[IC] The dark heart +18 mature/viloence/language

[Airalin]

This guy was so full of shit! He was obviously just in this for the money - that was the only reason anyone ever did these things! And I was not happy to be alive - not at all! "How exactly do you plan on healing me?" I said, legs crossed and arms folded, glaring at him. "Yes, I have trust issues. I accept that. But where do I go from there? Do you want me to trust someone again... and get used again? Because you know that's what will happen. People are just like that, aren't they? Ugh, I really wish I wasn't being forced to be here. Ever since I woke up, no one will even look at me. I wish I had just died!"

I glanced toward the clock, waiting for the opportunity to lock myself up in my room and do whatever. I might even take a nap. I liked hanging around at home more during the late night, when I wouldn't have to stumble into anyone else.

[Markofkri]

"My plan is simple I cant heal you its not a physical injury. The mental state is something you have to fix. The first step is identifying the issue, and the flawed thought process that is keeping you from identifying that there is an issue. Take a minute and look at how your body is telling me you don't have a problem. You went into a classic shut me out pose. You feel threatened and close me out before you see that this is an intervention. Cause and effect. You harm yourself the people that care get you help but you don't see that. How could you? You identify the negative people in your past with every person. Those people who kidnapped you were fucked in the head and if this was ancient Rome they would be crucified. However I am not Caesar and this is not Rome. It's the risk we take, getting to know someone. I have spoken to the people in this house. I am here at your aunt Amanda's request. She cares about you, but is at a loss on how to help you. allow me to put it in another way. I take my car to the mechanic near by do I trust him? No. I do the research and get the history before I just hand over my keys and let him charge me for work I don't need. This is what I suggest you try. Do the research. I think you need to learn this before you trust. The only way to get that far is by open dialogue. From where I sit you just toss the mechanic the keys and then get pissed when they rip you off."

Still leaning forward in his chair resting his hands palms up he continues. "You are right people are in it for the money. That's part of a job. This job gets more complex then others. Once I commit myself to a person I don't let go. We are sitting here in this room because people care about you. As long as they have faith in me and believe I can help someone then I must do everything I can for that person. You mention you are being forced to be here. Taking that statement lets build on it. Whom do you blame for setting all of this in motion?"

[Airalin]

I clenched my fists in frustration. This guy was totally trying to blame me for all the times I'd been betrayed, even for being forced to take therapy with him! I was not going to accept that.

"This is all my father's fault, of course," I said bitterly, looking away from the shrink. "He was the one who arranged for my kidnapping. It was all some big plot to put me in a good position to inherit the family fortune, and it worked. I wish it hadn't. I was happier when I was living in a college dorm, wealthy enough to take care of myself but with no concerns beyond studying."

I turned to face him, my short fingernails digging into my palms. "And don't you dare try to blame me for not researching people before they come here and try to ruin my life!" I yelled, "It's not like I wanted them here! I told the guards to get rid of them, but they just wouldn't listen to me! I didn't have any choice!" For being a professional, this guy was a total jerk! Lately, everyone had been trying to blame me, and I was just sick of it! Maybe I should try to die again, and risk the padded cell...

[Markofkri]

"It's a natural reaction to be angry. A father is suppose to protect. He was not your model parent then? Shame. I can see how this would not only cause the defensive mechanism of being betrayed by the people who were suppose to be your closest allies. It would also affect all future dealings with other people. This is interesting that you would still feel this way after his death. Now that he is gone from your life who would be next in line for blame?" He folded his hands in front of his face.

"These people that are here, I will recommend they leave. I can't say that Amanda will do it but I will explain that the fewer people will help you feel comfortable. In all honesty it will probably help if you could compromise a little by being a little less defensive toward them and show a small outward change from the normal defensive attitude. They only have good intentions toward you. They are just put off by the defensive attitude you are currently projecting. If you don't believe me try being social. I didn't say nice. Keep your suspicions inside and just act less hostile."

[Airalin]

"Everyone here is to blame!" I said vehemently, scowling at my shrink. He was trying to get me to blame myself, I knew it! Well, I wasn't about to do that - I was the victim! "Everyone who uses me, who pretends to care, who pretends to understand me when they don't, just like you!" I snapped bitterly. "And even if he's dead, it's still all Father's fault, and that of everyone who enabled him. The entire family is to blame, really!"

"I would be totally fine with the people here leaving. They only care about themselves, not me. If they had really cared about me, they would have let me die like a wanted to! Even Vivian only wanted me alive for her own sake!" I brushed aside some forming tears and pressed on, raising my voice in anger. "Why should I stop being defensive? If I'm not, I'll just be hurt while my guard is down! I never want to be betrayed again! Never!"

[Markofkri]

The shrink nods. "Good get it all out. So lets see what we have. Its everyone's fault your tired of being a victim and you feel betrayed. Its all natural given your history I honestly cant fault your feelings. From past experiences but they are in the past. You carry enough emotional baggage to keep an airline busy for a month. We need to move on. Never let your guard down is good when your a football player or a boxer but as a person its emotionally draining and takes its toll on the individual. Eva you have to relax a little for your own sake and in your own way. I'm going to adjust the scripts for you a little and lower the dosage. It will not smother you, but they will give you the nudge I think you could use."

"I don't think there is a person on the planet that openly looks to be betrayed. It just happens. You more then most, and I would like to discuss why that is. I feel that the answer is right in the open. For whatever reason a mechanism has stopped you from identifying a betrayal before they can get the opportunity to hurt you. This is not your fault because you have no idea what real trust is. Let me put it another way. How do you describe a color to a blind person? See? You never experienced it so how would you know when you saw it? This is not your fault and something I look forward on helping you develop. Unfortunately our time is up for today. I can stay and continue this if you wish."

[Airalin]

I gritted my teeth, but was silent for a long moment. He was right; I didn't have the faintest clue about what exactly trust was. How could I? Everyone I had ever known had betrayed me.

Despite myself, I sullenly said, "Fine! We'll meet again later." I didn't meet his eyes as I spoke - he was already reading me far too easily. Instead, I got up and stalked out of the room. I needed some alone time - having someone pry into your innermost fears and weaknesses was exhausting.

Without saying a word to anyone, I made for my room and shut the door behind me with a slam, immediately throwing myself onto the bed. After a moment, I slammed a fist against the mattress let out a hiss of rage. That guy had a lot of nerve to try to get into my head like that, even if it was his job! Why on earth had I agreed to meet with him again? There was no way I was stupid enough to actually fall for that trust nonsense... was there?

[Markofkri]

Shortly after the Nurse knocked announcing herself and gave you an injection. It was a mood elevator and some vitamins. She was very professional. She left you as soon as the job was done. Another knock came. "It's Amanda. The doctor told me you did well for your first session and that you want more people gone I reduced the staff as munch as I can given the situation. Nathan will leave, and Erika has also volunteered to give you space. Vivian has nowhere to go so I ask if she would mind limiting her contact with you. So its just going to be us, the cook, and a few nurses. I hope this help you get better. The doctor didn't say anything else so I don't know munch. Should I ask the cook to make a dish for you?"

[Airalin]

I frowned at the news. Why had Vivian left? I couldn't help but feel a bit bad about it... before she used my necklace, I had enjoyed her company. But, now, she barely seemed to want anything to do with me. Where would she go? As long as she wasn't mean to me, she was free to stay here...

I sighed and pushed myself into a sitting position on my bed. My injections didn't seem to be making me feel particularly better. "I suppose you should," I told Amanda. I had nothing else to do, so I might as well eat. "I know I can't leave the house, but I want to buy some video games or something..." I mumbled. Perhaps being asocial would comfort me...

[Markofkri]

"Well the check from the law firm has posted to the account so after the expenditures you should have almost two million dollars." Amanda folded her arms and looked away as she talked to you. "The laptop in your room will let you order what you like. I'm going to check on dinner. I'm glad you decided to continue the therapy. He will be back in two days. You just try to relax a little." She walked toward the kitchen. You saw Vivian peeking at you down the hall from the living room.

Her hair was growing out a little and she had a different noes. Not as natural looking, the nose seemed smaller. Her lips were a little fuller and she had a little scaring around her jaw bone. When your eyes met she hid. She wore a baggy T-shirt and sweats. Not her usual attire of some type of dress and flats. She was mildly attractive before mainly because she didn't work on her appearance. Now Vivian was like looking into some distorted mirror of your past.

[Airalin]

"I see you, so you can come on out and talk to me," I said loudly, calling to Vivian as I booted up my laptop and prepared to make my purchases. I hated that I was going to have to wait for my games... but not nearly as much as I loathed what Vivian was reminding me of. THe sooner I restored her to her usual self, the sooner I could stop feeling so bad about the way she was acting.

"I'm not going to yell at you or anything," I said frowning. Now that I was a prisoner in this house, I needed any friends I could get. After all, even I couldn't spend all of my time alone - that would get boring. As my computer swiftly booted up, I eyed the box attached to my ankle with a grimace. It was the shackle keeping me here - if I could remove it, I would be able to leave freely. Not that I had anywhere to go. But now that I wasn't allowed to leave, I wanted the freedom to do so all the more. It was funny how that worked. However, I would not actually try to get rid of the box. It wasn't worth the risk. After being in a coma for so long, I hardly wanted to return to confinement, let alone the strict captivity I had endured before.

[Markofkri]

Vivian came from around the corner. She looked at you and approached you cautiously. Her face was ok if some one had just met her but from what she looked like before you noticed the change. "Eva. I just wanted to say thanks. I don't blame you for my face I just have bad days. I knew what I wanted and thought the price was not going to be so high." She steps a little closer. I can hear it. It begs to me. Not in direct words but I can feel it. I'm scared."

[Airalin]

Keeping my eyes on the screen of my laptop, I said, "Well, regardless of the cost, all of those jerks are dead now. They won't bother us anymore. Do you ever play video games? I'm ordering some to occupy me while I'm locked up here." I had no idea whether the necklace would do anything to her or not, of course. There was a decent chance that it was just biding its time, but we had no way of knowing that. "Don't stress over the necklace," I said, "It's hidden and locked away now. We'll just leave it there and everything should be alright." Why was I trying to make Vivian feel better? She had said such cruel things to me...

[Markofkri]

"No I never played games. All we had at the orphanage was checkers. What games are there?" Vivian looked over your shoulder to see. She soon was entranced at all the options she wanted to try racing and a flight simulator. She wasn't at all interested in fantasy or first person shooters. Together the two of you spent over an hour looking and laughing at some of the sim type games. "This is nice. Thanks for letting me look at these with you." Vivian started to fig-it unnecessarily. "Would you mind if I had dinner with you?"

[Airalin]

After looking through games with Vivian and buying a few while I was at it, I closed my laptop and decided to go get something to eat. "Of course you can join me for dinner, silly!" I said. As long as she wasn't going to start blaming me again, I didn't mind her company at all - in fact, it was nice to have someone to talk to. "You should try out a broader range of games," I said, "Some of the fantasy ones are really cool... I used to play them all the time when I was living at college." To my surprise, I found myself missing my time as a student. It had been remarkably ordinary and simple compared to the life I had been living since I inherited all that money.

[Markofkri]

You and Vivian sat at dinner. You both watched as Amanda came got a plate, smiled, and left. The dinner was the nicest ones you had in a long time the cook came out with dessert. Some sort of chocolate fondue with whip cream and white chocolate shavings. It was served chilled and melted perfectly in your mouth.

"I always wanted to drive a sports car. Fast and small, going around turns and corners barely keeping it to the road. I know a lot of muscle cars Aston martin, Lamborghini, corvette, BMW 328 Hommage, Audi RSQ, Saleen S7, Koenigsegg CCR I wanted anything fast that could get me away from the family I was adopted by." Vivian's eyes got a little watery. "Now that they're gone I don't feel bad. I feel empty." She wipes her eyes. "I'm glad to have you. But I still feel empty. What do we do now?"

[Airalin]

"A sports car, huh?" I said, "I've never really wanted to drive... it seems like a lot of responsibility. I'd rather just be driven around, but that may just be because I'm a wimp." I smiled at Vivian. "I know what you mean about feeling empty... I've felt that way for a long time now, like I have no purpose. But I guess I don't really need one... whether there's a point to my life or not, I'm still here..." In truth, it would be nice to find my life meaningful, but it seemed unlikely that anything was going to come along and change how I felt any time soon. Distant as I was from the rest of the world, life would always be empty.

[Markofkri]

"I think you are great really. I don't know many people but I like you more then the people I've dealt with so far. Eva you are a good person. I like talking to you. I like hanging out with you. You're not fake or trying impress anyone. You're just you." Vivian was smiling but looking down at her hands in her lap. "I'm going to hang out in the living room and watch some movie channels. It's still cold outside." Vivian walked to the living room and sat Indian style on the large sofa. She offered you the remote. As the night wore on she eventually went to bed.

The days past and the game systems you ordered with the large 60" flat screen came. As you unboxed them with Vivian Amanda came to tell you it was therapy time. She walked you to the the writing room where he was waiting with a calm expression. "Hello Eva it's nice to see you again. Thanks Amanda." He closed the door and took his seat. "So how has the time been for you the past couple of days?"

[Airalin]

I grimaced at my therapist. I really didn't want to get back into talking about how everything was basically my fault - not in the least. Trying to hide my apprehension, I shrugged as I took a seat. "Not bad, I guess. I've been hanging out with Vivian a lot and play a lot of games." I bit my lip nervously, aware that I was under this man's scrutiny. "I guess Vivian and I are growing a bit closer," I added awkwardly, recalling the conversation we had during the previous session.

[Markofkri]

"I'm glad to hear it. Before we get too munch into the session I would like to hear more of you and how do you feel the meds are working." He paused a moment to listen to your response. "Hmmm, interesting. Seems that the connection in this Vivian is a good connection. I would like you to build on that. I think you are doing good I would like to not ruin that by a lot of delving and prying. Unless there is something pressing or something you want to add I would like to cut this session on a positive note."