any sense lol.

Yeah wow, that must have been really shocking when it came out! And it's still so good, no wonder it's a classic. Ah jeez, if the Shining can scare the queen of horror, how am I gonna survive?? xD I'm scared.. Should I watch it tonight?? But there's a thunderstorm outside right now xD It'll have to wait. I don't have to work tomorrow yay so I'll watch it in the daytime. I requested Saturday off to give me some extra time to work on my last project, but I think I can give myself a movie break x) I can't wait to be done omg. Two of my design friends have their birthdays in May so we're getting everyone together to have a huge birthday/"celebrate end of the school year" hang out and I feel like I'm living for that right now xD I think I'm going to try to make a cake.. we'll see lol. I've been slowly learning how to cook this year (simple stuff heh) but I don't have much baking experience. A store bought ice cream cake might be a good alternative option haha.

Ah man, that's really tough :/ Why wouldn't she come back, is she getting a work visa or something? Student visa? London is such a cool place, I'm sure she'll love the time she does spend there, even if it's not forever. Moving/having your friend move just sucks x( Skype is a wonderful thing though.

Congrats on the high marks!! Only .25 from that other girl, danggg. What kind of things do they judge you on? That's probably a huge question to answer lol x) Especially since I don't anything about dance.

My week was me pulling my hair trying to get everything done. But I see the light at the end of the tunnel now, so it's all good :)

[emmyanne]

We have similar programs over here, like more advanced classes that can help you get credits for uni and all that fun stuff. I don't think my high school actually offers them but I know some of the city schools do. I'm werking the rural lifestyle. XD But we do have advanced bio, chem, etc. No one takes those courses though because literally a quarter of my school will actually amount to something some day. That is weird, haha, like 93-100? 85-92? That's so random. We don't have a grade scale at all like that, like we don't get As, Bs, etc in high school (in Middle school and elementary you do though). We use this online system that keeps track of all your marks for each class so you can kind of see how they fluctuate over time. Then everything is put into the computer and it spits out your mark in that class. Based on how good your percentage is they place you in more advanced/not advanced courses. Like, I have a 90 in math right now so I can take Math 11 and Pre-Calculus 11 next year. If my mark were lower then an 80 I couldn't take those courses and I would have to take Math at Work 11 or Math 11 Essentials. That's why I freak over my marks so much, because if they start dropping I can't take the courses I need. My course load this semester is easy enough because I'm taking my physical education and fine arts credits but next year I'm taking Physics 11, Biology 12, Chem 11, Math 11, Pre-Cal 11, Adv. English 11, Canadian History and a free! So it's going to be insanely stressful and I'm going to be starting looking at universities and making real decisions and that is gross.

Queen of Horror? I am liking this title, it feeds my egotistical attitude. Thanks :* Haha, but really you should watch it. The beginning is kinda boring but you have to pay attention because it adds to the plot in the long run, it's Steven King so there is no big surprise there. But, yeah, maybe wait until tomorrow. It might only be because I was younger when I watched it but I remember being deeply disturbed and having to sleep with the hall light on. XD A thunderstorm? Funnnn, I'm jealous! It is currently snowing here and I want to personally punch mother nature in the throat. Tuesday people were wearing dresses and I sat out on my back deck in the sun. The weather here is bi polar, I swear.

Man, that sounds like so much fun! Is it like a big party or just like with a bunch of friends? Either way, it's definitely a great way to end the year, and I'm sure your cake will be great.... yeah..... ;) Although ice cream cake = a yes all the way, y'know just in case.

She's always wanted to go to university over there, and I knew that too, but I figured I'd at least get a summer and another school year with her. It's just a little upsetting because so much bad stuff would have happened without her, I can't imagine where I would be if we hadn't of become friends. But of course skype is the best invention ever and we talk over fb so much as it is, it'll just be a really difficult adjustment.

It's like everything, in your little 2-3 minute piece they will judge you on your technique, choreo, costumes, performance quality, facials, difficulty levels, etc. Basically the judges take into account everything that they see and give you an appropriate mark, it's kinda biased and that's why it's not considered a real sport but I like getting their feedback and trying to better myself from it.

Yay! Well with only one project left you literally must be off the wall happy, I know I would be! Do you have any big summer plans?

[Red]

Oh I gotcha, so you just have number scores. I guess it's kind of weird that we have number scores and a letter grade too lol. The letter is sort of extraneous. Oh god, biology, chemistry and phsysics?? At the same time?? D8 Uh, but you can do it!! x) That's got to look good for universities if you can do all that and have good grades. That's pretty impressive to be honest. Did you take any foreign language classes in high school?

Yep, Queen of Horror is your new official title :P I'll watch the Shining tomorrow then and let you know how it goes. I do like thunderstorms too actually x) It's moved away a little, so the thunder is just a low rumble now. We're in full on North Carolina spring weather where it the humidity makes the temperature creep up to 80 degrees and then we have a storm that makes the temperature drop to around 50 and it then starts all over again.

It is going to be so much fun, and very much needed x) We're all going to pile into my friend Simon's apartment because he has he biggest place and we'll eat and drink and talk, and play some drinking games. It won't be like a huge party, much more chill :) Most of us are planning to stay the night because we won't want to drive straight after. And hey!! Have confidence in me!! xD I could bake a cake if I wanted! Pffft I mean, how hard can it be...I'm an artist!!...and the internet will help me... ;_; haha xD Welp, good thing Cold Stone Creamery makes amazingly delicious ice cream cakes. Lol, I can tell you right now, I'm sure I'll be buying the cake xD I should have had my mom teach me when I still lived at home. Add that to the list x) Can you bake?? Oh wait, I think I remember you mentioning almost burning a kitchen down, never mind x) jk jk <3

Man, I feel for you :'( When will she know if it's a permanent thing?

Facials! So your expression also matters! I didn't think of that.

As a matter of fact, I may be going to New York City later this summer with my family! We usually do a family trip to DC cuz my parents used to live there, but this year they're talking about changing it up. I reallllllyyyyyy hope we do... I want to see New York City so bad and see a broadway show like we talked about. Other than that, I will probably be working a lot and saving money. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to take a summer class. What about you?

[emmyanne]

Meh, I'm not too worried about those courses. Once we get past the cell functions and parts unit and get into dissection for bio I will be fine (Oh my god we get to dissect a fetal pig, you don't understand my excitement XD). Chem is okay, I'm shitty at balancing equations but that's only because my teacher wasn't very good so I'll probably get a tutor over the summer to relearn that work. Then physics is basically just like math, and I'm good at it so it'll be cool. What I am worried for is pre-cal and math 11, those courses are really hard. DX But you're right, it looks really good on applications and I have a lot of friends taking the same courses so we'll just study together and stuff. As for foreign languages, I use to be in the integrated french program (I had a french class and a science humaine class) but dropped out because it really conflicted with my sciences. Did you take any?? Wait... are you bilingual? That would be so awesome.

The Queen will be awaiting your response XD Haha, Oh man, that actually sounds so awesome, other then the humidity. I live for storms, when I was a kid and we had big storms everyone in my family would end up at each other's houses and we would sit in that person's garage and just hang out, watch the storm, talk about the most random crap. Almost my entire family would be there, It was really great.

Gah! That does sound like so much fun! I'm jealous, tbh XD Haha, okay, okay I believe in you! I'm sure your cake will be very good :P and shhhhhh we don't talk about the kitchen burning escapade, oh and I'll have you know I make a mean pb and j sandwich! So ha!

She still has to talk to her mom and stuff, but probably soon since she wants to leave in July. Idk, I'm just gonna go with the flow and hang with her while I can. We're actually planning on hanging out tomorrow, going to a dance show, shopping for her boyfriend, the lucky bastard, and just driving around all afternoon. It's going to be super great.

Oh facials matter so much! One of the biggest things is finding your character and portraying the story appropriately. I've been told that I have good characterization for my musical theater solo, hehe, although all of the judges have said that either "You're too cute to be evil" or that "You want to be evil, but you're so good" hahaha!

Ahh! I'm wearing my NYC shirt right now XD You're going to love it, oh my god it is so awesome there. Just watch out for the creepy dress up people looking for money to buy drugs with, I was almost sexually assaulted by an Elmo when it tried to hug me and take a picture with me. Not fun. But you have to go into the huge forever 21 in times square, and the cake boss cafe is also a must!! Please eat a cannoli for me. Haha. Are you guys planning on going to see the Statue of Liberty? That's the one thing I regret not doing. And while you're off having a blast in the city that never sleeps I am planning on actually getting up off my lazy butt and working, dancing (one of our main choreographers is leaving to tour in Europe for a year so she is doing a bunch of routines over the summer), and lying beside my pool, also being anti social, ahah.

[Red]

Ahh, I did that! I dissected a fetal pig! My lab partner and I named him Wilbur, which is pretty messed up now that I look back on it.. We actually had a third lab partner, but she refused to get anywhere near it hahaha xD Have fun with that! You'll carry the smell of latex and formaldehyde with you the rest of the day.

No, I wish I was bilingual ;_; That would be really really awesome. I would become a US foreign diplomat and translate stuff and travel all the time, it would be great. I was actually wondering if you were. My old roommate is French Canadian and speaks French fluently. Did I already tell you about how pissed she would get at her French professors here who would tell her she had to get rid of her Quebec accent and acquire a real French accent? Oh that made her so mad x) As I can imagine! She told me that French from France sounds "snootier," compared to Canadian French. I asked if French Canadians kind of admire it anyway, like Americans drool over English accents, but no that is most definitely not the case she says xD But anyway, we had to take a foreign language in high school and I took Spanish, but I didn't keep up with it and I've forgotten most of it :/

Your Majesty, I watched the Shining and now all those disturbing images are in my brain forever D: I actually thought it was really good and went and read about it online afterward x) But holy hell, I almost gave up when I heard that little boy talking creepily with his finger movement omgjdsjkskjsfss and that happens right away. Jack Nicholson though, what a guy. He's so perfectly disingenuous when he smiles and compliments, and his eyebrows by themselves could make anyone look like a possessed murderer, and he just has the scariest smile I have ever seen. No wonder he played the Joker in the old Batman movie. Oh god, but the bathroom scene with the woman whyyyyy. And Redrum. And those two twins. The blatant racism. It was weird because I already knew the lines "Wendy, I'm home!" and "Here's Johnny!" without having seen the actual scenes xD I must have seen parodies, and also it's classic and I'm like the last one to be seeing this movie x) Summary: I liked it and was disturbed, so check. I think I need to watch some happy things before I move to the next one. And I'm sort of worried the next one will be a huge jump...

Aw, that's cool about your family getting together to watch the storm :) Sounds like good memories.

Thank you :P Even though I'm definitely buying it, that means a lot to me.

How was your hang out/shopping trip?? I guess her boyfriend must be pretty bummed out too that she may be gone for a while :/

Too cute to be evil, haha xD Aw. Start channeling Lisette.

What?? Elmo!! xD That's actually super creepy D: I'll watch out for those. Yeah I'm sure there a few places in New York we don't want to wander into. Luckily my dad's really experienced when it comes to traveling since he has to do it so often for his job. He'll plan everything out. Hopefully leave some room for some spontaneous discoveries though. Giant Forever 21 store yesssss, I will never leave. And I love Cake Boss!! The cannolis look like they are to die for.

Hey lying by the pool doesn't sound all that bad at all. I wish I'd been swimming today, it was hotttttt, like 85 or something, blegh.

[emmyanne]

That post was so good! I was reading it and honestly didn't want it to end, wow.

That is not messed up at all... that is in fact the funniest thing I have ever heard XD I asked my friend today if we could name our fetal pig next year and her reaction was along the lines of looking at me like I was absolutely insane and saying: "I, uh... I-um... No. No we cannot do that." Tbh I'm a little disappointed. Haha. But yeah, I'm not looking forward to smelling like dead things but I guess it's the price to pay for awesomeness!

So neither of us are that awesome, at least we have our charming personalities. Haha, but yeah being bilingual would be so cool. Real french accents? Sorry not sorry that even makes me mad! Haha, I think all Canadians will feel the same about that one. But I will admit that I find accents from France very intriguing, especially when they are coming from cute french people, thank you, yes, please just talk forever. XD But I've forgotten most of the french I learnt already and it was just last year so that says something about me... haha. While we're on the topic: Oh my god my drama teacher made us read the funniest rant ever today! It was for a Molson Canadian beer commercial (google I am A Canadian Molson Beer commercial it's like the first one). The guy goes on this huge rant and it's actually hilarious and she made us read it, the awkward part was that we had to scream "I am a Canadian" and there is exchange students in that class. Their faces were priceless, aha.

Ahaha, I think that is exactly how I felt when I watched it. It is such a creepy movie DX Oh my god that kid is the creepiest! I swear if my child ever started talking to itself I would put it up for adoption... like I've seen too many horror movies to think that it was just their imaginations. No way. xD And ew, the twins... and the bathtub... and ust everything about that movie *shudder* I kinda want to re-watch it now, though.mHaha, so yeah after your happy movies you should definitely watch Ringu! Teehee :p

Haha, well you're very welcome then :)

Heh, it was something else. The boyfriend was actually away rugbying the entire weekend so he was fine, although a wee bit jealous when I started texting him... he thinks that I have a major crush on her (only kind of true...) and it's not that hard to make him jealous anyways. Haha, but yeah we went shopping got him some birthday candles from Spencer's and then went to HMV where her ex was working... that was funny lemme tell ya. You have to know the whole back story with them, and also with the three of us, to actually understand everything that happened so I won't bother. But I did buy a mug because he was working cash it is now my new favorite mug it says 'Stick 'Em With the Pointy End' which is a GOT quote so it makes it 5765865x better... Oh, and we went to a dance competition because we couldn't get tickets for the show and the routines were amazing!!!

You actually don't understand how perfect that is... like really. The song is I Wanna be Evil by Eartha Kitt and she was literally my inspiration for that character (Eartha is so amazing, kay bye). XD

Yeah, a bunch of weirdos just dress up and frequent times square and try and get your money for drugs. It's weird and seriously creepy. But yeah, I hope that you have fun!! And definitely leave room for spontaneous discoveries, and go to SOHO even though it seems super sketchy there are some really great stores with nice deals there.

*Gives you the dirtiest look ever* Never complain about heat... it has been freezing cold here and raining for the past week, it's absolutely disgusting. DX I. Just. Want. Summer.

[Red]

OH MAN IM DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR THE YEAR YAY. So happyyyyyy. And a little dead xD I pulled my last all nighter Monday night and turned in my biggest final design thinking project Tuesday morning. I've had three all nighters this past week, but luckily not in a row x) And actually I did sleep an hour Monday night so I could at least think straight.

But OMG the BEST thing happened the day of the final. We had a "salon style" critique, which meant they had all the teaching assistants, the professor of the class, a few guest designers from Raleigh and the Dean (aka god) walking around and stopping by our desks where each of us sat with our projects and our "manifestos" lol, which described our thought process, design process, personal characters, aspirations for the future - very personal stuff. I wrote a sort of poem for mine. We also had to make a 3d thought model that people could interact with. So for my project, I made a 18x18in square tray out of wood, white pine, with a smaller tray in the center and around the edges were small colored wooden cubes, that I painted with acrylic, and the idea was that the colored cubes are like past experiences, observations, emotions, studies, precedents from other artists, ideas, etc, that I've collected consciously and subconsciously over time. I draw from that pool to create art and design, so everything I make is a like a mosaic of this eclectic collection. The tray can be accessed from all four sides, so I can invite other people to sit down and add to the design or we can create something great together. So yeah, there I was sitting at my studio desk with my project and THE DEAN comes over to me and says, would you like a review of your project and I say, yes of course! He's incredible. He's the most well-spoken, influential, imaginative, clever, accomplished person I've ever had a class with (he and the professor took turns doing the lectures for the class), and now the pleasure of talking to. So he sat down and read my manifesto and then smiled and then said ok talk. And I'd already practiced how I would explain my project so many times that the words just flowed and I was able to express everything I wanted. He talked to me about the design process in general, about having filters for what comes in and what you choose to pull out to create things and it was a really interesting discussion. Then at the end he said I should be proud, I did a beautiful job, my craftsmanship was excellent, my ideas were clear and that what I had made had inspired a great conversation between us. He called great. I said thank you and had a huge smile I'm sure and on the inside I was thinking oh my god, I talked to the dean and he like my project, I can die happy now. And some of my classmates across the room were trying to catch my eye to see my reaction because they're all just as star struck by the dean as I am. I did like a fist-pump in the air and pretended to shout hooray and they laughed xD I was so happy. And now I'm done and can sleep again thank goodness. Phew. Wow, I didn't mean to write so much oops xD Anyways, can I send you a picture of my final project?? After getting praised by the dean, my ego has swollen to twice its size and I just want to show off now x) jk! ..well sort of xD

Thanks!! I'm telling you, I always look forward to your posts and don't ever want them to end either haha. I really liked that exchange between Charlie and Mitch. The part where you talked about him forever hitting on the next young pretty thing, about being doomed to that bar and that night, like Charlie, and like Mila - that was great, very poignant.

What! Well maybe she'll come around once you actually start dissecting. We attached something to Wilbur's jaw and made him talk :D

Yeah, guess our charming personalities will just have to be enough x) Oh man, I watched that Molson Canadian beer commercial on youtube, late Tuesday night while I was working on my project, and it was hilarious!! I sent it to my roommate (Hey you're Canadian, do you know her? lol) and she loved it XD the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal xD but wait! Do you really say zed and not zee?? I didn't recognize what he said a couch and a hat were lol. Haha, you said some exchange students in your class read the rant too? xD That is too funny. Where are they from?

Uh yes, same here. Creepy children must go x) Aw jeez, the Ring?? The Japanese version?? Do I have to?? x) Ok, ok, I'll see if my friends want to watch it tomorrow night, when we have that get together I told you about. We'll see lol. Somebody's bringing the game Cards Against Humanity, which is like a hilarious and slightly very inappropriate version of Apples to Apples x) I can't wait.

A little jealous of you hanging out with his girlfriend? haha xD That's funny. I would to tease him to no end if I was in that kind of position heh heh >D Do you have slight crush on her? x) You don't have to say, I don't mean to be nosy, it's just that that's happened to me haha. But her boyfriend wasn't the jealous type and it wasn't a major crush, just a "wow I would totally date you if I could" kind of thing lol. Woo Game of Thrones! That reminds me, I still need to watch the last two episodes, I've been too busy to catch up.

I loved that song I Wanna Be Evil by the way! I went and listened to it and thought of Lisette.

*receives the dirtiest look ever with surprise and mischievous delight* Hm~? You mean you don't want me to complain about how toasty warm it is outside or the sun tan I got yesterday afternoon after finals? I have my air conditioning on high. I'm just dying of heat over here >) lol it was actually really beautiful yesterday, but I woke up this morning to a downpour outside. It's still raining here right now. But since I'm done with school and don't work today, I don't mind spending a lazy day inside x) I did sit on my porch for like an hour earlier to listen to the rain, as cheesy as that sounds xD it was very relaxing! A good way to de-stress after final projects.

[emmyanne]

Yayyy!!! Lucky you! I am currently staring at the stack of homework I am not going to do and mentally preparing myself for the test I have first block tomorrow. Whoopy. Haha, but that rocks! So you still have another year, or are you done forever??

The Dean? Holy! That is actually so cool. Happy for you :) It must have been such a great experience, getting to talk to him like that. And your project sounds like it was actually really neat, and a lot of work... my brain hurt a little when you explained what it was haha. It's so nice all of those things he said!! I would probably cry if I were you, or at least have a complete freak out and start rolling around on the floor (hate to admit but that happens to me way too much to actually be healthy...). Haha, but yeah!! I'd love to see your project :) Show it off, gurl.

Thank you :) Hehe I wrote that part in gym class, just saying.

Haha, the beaver thing is my favorite part!! But yeah, it depends. When I am reciting the alphabet I say zee (not that I do that much anymore... but y'know) but the rest of the time I mostly just skip between the two, it's kinda like tomato, tomato. The exchange students... one is from Denmark and the other is from somewhere in Germany I believe... oh and then there is a guy from china but he doesn't know any English so he never talks.

Yes, you must. I said so, need I remind you that I am the queen? :p Haha. Slightly very inappropriate? I think I need this game. Really. I am a slightly very inappropriate person so that would probably be something that I would love. Although I've never played Apples to Apples... what is it??

Wow, okay... that is a little borderline hun. Yet that is coming from the person who only wants to go to med school so she can dissect cadavers.

Yes, only a slight crush >.< I wouldn't even call it a crush... okay yes I would. It's just, we are really close, some people are physically uncomfortable around us because of how we act together, and I guess when your that close with someone it's hard not to develop some kind of feelings for them. I would never tell her that I actually like her (she doesn't even know that I like girls... I don't know why I haven't told her, she'd be completely cool with it, but no one knows), I just can't do that to her or to myself. I need her as a friend and yeah we might have a good relationship for a while but it would end badly and I would get hurt and that can't happen. Wowie, that got a lot deeper then I meant for it to. Oops. At least you understand, haha.

OH MY GOD THEY ARE THE BEST TWO EPISODES EVER GO WATCH THEM NOW. I want to be Dany when I grow up, and holy shit *violent profanity* I can't even deal with this show right now. They have been pushing so many boundaries this season and I love it XD Okay, I am going to shut up now before I spill something.

Haha, it's pretty cute but I don't know if it reminds me of Lisette :p The character in the song is actually a goodie-to-shoes who wants to rebel, I think it was written about me.

Wow. Okay. Anger. Haha, but really though I am jealous. About the sun and the tan. Damn, I have to use so much sunscreen so that I don't burn and look like a freaking tomato, like it is really bad. But I have been complemented on my beautiful porcelain skin *smiles and flips hair*. That actually sounds like fun, sitting out on your porch in the rain. It's something I would do. Just curl up with a blanket and a good book (avec some coffee) and just lose myself. Ah... that sounds so perfect.

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Not done forever no, I'll be back to the old grind next year and the year after that x) I worked for a while after high school, which is why I'm a couple years older than some of my classmates. But it's all good, it doesn't make that much of a difference really, and there a lot of other people who are older, some my age and one girl who's 23. But aw, I love my studio classes and my most of good friends are all with me in class so I'll miss it when I am done forever ;_; Good luck with your test!! You can do it <3 What subject is it in?

It really was the best experience x) If the room wasn't filled with people I wanted to impress, I probably would have rolled around on the floor from all the emotions haha xD The cool thing was, the Dean was my first reviewer, and we were supposed to have three. So after talking to him, I was super pumped and the other two reviews were a piece of cake! ;) But yeah! I'll upload the pics I took on my phone and show you. I still need to take to the photo lab and take some better, more professional looking photos.

Woah, you wrote that in class? Pretty impressive x) When I'm writing I'm like, everyone leave me alone I'm concentrating xD I have to be off by myself. Kind of weird I guess :P

That's crazy, I didn't know that! Zed. I think I read somewhere that Americans changed it to zee for the song and then just kept saying it. I never say zed. Do you switch between toMAYto and toMAHto then too? Hey we had an exchange student from China too in high school. He didn't say much either lol, but he seemed sweet. And then we had a girl from Ecuador who was totally gorgeous and spoke English really well.

Alright, your Majesty. x) I'll watch it if you say so. But just so you know, I'm going to come crying to you when I can't sleep at night. You better comfort me. Haha, but yeah the game is so funny especially with a big group. You've never played Apples to Apples?? It's the best game ever!! You gotta play it sometime. Basically everyone gets seven cards with nouns on them, and they can be anything: Sharks, A Romantic Date, My Family, The President (or Prime Minister :P), and then each person takes turns selecting an adjective from the deck (also can be anything: slimy, sexy, delicious, horrifying) and placing it in the middle of the table. The rest of the players choose a noun from the seven in their hand that "best fits" the adjective. Of course, people often try to be funny and pair hilarious things together xD The person who put the adjective down picks the "best" noun, which is super subjective haha, and that person gets a point. Cards Against Humanity takes the same concept, but with phrases and the players fill in a blank. Also it has more risqué/naughty combination possibilities heh. I'm sure will get some creative combinations.

Haha, I told you! I told it messed up! XD Nah, we were just messing around. Really... xD I don't think I learned that much that day. Except that pig organs are apparently eerily similar to human organs. Going to med school to dissect dead bodies huh? Hm, I make a fetal pig talk, but I wonder if I would have the stomach to do that..

Yeah, I totally understand the feeling. And you're right, its natural to develop feelings that go a little beyond friendship when you're really close to someone, and it doesn't even have to be a romantic kind of thing at all. It's easy to confuse it I think. Or maybe it is slightly romantic but that's ok too. I don't think you have to be in a rush to tell her anything. Some people will say, you have to tell everyone right away or you're not being authentic!! But I don't think that way. It's your own thing to share if you want, when you want, to whom you choose, etc. If you think it might put tension on this great friendship you have and you don't want to risk it, then it's fine to hold off for as long as you want, or you don't have to tell her at all. I'd love to talk more about it and my own experience, but I don't want you to be like, yeah ok, stop preaching at me haha x) Just let me know. One last thing though, I found it easy to mention it to other people when I was already with someone. So it was like, hey this is my girlfriend, not omg I have to tell you a big secret I'm not totally straight...and probably get an awkward reply x) Also I you don't have to label yourself, and you don't have to "pick a side." Once someone I know was like "whaaat you can't say that" when I mentioned some dude being hot. Uh yes I can lol xD I can be attracted to both. It's not exactly something you can control. Ok, I'm getting off the soap box now, promise. x)

Gahhhh, I should watch them tonight, shouldn't I?? Now that I'm freeee. I talked to one of my friends at work and he said that the last episode had a major change from the book and he said it freaked some people out lol. I did see the episode where Joffrey died, that little bastard. I wish it had been more painful and humiliating. ...Uh but I don't mean to sound so evil about it xD He was just so terrible and he went so quick! It did look pretty painful though. I wonder who did it... I have guesses but apparently they're not even close, according to work friend x)

Oh, yeah I guess you're right. Maybe a song about her would be State of Seduction by Digital Daggers (singing to Booker), or Where the Lonely Roams (for Mila).
And Mila's song would be Razor's Edge, or that one you mentioned before, what was it again? Charlie's could be Still Here. I've been listening to Digital Daggers recently. Don't laugh at me - the songs are a bit angsty teenagerish, pretty different than what I usually listen to, but I don't care! xD

Beautiful porcelain skin huh x) Glow in the dark skin. My brother actually tans a little faster than I do, so I'm jealous of him. But summer's just started so I have time ;] Yeah it was nice! It was almost meditative.

EDIT: Charlie's could also be Surrender, the piano version. I'm way too into this x)

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Here's some pics:

Instagram pic lol

Another

And Another

Last One

[emmyanne]

Aw! That must be so nice having all your friends in the same classes. I would be sad to leave too... But think about it this way, once school is done you get to go live a fabulous graphic designer life and be awesome. That is totally a bonus. I can't wait to be done with high school, but then again that's a little bit different, haha. Thanks!! My test is actually an anatomy test in gym, it should be easy and if I don't make full marks then it should be close to. (Wow, cocky much? >.<)

Haha, well after The Dean it really would be a piece of cake! Did he get to see everyone's, or just a select few? And what did your other reviewers think?

Yeah, well that is basically what I did. We were in the library working on a project that I had already finished and I was also having a really anxious day so I decided to do some writing. I just stuck my headphones in and listened to Daughter and basically just ignored everyone around me. Hah, it was actually really great. Writing usually makes me feel so much better.

Oh really? I've never really wondered about why it was different. I guess it's just kinda like the 'u's' thing. But no, I say ToMAYto like a normal person XD I was just giving an example. Oh, really? There is literally like a hoard of exchange students at my school and I feel badly that they got stuck here because it really is one of the shittiest schools in the province. We have a cop that has her own office at our school, just this past year some kid brought a knife to school with the intention of stabbing someone, and almost everyone drives a jeep and wears camo.

I will probably just laugh at you. I am a mean ruler, really. :* Haha. Oh. My. God. That literally sounds like the best thing ever. I just asked my best friend if we could play it (I am planning a boards game night with her, her boyfriend, and some other friends. She thinks it is a joke, it really isn't.) but she "couldn't make any promises" because she is under the influence of alcoholic beverages on a Wednesday night. I have no sympathy for the hangover she will have tomorrow. Haha, anyyyways, that really does sound like fun! XD I can only imagine the combinations... oh god.

Haha, I like it! It is just the right amount of hilarious and oddly weird. I will probably do something just as creepy and everyone else in the class will think I am psychotic but who even cares? Haha. But yeah!! Cadavers = a lot of fun. I just really want to look at the brain! It is weird, I know, but my fascination with the human nervous system is eerie.

Please talk, I would honestly love some advice right now. As long as you don't mind me ranting. You literally have no idea how good it feels to get all of this out, finally. I've been lying to myself for a long time about this and it was honestly just the other day that I finally let myself say "Alright, fuck it, you're gay". But it isn't something that I haven't known, I just didn't let myself admit it because I knew if it did I would end up right where I am know. Plus, I have this friend who is very religious an if she knew it would probably ruin our friendship. She wouldn't outright hate me but we wouldn't be as close as we are now. As for my best friend, I mean, let's get real she's had girlfriends in the past so it really isn't like she wouldn't understand. I actually think she secretly knows... I'm really not all that secretive about it around her I just haven't really said the words. I like the whole "not labeling" thing. I'm not straight but I'm not gay and I really fucking hate the term bisexual, people just don't get it at all and I find people just think of that term as teenagers experimenting and all of that crap. Like no, that is not what this is. Why would I fight with myself for so long if it was just going to be a "fling".

Yes, watch them! Oh my goodness I died! All I will say is this.....

"It is our little secret."

That part. That part. Nooooooooooo. Now I am done, but oh damn. It is so good. But then the part with Jaime and Cersei. I literally can't even. I am done now, I will stop speaking. My lips are zipped.

Aha. but yeah. Joffrey was a little prick. But I had such a hard time hating him because the actual actor is an honestly good guy, so every time he came on the screen I was like "I cannnn't hatttteeee youuuu". I was honestly a little surprised at who it was, although the whole situation is confusing. I think it is the same as the books, but I'm not entirely sure. As for the part that wasn't in the books. o;erhfweOJR'pehoergeroguer I loved it anyways.

These songs are so good. I am an angsty teenager so it is okay for me to like them ;) Aha. But actually thank you because I have been looking for a new ban to obsess over. I am getting over my Alt J faze... okay no I am not but Alt J only makes me want to curl up in a ball an ponder life, this music makes me want to write and I literally just love it. It reminds me of a book series I read, actually. I always give my characters theme songs, it's weird but it helps me get into the characters more.

Mine for Lissette recently has been You Leave Me Cold by Jill Tracy. I don't even know why because it literally makes no sense for her character, but it is just a really lurid song. I like the ones you showed me better, though. I had to put headphones in so I could blast it at full volume and not wake up my family. But for Char it has been a lot of Daughter music. Like, Landfill, Smother (this is a really good one for her) and Still (Not what it is about, just the feeling of the music). Mila is obviously Human (That is what it is called :)) But I don't really have one for Booker... I'll get on that, probably Arctic Monkeys. Ooh, yes, definitely Arctic Monkeys. <3

RUDE! Haha, I am jealous of anyone who tans. One of the girls in my trio this year tans really easily and she went down south twice in the last couple of months. We literally look like night and day, it doesn't make it any better that my costume is white (not to mention see through, grr). I wish I would get at least a little bit of colour. Although, I don't mind having pale skin it works well with my hair colour better then being tanned would.

Edit: Ooooooh! I like that a lot!! Really cool idea! Okay, so lemme get this straight all of those little cubes represent some kind of thought, idea, etc. And you basically just build something with this blocks in the center and that kind of represents all of your ideas mashed into one? Gah, did I get it right?? I think that explanation is a little wonky but do I have the general idea? Kind of? No? XD

Edit #2: I Know I'm a Wolf by Young Heretics for Mila. It's a weird song but it fits.

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Really loved your last post by the way. I feel like I say it every time x)

How'd your test go? And hey, you can be an afford to be a little cocky every once in while ;D Anatomy though, phew. I have a friend in a college Anatomy class and she's says it's not too bad, but there's sooooo much to memorize that it's pretty overwhelming.

He just reviewed a select few, because there was no way he would have time to sit down to everyone's. So I 'm really glad he decided to ask me if I wanted a review. As if I'd be like "no" anyways hahaha xD The other reviewers also had positive feedback for me! One of them was my TA and the other was a guest designer, an architect from Raleigh. He was pretty cool and we also had a long conversation. Unfortunately I didn't talk to any hiring graphic designers lol x)

Oh I hear ya, writing is a great stress relief for me. Cuz like, it's a creative outlet but there isn't a lot of judgement and there aren't hard and fast deadlines to turn it in. But at the same time, you do have someone waiting for you to reply and you do want to hopefully impress them, so there's that push to write something compelling. Our rp has been great for me, just saying! I feel like it was my muse for my last few final projects x) Oh btw! I do want to show you my video if you're not sick of me asking for praise yet xD I still need to figure out the most convenient way to show it to you.

LOL I say tomato "like a normal person," that made me laugh xD But oh I see, it's interchangeable like the "u's." Oh my god, someone brought a KNIFE to your school?? D: D: D: Jeeeez! Emmy, don't get stabbed or anything D: Did he get expelled? My school had it's fair share of southern redneck fundamentalist crazies. There was a pretty big difference between middle/upper middle class kids and very low income family kids. Socioeconomic status certainly didn't determine how they behaved, since there were some pretty shitty rich kids, but there did tend to be a divide and some anonymity between the two halves.

Ah man, I still haven't watched the Game of Thrones episodes yet x) I need to do that tomorrow night. I've been trying to hang out with everyone before we all go our separate ways for the summer. But I did watch Ringu!! xD We didn't end up watching any movies at our end of the year hang out (which was awesome), but I did watch it with one of my friends and not alone. It was super creepy x) But I liked the story! And I was actually feeling super nostalgic for Japan haha! I actually thought it was less scary than The Shining! So now I'm feeling pretty brave and can probably handle whatever's next, oh Queen of Horror x) Just try me.

Wow, how do you find such perfect songs?? I Know I'm a Wolf by Young Heretics is so perfect for Mila, I can't believe it. I'm glad you liked the Digital Daggers songs, you angsty teenager. They are pretty catchy x) And yeah, they do inspire me into some kind of writing mood too lol. Oh yeah, that one song, You Leave Me Cold by Jill Tracy.. just woah x) Really lurid is right. Her voice is amazing.

I'm doing this out of order lol,

I don't mind you ranting at all, anytime!! We can both rant, it feels good. I had almost the exact same experience where I went for the longest time, secretly knowing I had this attraction to girls and somehow keeping that completely separate from everything else. It was there, but I wouldn't let myself acknowledge it. I actually knew something was "off" when I was in middle school and I was head over heels for one of my friends. But I didn't even really know what gay and straight were, not really. I think middle schoolers now probably have a better idea than even a few years ago. Anyway, it wasn't until I was at the end of my freshman year in high school when I started letting myself think, ok I like this girl (different girl now lol) but I've also liked these boys, so these few girls that I've liked - they must just be flukes...x) So basically I acknowledged that I liked a couple girls, but I was still adamant about thinking of myself as completely straight. And the rationalizations kept getting weaker and weaker until I finally had to just had to admit that I would probably always be attracted to girls, forever, can't change it, do I want to change it? Yes...No...I don't know. Oh man, what a rough time. It's still a source of doubt sometimes. But the doubt comes from people who would treat me differently for it. I'm lucky being in design classes where everyone is really open-minded. I also fit in with the not so girly girls who play soccer x) I can "pass" though, no one would look at me and say oh, she's not straight. That makes some things easier and some more difficult. I'm not an expert at this. I'm still working on being more open about it. When I've actually been with someone, it's been so much easier.

That's rough about your religious friend :/ Maybe she'd be more cool about it than you think? Or no? And your best friend, the sort of crush, she's had girlfriends in the past? And you think she sort of knows about how you feel? Something like that happened to me, only the friend I had a crush on is completely straight. I swear I was so careful to keep it hidden because I knew she was just not interested in me like that, even though we were pretty close. She had a very teasing personality, more so than mine even. I knew she knew how I felt because she would do things to tease me that were terrible but sort of wonderful too, and it was really confusing x/ She's at a different college now.

EDIT: The length of our OCC posts have been increasing more and more haha x)

[emmyanne]

Aw, thanks :)

*Smug face* One hundred percent, baby! Ohh yeah! XD It brought my mark up to a 90 and now my average if a 91!! Yay! Your friend is right, though, anatomy isn't hard. And we didn't have to remember too much, some muscles and some bones and then a bunch of terms. 'Twas simple.

Oooh! That makes it even better, that he only got to see a few! I would be so proud if I were you, aha. I'm glad that your other reviewers liked it, too! Too bad that you didn't get to meet anyone that was hiring, though! (But speaking of hiring, I might have a job as a day camp counselor this summer!! Yay, employed like here I come.)

Exactly how I feel! I like sharing my writing, but sometimes it feels like the people in my life don't really care, not in a bad way they just aren't interested in writing or reading like I am. So it's nice to have something that pushes me to do better and someone who actually enjoys reading my work instead of just sitting there idly paying attention and not really getting it. Anyways, you have no idea how happy that makes me to hear you say! I literally thought I was being the biggest weirdo ever because so much of my muse comes from this rp, so yeah I'm kinda glad to hear you say that XD Also, I don't mind at all! I don't mind giving praise, as long as you know that I am 100% sincere when I give it. Sometimes I feel so fake when I compliment someone but I only ever say that something is good when I mean it, so yeah, hah.

Haha, the other way makes me feel uncomfortable, it's just weird! :P And oh yes, the thing is though I didn't know that until someone told me about it after the fact. They didn't call a code or anything. It all had to do with some page on facebook and this kid who apparently made the page and was posting a bunch of shit about people (he didn't do it, he was set up). The kid was threatened and the next day someone actually brought a knife to the school and they probably would have stabbed him, I don't know what happened to him though. My guess is he got expelled. It's kinda scary but I swear, most people aren't nut jobs and I've never felt unsafe at school before. Oh, wow, we have cliques and stuff at our school (Preps, emos, loners, the 'clan' which is basically just a bunch of guys with their own clothing line and they are so judgmental I refuse to walk down the hall where they sit alone), but I honestly couldn't tell you who would be considered 'upper class' or 'lower class' unless I actually knew the person.

GoT. Is. So. Good. Ohmygod XD Haha, but I'm glad you liked Ringu! It had a really good story line to it, although when I first watched it my dad had to explain it to me, aha. Funny that it made you miss Japan... maybe the Grudge movie's next then :D Muaha, I found those ones to be scarier then Ringu. I'll have to try and think of a really scary one just to test your wits! ;) Also, glad that you had fun at your little get together thing!

I found the wolf one while listening to Digital Daggers on youtube! So technically you were predominant in that discovery XD Haha, also, I just really love music and am constant listening to random playlists on youtube. (Right now I am listening to Fitzpleasure by Alt J... go listen to it, oh my god it is good. Just don't try and figure out what it's about, it's awful. I hate myself because I like it.) Ooh, but Jill Tracey is so spectacular, I want to do a cabaret solo to You Leave Me Cold so badly but I would never be aloud, it's a wee bit inappropriate for comp sadly.

Thank you, so much. I'm really grateful, as dumb as that sounds, to have someone to finally talk to. I mean, I could probably talk to my guidance counselor, she is a sweetheart and has helped me through some really tough mental stuff, but it's nice hearing someone else's story. :) That's basically what is happening to me right now. I was in grade seven when I first started realizing that I was kinda attracted to girls and I can remember having this huge debates with myself, like trying to force myself not to feel the way I did and it was awful and scary. This was also around the same time that I was going through some pretty bad stuff my my friends so that didn't help any. I guess what happened was I told myself over and over that I didn't like girls at all and then I started to believe my own lie. But it's always been there in the back of my mind more so lately then anything. I can remember thinking about how amazing it would be to just admit it and get this heavy weight off my shoulders finally. So I finally did, or at least I finally stopped lying to myself about it, and it does feel so much better not to be carrying that around with me but I also feel like the biggest asshole ever. Like, the other day in bio I just absently started playing with one of my friends earrings and she looked at me and smile and I almost started crying because she didn't know and what if she wasn't okay with that, like would she be okay with some random guy just touching her ear? No, probably not, but is this any different? Yes, kind of... I don't know. And every time I hug one of my friends or interact with them at all I feel like such a liar even though there isn't really anything about it that is different from a couple weeks ago when I was still lying to myself. It's so confusing... As for this whole 'passing' business. Same, aha. Like I am really quite hipster mixed with basic mixed with such girly girl you can't even imagine (It's a weird combination). You wouldn't pass by me on the streets and think that I liked girls, which kinda works for me right now since I am not planning on telling people anytime soon.

No, no she wouldn't be cool with it at all. It makes me sad, because she is a good person once you get past some of her character flaws. She has good intentions and that's all that matters. But I personally think that some of her views are corrupt, not that I would say that to her face. As for my best friend, yeah. I just think she suspects, like I said I don't try and hide anything really. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS LIKE. It is so awfully amazing. I mean, I act like that right back to her so maybe I am equally a tease. I can't imagine someone acting like that towards me and not even having the slimiest of chances with them. That is actually kind of cruel... I don't know what I would do in a situation like that. Probably cry... although I'm kind of emotionally stunted and I never cry even though a really great melt down would feel so good right now.

Aha, I know! They are seriously almost as long as the IC posts, wow.

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Ahh yeahhh, get it gurl x) Nice job!

A camp counselor sounds like a great summer job! How old would the kids be? My brother and I used to go to a week long summer camp up in Michigan every summer with our friends who lived up there, from when I was in elementary school all the way through middle school. It was fun times x) I remember the week feeling like a reeeaalllyyy long time haha.

Yeah it's a really good feeling to have someone read your writing, enjoy it, and actually want more x) I've never had any aspirations to be an author or a journalist or anything, but I really do love writing as a hobby. And then to find someone who's willing to read what I write and send me a beautiful, well-written reply, just for me?? That's pretty amazing :D Writing helps my design process too. A lot of times, before I start a design/art project, I do a free writing exercise just to get all my initial thoughts down and start organizing them. I do that sometimes when I feel upset about something too, but I do that on scrap pieces of paper and not in a journal or anything since I can never reread what I wrote without cringing later haha.

Well phew, that's good that you don't feel unsafe or anything at school. I'm trying to think if we had any kind of incident like that at our school. I don't think anyone was ever caught with a weapon or anything, but I do remember that there was this huge fight and some girl got really angry and punched a window outside one of the classrooms and it shattered and freaked everyone out inside x)

Alright, I'll try the Grudge... *gulp* If I have to... x) And you don't have to think of a really scary one. You could just keep giving me nice, relatively easy going ones x)

Ok so one of my best friends, Simon, and I are pretty much the only ones in our group of design friends who are staying here in Raleigh for the summer. We've been hanging out a bunch already and I've been telling him oh I need to watch the Shining, and then Ringu, and now I need to watch the Grudge, lol (without telling him there's this Horror Queen who has somehow convinced me to scare myself to death) and so we've decided to have two movie nights a week this whole summer and watch as many good movies as we can. The idea is I show him two that he hasn't seen, then he shows me two I haven't seen. This week is Fatal Attraction and A Beautiful Mind. I'm trying to get more movie ideas, so far I have those last two, The King's Speech, The Patriot, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie, Mary and Max, 12 Angry Men, and Life is Beautiful. I have a bunch of other all time favorite movies but he's seen them: Inception, Gladiator, The Others, Avatar, Slumdog Millionaire, Spirited Away, Forrest Gump, The Shawshank Redemption, Memento. What are like your top five movies?

I must have listened to that song you suggested, Fitzpleasure, a dozen times. I had never listened to Alt J and now I'm look up all the songs x) Heh, yeah I can imagine a solo to that song maybe being a little too much for your competition. Must be 18yrs or older x) I keep forgetting your age because you write so well and sound so mature.

It doesn't sound dumb at all to want to get that stuff off your chest. I bet your counselor would be really cool about it and maybe she could give you better advice than I could. But you can talk about it as much as you want, and I'll probably relate to it x) I mean, I can definitely relate to having debates with myself and to feeling like an asshole/pervert when I finally did become aware of how I felt and feeling guilty too. The hardest thing for me is that back and forth between being cool with it and slipping into partial denial, even now after I've admitted it to myself. Someone I admire, like one of my parents makes a somewhat derisive comment about gay rights in the US and I think, I can't be, I just can't, this won't work, I can't deal with this. They're not bad people, and they joke to get reactions out of their super PC kids (my brother groans at these jokes too, which makes me soooo happy. I've never told him, but I'm almost positive he knows). They would never disown me or anything crazy and they would be supportive. I don't ever go back to "I'm not attracted to girls." But I do go back to "I may be attracted, but only my friends can ever know, no one else."

So awfully amazing, yes. It seems cruel now, but when it was happening, I didn't want it to stop. I do think it's really good that we're separated by colleges now though. I don't think that was a positive influence on me :( No one like that at the moment though, yay! I'm totally obsessed with this bromance with Simon. He, his girlfriend (who's a total sweetheart) and I have become pretty close this year.