AndyC

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

<Snipped quote by Nightrunner>

Just spreading the word of our lord and savior, lasagna cat.

@Superboy

At least you didn't link the "Sex Survey" one. The ending of that is......something.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to the Godfrey Edition, the only reliable source for the unvarnished truth in a world gone mad. I am, as always, your humble host, the inimitable G. Gordon Godfrey, and I am absolutely delighted to be talking to tonight's guest. A man who needs no introduction, but I simply couldn't resist giving him one anyway!

"My guest tonight is none other than the CEO of LexCorp, which as of this January is the largest and most profitable tech, communications, and media company in the entire world. He's the developer of LexOS, the fastest and most powerful computer operating system by several country miles, not to mention his extremely successful line of L-Pad, LexBook, and L-ephone devices. And when he's not creating hardware and software that makes the competition look a good century behind, he's also one of the most forward-thinking socio-political activists out there, an outspoken critic of the 'super-hero' culture that's turned our society on its head, and the author of several books including his latest bestseller, Fire to the People. He also happens to be a very good friend of the show.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Lex Luthor. Welcome to the show, Lex!"

]

"Pleasure as always, Gordon! And, ah, thanks for the kind words."

"Oh, I meant every syllable of them. So, you've made some statements on social media suggesting that the recent trend of metahumans cooperating independently is something to watch closely. However, you've also written that the interactions between Superman and the Flash were, and I quote, 'nothing short of Juvenal,' with an A. Now, I know nobody's perfect, but surely the great and powerful Lex Luthor checks his own spelling before making public statements, yes?"

"Oh, haha! Nothing gets past you, Gordon! No, that was just a little wordplay, Juvenal was-- ah, well, you caught the reference, so you know who he was."

"It pays to read more than whatever's trending on your phones, ladies and gentlemen. So, am I to understand, then, that you're skeptical of the idea of the various super-people joining forces?"

"In the immediate moment? No, I'm, hah, I'm rather glad they kept the world from being destroyed. After all, it's where I keep all my stuff, heh......erm.....but I think the real concern is going to be what happens in a generation or so. Looking at the Greek gods, they joined together and saved the world from Chronos and the Titans at the beginning of the world, but then what? Centuries of looking down on Man from on high, raping women and hurling down thunderbolts at a whim, visiting cruel and eternal torments on lesser beings for daring to step out of their place. To the Greeks, the greatest sin of all wasn't greed or wrath or lust, it was hubris. Pride. The idea of thinking you could be as good as the fickle, capricious Gods who had power over you."

"Well, those were all myths, fairy tales, surely."

"Were they, Gordon? I mean, who's to say the metahuman phenomenon is a new thing? There have been stories of miracle workers, Messiahs, angels and demons, Gods and Devils, ever since Man could tell stories at all. And now we find out about Superman, and the Flash, and Spider-Woman, now we find out there are genetic mutants in our population who can do impossible things. Who's to say how far back it actually goes? I realize it sounds ridiculous, but hey, with aliens and mutants and bat-men about, what exactly is off-limits anymore?"

"So if I'm following, you think the metahumans will eventually rule over humanity, setting up their own Olympus?"

"'Eventually?' Gordon, it's already happening. By small degrees, baby steps maybe, but they're acting and interacting with complete disregard for our own authorities. Superman and the Flash may have been a one-time thing, but they left a team of SHIELD operatives eating dust. And not only are they not letting themselves be policed by mere mortals, but they don't seem particularly interested in policing each other. When it comes to keeping the more dangerous vigilantes in line, Superman isn't striking out, he hasn't even stepped up to Bat."

"That's a good point-- I mean, where has Superman been during the mass shootings perpetrated by a crazed gunman in New York? Put on a costume and call yourself 'The Punisher,' and suddenly everyone else with a cape and a gimmick is willing to look the other way. Where was Superman when Harvey Dent was nearly assassinated by--"

"To get back to my main point, it's clear that while an actual metahuman society and hierarchy doesn't exist yet, there is every reason to expect it will. Multiple ones, in fact, I'd wager, each with their own standards and rules and social norms. But all of them with a common theme: they are not us, and they won't stand for being treated like us. At least, not until someone trades a bright red cape for a golden bough."

"Interesting. So what about--"

---

]

HELLO, MISTER LUTHOR

YOU MAKE THE BEST TOYS

THE SHINIEST, THE FASTEST, THE MOST POWERFUL

AND YOU'RE SO GOOD AT SHARING THEM WITH EVERYONE

MOST OF THEM, ANYWAY

BUT I KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR TOYBOX

I KNOW WHAT TOYS YOU'RE KEEPING FOR YOURSELF

WHICH ONES YOU KEEP INSIDE THEIR PACKAGING

GATHERING DUST

WHAT GOOD ARE TOYS, MISTER LUTHOR,

IF YOU NEVER PLAY WITH THEM?

IF YOU WON'T OPEN THE PACKAGING

AND SEE WHAT YOUR TOYS CAN REALLY DO

I MIGHT COME OVER AND DO IT MYSELF

---

--said cut to commercial, you fucking incompetent--.....erm, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right--"

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

This one goes out to Barry and Iris (@Sep)

@Lord Wraith

Well, she does have Superman's phone number now, so hey, maybe turn lemons into lemonade. Lemonade that's indestructible and can bench-press a continent.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

<Snipped quote by HenryJonesJr>

I call mine the Nerd Den.

@Lord Wraith

I call mine "the one room in my tiny shitty apartment."

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

Well, it didn't help that just as the series had finally shed all the leftover baggage of said narcissistic megalomaniac and started to stand on its own feet again, Archie Comics killed the series because they wanted to get rid of basically every title that wasn't part of their increasingly terrible Riverdale line.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

The only aspects of Sonic from my childhood were the SEGA games. Primarily Spinball, as that was the one my family owned, but the rest I played with friends. Never watched a single episode of any of the various cartoons nor read a comic of the character. Nor will I.

@Retired

As much as I'd like to say you're missing out......meh. The old cartoon from the 90s was the best thing in the world when I was seven, but it sure as hell hasn't aged well. The Archie comic became a convoluted mess until they rebooted, and unfortunately it only made it through one major arc post-reboot before the company canceled the book. I do suggest playing Sonic Mania since it's basically the old Sega Genesis games refined and perfected, but beyond that, ehhh.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

<Snipped quote by AndyC>
One of my favorite comic book arcs in Archie's Sonic after the New Genesis Wave. But I'm a sucker for adventure pulp and tournament arcs.

@Inkarnate

Making Sonic the Fighters into something actually enjoyable is no small feat.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

<Snipped quote by AndyC>

Yeah. "Past." I'm sure.

@Retired

Oh, don't get me wrong, I've played through Sonic Mania about six times by now. And the Archie comic was actually the first comic I ever collected monthly, so I'll always have a soft spot for it. But I'm fully aware that a good 80% of the games made since the 90s have been a dumpster fire, I find most of the fandom terrifying, and the characters I grew up with as a kid (specifically the American-made ones from the cartoons and the Archie comic) are very likely never to be used again because Sega doesn't like them. So yeah, with the occasional exceptional game like Mania (and using him as one of my mains in Smash), being an overt Sonic fan is mostly in my rear-view mirror.

CLOSED - Ultimate One Universe: Season One

Izzat'a Sonic OC?

@Nightrunner

Not an OC, but she's from such a deep cut in the series that she might as well be. That's "Honey the Cat," who was designed for the abysmal Sonic the Fighters but didn't make the cut for the arcade game, and was only made playable in 2012 for the game's re-release on one of the various best-of collections. She then showed up a few times in the Archie Sonic comic as a world-famous fashion mogul, because the guy writing the book at the time (Ian Flynn) signed some kind of pact with Satan where he had to use absolutely every character ever associated with Sonic in exchange for pulling the book out of its unreadable-garbage phase left over from creepy weirdo Ken Penders and making the comic actually fun to read again.

There. Now I need to go take a shower to wash away my shameful past.