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15 days ago
Current so does anybody know what conditioners aren't too rough on chlorophyll
2 mos ago
trying to find the "golden ratio" of weed and ozempic to cause my appetite to stack overflow and reactivate the long-dormant photosynthesis gene from that 50% of DNA we share with plants. will update
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2 mos ago
many people dont know this but a good cue for deadlifting is to bring your chest up and lock your lats for proper spinal stability. this also applies to interacting with gorillas i'm told. testing no—
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4 mos ago
yeah i work in area 51, it's pretty chill. usually you just get a tweaker roll by on a "spiritual journey" once a month. they tend to go away once you put a few AIM-9s downrange on their flying saucer
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5 mos ago
man is closest to god after an ice cold beer in the warm shower. his mind and body are freed. next closest is behind the wheel in a scool zone, also with an ice cold beer in hand. study this well.
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Gerard Segremors


@Eisenhorn@VitaVitaAR

Hardly a breath after Dame Yael forced one of the Gannek's crawling, grasping arms back into its maw, a second line of edged steel blurred, as the longsword in the wolf-pelted knight's hand sent another home. He grunted, snarling as he drove all his power into the dried, dead ground beneath, keeping his impromptu boar spear wedged against their foe's most dangerous weapon, checking its advance, keeping that belly exposed. That was the key to all this. Everyone here knew that.

None moreso than the beast itself, as two legs snatched Sir Caulder's axe and stopped it cold, while a third reached for his helmet while he was still stuck in deadlock for generalship of the weapon, strength met with strength. Gerard had mere seconds to react, even as Rolan darted in and out of range behind the bite of his hunting knife to disable an arm—

"To Caulder! Go! We'll be alright!" he howled, the immediate echo in his helmet ringing down to the Aessyr's ears as much as Dame Yael's. As though to make good on his promise, lightning cracked behind his visor, and he pressed the advantage, forcing his arm, shoulder, and torso behind it forward, buying more distance... for now.

He could feel the strides of the crawling length of arms even as he bat them away with his sword. Between that and the titanic strain he was putting the wood under (even with the grain as opposed to against), he wouldn't be able to check it like this forever— at some point, he'd need a fallback. His passenger was buried really deep now, so he didn't believe he'd lose her if he needed to move quick...

"Be ready, but have faith. I've got you." he breathed.

If he felt the branch was about to go, he'd cast it off and use the second of obstruction it'd buy to get at the neck— take over as battering ram, find an angle where the monster couldn't get its mouth or arms around to reach.
This post was fact-checked by real Earthnoid patriots: TRUE



im plenty adjusted it's normal to enjoy fast flight and melee combat yknow
there's a pageantry to it
Rudolf Sagramore


@VitaVitaAR@vietmyke

"Friends of yours, Fey?"

Blades crashed, painting the heavy shadows of the narrow alleyway in brief showers of orange as the trio of Kirins (nobody reasonably expecting Goug to fight) squared off with twice their number in soon-to-be unlucky highwaymen. Negotiations had quickly fallen through after it became clear that nobody intended to part with their gil so easily— Rudolf had barely the time to raise a smirk and an eyebrow at the thought of robbing people so heavily armed as they were before he was set upon by a pair of masked ne'er-do-wells.

Silver lining was that they'd prove a fair first outing for his new recruits.

The seconds that followed were a cacophony of steel striking steel, as the heavy, curved Crane's Wings at his hip were set to work on their first sortie, turning aside the straighter, thrusting attacks made by his sudden opponents. His eyes narrowed, taking their measure while he had these opening moments of uncertainty. They darted to and fro between the figures, his companions, the narrow space and sturdy walls they'd walked themselves into. Something itched at the back of his mind, feeling like familiarity.

From the jump, it seemed like they at least had a rudimentary idea of how to maximize their advantages within the space— cramped as this back alley was, he couldn't completely open the Wings up the way they demanded. His new recruits were well-suited to casting oneself almost into a dervish, swinging the body through powerful arcs as one blade played off the momentum of the other, each strike lending some of its torque to the next— fine as a lone fighter, but when minding his comrades in such tight environs, he'd suddenly found himself kind of wishing he had brought along Valon's spear instead—

That, at least, would allow him to more than contend with his opponents, who had far less concern for the likelihood of accidentally striking an ally. Theirs were the classical form of cut-and-thrust, in keeping with the highwayman look, all in-and-out movement punctuated by needling tempo. He was penned in by the space, and forced to make his reads on the defensive— they would already be out of the way by the time one of his cuts would pass through where they'd been. Trapped at the edge of their range and with no way in, he most out of the three present would be suspect to a death by a thousand cuts once they wore him down. In basic terms, this was what he intuited to be their gambit.

What they had failed to account for was to be a fatal gap in the theory. One they had no reason to know of, in fairness, but was simultaneously a load-bearing element of the whole idea that had been swiped from beneath them, one that made him probably the worst to encounter, rather than best. He'd figured out what it was about the feeling of each exhange that had been bugging him.

He watched the nearby man step in deep. The rhythm, the form, the openings...

He had seen this before.

A few times with his eyes from afar, but more importantly, once over the span of a moonlit bout behind his swords. The other half of that ill-fated eve was barely two steps to his right. The space was very different, true, he didn't have a whole courtyard to open up and apply pressure through—

As the masked mystrel man tried to retract his spada, he found it off-course and caught between the Crane Wings as they crossed over its length, catching his edge on the "featherlike" quillons on the spines. Behind the thin strip of black cloth, his eyes would go wide for the moment the pressure was relieved after a slight tug forward.

"Either way, if they're holding us up I'm playing rough." a cold voice intoned from directly in front, as a blur swelled through the gloom. Still trying to catch himself, the next instant saw the world explode into a field of white pain as Rudolf's pommel smashed into the bridge of his nose. Blinded, he reared back only to find a boot planting itself into his stomach, sending him crashing into another.

—but with that revelation in hand, these guys were now an open book. Forget responding in time— by the end of sparring the better version, he was confident he knew how to break rhythm and regain initiative at a moment's notice. He could attack stance, wedge his cuts in between theirs, or leverage physicality in tight, just as he had here.

The time to sit and watch on the back foot was over. Now that he knew what he was dealing with, it was time to smash through their game the way he had the best of this archetype. Having bought himself a moment's space, the Sagramori Auxilia decided it was his turn to use the terrain to his advantage.

As though channeling the spirit of the mighty sabertooth whose fang he had pried out four years ago, the young man surged forward and pounced, using the nearby wall as a springboard to launch himself clear over the heads of the highwaymen—

"Heads up, nimrod."

—Only to descend upon their rearmost like a falling buzzsaw, twisting at the hips and trunk into a whirling set of hews as his boot planted upon the wall opposite and launched Wings and Warrior both towards the earth. Now behind their lines, suddenly it was the three Kirins bunching up and entrapping the would-be robbers.

He had no intention of letting up his assault.
Gerard Segremors


@Eisenhorn@VitaVitaAR

"Stay with me, little one. Bury yourself well in the coat. It's close." Gerard growled as their hike took them deeper and deeper into the unnatural gloom, an emptying pull in his gullet heralding tension down the back of his neck, hackles raising and senses sharpening. He licked his chops in spite of himself, as he finally donned his helmet anew and drew his sword as they entered the rest, head on swivel. He as well as any recognized the pangs of inexplicable hunger as they came— And while the white branches of the tree that marked a hero's grave yet caught light, he did too mutter a silent prayer to his patron goddess anew.

The sensation intensified as the blackness deepened and they continued on, until finally they arrived at the site of the attack, taking in the destruction caused by the monster in question with wary eyes. The tree that had once been the Aessyr's home was now a tattered ruin, old belongings strewn about the blackened ground, and of course, no monster in sight... Yet.

Hunger and smelling war at his doorstep. It was much like old times— and as such, his instincts were sharp pins and needles, forcing his visor upward to meet the eyes they all felt upon them.

Impossibly wide maw. Hunger filling the air. Long, spindly, emaciated, big— full of a gluttony that stood as eternal allegorical rival to the storied greed of dragons. It was a good thing he and the little fairy had finished the pastry on their journey— as a growing boy, he had always been told these damnable things would come, and eat the whole village if food was left to waste. He had put the pieces together now.

"Gannek," he growled, bringing his blade to bear as it began to descend, the first hand-tipped tendrils creeping out of the depths of its mouth. It was hard to hide the disgust in his voice— boyhood nightmares had become adulthood understandings of the world he lived in. Though an unfinished meal wasn't ever likely to draw one to your homestead, they were very real monsters all the same, and needed to be immediately dealt with as such. "Lovely. I get to start my day by doing the countryside a service."

Its approach was steady, but unceasing, heedless of the steel being brough to bear upon it. Though faced a group of three knights, he couldn't help but believe he was being singled out as its first meal. Why might that—

He felt a tug as the Aessyr buried herself as deep as she could into his shoulder... Right. Aessyr, like many seelie fae, were as pockets of raw vibrating life as much as they could be considered beings of flesh and blood— no more enticing a repast for a demon of gluttony and greed like this. He took a low stance, ready to spring.

He needed to occupy that mouth, and they needed to kill it. Nominally, the best way was to behead these things, but that first required—

The telltale thrum of a heavy bolt sailing downrange finished the thought for him, as Rolan's words put it to a clear and concise voice. Well, in the thick of it like this, Gerard could shelve his misgivings that the man had doubled back for now— ranged support like his was hard to come by on a good day, let alone one where each time you got close to your target you made a gamble.

"The man's right!" Gerard affirmed, still unused to hearing his voice ringing inside the steel of his helmet like a horn or bell. Even though it would doubtless regenerate, that first shot had bought them a moment where it needed to deal with a sudden impact to the head— one they could not afford to waste. That branch Sir Caulder had been examining earlier was still close by. "I'll force an opening, be ready!"

Taking it into his free hand, the gold-eyed knight grunted as he brought the long mass of torn wood to bear and surged forward— meeting the widemouthed beast in the middle of its approach behind the ragged tip of the heavy branch. A strange experience. A mere month ago, this would have at least demanded both hands of him—

Stomping into the earth and driving all the power in his kinetic chain through its length, he used the momentum of his charge to ram the branch into the maw of the beast, driving it up by the roof of the mouth. His plan was simple and intuitive— where the head went, the body needed to follow. This way, he could line up the things gut to be split open by the others. in his right hand, his sword remained at the ready to swipe through any errant hands of shadow reaching too close for comfort.

—when you had spent more than any sane man's lifetime's worth warding off strikes from Cyrus the Hammer in his prime, well.. the scales tended to weigh a little differently afterward.
Some men aren't looking for fame
Some men aren't looking for fortune
Some men
just gotta go fast
Gerard Segremors


@Eisenhorn@VitaVitaAR

"Perfect. We'll take the direct route." Gerard nodded, fine with this arrangement and hearing nothing in the way of objections. Time was of the essence if they wanted to make this save, this Enfys's survival being an open question or otherwise. Additionally, provided they could preliminarily scout out the sight of the attack, the main party on their heels could be quickly brought up to speed and act effectively.

It'd be a more agile stance to take than delaying the information until all fourtysomething of the knights present were on-site, at any rate. Plus, even this small division of theirs was noisy enough simply by way of their armoring— two or three harnesses could move with the wind and minimize jangling passably, provided their skill levels were all roughly equivalent. After a dozen or more, it was much, much further from feasible.

Really, another reason he'd brought Sir Rolan's name up in the "return to base" part of the division of labor was that he had to work with what he was given— Ideally, he and the other scruffy black-haired knight would push out ahead, known quantities to one another and both at least servicable in their bushcraft. If the goal was simply to prowl the forest to try and get the drop on this beast, Gerard had plenty of cause to suspect their pair the strongest.

But putting it as simply as possible, he didn't for a moment believe the other two would let them get away with that.

So he had to work within that frame.

"We have a fair idea of which way Thomlin's Rest lies from this point per the briefing— There should be a split in the path that would take us there. I intend to just keep things to an 'investigation' and not an 'engagement' unless a fight comes upon us first— though with that said, we're burning daylight. Move well, Rolan, and Reon guide you. We'll do the same."

He shifted his gaze back to the buzzing little Aessyr, another torn-off fragment of pastry on offer.

"You'd best stay with us if that monster you speak of still prowls nearby. Safety in a pack, right?"
Rudolf Sagramore


"She's right." Rudolf watched the three highest authorities in the land take their with a tight-lipped frown, only loosing the sigh he'd been holding out through the nose once they were well and truly gone. What an abject disaster. Skaelan diplomacy amounting to little more than a thrown brick was already one thing, but the reveal of the Caradoc ties to stewardship of the Edreni Crystal had called the specificity he'd opened with into question, hamstringing the point in their favor it had served as.

Furthermore, the invocation of Cid's name specifically had nearly been an opportunity they'd wholly missed. Were it not for Izayoi and the final Grovemaster salvaging the proceedings by raising that point at the last second... Well, he had little doubts that things would have fully dissolved.

A dull, brassy eye slid over to regard Neve, her shoulders slumped in regret. "You saw that old coot walk in with a full head of steam. Axes were there to be ground already— and you had plenty of reason to want to reassure them you were in safe hands while away." he elaborated, waving his hand for a moment before folding his arms. He would have little else to say until their return.

He should have just opened with it to begin with. His instincts had told him as much, but he'd held off— gambling on the frame the deliberations would take.

It was on him for still not learning his lessons, then.




By the time the Grovemasters returned with their decision in hand, Rudolf had grown tired of sitting around, and now leaned against one of the walls. The boat ride the prior three days had already left his legs wanting more of a stretch— and just as well, because each word that spilled forth from Zacharias's mouth he could feel winding the rest of him tighter.

"...That's one way to get rid of us." he noted, flinty gaze pointedly lingering upon the old man after a quick glance to poor Neve. She must have been feeling worse than useless at this point. "And no room for her to choose, too— we know where we all stand at this point. Looks like you got everything you wanted."

He clicked his tongue, eyes narrowing on the hooded figure, even as Isolde piped up with a token attempt at amelioration— explaining their reasoning, at least.

Well, look at that. Guess you got what you thought you mighta wanted after all. The one that couldn't trust you enough and the one that was trusting you too much are both out of the picture. It's all coming up Rudolf— Your conscience feel any clearer?

I never wanted this. And my choices, clearly, haven't mattered at all lately. This is what's becoming of every commitment I've made my mind up on— dissolution. In ways I never expect, and my work on them never prepares for.

Maybe it was "luck of the draw". I certainly don't see any of my agency at play here.


No need to accuse, kiddo. Save this unspoken animus for the man in the hood. You and I are on the same team, same as ever. I've a vested interest in keeping us alive. Have a little faith— or are you unwilling? We're all in this together.

...Well. Save the aforementioned, that is.


He sighed bitterly, stepping off the wall. "Whatever. Let's settle this Trial while time's still nominally on our side. I have unfinished business with Leviathan anyway."
Rudolf Sagramore


There was a minute tightness around the edges of his face that hadn't been there a second before, but to the oft-craven young man's credit, his gaze was held with nary a waver. Beyond that subtle narrowing of the eyes, his impassive mask that half the party had already cracked before seemed to have been further refined.

At least, outwardly.

I must have forgot who some of the people I was trusting to handle this with more delicacy than myself were. I guess this is how we're doing it, then. No putting that genie back in the bottle.
Rudolf Sagramore


"Well, now that we're all friends," the profaned swordsman muttered dryly, leaning forward and clasping his hands as he took his seat upon the offered stump. "To business."

He scanned the room behind a frosty expression, eyes sharp after the second Grovemaster, meaningfully or otherwise, set the tone in his spirited rebuke of Izayoi. Undeniable now that there was extra tension in the air, once opinions had been made known. That much was fine interpersonally, and he had no high opinion reserved for the Grovemasters as a conglomerate for many of the same reasons Izayoi had brought to their attention— but these, fundamentally, were negotiations. Winding eachother into anger would muddy affairs prematurely, before they had even relayed the warning from Cid—

Regardless of the political end of things, as he had an inclination some of the more established representatives present were inclined or even forced to consider, they at least had cause to share information. It would be like not telling Hien. These three were the highest authority in this land, as far as he knew.

He stared into the shadows of the centermost Grovemaster's hood, where he knew the eyes would need to be. This was the one that had quelled the other and urged the Kirins take the floor, so he was most likely to appreciate cutting to the heart of things. If there was any one thing Rudolf had been taught in nineteen years, it was the value in cutting to hearts.

"What my companion alludes to is the answer to your question— The emergence of Blight upon the land has a direct tie to the invasion of the continent at large by Valheimr forces. Beyond the simple confluence of timing, though that was our first lead." he began, voice a hard edge. "Their home continent of Arbor has fallen dead as a victim to the same process, carried out over a century— a leaching of the Mothercrystal's light from the land itself. We believe this to be done through seizure and subsequent abuse of the sacred elemental crystals— the fire of her nation already being lost, and the water of yours now at most risk, the softest target left on the board here."

He wouldn't mince his words here. The situation being discussed was far too dire to allow for it. If they would bristle at the implication of inability to defend themselves, he could simply point back to the 'warmonger' comment, and remind them of the stance that presupposed. That said, he didn't expect to navigate them out of the woods they'd just been thrown into with the opening statement.

Lucky that this argument wasn't being presented by him alone. He'd establish the stakes, then let the better suited pick the ball up and keep running it.

"The current spoiling of the northern lands will be a simple precursor. The situation is dire enough as it is with one crystal already out of the equation— speaking from experience, even Edren is starting to be spread thin keeping the beasts and blight contained. Osprey has been pounded flat enough that the invaders have established a foothold in its capital before it could hope to recover from the recent war— and it was the saboteurs they slipped into the country ahead of schedule that set the tone for invasion. A few of us have personal experience in dealing with this methodology firsthand. It's key that we check their attempts of infiltration while we still can, before the people in your care become wholly overrun."
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