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Opinionated nerd for hire.

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T H E F L A S H

Revalations Part Two:
NOT FAST ENOUGH

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Iris groaned as the world came into a blinding focus. She heard shouting, voices and something like an airplane nearby. Last thing she remembered she had been running. Had she been chasing Zoom? She had been racing against something. Something that was almost as fast, if not faster than she was. She remembered digging deep, the feeling of the energy flowing through her limbs propelling her onwards. The world came into focus as a group of soldiers appears to be surrounding her, she just groaned.

Iris knew she could outrun them, disarm them in less time than it took her to think it... or she would if her whole body didn't ache in protest just as she attempted to look around. She saw the S.H.I.E.L.D agents drag some figure away that was faintly recognisable. She wasn't quite sure where she knew him from, but she had definitely seen him somewhere before. She pushed herself up slightly as, the crowd of soldiers moved as a figure came through the newly formed gap. He was well toned, muscular and wore a red S on his chest with a red cape. It all came back to her now, the test in the city, the running away and the journey through the mountain.

Supermans appearance, the turn around in the fight and the fac thta tshe had to run across half the world to get back here before a surfboard. Her life had just become absolutely insane after she had been hit by lightning, today she had fought an alien in some kind of test for his master. Alongside her had been a superhuman that as far as anyone else could tell, and all the accounts she had looked into he was the most powerful individual on the planet. Together they had taken him down, and that was something to really think about. If the Surfer had been powerful enough to take two of them to take down, what was his master going to be like?

He knelt down observing her, and she felt a warmth flush through her cheeks. She was getting embarassed, now?

<Snipped quote>

When she initially went to speak all that came out was a squeek, she had taken a harder fall than she thought she had apparently and broke her ability to speak. Clearing her throat she tried again. "I will be, especially if uh-" She moved her arms slowly, pain stabbing through the right she had used to punch the surfer. Probably broken, so moving it was probably a bad idea right now. "-If you could pretend my voice didn't just break the sound barrier."

Another one of the Sci-Fi looking jets came down from the helicarrier, landing on the floor of the badlands. Two very different people disembarked from the jet. A middle-aged balding white man wearing a pristine suit, and a large black woman who had an air about her that even by looking at her you instantly knew not to mess with her.

"Thanks for the help Superman. Though, I think we're about to get told off by teacher." She took a deep breath, feeling pain stab through her ribs which lead to her to then wincing. "I'm not really in the mood for it right now, would you mind helping me get out of here?" When she said that there was a series of clicking as guns cocked.

"Oh come off it guys, he's bulletproof and I just ran half way across the world and punched the Silver Surfer so hard it knocked his Silver right off." The soldiers turned to the two walking towards them, the womans pace didn't change but the man visibly sped up. Obviously intent on speaking to them before either of them could leave.


I notice the Flash is holding her ribs, in considerable pain. When I looked inside of her for injuries, I saw that her body was healing much more quickly than humanly possible, so I don't think I need to take her to a hospital. She did suggest we get out of here, though, and I have to agree. I'm a firm believer in Mark Twain's view of patriotism-- "loving your country all the time, and supporting your government when it deserves it." And given some of the things I've seen on how SHIELD operates, I'm not too sure I feel like spending much time around them.

"Hold on tight," I say to Flash, putting my arm around her and getting ready for takeoff. The SHIELD agents keep their guns trained on us, unsure of what to do.

"I'd love to stay and help clean up, fellas," I say to the two authoritative-looking people striding towards us, taking note of their faces so I can put names to them later, "but I've still got things to take care of elsewhere."

As much as that might be some playful bravado, it's not wrong. The Toyman is still out there, and Lord only knows when and where he'll strike next. Helping save the world was obviously a priority, but now that Earth doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger, I really need to get back to bringing that lunatic in.

Looking over to the unconscious Surfer on the ground, I gesture to him, saying, "if you want some answers, I'd suggest asking our friend here. He'll probably be a little more helpful telling you about himself than either of us. I'll be around when you need me, but until then, well....."

With my free hand, I put three fingers to my temple and give them a Boy Scout salute and a wink. I don't know if I'm showing off more to leave an impression with SHIELD or with the Flash, but at the moment I just can't help myself.

I push off the ground with maybe a little more force than necessary, to kick up a dust cloud and obscure the SHIELD agents' vision so they can't track us. Given Flash's injuries, I feel a pang of guilt that I don't have some more control over my flight-- it's still very much a matter of brute-forcing myself through the sky and daring the laws of physics to say something about it. Which, unfortunately, means the flight is probably a good bit rougher than she'd like.

I'm able to hit the brakes enough that we don't simply slam into the ground when we touch down on the outskirts of Central City, the SHIELD operatives and their HeliCarrier well out of sight--- normal human sight, anyway. It doesn't look like they picked up on our trail, and if even if they did, they're more concerned now about making sure the Surfer is in custody than going after us.

I set Flash down, confident that the coast is clear, and give my own aching body a stretch.

"You should probably take it easy for a while," I say to her, "at least until you're healed up. Still, that was.....that was a hell of a job you did back there."

I think about simply leaving it at that and being on my way, but something keeps me from just taking off.

Together, the two of us just stopped a being who would have probably killed either of us alone, and then would have went on to kill everyone else on the planet. If I hadn't decided today of all days was when I reached out a hand to a fellow hero, we might all be dead by now.

Maybe this team-up shouldn't be a one-time thing.

"So, um," I start again, "is there any way I can reach you? In case this sort of thing happens again, I mean. I think we might want to think about, y'know....working together."
I've already crossovered so I'm just going to sit here drinking beer waiting for Andy so we can high five have a victory wank then go home.


Workin' on that right now.
To sort of tie OP Supes, unbeatable Bat-God, untouchable faster-than-instant Flash, too-cool-to-kill Punisher, etc together (as well as a lot of today's comics where Carol Danvers or Squirrel Girl or whoever beats an ineffectual silly-billy villain in one page and then spends the rest of the issue being emotionally validated), the inherent problem with all of them in those iterations is the lack of danger. At no point do you ever feel like the hero might lose, or that they might be tainted or changed by the experience. There's no stakes, no cost or consequence for their actions, no price for victory or penalty for defeat. There's also usually no reward for victory, either, just a reinforcing of the status quo.

This I think is where the superhero genre really needs to get back in touch with its original DNA in the pulps. Superman may be secular-Jesus in a lot of people's eyes, but his lineage also includes Doc Savage and John Carter and Conan the Barbarian. All of which include three things that I think modern comics are sorely lacking: danger, violence, and sex. I'm not saying to make comics outright porn--Clark and Lois should feel a lot more chaste and wholesome than Batman and Catwoman-- but everyone has some innate reactions to sex and death (eros and thanatos if you wanna get all pretentious). They're the most human part of the human experience, and when you remove them, the characters come off as inorganic and neutered.

Wanna know why Gotham City is so much more popular of a setting than Metropolis? Because Gotham City is pulpy as all hell-- everyone is some combination of dangerous, violent, and sexy. Poison Ivy isn't necessarily violent, but she's definitely dangerous and sexy. Killer Croc is about as un-sexy as possible, but he's also the most dangerous and violent person in the city. Harley Quinn often isn't exactly dangerous, but is always sexy and violent. Everyone in Gotham City is trying to kill and/or fuck everyone else in Gotham City, and that's why it's so appealing for writers and readers alike.

Whereas Metropolis is usually just.....nice. Yeah, Lex Luthor lives there and half the city is exploding at any given time, but it doesn't have the same sort of danger as Gotham because it's supposed to match the main character, and more often than not Superman himself is usually just....nice.

That's been kind of my unspoken goal while writing this version of Superman, to reintroduce some danger and sexiness into the character and to the setting, to make his story one that actually gets the blood pumping instead of just having him preach platitudes and be everyone's imaginary friend. I've always liked Superman's heart and a lot of his brain, but it's high time the guy had some balls again.
When MB reads what Andy has said:



Oh, and speaking of: ffffffuck the Death of Superman. In all of its iterations.

Unless you're playing by Game of Thrones rules, when you think of something as momentous as the death of a flagship character, you expect a send-off that lets you see the character at their very best one last time. Whether it's part of a larger story like Barry's death in Crisis on Infinite Earths, or a grand sweeping epic of its own like All-Star Superman (an infinitely superior death-of story in every way), you expect some sort of poignant and thematically appropriate demise.

But what does Superman get? A big dumb fist-fight with a big dumb bone-monster with a ponytail and bicycle shorts (speaking of, if Doomsday is this mindless unstoppable engine of destruction, who the hell is braiding his hair and dressing him?). And then a few months later they both get up and are perfectly fine anyway.
I'm gonna say something that will probably get me killed; I do not care for the DCAU Batman.

Batman in the first three seasons of B:TAS was wonderful, and I loved Kevin Conroy's voice then, when he made a point to have some actual inflection and make his Batman and Bruce voices different. But as soon as it came time for him to start mixing it up with the other characters, IMO the character stopped being interesting. The writers' blatant favoritism when it came to Gotham characters being treated as innately superior to the rest certainly didn't help, but I also think they leaned way too hard into his whole "cold and calculating" outer shell to the point where that's basically all he was. And while I know that from Season 4 of BTAS to the present day, the monotone deadpan version of Conroy's voice is the definitive voice for most people, I feel like it makes him the least interesting part of any scene he's in, to the point where it often feels like Mark Hamill has to pull double-duty to bring the energy to their tag team.
Sony as a company just needs to fuck off and die already.

Edit: To elaborate, I don't just mean because they make bad movies (though yeah, their piddling attempt at scraping up Spider-Man's supporting characters into their own "cinematic universe" sounds about as entertaining as slamming my dick in a screen door). I mean because they're a terrible company whose track record includes capitulating to a communist dictator over a Seth Rogen movie, executives being caught saying they'll never cast a black lead in a tentpole film, threatening journalists, and being complicit in the downward spiral and death of Michael Jackson. And on top of that, yes, they make bad movies.
<Snipped quote by Hound55>

"...Tits, or ass?"


I think I've seen that version. They left out the O in "Country," though.
My modem just got fried by a thunderstorm, so I'm out of action til probably Friday.
<Snipped quote by Lord Wraith>

I can see it now: 'Who're you supposed to be? Where's Batgirl?'

'FUCK BATGIRL.'


For Batwoman, that might not be a dismissal, but a mission statement.
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