[OOC] Romance Dawn - A One Piece Roleplay

[BrodZ11711]

Jabber said
@Brods I didn't focus on rephrasing and just edited a few parts.As for the issue of not being able to have Hiders within Hiders, I suggest you just link those images to the text instead of having a wall of pictures in your CS.

Am I clear to go now?

[BrodZ11711]

i don't think many people will be joining my crew XD

[Duthguy]

BrodZ11711 said
i don't think many people will be joining my crew XD

Well since his main goal is revenge Yoki might.

[DAWNSTAR]

Jabber said
-snip-

To add on to what he has done I would suggest rephrasing:
-He found his way into the captain’s quarters and begging for mercy the captain offered him a devil Fruit called the "Moku Moku no Mi".
-He took the fruit in one hand and the captain asked "So I live now right?" short answer, he’s now in 8 different pieces in a barrel that Edge later on ate.
-Gaining the abilities of smoke have made Edge even more feared among his crew.
The first sentence sounds almost has if he is begging for mercy instead. I would suggest doing it as 'the captain, begging for mercy,' instead..The second sentence makes it sound as if Edge ate the captain, unless of course that is what you meant to say. The third sentence is just hard to understand. Try rewriting it as 'After gain the abilities of smoke, Edge was feared by his crew even more than before.' They are just small things really but it makes it easier to read them.

Duthguy said
Well since his main goal is revenge Yoki might.

Be wary there. You have to remember that Edge is hunting a bounty. Yoki or Vis might be the bounty or it could be some random pirate.

[Jabber]

Constructive criticism. That's the name of the game. And the game is our friend. Nice work Dawn.

Anyway Brod, I'd suggest you take Dawn's advice and after that, you're good to go.

Also, for those who already have crews, unless you tell me, I'll consider all your crewmates to be fodder.

[BrodZ11711]

DAWNSTAR said
To add on to what he has done I would suggest rephrasing:-He found his way into the captain’s quarters and begging for mercy the captain offered him a devil Fruit called the "Moku Moku no Mi".-He took the fruit in one hand and the captain asked "So I live now right?" short answer, he’s now in 8 different pieces in a barrel that Edge later on ate.-Gaining the abilities of smoke have made Edge even more feared among his crew. The first sentence sounds almost has if he is begging for mercy instead. I would suggest doing it as 'the captain, begging for mercy,' instead..The second sentence makes it sound as if Edge ate the captain, unless of course that is what you meant to say. The third sentence is just hard to understand. Try rewriting it as 'After gain the abilities of smoke, Edge was feared by his crew even more than before.' They are just small things really but it makes it easier to read them.

He did indeed eat the captain. And i will add these notes. Thank you :)

[BrodZ11711]

Jabber said
Constructive criticism. That's the name of the game. And the game is our friend. Nice work Dawn.Anyway Brod, I'd suggest you take Dawn's advice and after that, you're good to go.Also, for those who already have crews, unless you tell me, I'll consider all your crewmates to be fodder.

whats fodder?

[DAWNSTAR]

BrodZ11711 said
whats fodder?

Fodder is a term used to refer to people or items that can be destroyed and wouldn't really be worried about. When used in sentence it would be like this:
"The militia were put on the front lines of the legion to act as fodder."

[Jabber]

Those weak no-named grunts who they just beat up. You know, like majority of the marines and pirates in the series.

[BrodZ11711]

Go ahead, in my history alone i killed 10+ of my own men because i was bored XD. Just not my ship. My Precious

[BrodZ11711]

I've done my IC

[I-Am-X]

DAWNSTAR said
Wow, Vis and Kurama are the two oldest characters with the respective ages of 24 and 25.

I actually expected that age to be around average but I guess not, youngin's man!

BrodZ11711 said
Go ahead, in my history alone i killed 10+ of my own men because i was bored XD. Just not my ship. My Precious

Good luck trying to find people to join your crew man lol

[I-Am-X]

Hey Jabber will there be a point in time (further on in the RP) where we might be allowed to get a 2nd character?

[BrodZ11711]

I-Am-X said
I actually expected that age to be around average but I guess not, youngin's man!Good luck trying to find people to join your crew man lol

I wont kill Players. I'm not a dick :)

[Jabber]

Maybe in the near future. Send me a via PM if you have any in mind so that I could include them into the story.

@Brodz
I don't mind if you try and kill other players. However, unlike fodder, they won't be a sure kill.

[BrodZ11711]

I won't kill members of my own crew though. May try and have a best friend duo

[Jabber]

Next update will be in a few hours. Hopefully, Daisuke would have posted by then.

[BrodZ11711]

Whats the update do?

[Jabber]

Uhm, usually it further progresses the story. Its where events and NPCs are introduced.
Usually where the GM intervenes and sets the pace of the plot.

[BrodZ11711]

i get it :)