[OOC] The Relics

[WilsonTurner]

Herm. Bows won't work.

[Ellri]

Bow works fine for us, Wilson... █████████████████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████||██████████████████████████████ █████████████████/\██████████████████████████████ ████████████████/█\\█████████████████████████████ ███████████████/███\\████████████████████████████ ██████████████/█████\\███████████████████████████ █████████████/███████\\██████████████████████████ ████████████/█████████\\█████████████████████████ ███████████/███████████\\████████████████████████ ██████████/█████████████\\███████████████████████ █████████/███████████████\\████████████████████████ ████████/████████████████║███████████████████████ ███████/█████████████████║███████████████████████ ██████/██\\\\\\\\█████████████║███████████████████████ █████├══╬╬╬╬═════════════╬════════════════}>██████ ██████\██////////█████████████║███████████████████████ ███████\█████████████████║███████████████████████ ████████\████████████████║███████████████████████ █████████\███████████████//███████████████████████ ██████████\█████████████//███████████████████████ ███████████\███████████//████████████████████████ ████████████\█████████//█████████████████████████ █████████████\███████//██████████████████████████ ██████████████\█████//███████████████████████████ ███████████████\███//████████████████████████████ ████████████████\█//█████████████████████████████ █████████████████\/██████████████████████████████ █████████████████||██████████████████████████████

[Simpers]

Simpers CSkelton

Name: Valen Hellfire Age: 19 Gender: Male Faction: Kalesia Relic Desc: The His Relic first appeared as a bracelet around his arm. When he received his Broad Sword, it reformed itself into a necklace for some odd reason. The Necklace had a symbol on it, some sort of Family Guild. The Relic seems to be fueled off others emotions, positive emotions charge his relic faster than neutral and negative emotions sometimes have negative effects on his Relic, only if he inflicted those emotions purposely. His Relic seems to work around altering physics for himself and thing that he comes into contact with. right now, his Relic seems to do two basic things :

• Defying his own gravity.
• Altering the weight of objects that he comes in contact with. (Sometimes automatically)

Appearance: The face and body figure are correct. Yet he wears less heavy armor. With a cloak of the same color as his silk branded gild on his armor atm. He is also blind so his eyes seem a weird grey. His hair is the same color blue of the cloth instead of brown hair. He tries not to use his sword a lot considering he is blind. Flaws:

• Somewhat Clumsy
• Sometimes catches a bad case of Tunnel Vision. (Look at it as if he was an express train and the station was his objective)
• Can get carried away in a train of thoughts even when he is talking to you.
• Sometimes doesn't notice things.
• Has a large stomach. (e.g it takes more food for him to be fool. or different kinds of food.)
• quite stubborn.
• forgetful.
• blind.

Skills:

• Has an abundance of patience.
• Knows how to fish.
• Can cook quite well.
• Is quite nimble. (without relic)
• Has a large metabolism.
• Quite comedic.

Biography: Being blind for Valen was hard. He was rescued from a house fire with nothing but a few clothes and a relic that hadn't bonded yet, considering his age. Valen grew up with a lady named Aleathea, he was sent to Othea in the process. The Decision came down to his close family, especially his Uncle. He arrived in Othea eventually, still young and not a boy of many words he willingly walked over into Aleathea's care. Aleathea felt sorry for the boy, considering the house fire he was caught blinded him, not from the physical fire yet from something odd that the boy would never describe. Valen eventually started training himself to use his blindness as a strength. Using his ears more often, able to eventually sense things around him. Able to move around, eventually learning to fight. At the age of 17 his bracer had mysteriously bonded to him. All this time, he never knew his bracer was a relic. He had been told many tales of Evokers, that the Orderisn't so "lovely", that they do things to Evokers, just because they have power others don't. I year had passed with his secret on the brink of escaping, he decided to leave Othea to travel, his mother Aleathea had told him of his past just recently, that he was once the baby son of a proud family that lived beyond the mountain ranges in a city, that she did not know the name of. Somewhere, where Evokers are free. Before he left, his mother gave him her old Sword, it was a large sword that seemed far too heavy for Valen, yet he perfectly lifted it, he had no idea how. He hasn't even discovered any abilities with his relic. He has no idea if this is the sword or the relic, yet he can lift a sword that is meant for two hands, with one. Witha click glance at his arm, Valen realised his his Relic had started glowing wildly, and like glowing light it transferred into his left hand, it had suddenly turned into an odd necklace, that had the same symbol on it. Athealea nor Valen understood why his Relic changed forms, yet he accepted it and wore his necklace relic where it should be. Valen finally left a month after his 19th birthday. He decided to seek out a better purpose, he has aged well and is ready to face the world. Personality: Calm and Collective. He's quite kind-hearted. he is always out there to help others even if he can be clumsy. His clumsiness is the innocent sort of clumsy. He has always been selfless and has always helped others. Yet lately he has been enjoying life and enjoying things with others instead of completely giving. Relation: No one yet, unless somebody wants to be related to the Hellfires in some way o.o! Secret: His secret can be known by everyone, out of character. His secret is his blindness, he acts as if he can perfectly see somebody. He has been living blind and training to fight half his life. Theme Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwxNem5aoNM That should be it I think. Hope you like it ^.^

Edits

• Lore Changes.
• Relic Changes.
• Appearance Changes.
• Better Theme Song.
• Name Change.

[Ellri]

We'll provide feedback to the CS tomorrow. Freeshooter: you won't be able to sense Roan's footsteps all over the city, so don't even try it. This is a city with tens of thousands of residents and that's just counting the humans. If you add in animals, its numbering in the hundreds of thousands. Roan is far from the only heavy creature in the city, so even if he could detect footsteps of various weight throughout the city, he would have no way to determine who owned what. But far, far more importantly, there's not a single mention in your CS about this ability to detect tremors in the ground. Your relic is already extremely powerful. Don't even try to invent convenient powers like that when you need them.

[Ellri]

First of all... This CS looks half-finished, with sentences that break off randomly, are misspelled or don’t make sense. We’ll provide review for sections at a time. The purple sections of the review come from another Relics player.

Name: Valen Hellfire Age: 19 Gender: Male Faction: Kalesia

@Simpers

That surname is implausible. For one, the world of Azukhar doesn’t have a concept of Hell. Secondly, it is an illogical name. Pick a more plausible surname, please. Kalesian naming is somewhat based on the name systems slavic nations. We’d suggest looking for a surname from that region.

Relic Desc: The His Relic first appeared as a bracelet around his arm. When he received his Broad Sword, it reformed itself into a necklace for some odd reason. The Necklace had a symbol on it, some sort of Family Guild. The Relic seems to be fueled off others emotions, positive emotions charge his relic faster than neutral and negative emotions sometimes have negative effects on his Relic, only if he inflicted those emotions purposely. His Relic seems to work around altering physics for himself and thing that he comes into contact with. right now, his Relic seems to do two basic things :

• Defying his own gravity.
• Altering the weight of objects that he comes in contact with. (Sometimes automatically)

@Simpers

Relics don’t change shape. Not to such a degree. While they may bend the laws of physics a little, they still have to obey them. The idea with it being powered by emotions is good, though. We like that. However, how does emotions in any way relate to manipulating gravity? If you’re manipulating gravity, you should not only define what he can do, but also a number of things he can’t and what happens if things don’t go as planned. Try to build up a concise idea where the relic’s powers and power source are related to each other. Ideas for the emotions: Neutral= you get nothing, no effect all or power from it. Negative=Anger, hate, loathing, and such can increase weight of whatever Valen is touching. Positive=Joy, curiosity, love and such can decrease weight of whatever Valen is touching. Touching can include clothing, weapons, even another person. If you feel touch is too limited or hard, sight works as well. If your eyes are blocked, blinded, or hurt that can break the magic. Other breaks for sight is losing your target in your vision or if they are blurry, distance can cause this and being too far can make the magic weaker. Another limited is time. Maybe the effect lasts only a few posts for whom/thing is affected and after so long stop suddenly? Where does that weight go? It can’t just vanish, it needs to go somewhere and some how be dealt with. Maybe the gravity is transferred from or to himself? Say he makes a blade lighter, the weight of the blade might go to his leg or an arm making it harder to move or dodge? These weaknesses can help provide something others can cover and make an excuse for teamwork. Look at the other PCs and take a few notes of how (not copy the idea) they are put together. How does the power sources relate to the Relic’s theme/idea?

Appearance: The face and body figure are correct. Yet he wears less heavy armor. With a cloak of the same color as his silk branded gild on his armor atm. He is also blind so his eyes seem a weird grey. His hair is the same color blue of the cloth instead of brown hair. He tries not to use his sword a lot considering he is blind.

@Simpers

Do you believe you can plausibly play a blind man? Blindness is a powerful flaw, but it is also very hard to do right. its extremely rare for anyone blind to be capable of fighting, let alone be good at it. If you’re going with blindness, you had better be sure that you can play it well. Blue hair is a no-go. How tall is he? is he thick/thin? muscular? Weakly? Does he have any scars or birthmarks? Base needed traits: Height- keep in mind taller isn’t always plausible, research middle ages and get a feel for them. Advice, look up Middle ages as this rp is set around that type of setting. It will help. Clothing style- your PC will not likely walking around in the same clothing all the time.

Flaws:

• Somewhat Clumsy
• Sometimes catches a bad case of Tunnel Vision. (Look at it as if he was an express train and the station was his objective)
• Can get carried away in a train of thoughts even when he is talking to you.
• Sometimes doesn't notice things.
• Has a large stomach. (e.g it takes more food for him to be fool. or different kinds of food.)
• quite stubborn.
• forgetful.
• blind.

your flaws don’t add up. Its like you have a dozen ideas and can’t seem to focus them together. You need to pick one basic idea and build around that. and try to think up reasons behind each flaw. When it comes to flaws, best thing is to leave them for last. Flesh out the PC with the history then draw on it, think what flaws could come from those experiences. Skills:

• Has an abundance of patience.
• Knows how to fish.
• Can cook quite well.
• Is quite nimble. (without relic)
• Has a large metabolism.
• Quite comedic.

@Simpers

again, a number of ideas that don’t connect to each other in any significant way. You need reasons to explain it all. Same here.

Biography: Being blind for Valen was hard. He was rescued from a house fire with nothing but a few clothes and a relic that hadn't bonded yet, considering his age. Valen grew up with a lady named Aleathea, he was sent to Othea in the process. The Decision came down to his close family, especially his Uncle. He arrived in Othea eventually, still young and not a boy of many words he willingly walked over into Aleathea's care. Aleathea felt sorry for the boy, considering the house fire he was caught blinded him, not from the physical fire yet from something odd that the boy would never describe. Valen eventually started training himself to use his blindness as a strength. Using his ears more often, able to eventually sense things around him. Able to move around, eventually learning to fight.

@Simpers

There’s one big issue with this section. Kalesians don’t really see any reason to send people out of their country like that. Especially not to a place where you have to pass through three other nations to get to. Othea and Kalesia may be neighbors on the map, but the shared border is over a virtually impassable mountain chain. The explanation for how he handled the blindness is lacking. It needs a lot more fleshing out to be plausible. One thing that helped with a few CSes is a list of events, start off short and list several starting at childhood up to adulthood. Keeping in mind the Middle Age setting and the differences between present and then. When in doubt, check with the GM and ask questions. Above all, read the Lore as it has cultural information that keeps all the PCs within that nation on the same line of thinking. And consider seeking out others within that nation through pms, ooc even, to seek connections or for help.

At the age of 17 his bracer had mysteriously bonded to him. All this time, he never knew his bracer was a relic. He had been told many tales of Evokers, that the Orderisn't so "lovely", that they do things to Evokers, just because they have power others don't.

@Simpers

Relics bond around puberty, not 4+ years after puberty.

I year had passed with his secret on the brink of escaping, he decided to leave Othea to travel, his mother Aleathea had told him of his past just recently, that he was once the baby son of a proud family that lived beyond the mountain ranges in a city, that she did not know the name of. Somewhere, where Evokers are free. Before he left, his mother gave him her old Sword, it was a large sword that seemed far too heavy for Valen, yet he perfectly lifted it, he had no idea how. He hasn't even discovered any abilities with his relic. He has no idea if this is the sword or the relic, yet he can lift a sword that is meant for two hands, with one. Witha click glance at his arm, Valen realised his his Relic had started glowing wildly, and like glowing light it transferred into his left hand, it had suddenly turned into an odd necklace, that had the same symbol on it. Athealea nor Valen understood why his Relic changed forms, yet he accepted it and wore his necklace relic where it should be. Valen finally left a month after his 19th birthday. He decided to seek out a better purpose, he has aged well and is ready to face the world.

@Simpers

This whole section doesn’t make sense. In one place in the bio, you say he was raised by a woman named Aleathea. In another, you say Aleathea is his mother. If he’s 19 when he gets that sword, and his mother (or whatever she is) isn’t a veritable mountain of muscles, then the sword wouldn’t be a massive thing. Good swords actually don’t weight much, as heavy weapons equals quickly tiring in battle. Relics do not change shape like you described.

Personality: Calm and Collective. He's quite kind-hearted. he is always out there to help others even if he can be clumsy. His clumsiness is the innocent sort of clumsy. He has always been selfless and has always helped others. Yet lately he has been enjoying life and enjoying things with others instead of completely giving.

@Simpers

This doesn’t mesh together with the rest of the CS. You need to build on a single concise idea.

Relation: No one yet, unless somebody wants to be related to the Hellfires in some way o.o! Secret: His secret can be known by everyone, out of character. His secret is his blindness, he acts as if he can perfectly see somebody. He has been living blind and training to fight half his life. Theme Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwxNem5aoNM

@Simpers

Blind people don’t act like they can see. Not even with extreme skills to compensate for it, can a blind person come off as anything other than blind. -------------- The Map of Amaryth is updated, with more locations marked, including a number of undefined ones.

[WilsonTurner]

[Fallenreaper]

This little piggy went to Crier's Market... Oink, oink.

[WilsonTurner]

Ok, I'm going to have to drop out. Simply, the posts are too long and it makes reading it all a chore (and I don't always have the time, either) and everyone's all spaced out, without anything to really rally them together. Sandbox is cool, but when it's all spread out with minimal inter-character reactions, then... yeah. Been working on an app, but I've had a total writer's block since pretty much the first day. *shrug*

[Sep]

Ok, I'm going to have to drop out. Simply, the posts are too long and it makes reading it all a chore (and I don't always have the time, either) and everyone's all spaced out, without anything to really rally them together. Sandbox is cool, but when it's all spread out with minimal inter-character reactions, then... yeah. Been working on an app, but I've had a total writer's block since pretty much the first day. *shrug*

@WilsonTurner

I can't tell you what Exactly Wilson. But with Ellris permission I'll have a common foe for you all to hunt down/find out about soon....

[WilsonTurner]

Ok, I'm going to have to drop out.

@WilsonTurner

[Sep]

Ok, I'm going to have to drop out.

@WilsonTurner

@WilsonTurner

Worth a try I guess :P

[Fallenreaper]

Ok, I'm going to have to drop out. Simply, the posts are too long and it makes reading it all a chore (and I don't always have the time, either) and everyone's all spaced out, without anything to really rally them together. Sandbox is cool, but when it's all spread out with minimal inter-character reactions, then... yeah. Been working on an app, but I've had a total writer's block since pretty much the first day. *shrug*

@WilsonTurner

T-T I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away! I didn't mean to scare Wilson away Ellri, honest, just enjoyed writing the post a bit too much was all!!!

[WilsonTurner]

You didn't scare me away. I just don't have enough time or interest to read- much less write- such long posts. And besides, Ellri writes more than anyone.

[Ellri]

hmm. undeniable. Mind you, we did write a bit extra when we finally broke the post block we had. This RP does kinda belong in Advanced more than it does in Casual.

[Sep]

Fallen, don't post before I do. I got something I need to do first.

[Freeshooter92]

I think we all need to calm down and write a bit less, we're getting way too carried away. I'll admit, the ridiculously bloated posts are EXTREMELY frustrating. Anyway, what the hell happened to Markul, why is he at the Arena? I was in the middle of chasing Roan down. And don't say he has anything better to do at all, Marky isn't doing anything else until poochy is restrained.

[Ellri]

Freeshooter: you won't be able to sense Roan's footsteps all over the city, so don't even try it. This is a city with tens of thousands of residents and that's just counting the humans. If you add in animals, its numbering in the hundreds of thousands. Roan is far from the only heavy creature in the city, so even if he could detect footsteps of various weight throughout the city, he would have no way to determine who owned what.

@Ellri

Three hours have passed IC. Markul couldn't find Roan because Roan first ran in a completely different direction, ending up in an entirely different section of town. Markul went to the Central market, Roan to Criers market. Your relic doesn't grant you magical abilities to track people by how heavily they walk. Your treatment of Roan distressed Fallen. We're not having our players distressed. Character is fair, but players isn't.

[Freeshooter92]

Uh... okay.

[Sep]

Uh... okay.

@Freeshooter92

Not that theres more fun games and problems in the Arena to keep you occupado :P

[Freeshooter92]

In case I didn't make it clear enough, Markul has NOT done any sort of lasting damage at all to the monster, and I know with 100% certainty that he cannot take it alone. Right now he's just stalling. If you feel I stepped out of line I will amend it.