clanjos Member
Giant Hero
-
Last Seen:
0-24 hrs ago
- Joined: 11 yrs ago
- Posts: 802 (0.20 / day)
- VMs: 0
-
Username history
- clanjos 11 yrs ago
-
Latest 10 profile visitors:
-
Most recent →
rush99999,
wanderingwolf,
Digizel,
Izurich,
MrSkimobile,
XxFellsingxX,
apheline
Status
Recent Statuses
9 yrs ago
Sometimes, even an adventurer needs a backrub.
2
likes
Bio
User has no bio, yet
Most Recent Posts
So... is this a city that just simultaneously exists in every dimension? If not, how are we to get there? How do we know about these mysterious disappearances? Why would we abandon our jurisdictions as Riders to leave our monsters to flourish so we can fight these guys?
Space Bar
LOCK OFF.
Takahara looked down at the business suit he'd worn over his Shocker Grunt uniform, grumbling. Those were bullet holes and bloodstains. That always took FOREVER to get out. Not to mention the shot's he'd taken to the back while taking cover behind the table. Seething with obvious rage, he replaced his tie and became noticeably calmer. He removed the two belts and nodded to the ork's severed head, tossing it over to his body.
"Yeah. We'll get you patched up and let you take a look through the armo-"
Aaaaand then the Saiyan was kneeling. As far as he knew, that wasn't something that happened. Still, the raw power of a Saiyan would always come in handy. He handed Raditz a business card with a bow.
"Well, when Frieza died, I bought up a lot of his surplus. And don't worry about the 'my lord' stuff, I'm running a more casual workplace than Frieza or Cooler. I'd show you the presentation but uh..."
Looking over, the slides from the presentation had been shot to tatters. One of the Faceless Corporate Drones from Blatantly Evil Marketing Firm B was doubled over on the ground, grabbing his head in horror. The presentation... it had been DAMAGED. This was unacceptable.
I... I dodged the bullets. I thought of my own life as more important than the corporation's success!
The Drone's eye went to a plastic spork on Raditz's tray as he dived for it.
There is only one way to restore my honor.
Taking the spork, he attempted to plunge it into his stomach and drag it across. This... didn't work. The fact he could not restore his honor through seppuku left him even more distressed. He proceeded to try to dash his brains out on the floor, screaming "QUOTA! QUOTA! OVERTIIIIIIIIIIIME!"
Takahara sighed as he finished redoing the knot on his tie.
"...y... yeah. The Faceless Corporate Drones get like this sometimes. Julius, mind taking us home? We gotta go full force if we're going to take Castlevania. And I'm going to be honest, my vision's kinda blurry right now, so you'll proooobably want to have Appule on standby."
Takahara finally finished up with his tie and checked his phone for messages.
"2 million meat? Like... pounds, tons, pork, beef, what? I'mma worry about this later, I really need a doctor."
"Alright, I'm starting the generator. Stay away from the outlets for a second, merchant, this is going to get loud."
Samuel had promised to fix the shop's backup generator for one simple reason: He had an idea for a new weapon and needed fission batteries. The thing is, the shopkeeper's safe was electronically locked, and something was up with the generator he couldn't quite understand. Well, he must have been blind, because the inside had been filthy- like someone had been using it to store food that went moldy since before the War. With all the dirt and rust inside, it was a miracle it hadn't exploded. It had taken several boxes of Abraxo and a toilet brush to do so, but the innards were sparkling as best they could after this long. Reconnecting the wires and returning the switches to their operational state, he lowered his goggles and shut up the generator. With a soft whirr, it came to life, and the lights of the store flickered on. Business concluded, he got the fission batteries and a few parts for his creation- a large metal tube, a motor and belt from a vacuum cleaner, the spherical body of an eyebot, a few yards of copper wire, an aluminum baseball bat, and a throwing spear.
"Alright... this should just about cover it."
He made his way to the crafting bench where his noble steed Lambray stood guard. One of the finest horses the Knights had bought from the Carolinas, the horse was worthy of his name. He began the process of cobbling the items together.
Samuel had promised to fix the shop's backup generator for one simple reason: He had an idea for a new weapon and needed fission batteries. The thing is, the shopkeeper's safe was electronically locked, and something was up with the generator he couldn't quite understand. Well, he must have been blind, because the inside had been filthy- like someone had been using it to store food that went moldy since before the War. With all the dirt and rust inside, it was a miracle it hadn't exploded. It had taken several boxes of Abraxo and a toilet brush to do so, but the innards were sparkling as best they could after this long. Reconnecting the wires and returning the switches to their operational state, he lowered his goggles and shut up the generator. With a soft whirr, it came to life, and the lights of the store flickered on. Business concluded, he got the fission batteries and a few parts for his creation- a large metal tube, a motor and belt from a vacuum cleaner, the spherical body of an eyebot, a few yards of copper wire, an aluminum baseball bat, and a throwing spear.
"Alright... this should just about cover it."
He made his way to the crafting bench where his noble steed Lambray stood guard. One of the finest horses the Knights had bought from the Carolinas, the horse was worthy of his name. He began the process of cobbling the items together.
Seeing the Ork raise his Shoota, Takahara pushed against the Choppa, bending the Axel Blade back into its raygun formation and unloading at the ork as well. If he could figure out how to free up a hand, he could probably end this a bit sooner. Under his suits, the tie was loosening... until eventually it came off all together.
"THAT MEANS YOU DON'T USE FLASHBANGS IN A BARFIGHT YOU SHIT-EATING GROT! MELEE COMBAT ONLY! THAT'S HOW PEOPLE WITH A SPINE SETTLE SHIT IN THESE PLACES! BUT NO, YOU'RE THE KIND OF LITTLE BITCH THAT WHIPS OUT A GUN AND FLASH GRENADES!"
Not bothering to dodge, he reached down to the knife on his belt, bringing it down three times, even as the bullets hit him. Sparks and occasional flecks of blood began flying from his suit, but by now, the tie was off- the civil accountant had given way to salaryman venting all his frustrations. And dear lord did he have a lot of them.
FIFTEEN SPARKING! RIOT RAIMENT SPARKING!
"THERE ARE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT! AND I'M GOING TO BEAT THEM INTO YOUR EMPTY SKULL, BEFORE I SEND YOUR ASS BROKEN AND BLEEDING TO EXPLAIN THEM TO YOUR DEAD ORK GODS!"
With that, Takahara leapt skyward, flipping over mid-air just below the ceiling. A tremendous purple skull formed around his right foot as he fell forward, attempting to plant it on the ork's face.
"RIDER KICK!"
Osaka
In a mid-price range hotel in the heart of Osaka, a young lady sat on the bed watching TV. This was Kayoko, the live-in girlfriend of the Hero: ASTRO FIGHTER- SUNRED! Her cell beeped away as she pulled it out of her pocket.
"Hi, this is Kayo- Ah, Vamp! Yes, the vacation is lovely! Even HE's enjoying the time off. Hm? ...Where would I hide a secret base if I were a hero? Probably something inconspicuous, like a hairdresser, or a pizzeria, or a bakery. Hey, you aren't giving up the world domination thing are you? I don't think he could take it if you retired. Is that so? Oh, how charming! It's so nice to have friends. Oh, that's him now! Bye Vamp! Have fun with your scheme!"
Evil Army Florsheim Base of Operations, Mitakihara city
The man in the purple robe, who had convinced Takahara to form Shocker+ in the first place, stood in a darkened room before his henchmen. Spear and shield in hand, he chuckled wickedly.
"Muhuhu... As the sovereigns of order in this world of chaos, we, the Evil Army Florsheim, have been personally chosen by Takahara for a dark task..."
"To ensure the continued subjugation of this world!" Shouted a humanoid pterodactyl as a spotlight focused on it.
"SUBJUGATE! SUBJUGATE!" Howled a tremendous wolfman, brimming with muscles.
"To create a world where humans and monsters can live together!" Two monsters- a lion decked out like a samurai and an armored tiger- spoke in turn. "And to ensure that heroes do not stand in the way of this society of peace!"
"This, we shall accomplish, as members of the Florsheim Mitakihara Branch! But first..."
The lights flickered on, revealing the monsters to be standing around in aprons. It seemed they were still getting... whatever this business was setup. The werewolf monster was moving around a large oven while the lion and tiger swept out the front. The pterodactyl had just finished washing her hands.
"General Vamp, it might be best to get the word out. You know, before we actually open, make sure we'll have customers."
"Ah, that's a good idea Dolgon! Hm... but everyone here's a bit busy. Ah! I've got it! Usacots... I have a mission for you!"
SALLY FORTH! ANIMAL SOLDIERS!
The Florsheim Animal Soldiers, Stuffed Animal-Type Monsters! The mighty Usacots! The fearsome Devilcat! The mechanical wonder P-Chan! And the psychotic Hell Wolf! Designed to use their innocent appearance and demeanor to kidnap children, General Vamp eventually came to the realization that kidnapping children tended to worry the parents. Now they were part of the regular rotation of monsters that fought against Sunred. Today, however, they were traveling around town putting up flyers for the new Florsheim Bakery that would serve to mask their operations in this world!
"THAT MEANS YOU DON'T USE FLASHBANGS IN A BARFIGHT YOU SHIT-EATING GROT! MELEE COMBAT ONLY! THAT'S HOW PEOPLE WITH A SPINE SETTLE SHIT IN THESE PLACES! BUT NO, YOU'RE THE KIND OF LITTLE BITCH THAT WHIPS OUT A GUN AND FLASH GRENADES!"
Not bothering to dodge, he reached down to the knife on his belt, bringing it down three times, even as the bullets hit him. Sparks and occasional flecks of blood began flying from his suit, but by now, the tie was off- the civil accountant had given way to salaryman venting all his frustrations. And dear lord did he have a lot of them.
FIFTEEN SPARKING! RIOT RAIMENT SPARKING!
"THERE ARE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT! AND I'M GOING TO BEAT THEM INTO YOUR EMPTY SKULL, BEFORE I SEND YOUR ASS BROKEN AND BLEEDING TO EXPLAIN THEM TO YOUR DEAD ORK GODS!"
With that, Takahara leapt skyward, flipping over mid-air just below the ceiling. A tremendous purple skull formed around his right foot as he fell forward, attempting to plant it on the ork's face.
"RIDER KICK!"
Osaka
In a mid-price range hotel in the heart of Osaka, a young lady sat on the bed watching TV. This was Kayoko, the live-in girlfriend of the Hero: ASTRO FIGHTER- SUNRED! Her cell beeped away as she pulled it out of her pocket.
"Hi, this is Kayo- Ah, Vamp! Yes, the vacation is lovely! Even HE's enjoying the time off. Hm? ...Where would I hide a secret base if I were a hero? Probably something inconspicuous, like a hairdresser, or a pizzeria, or a bakery. Hey, you aren't giving up the world domination thing are you? I don't think he could take it if you retired. Is that so? Oh, how charming! It's so nice to have friends. Oh, that's him now! Bye Vamp! Have fun with your scheme!"
Evil Army Florsheim Base of Operations, Mitakihara city
The man in the purple robe, who had convinced Takahara to form Shocker+ in the first place, stood in a darkened room before his henchmen. Spear and shield in hand, he chuckled wickedly.
"Muhuhu... As the sovereigns of order in this world of chaos, we, the Evil Army Florsheim, have been personally chosen by Takahara for a dark task..."
"To ensure the continued subjugation of this world!" Shouted a humanoid pterodactyl as a spotlight focused on it.
"SUBJUGATE! SUBJUGATE!" Howled a tremendous wolfman, brimming with muscles.
"To create a world where humans and monsters can live together!" Two monsters- a lion decked out like a samurai and an armored tiger- spoke in turn. "And to ensure that heroes do not stand in the way of this society of peace!"
"This, we shall accomplish, as members of the Florsheim Mitakihara Branch! But first..."
The lights flickered on, revealing the monsters to be standing around in aprons. It seemed they were still getting... whatever this business was setup. The werewolf monster was moving around a large oven while the lion and tiger swept out the front. The pterodactyl had just finished washing her hands.
"General Vamp, it might be best to get the word out. You know, before we actually open, make sure we'll have customers."
"Ah, that's a good idea Dolgon! Hm... but everyone here's a bit busy. Ah! I've got it! Usacots... I have a mission for you!"
SALLY FORTH! ANIMAL SOLDIERS!
The Florsheim Animal Soldiers, Stuffed Animal-Type Monsters! The mighty Usacots! The fearsome Devilcat! The mechanical wonder P-Chan! And the psychotic Hell Wolf! Designed to use their innocent appearance and demeanor to kidnap children, General Vamp eventually came to the realization that kidnapping children tended to worry the parents. Now they were part of the regular rotation of monsters that fought against Sunred. Today, however, they were traveling around town putting up flyers for the new Florsheim Bakery that would serve to mask their operations in this world!
So... Mine looks okay, right?
Yes, that IS generally the point of a parody.
<Snipped quote by Apollosarcher>
Wait, I thought Fallout took place in 2300's with everything in a 50's style. By that logic, should everything that happened in the 1900s to 2100's exist?
hoo boy, where do I even start with everything wrong with that sentence.
I'm thinking ASTRO FIGHTER SUNRED. Or Metal Heroes, because there are never any Metal Hero games.
Ugh. Avellone's a hack who doesn't understand how animals work. There's still a shitton of wild horses out west, even after decades of cull programs, and bombs hitting a few hundred miles away wouldn't really do much to their populations. There ARE horses out west, no matter what his disgusting "Noble Savage" fantasies say.
© 2007-2024