Invader Len

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Holy Grail
I'm sorry to see you go, but I'm very grateful you told us, and I wish you luck on your future RPs. I hope life gets easier for you from here on out. Thank you for being so cooperative with us. :)

Sum up your week in roleplaying in just 3 words

More character reviews.

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@HeartlessNobody
Thank you, everything looks good now! Wit that said, you’re accepted! We’ll move your character over to the waiting list, and you can post them in the character’s tab. We’ll give you a magic style once we give you a partner. Please do not post in the IC until you have been given a magic style and a partner.

And on to our next event.

Announcement

This is a reminder that this street scene is coming to a close! You all have until Wednesday 9:00 PM PST to finish up conversations and interactions.

I’m also going to be @‘ing people that either have not posted yet or have not been active in a while.
@GummyCat, @Sailorsadie

Also, if anyone feels like they want to drop, or may need to drop in the near future, now is the perfect time to do so! It’s much easier for us if you do so before the bonds are made, so we can spend the time we have before the scene change shifting partners rather than reassign them right after the ceremony.

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@HeartlessNobody

Loke Blackhardt Review

Two things. First, the scholarship. You might be confused on how it works. If you get a scholarship, your tuition is paid in full. There is no partial scholarship. You either get it, or you don’t. Please correct this.

Next, this was just a minor concern with the questions, but hacking. Please note that in this universe, hacking is a criminal activity, and any student found to be engaging in criminal activities will be expelled from St. Fortuna. You don’t have to change your answer, just know that if your character gets caught hacking or is discovered to have hacked anyone, they risk expulsion and criminal investigation. Word of warning.

Also, onenote is the resident Adevnturer’s Guild expert, so if your character is interested in pursuing a career with a guild or having a background with a guild, send them a PM! They know everything! I don’t know shit because my characters are goddamn nerds.

And with the first thing corrected, we would be happy to review your CS again. It looks very good, just some minor details to be corrected before we accept you.

And with that, we GMs three are gonna hit the hay. Talk to y'all in the morning!

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Toxic Cheshire

Jackie O’neil Review

Okay, to begin. Your character’s personality doesn’t really have any flaws. There’s nothing here to counter his all-around-nice-guy demeanor. That’s just not realistic, or, in my opinion, very fun to play. Give him some character flaws. Every character should have 1 serious flaw, and at least 2 minor flaws. It gives them more depth, makes them more real, shapes how they react to struggles, internal or external.

Next up, his bio. It’s simply too short, too brief. This is your character’s entire life up until the RP starts, does one paragraph really do them justice? There’s no city, no relations with his family, no drive, no drama. Frankly, it’s pretty underwhelming. There’s hardly even enough for me to critique. This isn’t a backstory, this is a summary. Beef it up more, make this character interesting. Think about where he’s from, how he interacts with his family members, what do his parents do, how did that affect him? Did he have friends growing up? Any pets? Any big life events that happened to him? He’s good at school work, okay, why? He plays sports, is he good? Does he suck? You really need to build a lot more here. A lot more.

Next up, his total lack of ambition. A scholarship character is not what you’re gonna want to play if your character has no motivation. The scholarships for St. Fortuna’s are highly competitive, and the school itself is much more intense than the average high school. It’s not something you attend on a whim or because you have decent grades. You have to want to be there. Why does your character want to be at St. Fortuna’s? If you don’t want to give them this motivation, I’d suggest making your character from a wealthier background, and have his parents send him to the school.

Then the likes and dislikes. They’re very cookie cutter. Everyone loves positivity and family (unless the backstory and personality are really convoluted) and everyone hates bullies. This really doesn’t tell me anything about the character, and only serves to make them appear more bland. Spice things up a little, include strange passions, irrational fears, things he detests above all others. This will help you with your character a lot in practice.

Then your quiz answers. The fact that your character has nothing they regret really speaks to me about him not having character. I don’t know about you, but I did a lot of stuff that I regret when I was 16, stuff that still makes me cringe. And with question 6, you say pets, but there are no pets anywhere else in his story? Are these phantom pets that randomly appear and disappear? Quantum pets from outer space that fade in and out of our dimensions? Does he hallucinate pets? Either give him a pet or change this answer, as it doesn’t make sense with the rest of his story. What little there is of it.

In sum, your character is a skeleton, a first draft, a literal pile of bones. He doesn’t have any plot meat or muscle to hold him together, no skin to make him interesting and appealing. No eyeballs or perspective to see the world in, no flaws, no history, and a weird Schrödinger’s cat situation happening there in question number six. (Seriously where are his pets man?) You need to fatten this character up, give him a more in-depth backstory, make his likes and dislikes more personal, and fix the Twilight Zone scenario with the pets that are there, yet not there. Once these corrections have been made, we will be happy to review your CS again. :)

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

Hello, i would like to join this rp as well, do i submit the CS here?

@Toxic Cheshire

Yup! Fill out a CS, we review it, and if it looks good, it's accepted. If there are issues that need to be fixed, we list out the revisions needed and offer suggestions. Once all revisions are made, the CS will be accepted. :)

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

Hello. Is this still open?

@HeartlessNobody

Yes, we are still open and taking applications! You can feel free to submit a CS which we will review, and if accepted, you'll be put on our waiting list. (Because of the nature of this RP, we accept people in pairs, and you may begin posting IC after you have been partnered.)

@General Scales
Glad to see you're still with us! Sorry it's been quiet recently, but once my papers are over and the next scene begins, I hope we can start breathing a little more life into this thing. :D

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Klaykid That's quite alright, thank you for notifying me. I'll be sure to keep this in mind when beginning the next scene, and will do my best to give you extra time needed. :)

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Redmarshmellow
Excellent work! I'll put this in the list! You can expect to see Skree in both the Student's Lounge and in the local arcade!

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Invader Len
Kaison and Vyvyan have been mixed up in the Partners table of the opening post. Kaison's the mage.

@Republic

Ah, thank you for catching that. I'll fix that ASAP.