Fate/Renegade Star [Fate/stay night Roleplay]

[Ashifili]

Yeah, here's a question: who has submitted CSes, so far?

[Black Alice]

Well, going solely by the previous page's list...

Servant Submissions:
Saber: Kaithas
Archer: Fish of Oblivion (Accepted)
Lancer: SevenStormStyle
Rider: Psyker
Caster: A Cute Angel (Accepted)
Assassin: Zombehs

Not-yet-sent:
Berserker, Crimson Raven?

Master Submissions:
A Cute Angel (Accepted)
Ashifili
vFear

Not-yet-sent:
Animus
Krayzikk

Literally everyone else.

[Animus]

I'll get mine up 2moroz.

Just finished exam period.

[Crimson Raven]

True Name: Muramasa Senji

Class: Berserker

Gender: Male

Appearance:

Muramasa Senji

Multiple swords

Birth and Death Dates: Unknown, sometime in the 14th to 16th centuries.

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Personality: He is odd in more ways than one. He can suffer violent mood swings, but for the most part, he is a selfish, grouchy, ill-tempered, ill-mannered, sarcastic, sadistic, wise-ass that hates pretty much everyone and everything.

Bio: History remembers him as "a most skillful smith but with a violent and ill-balanced mind verging on madness." That is but part of the truth. However, little else is known about him, but a great many legends and stories live on. The difficulty is in separating fact from fiction.

Weapon: Infinite number of katana

Parameters:

Strength: A
Swordsmithing for a living would give him a lot of strength.

Endurance: B
As a smith, he must be able to work and endure long periods of hard and often painful work.
Agility: A
A smith has to have absolute control and be precise with his movements and coordination.
Mana: C
Due to his instabilities, he can have trouble focusing.
Luck: A+
He must have a lot of luck, due to his cursed blades he has often forged.

Class Skills:

Various sword techniques

Bladecreator: He can summon swords (katanas) in nearly any size or shape (A)
Muramasa was a renowned swordsmith.

Fire magic(B): He can produce, control and has a high immunity to fire and heat.
A smith always works with fire, and must be able to withstand high tempatures.

Brutal slayer (passive)(C): He drains small amounts of mana from those he cut with his swords.
His swords were said to drain the will of those around them.

Personal Skills:

Cursed Demon Blades(A): His swords are supernaturally sharp and unbreakable, as such, they can only be blocked by armor or weapons of a similar rank, if a lower rank tries, then the sword with cut right through it. However each sword causes him to slowly descend into a mindless rage the more of them he uses this gradually increases his overall stats except for luck in exchange for madness. The effect is reversible. It also deceases his luck by a small amount.
It has also been told that once drawn, a Muramasa blade has to draw blood before it can be returned to its scabbard, even to the point of forcing its wielder to wound himself or commit suicide. Thus, it is thought of as a demonic cursed blade that creates bloodlust in those who wield it.

God Speed(B+): He has god-like speed and reflexes, allowing him the chance to evade any physical skill of that rank or lower, and a smaller chance of skills one rank above.
Any smith needs to be quick and precise to forge a weapon.

Master Swordsman(C): As it says, his power and defense is increased while wielding a blade.
He would have to have knowledge of swordsmanship to judged the quality of his weapons well.

Noble Phantasm(s):

Name: Amakakeru Ryū no Hirameki

Title: Flash of the Heavenly Soaring Dragon

Rank: A+ to EX

NP Type: Anti-fortress

Range: Within eyesight

Maximum Number of Targets: 1(But has an AoE)

Description: Weilding the most powerful sword he has ever forged, his namesake, the demon blade Muramasa, he preforms a powerful two-step draw, that takes place instantly with no warning, swung with beyond god-like speed and all the strength and skill of a master swordsman, wielding an incredibly sharp demon blade. The slice can cut anything, even the very fabric of reality and cut through dimensions. After the initial cut it then creates a blackhole-like vacuum that draws in and decimates everything, except the user. Unfortunately the user has to be in a certain state of mind to correctly perform this technique, if not, a flawed, less powerful form happens.

His swords were known for being able to cut anything, but true swordsmanship must come from the heart.

[Crimson Raven]

@Black Alice

CS finally up. Tell me what you think.

[Ashifili]

So.

Did you never ever actually watch or play or read Fate?

[Crimson Raven]

So.

Did you never ever actually watch or play or read Fate?

@Ashifili

=.=

...'Course I have.

Edit: I admit I took some liberties with the char because there really isn't much to go on. But that is fine with the series, sheash, they made 'King Arthur' a cross-dressing female despite the terrible logic behind that.

[Fish of Oblivion]

True Name: Muramasa Senji

@Crimson Raven

Okay, so I'm not a GM, but-

1- S-Rank isn't a thing. If you want a Rank above A, use A+. If you really want to make this guy the luckiest fucker alive, use A++ or EX.

2- Those aren't actual Class Skills or Personal Skills. I don't make a habit of recommending the wiki, but here's a compendium of existing skills.

3- Setting aside the issue of True Magic, EX- is not a thing. EX is for stuff that's unable to be properly quantified on the ranking scale, so applying modifiers to it is pointless.

EDIT: Also, like Ashifili pointed out, the whole point of Berserker is Mad Enhancement, so it's... pretty strange that you've excluded it.

[Ashifili]

<Snipped quote by Ashifili>

=.=

...'Course I have.

@Crimson Raven

No you haven't. If you have, why does your Berserker not have Mad Enhancement? Why does he have a stat that is S rank? Why does he have sword summoning magics in his Class Skills section? Why does he have no proper Personal Skills? Why does his Noble Phantasm do all that stuff, when it doesn't relate at all to the legend the Muramasa swords are associated with?

It has also been told that once drawn, a Muramasa blade has to draw blood before it can be returned to its scabbard, even to the point of forcing its wielder to wound himself or commit suicide.[5] Thus, it is thought of as a demonic cursed blade that creates bloodlust in those who wield it.

More importantly, why is a SWORDSMITH good at SWORDFIGHTING? Being a blacksmith doesn't make you a skilled knight, so why do you have him as a master swordsman with godly reflexes, when he never even actually fought anyone? I mean, I'm just going off the Wikipedia article, so if you have any better sources, please link them.

[Crimson Raven]

<Snipped quote by Crimson Raven>

Okay, so I'm not a GM, but-

1- S-Rank isn't a thing. If you want a Rank above A, use A+. If you really want to make this guy the luckiest fucker alive, use A++ or EX.

2- Those aren't actual Class Skills or Personal Skills. I don't make a habit of recommending the wiki, but here's a compendium of existing skills.

3- Setting aside the issue of True Magic, EX- is not a thing. EX is for stuff that's unable to be properly quantified on the ranking scale, so applying modifiers to it is pointless.

EDIT: Also, like Ashifili pointed out, the whole point of Berserker is Mad Enhancement, so it's... pretty strange that you've excluded it.

@Fish of Oblivion

<Snipped quote by Crimson Raven>

No you haven't. If you have, why does your Berserker not have Mad Enhancement? Why does he have a stat that is S rank? Why does he have sword summoning magics in his Class Skills section? Why does he have no proper Personal Skills? Why does his Noble Phantasm do all that stuff, when it doesn't relate at all to the legend the Muramasa swords are associated with?

<Snipped quote>

More importantly, why is a SWORDSMITH good at SWORDFIGHTING? Being a blacksmith doesn't make you a skilled knight, so why do you have him as a master swordsman with godly reflexes, when he never even actually fought anyone? I mean, I'm just going off the Wikipedia article, so if you have any better sources, please link them.

@Ashifili

Whoh, my understanding was the mad enhancement was optional. For example, Lancelot had it because his master, Kariya wasn't trained as a full fledged mage, so he needed a power boost. Heracles had it because it made him more submissive.

On top of that, the idea of the multiple katanas was because he was a blacksmith that created swords. Master sword man, 'cause, why not? He could have trained with his swords.

The legends of the muramasa swords are really varied, but one things stuck out to me: His swords where renowned for their quality. So I took that a step futher, and made a skill that essentially cut anything.

The I honestly wasn't sure what to do with the class skills, as the ones there...eh, I just don't like them much.

In summary, I did take a lot of freedom with the whole design, but it still lines with the legends. I didn't, say, make him a girl or anything.

Edit: I had a few other ideas so if it is a problem I can rework it.

[Fish of Oblivion]

Whoh, my understanding was the mad enhancement was optional. For example, Lancelot had it because his master, Kariya wasn't trained as a full fledged mage, so he needed a power boost. Heracles had it because it made him more submissive.

@Crimson Raven

Uh, you might be misunderstanding that whole situation- it's possible to turn Mad Enhancement off, but it'll still exist as a skill that the Servant and Master have access to. It's a mandatory skill as a Berserker, it can just be toggled depending on whether the Master wants an attack dog or someone capable of rational thought outside of necessary situations.

In summary, I did take a lot of freedom with the whole design, but it still lines with the legends. I didn't, say, make him a girl or anything.

@Crimson Raven

Please do not bully the Seiba. She's tiny and strong and hungry.

[Unlucky0013]

don't suppose yall need another? ^-^

[Crimson Raven]

Well, I changed the class skills a little, I figure, as a blacksmith, he would have fire magic of somesort.

[Kaithas]

Yeah, Black Alice shot me down for having lower average stats than yours. Might wanna be careful.

After two rounds of edits, pending a third:

Beowulf (Saber)

True Name: Beowulf of the Geats (gay-ats)
Class: Saber
Gender: Male
Appearance: Beowulf is a tall, massive man who almost seems to be larger than life. His dark silver chainmail is always clean, if not spotless, its rings well worn by use and time. His brown hair falls to his shoulders, a moderately unkempt beard growing from his chin, framing a face that is only attractive in its ruggedness, brown green eyes shining from beneath bushy eyebrows. He wears a green cloak over his chainmail, though the hood is always kept down. His movements while wearing armor seem to be incredibly easy, belying his incredible strength and vitality, and he rarely wears anything other than armor unless he's trying to blend in with modern life, something that still mystifies him. Hrunting is kept at his side, the wicked, well balanced blade normally sheathed in a plain metal scabbard, and his silver colored, round shield is strapped across his back. Despite what Shirou's version of Hrunting looked like, Beowulf's version is far more practical, though it doesn't look quite as intimidating.

Hrunting

As for his Noble Phantasm, Hrunting transforms into a massive, golden hilted greatsword that contrasts greatly with its humbly dressed owner, almost seeming to have a glow of its own.
Birth and Death Dates: c. 540 AD - c. 620
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Personality: The ideal warrior of his time, Beowulf is a man who is not slow to boast but will always do his best to back his claims up by deeds. He's incredibly loyal to his people and his king (read: Master) and willing to do whatever is necessary to protect them... But a monetary incentive is not unwelcome. Throughout all of his legend, Beowulf displayed massive bravery and a huge sense of duty, willing to put his own life on the line to shield others at the end of his life.
Bio: Born the distant descendent of the great hero Shild, little is known about Beowulf's youth other than the tale of his great swimming race with his childhood friend Brecca. Blown away from his competitor by a massive storm, Beowulf swam for a week while fending off sea monsters and the elements with the sword he'd brought with him, trusting his life to its edge and the chainmail armor he wore. During his adult life he slew two monsters, the first a mighty ogre that had consumed hundreds of soldiers before him, and the second the ogre's vengeful mother, murdering the first by ripping of his arm and the second by decapitating her with a magic sword forged by giants. He then returned victorious to his own kingdom, and ruled there for fifty years before fighting a dragon at the youthful age of 80. He still managed to slay the beast with his dagger, though it took the aid of his kinsmen Wiglaf and cost the old King his life.
Equipment: Ordinarily, he uses the ancient sword Hrunting, which apart from being extraordinarily sharp and worthy of a Saber-class servant, doesn't have any special abilities. When using Giant's Blade, the Noble Phantasm replaces his weapon. His other equipment includes a suit of chainmail armor and a very tough metal shield.
Parameters: Strength: B+ | Endurance: A | Agility: B | Mana: D | Luck: E

Strength: B+
Beowulf killed Grendel, a monster said to be able to carry thirty men in full armor and run through a swamp, by literally ripping his arm off. Even at age 80 Beowulf was able to swing a legendary sword hard enough to shatter it on the first blow.

Endurance: A
He swam for a week in full body armor while fighting off sea monster after sea monster, to the point that the ocean in Scandinavia was completely cleansed of monsters. The man could run a marathon with little to no effort.

Agility: B
While he was quick with a sword and his hands, Beowulf was completely outclassed in agility by Grendel's mother-though his armor slowed him down.

Mana: D
Beowulf didn't use magic, apart from the blade used to kill Grendel's mother.

Luck: E
No matter how powerful Beowulf was, he was never able to evade Wyrd, the Anglo-Saxon notion of fate. In his final battle, fate doomed him to death at the teeth of a dragon.

Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: B
So long as he fought fair (i.e. not using a weapon when Grendel didn't), Beowulf was immune to the magical charms and protections of his enemies. As a heroic spirit, that ability has been amplified.
Riding: C
While he is a Saber-class servant and thus can drive most ordinary human vehicles with automatic average skill, Beowulf did not use vehicles in his legend other than ships.

Personal Skills:
Unbladed Fury: B

"I hold me no meaner in matters of prowess,
In warlike achievements, than Grendel does himself;
Hence I seek not with sword-edge to sooth him to slumber,
Of life to bereave him, though well I am able."

Essentially the "brawler" version of Chinese Martial Arts, Unbladed Fury doesn't make a hero "one with the universe" as its counterpart does. Instead, it makes the user immune to any non-piercing or slicing physical attack of its rank or below, and enhances the user's own fists, but he only gets these enhancements while not fighting with his sword.

Bravery: A
Whether swimming in the oceans or sinking for hours through the sludge to face a powerful monster, nothing held fear for Beowulf. Under the normal definition of Bravery in the Fate series, this level means Beowulf is immune to most mental pressures and gets a slight boost to melee damage.

Charisma: C
Beowulf was the King of the Geats, and led them well for fifty years until he battled a dragon in defense of their lives. Ordinarily, he'd be at B, but the failure of all but one of his men to remain loyal at death drops him.

Noble Phantasm(s):
Name: Giant's Blade
Title: Slayer of Monsters
Rank: E-EX* See description.
NP Type: Anti-Unit.
Range: Melee.
Maximum Number of Targets: All those within range of the sword's swing, but ordinarily only one.
Description:
Then he saw mid the war-gems a weapon of victory,
An ancient giant-sword, of edges a-doughty,
Glory of warriors: of weapons ’twas choicest,
Only ’twas larger than any man else was
Able to bear to the battle-encounter,
The good and splendid work of the giants.

Giant's Blade is a massive greatsword that Beowulf must wield with both hands. The blade's magic is such that it can pierce nearly any defense and is nearly indestructible (nearly, exposure to acid will force him to dispel the sword or risk losing the phantasm permanently). The blade does massive damage, even for a sword of its size, though higher levels of damage (and higher abilities to pierce powers like Hercules' God Hand) take much more mana. To manifest at EX level, the Blade would be a massive mana drain on the Master (on par if not higher than Lancelot's blade in Fate/Zero), but it could cut through nearly anything like lava through butter.

Beowulf will only use this weapon as a last resort. He'd rather rely on his own mettle than any magic blade.

[Crimson Raven]

@Kaithas

Beowulf was one I was considering for mine, glad I didn't use him. :}

If he is shot down, I will edit as necessary.

---

Edit: Speaking of that, I have mulled over the comments, and drawing a little inspiration from Kaithas, I made a huge edit to his skills.

[A Cute Angel]

At the request of the Tentacle GM-chan, I'm doing a thing.

Alright, let's do our best!

*Ahem*

@Crimson Raven

Alright, hello hello~

Now then, is everyone properly seated~? Rise, bow, sit. "Good morning~"

Ah, ah, sorry, I'm not making much sense, am I?

You'll have to forgive me for that. It's not my fault, is it? After all, this is the point of collapse to stagnation, where logic stops being self-consistent, riiiiiiiiight~?

Eh? You don't know what I'm talking about? Keh, useless. Hilariously, incomprehensibly useless.

Well then, let's cut the trash and get to the trash.

It's worth noting that, because of edits made to this CS and the fact that I'm not tearing into the raw, uncensored meat of it, I'm only able to exercise 70% of my power. Regardless, I hope you enjoy, you shameless dog~

Review for Basakah

Review

True Name: Muramasa Senji

Class: Berserker

Ah yes, I remember that time he went crazy in battle. Or all those times he made swords without reason.

What do you mean "shape the metal"? I just pound it into random shapes while screaming unintelligibly.

Truly a genius among geniuses.

Gender: Male

Absolutely disgusting.

Appearance:
Muramasa Senji [+]

So um, I could say a lot about the image you put here, but I won't.

Instead, I'll just include this link.

Reverse image search is neat.

I hope you can think about your actions and make an attempt to repent.

Multiple swords

Right. I remember how a swordsmith carries multiple swords on his person.

Do you even know how unwieldy that is? This isn't Final Fantasy, or that one Satanic Chinese cartoon with the dude with the belts.

This is the Age of Man, you know. The laws of physics have been solidified.

Birth and Death Dates: Unknown, sometime in the 14th to 16th centuries.

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

This fucking alignment.

Not only is it that alignment, but it's on a Berserker. Do you know what Berserkers are?

Personality: He is odd in more ways than one. He can suffer violent mood swings, but for the most part, he is a selfish, grouchy, ill-tempered, ill-mannered, sarcastic, sadistic, wise-ass that hates pretty much everyone and everything.

How is he able to-

Okay, yeah.

Okay, yeah.

OKAY. YEAH.

It appears that you don't know what Berserkers are.

Bio: History remembers him as "a most skillful smith but with a violent and ill-balanced mind verging on madness." That is but part of the truth. However, little else is known about him, but a great many legends and stories live on. The difficulty is in separating fact from fiction.

...

...th-that's...

...that's it?

You know the bio is supposed to be a bio, right? You're either supposed to explain the history of your Servant if you're adding particular nuances into it, or just link to Wikipedia or something if you're staying orthodox.

If you're going to say he can do any of the bullshit below (which I will be addressing, trust me) then at least mention it here.

"Oh, he was born to a magus family" or "He was part demon all along :OOOOOOOOOO" or something. Granted, that'd be every bit as nonsensical as the rest of the sheet, but at least then there's something.

At least then the bio isn't "no1 nows".

Weapon: Infinite number of katana

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I remember when Muramasa created infinite katanas.

That was the beeeeeest paaaaaaart.

Parameters:

Strength: A
Swordsmithing for a living would give him a lot of strength.

...alright, pal, I'm going to level with you.

D rank STR is about equivalent to a tank shell. A modern day tank shell.

A rank STR? That's where you can punch a house lazily and it will be destroyed. I don't mean collapse because you destroyed the supports, I mean destroyed.

Let's look at Servants who have A rank STR at base. I'm disregarding GO because info on Servants is incomplete and it will be until we get Grand Order Materials, just for the record. The Servants who have A rank STR are:

Arturia, on account of having a dragon crammed inside of her.

...

...

...

And that's it.

There is one canon Servant with A rank STR at base, and it is a Saber class Servant who is a dragon.

"But Heracles has A+"

No he doesn't.

No He Doesn't

He has B+, and Mad Enhancement raises it by one rank to A+.

Heracles has a STR of B that he has the ability to increase for a single moment. That means that most of the time, his STR is functionally B. Ranks are constant, modifiers are instantaneous and temporary.

So, I'll try and put this in terms you can hopefully understand.

You are saying a guy who did nothing except make swords is strong enough to out-arm-wrestle Heracles.

Clear enough?

Endurance: B
As a smith, he must be able to work and endure long periods of hard and often painful work.

Alright. So.

Endurance isn't Endurance.

Endurance is CON. It's HP. It is your HP stat. They translated END wrong. If you look at True Assassin's status page on the VN END is actually "CON," which is HP.

You are saying he has B rank Endurance. Heracles also has B rank Endurance.

Cu Chulainn has C rank.

How does a guy who did nothing relevant to fighting, ever, have HP that high?

Agility: A
A smith has to have absolute control and be precise with his movements and coordination.

...what?

This is the most incomprehensible bit yet.

What?

Herc doesn't have A rank AGI.

Super Saiyan Arturia doesn't have it.

You know what sort of Servants have it? The fastest class of Servants. Examples include "fastest Heroic Spirit of all time" Cu Chulainn, "swordsmanship that enters the realm of the gods" Not!Kojiro, and "literally fucking Achilles" Achilles.

Why

Does

A

Swordsmith

Have

That

Level

Of

Reaction

Time

Tell me.

TELL ME.

Mana: C
Due to his instabilities, he can have trouble focusing.

???

What does focus have to do with the MAN stat? MAN is just how much prana the Servant can store.

I don't have any more words for this. I'm just confused.

Luck: A+
He must have a lot of luck, due to his cursed blades he has often forged.

Luck isn't Luck. Luck is "capacity to resist fate".

When did he do anything that can be indicative of resisting his fate?

He made some swords and then he died. Unless his fate was to "live forever and conquer Mercury while waifu-ing ORT-tan", in which case he did a great job of resisting it.

Class Skills:

Various sword techniques

...

Alright, have you read FSN?

Have you watched the anime, at least?

The anime isn't this bad.

The fucking Type-Moon wiki isn't this bad.

THIS ISN'T A CLASS SKILL.

BERSERKERS HAVE ONE CLASS SKILL.

MAD. ENHANCEMENT.

THAT IS THE CLASS SKILL ALL BERSERKERS GET BECAUSE IT IS A COMPONENT OF THE CLASS CONTAINER THEY ARE STUFFED INTO AFTER THE GRAIL MAKES THEIR SHITTY HALF-RATE DATA COPY AND SHOVES IT INTO A SPIRITUAL CORE BEFORE THE BODY BECOMES A THING.

AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE MAD ENHANCEMENT.

I'd make a joke about me having Mad Enhancement thanks to this trash, but I have more class than that.

You know, class?

Like the thing that you completely disregarded?

Bladecreator: He can summon swords (katanas) in nearly any size or shape (A)
Muramasa was a renowned swordsmith.

Not a class skill.

Why does forging swords make you able to summon them?

Where are you summoning them from? Summoning requires a location, unless he's making them, in which case he's just a shittier EMIYA who makes infinitely less sense. I legitimately cannot make sense of this.

Also, I like how you say they're katanas, but then say that they can be any shape. Good job, pal.

Fire magic(B): He can produce, control and has a high immunity to fire and heat.
A smith always works with fire, and must be able to withstand high tempatures.

First of all, it's temperatures. You've made other mistakes, but that one really nagged at me.

Anyway, you should also know that practicing fire magecraft doesn't give you Protection from Flames. Protection from Flames is a different skill entirely. If you wanted to give him a minor Protection from Flames, say E rank, that'd actually be fine. If you tried to make it A rank or something, I'd be asking you to provide a source on all those times he tanked Dragon Breath.

Um, I feel like I'm forgetting somethi-

Oh, right.

Silly me.

When the fuck did he learn magecraft?

How the fuck is he using magecraft as a Berserker?

Berserkers do not use Thaumaturgy. You need to be an exception among exceptions to manage that, and sword guy with no mention of fire magecraft ever and nothing to even hint at that outside "he was around fire lots"? Not happening.

By that logic, Michael Phelps should be a master of Water Magecraft. He's not.

...or is he?

Brutal slayer (passive)(C): He drains small amounts of mana from those he cut with his swords.
His swords were said to drain the will of those around them.

You don't seem to know what mana is.

People don't have mana. You can't drain mana from them.

I'm not explaining this one, nor will I bother addressing other aspects. Try and figure out. We can play a game of twenty questions. It'll be great.

Personal Skills:

Cursed Demon Blades(A): His swords are supernaturally sharp and unbreakable, as such, they can only be blocked by armor or weapons of a similar rank, if a lower rank tries, then the sword with cut right through it. However each sword causes him to slowly descend into a mindless rage the more of them he uses this gradually increases his overall stats except for luck in exchange for madness. The effect is reversible. It also deceases his luck by a small amount.
It has also been told that once drawn, a Muramasa blade has to draw blood before it can be returned to its scabbard, even to the point of forcing its wielder to wound himself or commit suicide. Thus, it is thought of as a demonic cursed blade that creates bloodlust in those who wield it.

This isn't a skill. This is an attribute of the swords. You could make it a variant of the Caster Class's Item Creation, sure, but you need to put it in that format, rather than his swords being a skill.
But, you know, it's kind of hard to make swords when you don't have rationality.
Also swords take a long time to make.
That said, I don't think his swords are unbreakable, on account of them existing and being broken.
You're also saying that the swords basically give him a Mad Enhancement between C and B (no, that doesn't mean C+. I already explained what modifiers do, look up). That's actually not horrible, considering that they're cursed. The fact that it's reversible? Yeah no. Also Mad Enhancement at that level makes thinking coherently impossible. You can figure out what that means, right?

God Speed(B+): He has god-like speed and reflexes, allowing him the chance to evade any physical skill of that rank or lower, and a smaller chance of skills one rank above.
Any smith needs to be quick and precise to forge a weapon.

Oh, right. I remember the time that taking woodshop in high school made me able to casually dodge Heracles and Cu Chulainn's attacks without even trying. That was a great time.

No, seriously, what the fuck? "He's able to dodge anything B+ or below, and can maybe dodge things higher"? What the fuck is this?

B+ in a skill has a numerical value of eighty, and since you're not setting a condition, that means I assume it's off the concept of numbers.

That means he can dodge anything with a numerical value of eighty or below.

Here are the list of things that have a chance of hitting him:

Heracles with mad Enhancement
Lu Bu with Mad Enhancement
Kintoki with Mad Enhancement
Excalibur
Bellerophon
Via Expugnatio
Brahmaastra Kundala
Vasavi Shakti
Golden Wild Hunt
Hanging Gardens of Babylon
La Pucelle

These are the canon attacks that can hit him, and even then he has a chance at dodging. Why? Because he made swords.

If you cannot understand the problem with this, I have no words.

Master Swordsman(C): As it says, his power and defense is increased while wielding a blade.
He would have to have knowledge of swordsmanship to judged the quality of his weapons well.

So...no. Being a swordsmith doesn't mean you're a swordsman. That's not how crafting works.

Noble Phantasm(s):

Name: Amakakeru Ryū no Hirameki

Weeb.

Title: Flash of the Heavenly Soaring Dragon

Rank: A+ to EX

NP Type: Anti-fortress

Range: Within eyesight

Maximum Number of Targets: 1(But has an AoE)

Wait wait.

So, a range of "within line of sight" is actually fine, but it should be "Range: -"

My problem is twofold.

First, it's an Anti-Fortress with a Max Targets of 1. An Anti-Fortress is an Anti-Army maxed out. Max Targets of 1 doesn't make sense.

Second, it's a Max Targets of 1 "but has an AoE".

You know what "maximum" means, right?

as great, high, or intense as possible or permitted.

So, if it can theoretically hurt 2 people, then guess what? Its maximum wasn't one.

Wow.

Also "A+ to EX", but I'll get to that in a second.

Description: Weilding the most powerful sword he has ever forged, his namesake, the demon blade Muramasa, he preforms a powerful two-step draw, that takes place instantly with no warning, swung with beyond god-like speed and all the strength and skill of a master swordsman, wielding an incredibly sharp demon blade. The slice can cut anything, even the very fabric of reality and cut through dimensions. After the initial cut it then creates a blackhole-like vacuum that draws in and decimates everything, except the user. Unfortunately the user has to be in a certain state of mind to correctly perform this technique, if not, a flawed, less powerful form happens.

His swords were known for being able to cut anything, but true swordsmanship must come from the heart.

I don't think this was made for Fate. I think you came up with the idea and thought it would be cool and decided to try it here, like everything else in this app.

Well, let's go on the line-by-line.

What does "beyond god-like speed" even mean? That's just hyperbole for hyperbole's sake. Say that reacting to it in time requires an AGI check of some sort.

Also, I don't think you know how reality works. At its core, this is an NP that tears space. That doesn't make a black hole. It doesn't make a vacuum that sucks everything in but magically ignores the guy closest to it. This is literally just some dumbass thing you'd write down as an attack description in a video game.

Oh, yeah, also, cutting through dimensions? Yeah, that's a True Magic. You can't have that.

I also like how the class that lacks rationality needs to be in a certain state of mind to do this. Classic comedy.

I'm being brief because I feel a migraine coming on, and I need to stop this shit sooner rather than later because I have things to do.

The most important thing is what a Noble Phantasm is. It is a crystallization of the hero's legend, a crystallized mystery that symbolizes a feat.

Muramasa has one feat. "Make swords good".

He never cut reality and made a black hole. That's nowhere in his legend, so why should it be the crystallization of his legend?

You'll say that "I'm just taking liberties like Nasu". First of all, no. Type-Moon canon Servants do deviate from the myths slightly, but they don't make up completely random shit to empower people. Saber having an Anti-Fortress beam sword? King Arthur destroyed a fortress with Excalibur and "cut down 1000 men in one swing". Knight of Honor? It's the crystallization of a Knight not dying empty-handed, of innovation in combat being just as viable as preparation. And so on.

But more importantly, yes, the canon Servants have stuff made up in them. Gilgamesh in the Epic never shot out weapons from his treasury like arrows.

However.

You are not Nasu.

I am not Nasu.

The GM is not Nasu.

The creators of canon content have a right to declare the canon of the Nasuverse. You don't. You can't make up whatever the fuck you want like this, otherwise how is it any different from apping a completely original character?

This is trash. I've said that plenty of times here, so I hope you at least partially understand that.

Verdict: Nonsensical, ridiculous, and in blatant defiance of canon mechanics. There's no saving this, because it was ruined from the first premise. Denied with a disgusted sneer, an exasperated sigh, and a pouring of wine in the hope that I'll forget this sheet exists.

[Skyswimsky]

I'm disregarding GO because info on Servants is incomplete and it will be until we get Grand Order Materials, just for the record.

There are a lot of information already out on that thou, no?
GO Servants(Ignoring their appearance in other titles for this) with A-Rank strength:
Saber Alter
Saber addict Gaius Julius Caesar
Le Chevalier d'Eon
Arash
Musashibou Benkei
Prototype Chulainn
Lancelot(Berserker)
Spartacus
Vlad III
Darius III
Unrelated Note: Kiyohime Waifu has only E rank? Poor Berserker ;w;

The good Grand Order wiki has no information on Sakata Kintoki or Euryale. Obviously, most Berserkers have a higher strength than A(+ or ++)

Source: Grand Order Wiki

[Krayzikk]

I have somewhere in the ballpark of fifteen games I've helped staff. I was, for a while, so snarky about it that the word "Snark" made it into my username, and for some people, it stuck. I once ran someone out of a topic with a detailed analysis of why what they were doing was incorrect.

That was a whole order of magnitude above that

Jesus

I'm just gonna go back to working on my CS and keeping my head down

[A Cute Angel]

<Snipped quote>
There are a lot of information already out on that thou, no?
GO Servants(Ignoring their appearance in other titles for this) with A-Rank strength:
Saber Alter
Saber addict Gaius Julius Caesar
Le Chevalier d'Eon
Arash
Musashibou Benkei
Prototype Chulainn
Lancelot(Berserker)
Spartacus
Vlad III
Darius III
Unrelated Note: Kiyohime Waifu has only E rank? Poor Berserker ;w;

The good Grand Order wiki has no information on Sakata Kintoki or Euryale. Obviously, most Berserkers have a higher strength than A(+ or ++)

Source: Grand Order Wiki

@Skyswimsky

The Zerkers stats are likely shown with ME, as was the case with Herc and friends; further, Vlad has his Dracula NP constantly on in GO.

Alteria is just Seiba with NP spam, so yeah. I don't consider them distinct HSs in that regard.

Arash is from Fragments, so I'll be waiting for parameters from there. Either way, his legend is pretty solid on that front, since his arrow is now a meteor.

As for Proto Cu, Benkei, d'Eon, and Caesar, like I said, I don't consider GO complete. We still don't know particulars of FATE outside data mined stuff, and the game's largely considered to be in "beta" at the moment on account of how often things are getting changed. So yeah.

I'm withholding formal analysis of GO until Materials come out and we have full info on everything. You're free to value it in your decisions, I just won't.

Anyway, I need to sign off for the night. You all have fun~

[Kaithas]

Mmmm... Too far. Whether or not the profile is bad aside, that crosses from constructive criticism to needless brutalization. While skillfully done, I'll admit, that's not going to do anything besides hurt the poster and maybe lose the RP a player, rather than help him improve his original post.

Trust me, I know from experience. I nearly swore off RPing forever in a similar situation.