[IC] shadows.

[Rystelle]

Sophia felt--somewhat guiltily--a sense of relief when Tim said that he would tell her later what had happened in the bathroom in the other apartment. She wanted to know what happened so that she could hopefully help soothe his fears more easily. Somewhere in the back of her mind was a creeping suspicion about that place, but she didn't say what just yet. She didn't really want to talk about that place right now. "No need to apologize. Just tell me whenever you're ready, Tim," Sophia said, giving him a soft smile. She then wandered over to her bookshelf and took a look among her video games. She pulled out Left 4 Dead and popped it into her X-Box 360. "Zombie killing game," she stated, holding the case up for Tim to see. "It can be a little spooky at times if you suddenly get swarmed or a zombie appears out of nowhere, but other than that it's good. I enjoy it, and shooting fake zombies is a nice way to vent your frustrations." Sophia grabbed two controllers and handed one to Tim as she sat down on the couch beside him again. She got the game started up and ready for two player mode with split screens. Sophia chose Zoey as her character, while Tim chose Francis, leaving Bill and Lois to be run by the computers. She chose the first level and put it on easy. At the beginning of the level Sophia explained the controls to Tim until he had a hang of it, and then they started to advance. While the two played together Sophia slowly forgot her earlier fears. She got really into the game--jumping when a zombie suddenly appeared, declaring happily when they made it to a safe house, stiffening up whenever she heard a Witch crying--and was enjoying herself. There were a few times when Tim died and she had to go rescue him from a closet when he re-spawned, but other than that he appeared to be doing pretty well. Occasionally Sophia would glance at him out of the corner of her eye to see how he was doing. It took them an hour to complete the first level. At the end Sophia put the controller down and stretched out her fingers. Feeling her stomach getting ready to growl for want of food, Sophia turned to Tim and asked, "Would you like some breakfast?"

[DELTED293y5gds]

"That would, actually be really great." Tim said, putting the controller down on the coffee table in front of him. He didnt realize that he was actually really hungry until he was asked about it. "Actually, I'm super hungry. Do we, um, do we go out, or do we eat here?"

[Rystelle]

Sophia stood up and took a moment to stretch. Relaxing her body again she stated, "We'll eat here. What do you like? I can make eggs of all sorts, bacon, ham, or sausage, pancakes, waffles, or muffins. Oh, hashbrowns too." Tim perked up and said, "I like hashbrowns." "Hashbrowns it is then!" Sophia agreed with a grin. "I'll make some eggs and bacon too. Just sit tight and I'll get breakfast going. You can keep playing the game or turn on the tv if you want." Tim chose the tv, and Sophia went into the kitchen to make breakfast for them. First she heated up some oil and grated up a couple of potatoes until they were really fine. Once she had that cooking in one pan she threw bacon on in another. As Sophia worked she hummed as she usually did, feeling once more like she was in a good place and all was right with the world. When the bacon and hashbrowns were almost done she cooked four eggs over medium with two for each of them. When everything was done she plated it, stuck forks on the plates, and headed back into the living room. "Here you go," Sophia said, a happy smile on her face as she sat down on the couch next to Tim again. "Hope you like it."

[DELTED293y5gds]

The two ate their food--which was really quite good-- in a nice, normal silence. The food was delicious, and Tim made sure to tell Sophia such, which he did with enthusiasm. She, of course, graciously accepted the compliment. It felt, for a moment, like the two of them were getting back on the same level they were on before the early morning tunnel. But as they ate, Tim was struck by... well, feelings, he guessed. He liked Sophia a lot, he had decided. Hiding a huge moment in his past wasn't going to help them become better friends. Keeping her in the dark like this would only make her wonder more. It would make her feel like he was shutting her out, he thought. He did not want to shut out Sophia. She was his first real friend, probably ever. He decided to tell her something very important. Something he had never told anyone before. His face dropped, and, between a bite of hash brown, he spoke. His voice was not as quiet anymore, his tone was a little stronger than before. However, he was really nervous to say what he was saying. The words came out in a sentence he had never formed to anyone in his life before: "I tried to kill myself five years ago."

[Rystelle]

Sophia blinked for a moment and then slowly put down her egg-filled fork, which had been halfway to her mouth. She set her plate aside. Tim had her full attention now. "Honestly," she told him as she looked him directly in the eye, "I had a feeling it was something like that. I noticed you rubbing the crook of your arm a lot earlier and thought there might be something there, but I didn't want to ask you about it. You were upset and I didn't want to make things worse. I have to ask now though. What in hell made you try to kill yourself?" It's not that Sophia was judging Tim for it. She herself did not care for suicide and did not see it as an optional way of dying, but she knew that some people did for various reasons. Usually it was because they suffered from abuse and bullying or suffered from severe depression or other mental illness. With the way Tim shied away from people she was sure it had to be a problem that stemmed from another person in his past. Sophia wanted to know why Tim had tried to commit suicide so that she could better understand him, better comfort him and make him feel cared for. He was her friend and it saddened her to see the state he was so often in. She wanted to do whatever she could for him, even if it was just listen to his problems. She waited to see if he might answer her.

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim sighed, shaking his head as he answered, placing a hand on the crook of his arm again. He rubbed the area with his hand little as he spoke, feeling the slightly raised areas in his skin underneath his sweater. "Ah...w-well... my dad, he...um, he got killed. Um, in a car crash. He was driving to the hospital that night, um, because I was being born. There was a rainstorm and, well...yeah. So it was just me, and my mother. She was... she wasn't... she was not mentally stable. She... neglected me, she didnt care for me... she blamed me for his death. Told me that if I hadn't been born, he would still be alive..." Tim was staring down at his plate of food, which he wasn't touching anymore. His voice got softer. "So, uh... you can imagine... um, you can imagine how t-that would effect a child growing up... hearing stuff like that every single day. Being called worthless, horrible. It effected my social life. I was such a fucking introvert. I didnt have friends. Oh, but I was fucking great at schoolwork, that's all the guidance counselors noticed. That's how they knew I was okay." "She... abused me. Physically. She hit me a lot. A...a lot. She threw things... she um...s-she... s-so... I decided to end it." His voice cracked a little bit. He paused for a moment, took in a deep breath, exhaled, and continued. "There I was, this... this eighteen year old child who had no friends, no father...nothing. I decided that I couldn't go on like that. I decided it really was my fault. I decided that I was the one who killed my father. And so one night...oh, one night, I filled up a bathtub. I got in... I took a razor that I had... b-bought, from some dollar store... and I cut into my arm... both arms. And I felt blood. And things were blurring and I realized I didn't want to die." His voice caught in his throat for a moment. He made himself continue. "And there I am, bleeding out... and I can feel myself...dy...and I pass out. And I wake up in this hospital bed, and my mother is there, and she... I thought maybe she would... fucking... maybe she would finally realize how fucking shitty she had been... and she starts... she starts screaming at me. She starts berating me. She tells me that I'm a disappointment, asked how I could do this to her on the fucking holidays and that I didn't care about all the sacrifices she made for me to live but I wasn't ever fucking living." He wiped at a single tear that he found rolling down his face. He continued. "I... I graduated a month later. I got a full ride to Nottingham University because I wrote a g-good paper. I left my mother, I I fucking ran from my mother. I... I never made friends... in college... I was too scared to talk to anyone. I spent all of my life... just... alone. I got a job doing what I do because I'm good at it and I dont need to... see people, physically... I just... I always hear her. It's what I... I dream about it, I have nightmares about it! Almost every night! I take the medications so I don't hear her in my head and that doesnt even always work... I'm so... I'm just..." Tim struggled to find the words for a moment. "I'm scared... and I'm messed up... because she messed me up...a-and... she never went away, even when I left. And that isn't fair... it's my life... it's my life... a-and... and she's still..." He cut off, unable to finish. He was gripping hard at his arm now, the was all throughout the story. He was done. He couldn't say more about it if he wanted to. A few more tears went down his face, silently. He didnt do anything to stop them this time.

[Rystelle]

As Sophia listened to Tim she felt a wide range of emotions boiling up inside her. But at the forefront of it all was sadness and anger. Sadness that Tim had ever had to live such a terrible life, and anger at his mother for putting him through it. She couldn't help the few tears that rolled down her face. Sophia was generally kind by nature and sensitive to the feelings of others. It was all she could do not to keep from outright bawling. Having shoved her plate aside earlier, Sophia wrapped her arms around Tim and hugged him tightly. "It wasn't your fault," she told him with a final tone in her voice. "It wasn't. You hadn't even been born when your father died. Even if you had been you couldn't have done anything. None of that shit was your fault, Tim. None of it. You're not worthless. You're not horrible. If anyone is, it's her. She's fucking psycho and I hope she rots in Hell." Sophia hugged Tim even tighter and by now she was trying hard not to cry, but her voice was wavering. "I think you're great, Tim. Despite everything you kept going. Despite what that nut job did to you, you're still super sweet. I love hanging out with you; I always have fun. And we're friends now, so you can rub that in that bitch's face." Again Sophia gave Tim another reassuring squeeze and continued, "Whenever you need someone to talk to, I'm here. If you ever need me for anything, no matter what time of day it is or where either of us are, just call me. You're always welcome here in my apartment if you don't want to be alone in yours. Whatever you need, whenever, just tell me."

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim flinched a little when she went to hug him, but he let it happen, and he didn't fight the hug. He let her wrap her arms around him, pulling him in close. For a moment it hurt, a lot. There was a feeling of singing flesh and muscle, just for a fraction of a second He thought it would kill him for a second. He thought the pain would make him gasp, cry, scream, die, but then-- Calm. He didn't wrap his arms around her, but he appreciated the hug all the more. He felt a pleasant serenity begin to envelop his body, calming him down, making him feel a little bit better. He exhaled loudly, his breath shaking. He nodded his head a bit, agreeing with her. He always agreed with the idea that is mother was psychotic--he had carried the bruises to prove it--but still, there was always the lurking fear that made him wonder that maybe he was still responsible somehow. He knew for a fact that it wasn't the truth, but knowing the truth didn't really stop it. He sat there for a few minutes, accepting the comfort that Sophia was giving him, wishing that he hadn't cried two ties in a row today, but still, feeling better.

[Rystelle]

After a while Sophia released Tim. "Feel any better?" She asked. He nodded a little. "Good," Sophia said, managing a small smile. "How about we finish breakfast and kill some more zombies?" So they resumed eating and once they were finished Sophia put the dishes in the sink and put on Left 4 Dead again. Sitting back down with her controller in hand she declared, "It's a good thing the cafe is closed today through Friday for the holidays. I know you've already kind of turned me down once, but you're more than welcome to come here for Thanksgiving if you like. Christmas too when it comes up. I'd prefer to know you're not sitting alone in your apartment, and sharing the holidays with a good friend is always nice." After hearing about Tim's mother she thought that, if she had to, she'd make Tim spend the holidays with her. She was sure that every other holiday had always been hell for him and so she wanted to make them fun for him now.

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim shook his head, his eyes a little glazed over as he sort of stared into the screen, but not really. He wasn't really paying too much attention, so he kept getting downed, getting killed, re-spawning, and repeating. He knew that Sophia only wanted to help him, but he didn't think that inviting her into his personal problems more than he already did would be such a good idea. He wanted desperately to control his own personal demons with as little help as possible. "Oh, no, I don't think that's a good idea. I'll be fine, I don't want you to need to worry about me freaking out all day, y'know? I've handled the holidays on my own before, I'll be just fine, dont worry about me." Tim tried his hardest to be dismissive.

[Rystelle]

Sophia paused the game, set her controller down, and turned to look at Tim. There was a slight look of annoyance on her face. Why was he so dense and determined to suffer alone? He had her now and she wanted him to confide in her more, to share both the good and bad things. It's what friends did. Even if Tim might not know it, Sophia knew it wasn't good for him to keep everything all pent up. Keeping in your emotions only made things worse. She put out one finger and poked him in the forehead, pushing Tim back a bit. "Don't be an idiot," Sophia remarked firmly. "You're my friend, Tim. I'm going to worry about you one way or the other, no matter what it is, whether you like it or not. Got that?" She wasn't asking for his approval. She was telling him what was going to happen. "I swear to God if on Thanksgiving Day you're not here in my apartment having dinner with me," Sophia went on, "I'm going to break down your front door, tie you up, and drag you here. Understand? Now I don't want to hear any more 'don't worry, I'll be fine on my own' nonsense for the rest of the day, or else I'm going to make you eat soap." To show that it was only a friendly threat Sophia pulled her finger away from Tim's forehead and grinned.

[DELTED293y5gds]

e gave a small, half smile in response, shrugging his shoulders a bit as well. He wanted to find a way to accurately tell her that he didn't not want her help, but that he also liked being alone sometimes, honestly. But, he decided to step around that subject for the time being, instead he just decided to give her a more ambiguous answer. "Well, who knows, we'll see what happens." he said, smiling a little more at her. He subconsiously pulled out his phone, clicking the little unlock button on the top of the phone, checking the time. He was amazed to see that it wasn't even noon yet. "Holy shit, I woke up way too early to have a mental breakdown today, it's only 11:15 and I've already had two meltdowns and literally threw the skeletons I hid in my closet at you. The day is seriously only beginning, fuck." Tim stretched backwards, his spine making a definitive and loud popping sound as he did so.

[Rystelle]

Sophia had to laugh aloud at Tim's observation. "Yeah," she agreed. "It's been one hell of a morning so far. But no need to worry any more. We can just relax and spend the day here, or go out and do something. Whatever you feel like doing. Though I might have to do a bit of work for school later." She thought for a moment, then shrugged it off. "Eh, it can wait. So, what would you like to do today?"

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim shook his head a bit, moving a bit closer to Sophia now, felling a little more comfortable around her. He had no idea what he wanted to do, the day was fucked already. He tried thinking a bit more, sighing again as he do. And for some reason, he was becoming really self conscious of just how much he had been sighing lately. He discovered that he does it quit frequently. "Um... heh, I dunno. We could go out somewhere, if you want. We're always inside because of me, so if you wanna go do something, we totally can."

[Rystelle]

"That sounds good," Sophia agreed. "Park is out of the question though, that's for sure. Um... There's the movie theater, the mall, bowling, indoor mini-golf." She listed the various things off her fingers, stopped for a moment, then continued, "It's honestly too cold to do outdoor activities, so we'll stick to indoor stuff. But it is nice to get out of the house occasionally. Hm... What to do? What to do...?" Sophia mused to herself for a while while letting out a low hum. Eventually she made her decision. "How about indoor mini-golf?" She asked. "I know this one place that has it. They also have an arcade, some rides, and food. Like a little theme park, but year round. What do you think, Tim?"

[DELTED293y5gds]

"Okay, um, yes? Okay, that sounds like fun, yeah. Lets go do that." Tim and Sophia put their dishes away, cleaned up, did all the basic "I'm about to leave my house" clean up rituals one would usually do, and left. Tim also made note that, while Sophia changed her pants, she was still wearing Tim's oversized sweater. He didn't mind it, really, he thought she looked nice in it. It sort of made him happy that she was wearing it, it was one of his favorites. It was a plain black sweater, except if one looked closely, thy could see small, intricate, abstract designs. It was a really interesting sweater, and, while it fit Tim like a glove, it hung off of Sophia like a large blanket, considering that Tim was much taller than Sophia was. He thought it was nice on her, though. He felt happy.

[Rystelle]

The miniature amusement park was called JoJo's Amusement Park. It had indoor and outdoor mini-golf, an arcade, rides, laser tag, and food. Sophia and Tim played a few rounds of indoor minigolf. Both did poorly but enjoyed themselves anyway. For a time they seemed able to push aside the rain clouds that had seemed to cover their morning. After playing some minigolf they stopped for some snacks, then went outside to ride some of the rides--huge slides that you went down with mats, a miniature roller coaster, a ferris wheel, and whatever else there was to be offered. When they grew too cold they went back inside to play in the arcade. You could win tickets from the games and use them to get prizes. Most of the prizes were kid stuff, but the games were still fun to play. Sophia was currently playing an old fashioned arcade shooter game with the plastic gun used as a controller. Tim stood to the side, just watching for this round. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Sophia," a girl's voice came from behind the pair. Upon hearing the familiar voice Sophia froze up. She forgot to shoot at the monster lunging at her and the thing killed her character. A few people behind her laughed. Sophia turned and saw a group of four. One girl who was extremely pretty, and three guys of varying build. The girl was named Evelyn, the well built guy with his arm around her waist was David, and the other two were Greg and Paul. All four of them wore some sort of shirt or accessory from a video game or popular movie like Star Wars. All of them were nerds, in their own right, but Sophia certainly did not get along with them. "Hello, Evelyn, David, Greg, Paul," Sophia said, her voice completely flat. Her face was expressionless but her stance was defensive. Instead of a greeting Evelyn said, "Lame as always, aren't you, Sophia? And you call yourself a gamer." "You don't have to be good to be a gamer," Sophia retorted, her tone still flat. "You just have to enjoy it." "Whatever," Evelyn scoffed. "Not like you're good at anything anyway." David, Evelyn's boyfriend, added, "Perhaps not, but it was still fun using her." He gave a nasty grin and Sophia's face paled. Then David turned his attention to Tim and asked, "You her boyfriend? Sophia's not much to look at, so you better get what you can out of her." That was the last straw. Sophia couldn't handle any more and felt like her heart had just been torn in two all over again. Tears spilled down her face she grabbed Tim's hand and drug him from the building as hyena-like laughter followed them. "We're going home," she said gruffly as they made it to her car and climbed in. On the trip back Sophia kept sniffling, tried not to keep crying, wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket. Finally they were back in her apartment and she miserably collapsed onto the floor in front of the couch with her legs drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, and her face buried in them. "Sorry, Tim," she mumbled numbly. "Just give me a minute..."

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim was at a loss, and that upset him. He knew ow she felt, he knew exactly what it was that she was going through, and yet he couldn't find the words to say to her. He didn't want to bring up something too touchy or she would get even more upset, and he would just make the situation far more severe. He didn't want to do that. He wanted to touch her, put his hand on her shoulder, do something, do anything, and he wanted to. He went to reach his hand out to touch her shoulder, but his body stopped. He was scared. He felt comfortable around her all the time and he was still scared to touch her befor she would touch him. He tried again, his body freezing up again. He was just out of her line of sight, so Sophia couldnt see anything going on. She was just crying into her arms. And so, Tim tried another approach. He walked away from her, into the kitchen. After a moment of searching, he found where she kept the glasses. He went to the sink, filled the glass up with water from the tap, and then sat it down in front of a chair at the kitchen table. He took the chair across from it, sitting down calmly with his arms crossed in front of her. He didnt speak. He just gave her the moent she wanted, and waited patiently for her.

[Rystelle]

After a while Sophia finally ceased her crying. Lifting her head up a bit she wiped her eyes with her jacket sleeve. Her lips appeared to move for a moment and then stopped. Tim thought he heard her distinctly mutter 'assholes'. Sophia wiped her eyes one more time and then looked around to see if she might have possibly scared Tim off. When she saw him in the kitchen she let out a quiet breath of relief. She probably would have started crying again if he had left. Sophia stood up and slowly plod into the kitchen where Tim sat waiting. "This for me?" She asked, pointing at the glass of water. Tim nodded. "Thanks." She took the glass and downed it in one quick go. Once the water was gone she set the glass down on the table before sitting down herself across from Tim. Putting on a lopsided smile she said, "Sorry you had to see that."

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim made a dismissive gesture with his hand, shaking his head a little. After all she had seen from him today, this should feel at least 80% normal to the both of them. He was pretty sure that if they could handle portals and the literal manifestation of Tim's personal hell (or at least surpress the memories for a little while) then they could handle this. "Oh, god, no. It's... um, that is fine. I've seen worse-- I've done worse. It's cool." He decided not to ask about who the people were. If it were Tim, he probably would have hidden the truth from Sophia, too. He did it with his mother--he was still hiding things about that-- and she would probably do this about whoever the people were. Friends? Probably not, friends don't make people break down and cry at mini golf courses. But, Tim was content with not knowing for now.