[IC] Journey to the East

[Illumin0sity]

For the right or the wrong reasons, Noah changing behavior in order to attempt to appease her was momentous to him. As he had said, he could shrug off the opinions of any and everyone else with little more than a peep from his heart, only her and Liam had him in this reservation he didn't like. Whether she liked it or not that he could care less for other people was something she would have to deal with, either for now or forever. It was his nature as a solitary predator, either something she didn't understand about him or something she didn't want to understand or something else entirely. The point being, he loved himself more than anyone not close to his heart, and giving them the time of day wasn't a top priority of his. The few people he let in showed he was not incapable of showing some form of compassion, just that it was hard fought to trust anyone.

Noah didn't believe himself to be floundering. He spoke confidently because this was all but it for him. His words may have initially made her angry, but he was unapologetic for them. Like before in their last argument, he was sorry his words made her feel how they did, but his lack of tact wasn't changing and it was unlikely it would change much in the future.

Marrying her wasn't deemed as a mistake in his eyes. He did want to marry her, in his own time, if that's what it took to keep her as his. The speed in which they were married though was jarring to him, for he wasn't totally over Caesarion or his feelings for the man. Though him and Elann were in the starting flows of their relationship at the time, marriage was the last thing on his mind. He knew what he said to her in the winter about wanting to be someone worthy of her, but many things had changed from then to being married.

Elann answered his question with uncertainty before asking many of her own, asking why he was apologizing. She may not have been angry in her asking, but the words were hurtful. He felt after all this time, she should know him and how he handled situations like this.

“I am apologizing for what I did to make you feel like you don't want to talk to me. I'm sorry that me and my words hurt you. I don't want to assume to know what exactly I said, because I am unsure. You know this is hard for me,” he explained. “I'm asking you to tell me exactly what's wrong so I can do something about it, whether it's to fix myself or to apologize for what exactly caused you to be... silent.

“I am at my end with it,” he said, meaning that. “You're asking me what I'm sorry for and I'm asking you what I should be sorry for. Can you tell me so I know for certain?”

Noah wasn't utterly prideful but speaking to her was going against a great grain of what his character was. He was unapologetic to anyone but never sought to intentionally hurt anyone either. He honestly felt as if his changes weren't totally recognized, small as she may have felt them to be. She should know that he wasn't going to come to her at all. If it had not been for his care for her, as he had explained, he would have let her stew in herself until the end of time if she so wanted to. He knew he was going to survive because it was what he was good at. If she wanted to end their bond because of it, then so be it. He survived one being broken, and though it wasn't as strong as his current one, he knew his mother survived one being broken that was built over several years. He knew he would be fine.

He felt Elann was treating him, in that moment, as she would treat any person who understood this situation normally. As many times as he had explained it, and as many times as she had seen it, he was ill-equipped to deal with them.

[snelss0]

Elann above all had listened to him and knew that he was ill-equipped to deal with the conversations they were having. It just meant that he kept hurting her though with his lack of understanding. His apology clearly wasn't that, it was that he was sorry she was hurt. That of course wasn't enough for her, but having sympathy for him, she listed out why she was feeling the way she was.

"I'm not going to go over everything we said. I already explained it all, that it was how you should think better of me instead of becoming immediately hurt, that you had deflected blame onto me and I didn't understand why you felt the need to argue when we were able to talk peacefully. What made me not want to talk to you was when you stated that I shouldn't talk about things you think I don't know about, that silenced me and hurt me. When you stated that trying to argue with me is impossible, that I always try to win and that you aren't going to bother with talking to me on things you don't understand, that silenced and hurt me. Yet I still patiently expressed my apologies and was calm. I understood it was a hard topic for you, and I tried to mend our conversation again, showing why I felt the way I did and you shut me out, stating that you weren't going to follow my God, you didn't care what I did, and asked if we were done, as we have ended all our fights. That silenced and hurt me. Yes, I was done, done talking to you until you felt sorry, not for hurting me, but for the words and actions you took to cause that fight."

She continued then, not giving him room to breath or argue back.

"I know you don't understand the complexities of this topic or why I'm hurt, but that doesn't change the fact that I am - as any person would be if their husband talked to them that way - and that your behavior was bad. I am not your mother. I am not trying to change you. I am not going to punish you. You can continue to say harsh things to me in complete ignorance that they are harsh, but I chose and will choose to deal with it in silence. I am not angry with you, but I am also not okay with your behavior."

[Illumin0sity]

Noah waited for Elann to speak and listened when she did. He wasn't looking at her, watching his feet as they took the steps to carry him forward. He didn't want her to go over the entire argument again – he remembered what was said. He wanted to know at which points he had said something he shouldn't have, and when they were explained he was grateful. He had his own opinions on the situation still but wasn't looking to argue them or even bring them up again. Many of things he expressed the night of their argument were still held up by his own beliefs.

Noah still wasn't going to follow her god, that much was a choice of his and given to her by him. He understood it wasn't an ultimatum a day after the argument, but still made the choice for himself. He didn't care what she did pertaining to Yahal, and asking if they were done was a hopeful way of transitioning the topic to something else. He didn't think lowly of her when his was hurt, her words weren't designed to hurt him. That didn't mean he wasn't allowed to feel hurt, as much he didn't understand coming from her.

She ended her words and took a breath to start more, stuff that made him feel small. Something he figured was that if they argued again and Elann treated him with silence again, he would let her stay in her silence until she wished to talk. He didn't think she was any different from him in how he went away when she hurt him. She basically disappeared as well, silencing herself and walking around like she was little more than a mute to only him.

Noah shrugged when she was done. “I am sorry for all of it,” he said. “I apologize for what I said and for hurting you. I didn't mean it; to make you be quiet, to say I didn't want to talk about things I didn't understand, to say arguing with you was impossible, for starting an argument, and for blaming you. Sorry.”

[snelss0]

Elann had her doubts whether what Noah said was true or not. He had showed that lying was in his ways of thinking, but the God of purity and faithfulness would know. His words explained how he was sorry for it all, for what he said and how he hurt her. It was a moment where she could reside in her doubts of him or she could forgive him in love. One day perhaps she would chose the other, but not this day. She chose to forgive him and shuffled closer to him to tug at his arm to get him to stop walking a second.

"I forgive you."

She then leaned up to offer him a kiss before continuing to walk with him. She didn't want to get too far behind their wagon. It would be too hard for him to catch up without transforming and flying. Once again, there was love in her bond for him, but it was still injured and diminished from what it normally was. It would have been a relief for him to feel again however as it was significantly more than he had felt since their fight. She still didn't speak, but she did come and hug about his waist as they walked.

[Illumin0sity]

It wasn't above Noah to lie, that much she knew and had correct. Unless it was innocent, or he felt trapped, he wouldn't lie to her on a serious note. He was genuine here, not thinking he was lying, unsure if push would shove him in some other direction once time passed. For now, he was utterly truthful. He had his thoughts in mind, but they didn't diminish his want for forgiveness from her, for their bond to be mended, and for their relationship to be repaired. While the bond was all too important to him, a facet of his very biological being, the repaired relationship with Elann meant more, he realized. Without the initial relationship they would not have a bond, as much he understood now.

The moment residing between his apology and her forgiveness was tense for him, like it was when he was waiting for her to say she would or wouldn't walk with him. She moved, closing the gap between them and reaching out for his arm. He saw her hand grasp at him through her peripheral, giving him pause in the walk as he turned about to face her. Her words were more relieving than she may have thought. He was contemplating what he would do if she didn't forgive him in that moment, and was torn between two very different choices. One may have well spelled disaster for the them while the other was murky and uncertain.

At the offerance of a kiss Noah bent down to meet her lips for a moment. Though it was a small and quick enough for them to continue walking without falling behind, he was filled with bittersweet emotions that were more sweet than bitter. The new love in their bond, though he knew it was still injured, was felt again and it was warming to his soul. It would have been unrealistic to expect her to be immediately over it, even if she did forgive him. He knew himself and knew he would not be immediately mended and didn't expect her to be either. All he could ask for was what she gave him, and she broke his expectations with the kiss.

In their new closeness, he draped his arm across her back and shoulder, rubbing her there over the shoulder in appreciation. He didn't need her to speak anymore. She broke her silence and had forgiven him, or so he honestly believed.

After a moment Noah tapped her shoulder and rose his other hand to point towards the visible mountain range. There were specks in the sky, birds flying in the distance. He didn't say anything to go along with the gesture, letting her think what she wanted about the range. He was simply indicating they were almost to Zeltiva, soon to be passed the seemingly impassable mountain range.

[snelss0]

Elann considered the past fight they had as they walked. Perhaps when tensions got elevated, if she took a step back to calm things down, it would do them wonders. He pecked her on the shoulder, pointing to the mountain range and she nodded.

"We are so close. How long do you think it'll be before we reach your home? How many more days?"

With him pointing, the wind returned, the breezes cooling her, making her wrap more tightly around her husband. Regardless of what he said, she leaned her head onto his chest and nestled there. The darkness of her hair seemed all that much darker as she pressed against his tanned skin and it seemed like she was a different woman the change was so evident. It still, despite the power of the breezes, sent wafting fumes of that henna and scented oil smell up to him, unavoidable as long as he lingered close to her.

[Illumin0sity]

As strong as Noah was and could be, he was also very fragile and sensitive to change. His system was easily shocked. He rode on waves of tension until they grew higher and higher. He was a proud predator, so instead of falling underneath the shock he lashed out at it, thinking it was a defense in order to survive an encounter. Elann was his first instance in having to juggle that mindless retaliation, so he was very much unpracticed. Having someone be the one to take a step back to cool the situation could aid him in finding a balance in these social situations he was very unused to.

Noah hummed in thought as he considered her questions. He took in the distance of the mountains and thought on how many days had passed since them initially setting out. This caravan was a good one, lead by a driver who either knew the path well or had some business in Zeltiva. They were driving the horses well, and the bandit attack put a little damper in pepping step.

“It would take me about a day,” he said, bringing his hand up to her hair as she huddled in on him, the wind renewed. “For the caravan, I'd say four days until we reach the outpost, one more day to get through the mountains and into the city, give or take a day or some hours.”

Moving his fingers through her hair only further released the scent the henna left on her strands. He wondered how long the smell would last, it not being something he was completely fond of. He could tell from the smell and from the reddish hue it was the same substance she used on her hands the day of their wedding. It stained her skin for several days afterwards.

“Why'd you color your hair?” he wondered, something he hadn't had the chance to ask. “It's dark and... red.”

[snelss0]

Four days is what she guessed. The rate at which the mountain range had come into view and how large and distant it was was a trick to her eyes, but even though she had forgiven him, she still didn't want to upset him by speaking about something she didn't know about. In the end, it was what he thought as well. She understood that much of those four days would be crossing the mountain pass, but didn't know how long that would be for sure. She wished she was able to fly like Noah, able to reach it in a day, but given their time, four days was not much.

"Maybe if the caravan leader pushes hard, we can make it in a couple days? Who knows, he has been going pretty hard to make up the time we've lost. Maybe he'll feel inspired to have us go longer each night? I certainly wouldn't mind, though the horses and oxen might."

Her eyes shut completely as she relished in the feel of his touch through her hair. Where her love may have been muffled more than normal, the soothing response he gave her just then was fully felt. In another day the smell would fade from her hair, especially given the wind blowing it and giving it more volume.

"I didn't mean to. I accidentally left it in too long, and it was just long enough to have set into some of my hair. I would have looked like I had dots of dark brown all over my hair where it set in, so I decided to leave it in and just let it finish setting in so my hair didn't look so strange. I'm sorry if you don't like it, it wasn't intentional. It'll be there like that for quite a while..."

It would stay until she redyed her hair, which wouldn't look good, or until her natural hair color grew out until she could cut it all off.

[Illumin0sity]

“Maybe,” Noah said. “It won't be long, and then we can take nice hot baths.”

It was clear that was what he was looking forward to most of all in returning to Zeltiva. He hadn't taken many hot baths in Syliras. The time Elann bathed him when he was injured was the most he had taken. He'd never been to the bathhouse, as much as he wanted to go. The volume of people vying for a spot in the community pool was discouraging to him. He liked bathing alone or with relatively few people to give him the illusion of being alone.

Elann explained her hair situation to him. It was a little disheartening to hear that, although she didn't mean to, the dye would remain for a while. “Oh,” he said in clear disappointment. He didn't have much experience with people dyeing their hair. He'd seen plenty of it in Zeltiva, lighter haired women and men dying their hair dark or in other various colors. What he was ignorant to was how long it would stay dyed and how the dye was taken out, if it could be.

“Do you like it?” he wondered since she said it was unintentional.

“How do you get it out?” he asked, not because he wanted to it changed, but he because he was curious.

[snelss0]

Elann burried her face into him more.

"...A nice hot bath..."

She almost sounded like she was begging for it. It was rare to go to the bathhouse. She was raised taking spongebaths, but she had enjoyed them when she had gone in Syliras. Having the opportunity to go for one there in Zeltiva was going to be nice after the dusty road.

"Well, it's alright. I like my natural hair color more though," she answered.

"Y..you don't really get it out. There is a way to whiten the hair with a dye and then my natural hair color can be dyed back into it, or I have to let it grow out. Unfortunately it is permanent until then. I am not sure if someone in Zeltiva can dye it or not."

"What do you think of it?"

[Illumin0sity]

Noah nodded, humming an affirmation and agreement to liking her natural hair color. It was nice to have her there clinging to him for warmth against the wind, enough to bury her face into his skin. He sorely missed it, even though it hadn't been that long since they were last like this. The night of their fight they had kissed in an immensely intimate way, his game with her having come to an end and him conceding because of how she was sulking about not getting a kiss of his. She had her moments of adorableness when around him.

He made a face when she said the dye couldn't really be gotten out. It had to be either be whitened and then dyed over in her natural color or grown and then cut out. From the summer he met her and to now her hair had grown to a point he really did enjoy it at. He didn't want her to cut it, knowing it take just as long for it regrow to this point once again.

“I don't... mind it,” he said hesitantly, partly lying with a face that showed as much. “If you like it, it doesn't matter what I think. You're pretty to me regardless, so maybe we should just cut it all off and you can start over.” Noah was joking about balding her, but the image was funny in his imaginative mind.

“Maybe you should just color mine then we can cut it off together,” he suggested in the same breath.

[snelss0]

She gave him another squeeze in love, growing more steadily in the feeling as he complimented her, partially ignoring the jokes. It was healing to hear him say that no matter what she looked pretty to him. Sometimes she felt like he just liked certain things about her, but recently he had been telling her she was beautiful, pretty, and some other things that made her feel more confident around him.

"I will probably let it grow out some more so that it won't look so strange and then I will cut my hair very short; not bald mind you." She gave him a little rib poke to show she had heard his jokes. "Do you think short hair would look good on me for a while? My hair grows fast, so it shouldn't be too long before it's back to normal."

She was thinking like a bob or pixie cut, but whatever would get rid of the dark brown and back to her natural color. She had never done that ever in her life, forgotten to take the mix out, and it just so happened to be black henna. He would not have liked her with bright red hair, she was sure.

"What would you do if I shaved your head one night while you slept?"

[Illumin0sity]

Noah looked at her and tried to imagine her with 'very' short hair, as she put it. He'd grown quite used to seeing her long hair and enjoyed tucking it behind her ear when he could. The way she described the potentially new cut in the future was ridding him of the ability until her hair grew out. He would miss it if she did cut it, despite her hair growing fast. He made a face to show his disagreement with a bob or pixie cut, slightly frowning with emotive brows. “I dunno...” he said, trailing in an answer to her question.

He was biased to enjoy her natural looks without makeup or dyed or cut hair. It was what he saw the first time he laid eyes on her. Though her hair was much shorter then than it was now, he grew attached to her tresses as they lengthened with time. It was like watching her grow into her new setting in Syliras, each inch a mile walked in the city's streets. Noah only cut his own hair because it got crazily big when it was allowed to grow out. He recalled having straight hair, having it blond and straight over his head. As he began to grow up though, the hair changed its texture and changed its color. Now it was dark and curly, sometimes unkempt, sometimes not. It was very clear when Noah was having a bad hair day.

Noah sputtered a laugh at her final joking question. “If,” he emphasized. “If you do that, I won't kiss you until it grows back. You'd wither away and die before my hair grew back.” He smiled, feeling as if it was trump enough for her. He remembered her dramatics a few days ago, how she feigned dying because she went more than a few chimes without getting the kiss she wanted.

“If you're not too tired,” he started after a moment, “do you want to walk with me late at night. I want to show you something.”

[snelss0]

It seemed that her husband was doubtful. Elann used to have her hair short as a little girl. She enjoyed it because it didn't require brushing, she could run her hand through it easily, and she didn't have to do any maintenance or styling. She could understand his desire to not want to change. Elann was of a different heart. She was in a new world, with a new love, a new life. She was all about changing for him and changing everything of her life. Only her worship of Yahal seemed cemented to her and everything else was fluid.

"Oh alright..." she said almost jokingly disappointed. It would have sounded more joking, but she was still cautious with him and didn't want to explode yet with emotions.

"Probably..." she muttered back as he stated she'd probably die before it grew back. She didn't like spending too long without kissing him. It was why their first act upon forgiveness was her kiss to him.

"Okay," she answered curiously. "I'm just starting to feel sleepy right now...should I nap?"

It was still a ways before they'd camp, especially if the wagonmaster decided to push their journey. As it was, he had normally planned for them to have a few days rest, but they only had one due to the slow going in the rain and the bandit attack, some late starts and the occasional broken wagon wheel slowing them down.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah rubbed her shoulder to soothe her disappointment. “If you want to cut your hair into a bob or whatever, then you should do it. Like I said, you're pretty to me regardless of if you have short hair, long hair, or no hair at all. Do what you want to do, what you think'll look good.” He appreciated her asking for his opinion, showing she still valued it, but he ultimately didn't mind how she would look. Her dyed hair, like now, would be gotten used to be him over the next few days and he wouldn't think anything of it. The change would be meagerly shocking at first, but he'd get over it as well if she decided to cut her hair instead of redyeing it into her natural color, or as close as she could get.

“See?” he said in reference to the kisses. “You'd die and I'd be sad, so you shouldn't shave my head when I'm sleeping. It'll ruin everything.” He was joking along, though his chain of reactions may have been a bit darkly tuned.

“If you're tired you should nap,” he said, affirming her question. What he had in store for her might've taken some time. The time of night in which he needed it to be was slightly inconvenient, but he wanted privacy for the two of them. They would have to be both away from the others but also awake when all others were soundly asleep.

Noah took a leading step towards their wagon, wondering if she would continue on walking or if she would take a nap to get through the last leg of the trip for the day.

[snelss0]

Elann followed the leading step back to the wagon, walking in suit to climb up into it. His joking had brought a smile to her face, but she wasn't overly open to the joking. It wasn't that she was in a bad mood, just not overly able to be poked or prodded into laughing. The joviality would return in time, but at least there was a flutter of happiness when he joked.

"Okay," she answered, feeling it was enough to express that she was going to do whatever she wanted. Elann didn't mind her hair the color it was at the moment, having had it that dark before.

"I am tired. I've been walking in the sun most of the day. It's made me sleepy."

She climbed into the back and upon entering, she turned and sat on the edge.

"Are you coming in? Want to take a nap with me?"

[Illumin0sity]

Noah led her to the wagon. Any inward or outward shown joy of any degree was uplifting and encouraging to the Kelvic. He, himself, was still reeling on the bittersweet undertones of their spat. She had given him a great deal to think about in himself, more so than he had already been thinking about immediately following the argument. Feeling her enjoying his presence and his voice and his jokes was enough for him, enough to keep him attempting to try and get over the residual unease that resided between them in that moment.

He had wondered if she was walking the entire day when she wasn't in the wagon with him. He had felt some of her emotions during their time away from one another as he was falling asleep, he didn't know what was the causation for them though.

At the wagon, she clamored in and turned to sit, asking if he was coming in and if he wanted to nap with her. He extended his good arm to her, asking to be helped inside. “I'll lay with you,” he said, not confirming if he was going to nap as well. Her tiredness was felt in the bond, and if he aligned himself to it he could be sleep again as if he hadn't been sleeping all day already.

After she helped him inside he turned to close the flaps to drown out the light and ever-looking eyes of the driver behind their wagon. Noah was trying to disregard the man's presence but he saw the man every day, the chain of the wagons changing little since their initial departure from Syliras. Noah hadn't ever spoken to the man. The Kelvic suspected the man held some form of disdain for him. He had been subjected to Noah's reckless wild transforming, caught in the path of the Kelvic's upward trajectory. He witnessed a lot of the couple's interactions and had observed Aimee as well, whenever she was around.

Noah laid with Elann when she was ready, beforehand stripping off his shorts in order to be bare in the darkened interior of the wagon and with his lover.

[snelss0]

It seemed he was willing to come in and lay down with her. She nodded and hopped back off, the action meaning nothing to her like it did him. He was still in pain and needed a small amount of help, but soon he would not need even that. Much as he wished, he would likely be all better by the time he arrived in Zeltiva, or at least well enough to pass for being all better.

Once inside and the flaps were drawn closed, she saw him strip off his shorts and lay in bed. It took her a bit longer to get the dress off, but eventually she was down at his side with her underwear only on her. The tired feeling increased the moment she hit the pillow and she lay on her back beside him.

Under the blanket, her hands were upon her stomach, playing over her soft skin, feeling about her belly button for a moment and then she closed her eyes. She enjoyed the lulling and rocking of the wagon, the creaking sound inching her closer to sleep. Unless otherwise pestered by Noah, she would not be far from her sleep and would likely remain as such until just before the wagons stopped.

[Illumin0sity]

The wonders of being male and not liking clothes in the first place meant the little he did manage to put on, as to not offend anyone, came off much faster than any dress or tights another may have worn. She could tell he wasn't well versed in the different styles of clothing on their wedding day, how he struggled to rid himself of the clothes she thought him so handsome in. They were suffocating to him and he was glad to be rid of them again, and would have been glad whether or not he was going to bed Elann that afternoon or not.

He laid himself down and pulled the blankets over his body. He initially lay on his side in order to view Elann in the dim light as she disrobed. He was waiting rather patiently for her to come to the little pallet on the floor of the wagon. When she did lie down, he turned onto his stomach and clutched his pillow beneath his head with one arm, the other lax and stretched out into the small space between them.

Noah didn't want to touch her for fear of crossing a boundary she may have put up due to the residual unease. He shoved it out of his mind though, closing his eyes to embrace the tiredness in her in order for him to fall asleep in kind. He wasn't going to pester her unless she did so to him. He figured she was going to just go to sleep, perhaps wanting to get through the day in order to see what he had in store for her later that night.

[snelss0]

It wasn't long before she settled on her side to face away from him as her sleep drew ever closer. Elann could feel the restlessness in their bond over his want to touch her fade away as he pushed it from his mind. It didn't mean Elann didn't want him close by turning away, and before he could assume as much, she gave a slight pull on their bond, motioning for him to be closer.

Physically she squiggled in bed, inching closer to him, but allowing him to do most of the work to hug her as she lay there. Regardless what he did, the Benshira would be asleep in no time and her husband soon following in suit.

As evening rolled around, Elann stirred in the first movements of waking. The inside of the wagon was pitch black and she was far warmer than she had been the previous night. Little squeals came from her as she stretched and squirmed, feeling about blindly to kiss him as she turned to face him.

There she lay for another good five chimes as the bond dulled again, bringing her back into instant sleep off and on until finally her brain clicked on and she sat up sleepily. There she sat for a good chime as she took in what was going on and rubbed her face.