Avatar of Liliya
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    1. Liliya 9 yrs ago
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8 yrs ago
Current "all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya,"
1 like
8 yrs ago
Ahh! That awkward moment when you've spent the whole day talking about stupid stuff with your whole roleplay group, and in the middle of the night after everyone went to bed? A wild idea appears!! >.<
2 likes
8 yrs ago
All of a sudden, there's this sharp, stabbing, "whack," feeling shooting through me, and I'm like, "oh shit, just got bit by a spider," right? Throw off the jeans, and a bee crawls out. A f*&@ing bee!
4 likes
8 yrs ago
So I'm stepping out for a minute, right? Take off my pajamas, put on real clothes, struggle into my jeans, normal shit. Suddenly I feel something crawling on my thigh, so I swipe crazily at it.
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Most Recent Posts

@Silver Carrot If you’re looking to learn the basics of combat roleplay in a narrative format, I would be happy to oblige you. For anything beyond the basics I would advise starting up a conversation with @Doc Doctor who is our resident artisan of bloodletting, and one of the most consistently imaginative and professionally developing combat roleplayers around. Not to speak for Doc, but I’m probably more willing to roleplay out art imitating life in this case if you want to learn the basics in a narrative rather than just throwing yourself into a thread which is probably what he’d suggest. Do you have an idea for a character/setting/power level or do you want to start from literal ground zero and build up a sheet as we go? I could work with whatever, even a meta “Lillya’s Avatar teaching Silver Carrot’s Avatar,” or disembodied voices flicking in and out of combat drills piloting faceless humanoid mannequins of flesh and bone in a constant state of block, hit, bleed or hit kind of thing.
I'd be happy to take you on @ImportantNobody but I'm kind of in the middle of writing an OOC. ^^ Feel free to check out the IC if you have any interest in post apocalyptic underground melee factions fighting over what resources are left in the world. Otherwise if you can hold off a week or so I could make a character to suit whichever of your characters you feel like using, just post a sheet and I'll write something up for you.
Disclaimer: This is a Casual Arena Roleplay with faction/nation elements and some basic mechanics and maths worked into the background set in a post apocalyptic future of our irl world. Technology has basically reverted to pre-industrial age and the world is steadily starving to death as the sun has been blocked out by a seemingly permanent ash cloud. I figured I'd get that out of the way before you might have read through the whole page and decided an hour later that this didn't sound like it was for you, but if you're into that kinda thing like me I'd love to see you express interest and stick around for the OOC!





The Only Stuff You Actually Need To Read In Order To Play This Game

The Rules are basically the standard Guild Rules. Be Cool Like The Fonz. This is an Arena Roleplay, but please don’t be scared away if you’re new to that format!! We are all totally willing to work with you towards having a competitive, enjoyable experience here. The setting is as easy or as complicated as you want it to be. The short description is that world ended, and it wasn’t pretty. This is a post-apocalyptic future setting where the sun was blocked out by the ash from a fire that burned all the trees on the planet. “Oh, that sounds dumb,” well yeah, but it sounded way better in the narrative description, this is just the short version. With no sun and no trees the grass and the wheat went away, and the cows and food animals went away with the grass.

The scientists of the world tried to remedy the situation by launching chemicals at the worldwide ash cloud called the Ashen Curtain. Most of the people who weren’t dead already put on masks for the smoke and went out to watch the world get saved. The chemicals turned the ash into acid rain that fell across the world for a month straight, killing basically all humans, all the birds and turned the oceans into boiling pits of death.

The only humans that survived did so underground, surviving off of lizards and insects and drinking from natural underground springs and aquifers. Fast forward a hundred years and you are the descendant of one of these people who survived the doom, and are now the leader of a gang of armed thugs who are either an elected peace keeping force of your district of Karitos, the underground city that you are living in which is separated along ten or so gang’s territories, or an unelected force that has basically forced the people who live in your territory to pay you taxes. There is no official government in Karitos, and you alongside the other players are the closest that the city has to a governing force. You are also wildly untrusting of the other gangs and do battle with them in the basements and natural caves that make up your city and territory over resources, population groups to either, “liberate,” or “conquer,” both of which in this case are almost exactly the same thing, and to keep your taxpayers quiet. Speaking of which, please tell me whether you prefer to liberate or conquer in the Extras section at the bottom of your sheet when you post it!

The actual game is mostly an Arena roleplay. The judges, if needed, will be me, Doc, EL, and if all three of us are involved in the same battle a random person from the Arena community with experience in judging fights. There are some Nation Roleplay elements in the game but it’s behind the scenes, and the only thing you are required to do is accept that you are leading a gang and that they as well as the people under you are required to be able to eat and stuff and note that there is some number stuff going on behind the scenes. If you actually like numbers then you’re welcome to look at the behind the scenes stuff and figure out which important location is paying more than others and try and conquer more of those points of interest or defend them with more resources than you would have used otherwise, whatever.

I mostly will just tell you this information when you get invaded or are mounting an invasion, so really that’s just if it’s something that your into. This game is all about having fun and spilling lots of blood. Your major gang players are unlikely to die, but the soldiers you send into battle and reprise in the actual posts are extremely likely to die and just be dead, so make sure you’re prepared for that. This is a real world variant and there is no magic, guns either don’t exist or are held by people who aren’t you, and most people fight with bladed weapons made of bronze and wear plates of metal sewn to snakeskin undercoats. I’ll put out a list of common arms and armor types for your convenience, but really unless you show up with a titanium katana I’m not gonna say much about any of it. And yes, that is my way of saying please don’t show up with gunpowder weapons or titanium or katanas. There isn’t a smith alive capable of making a katana, you’re mostly relying on people casting sharp stabbing blades and, if you’re wealthy, polearms. Ranged weapons exist, but aren’t terribly useful underground, and Karitos is entirely underground, so I wouldn’t advise them.

There will be a map, it will be split into ten or so areas, and those areas may connect with one another through tunnels and natural caves which are going to be the primary points of contention. The districts are what your gang is controlling at the beginning, are where they live and most likely were born, and will offer various useful behind the scenes number advantages, but are otherwise completely up to you. What are the people like? Do they like your gang? It’s your show, have fun. Their mood may change if you become unable to feed them at some point, of course, but everyone is starting out as being stable and capable of feeding/clothing/etc. everyone in their district for now, to keep from having any silly issues popping up at the beginning.

The map will be available if this gets past the interest check. Until then the last important bits are that there are two superpowers outside of Karitos, The Empire of the Crimson Throne and the Children of Aberforth, who will be offering the different gangs work and resources in return for various political advantages which could swing the balance of power in or out of your favor. The districts all meet in a central cavern which has access to a natural spring, called the Heart of the Mountain.

No gang owns this, and no weapons are allowed to be carried within, and anyone who enters this place carrying a weapon will have an instant enemy in the other nine gangs stationed there, but if there is a win condition in this game it’s getting strong enough to hold the Heart of the Mountain. This is well into the game however. There will be mercenaries that can be hired, probably reprised by myself, who will show up and fight for you for a certain duration and for access to certain resources, with varying effectiveness, they will have sheets just like the other gangs and will be hirable with the same resources that I’m keeping track of in the maths and stuff section. As always, I want you to have fun as players, so comments/questions/concerns are always welcome, and I’d love to see this be a fun community collaborative thing that we can enjoy together.

I'll write it up tonight, send you and EL the interest check and post it as soon as you both sign off on it. As of right now I'm assuming that I have your permission to use the Empire of the Crimson Throne and EL's permission to use a modified version of his Children of Archimenon as the two major superpowers trying to gain influence over the individual gangs in the city, with those being played by the rest of the players. Is this going to be in arena or in casual? It could even go in Nation, but that's a bit more of a stretch. And if we're going through with having this being a gang vs gang thing with two superpowers (those being the Empire and the Children) it could easily turn into a lasting series of arena battles, some of which would be stacked against different sides for political reasons. If one gang cuts a deal to give the Empire a foothold in their territory in return for some military assistance against another gang the other side would be at an automatic numerical disadvantage, so the question is how realistic do you want this to be? If it's a normal arena game with a plot surrounding it, then I'll just toss all that stuff out and run it like a tournament. If the realism adds something desirable to the game then I'll put in some basic mechanics to keep people aware of the potential political plays they or their competition might be able to take advantage of. Anyone who has any suggestions/desires/questions please feel free to leave them here or message me.
I agree, but I think there is already a bit of a baseline. Unless we change things pretty drastically Kull (Doc's Character) already uses plate mail, cast out of bronze for some reason, but it's effectively plate mail. He is, however, the captain of the Empire's household guard, so that doesn't mean that this is commonly available gear. In the setting I proposed most plant life is pretty much destroyed, so if we're going with that wood would be an extreme rarity, but again would be available to anyone who has significant funds. Bone, leather and metal are commonly available and metal shards would be the likely currency in this setting, so my estimate is that the technology exists for late medieval arms and armor sans gunpowder weapons as I can't see how they're synthesizing the powder without advanced chemistry equipment or a natural source of saltpeter, but its kind of a meta agreement (assuming that's good with the involved parties) that metal is still very expensive and unless you feel that your character could rationally afford something you shouldn't have it. I'd advise that the baseline start with most any professional warrior being able to afford laminar of varying qualities as leather would still exist for the padding and the plates can be sewn on as you can afford them. Some of the plates would be bone in the beginning, others bronze or iron, and you'd essentially be wearing your wealth on your body, which I like for a kind of post-apocalyptic hedge knight feel, with more noble types having access to chain, brigandine, plate, etc. Thrusting short swords and daggers alongside axes and other cleaving weapons, to include poleweapons if you could afford them would likely be common, as ranged weapons lose a lot of their intrinsic value underground. The sky would be the limit from there, all depending on how wealthy you feel like your gang is.
Well, the gist is that I basically proposed post-apocalyptic Hive City except underground and during a period of perpetual global twilight spawned by said apocalypse. The most valuable thing in the world right now is old world knowledge, from before the apocalypse I mean, and the two local superpowers are the Empire of the Crimson Throne and the Children of Aberforth (or whatever, just a post apocalyptic version of your Children of Archimenon). The two are fighting over a museum that survived the chaos by falling into a natural cavern complex, only problem is the caverns are held by gangs that are locked in perpetual war over the scarce underground resources, and without clearing them out the superpowers can't risk mounting an invasion on the city for fear of unifying the gangs against themselves and, even worse, possibly in favor of the other side. So the gangs occasionally cut deals with the superpowers in return for the resources needed to carve out their territories in the underground, but won't agree to any permanent alliance with either side because the offer from across the table gets better the higher their price from the former was, a system that is only sustainable because of the extreme value represented by the museum. I'll start on some sheets in case this does become a gang vs. gang type of thing, but I could also do a generic gladiatorial type of deal with one character. Medieval melee with no magic seems to be the direction we're leaning, so I'll build my character/gang that way.
Is the Crimson Throne from an established cannon somewhere, Doc? I read through your sheet and didn't notice anything that confirmed that he couldn't exist in a generic post-apocalyptic setting. How about confirming a few of the basic tags/requests/interests? Even if the Crimson Throne exists in a different multiverse and some of the details have to be fudged the Crimson Throne in and of itself is a useful actor for this purpose. Kull himself may be a, "nice guy," but empires don't arise from the actions of good people, at some point the Empress/Emperor actually conquered at least one other society to gain the title, or so I assume. This creates the plot need for those who are actively opposed to the Crimson Throne's rule, if only because they want a bigger slice of the pie over their own territories for themselves. There's always the angle of the popular revolution, though given the request of, "apocalyptic underground society controlled by rival gangs struggling for control over a specific sector," I would propose instead that what is going on is that a singular primary opponent, either a populist movement headed by a charismatic leader or a single faction larger than the individual gangs one on one but significantly weaker than the gangs as a whole (some 60/40 or even 70/30 split would be fairly realistic) who are dependent on the separate gangs to not turn on them en masse but to whom these individuals aren't exactly, "friends," nor desired in the long term. This would allow for these individual gangs to both be able to fight with one another over territory, and to have two separate, "superpowers," fighting over general control of the city/territory to occasionally cut deals with in return for resources.

I would propose that the surface world is covered in a permanent ash that has essentially obviated farming as a practical food generator, and what has taken over in its stead is a heavy dependence on less light intensive plants, fungi and night blooming plants, and the shepherding of animals who can subsist off of these plants, with water being the most singularly important resource any town can possess followed by access to a workable metal for tools/weapons and the tech needed to accomplish this. Most people live as slaves scattered in small groups across the wastelands and ruled/owned by various competing warlords who are locked in a constant struggle between the established superpowers in the region, most notably the Empire of the Crimson Throne whose high towers and walls of stone have been built up and around the remains of an ancient city of glass and steel (Doc’s choice as to the real world location), and the Children of Aberforth, Archibald (or Archimenon, whatever) the former Court Wizard of the Crimson Throne. That isn’t to say that magic is real in this setting, the wizard may well be a delver of the old places who gained knowledge that permitted him to teach the Crimson Throne building techniques, weapons manufacturing, etc., that permitted their empire to rise above the slaver collectives and attain their lofty heights until he decided that they hadn’t done enough to stem the injustices in the world that led him to teach them these old world secrets in the first place and left to form his own faction opposed both to the slavers and the Throne.

From this point we enter the city of Karitos, nestled in a patch of mountains pocked and cratered in the aftereffects of whatever tragedy befell the old world and borne the new, consisting of old sewer tunnels, a complex series of half-collapsed basements and natural mountain caves more labyrinth than traditional city. There is no such thing as a grid layout here, and it could take you so long to get to the physically closest living space from where you are as it would to cross the underground city depending on the environmental factors and local degree of collapse. Natural water is easily accessible from all of the districts in the city, and the heart of the town for which the city is named is a natural cave with free flowing ground water by the name of Karitos (or Heart) of the Mountain. To control this point would automatically make you the ruler of the entire town, for though other districts have some amount of water themselves there is no other point from which the entirety of the population of Karitos could possibly sustain themselves. No wonder it’s also the most heavily contested and watched over point by the various gangs and factions operating in the area. The common convention accepted by the people of Karitos is that the districts, each ruled over by one or more gangs local to them, have equal access to Karitos and that no weapons are permitted inside, with all factions keeping a permanent guard and defensible position from their individual entrances pointed towards the heart as both a forward strike base and in case of any funny business on the part of the other gangs into Karitos.

What makes the city itself distinct from both the slaver gangs and the freeholds of the wastes and makes its people of specific interest to the Crimson Throne and the Children of Aberforth is that they rest atop a bastion of ancient writings and knowledge that is kept bared from the population by only a few meters of debris. The problem for all sides is that this bastion is located in the remains of the super structure constructed directly above Karitos in the old world. A museum in relatively good condition owing to its collapse into the earth before the worst of the damage to the surface world came to pass, whose knowledge of the old world and its technologies could shape the next century of human development, and hand the keys to control over the wastes to a single faction or individual, and though it would be beyond any side’s abilities to dig down hundreds of meters to get into it from above any side with a solid dominion over the city of Karitos could tunnel up into it in a matter of days.

This city-wide dominance is something that no side has been able to accomplish as of yet. The Superpowers have refrained from storming Karitos directly in an attempt to keep from unifying the population into a single fighting force, and one that would potentially ally with the other side indefinitely should they be faced with an outright invasion by one or the other, and neither side have so much as a definitive foothold in Karitos proper. The local gangs are consistently untrustworthy over long stretches of time, and are more likely to cut temporary deals with one side or the other for their resources before shirking back to neutrality, as likely to cut the next deal with the other side as the former. There are a handful of gangs who have only ever been neutral or temporarily aligned with one side, but these represent about thirty percent of the population split roughly even between the Crimson Throne and the Children of Aberforth, and are by no means to be considered legitimate loyal soldiers. That isn’t to say violence isn’t an everyday, commonplace event in Karitos. They’ve even managed to make a spectacle out of the event. The one and only situation where weapons are permitted in the Heart of the Mountain is when two factions have a disagreement and challenge the other to a duel before the eyes of the townspeople. The only place that can be witnessed by the entirety of the town is, of course, the center of the tunnels and sewer networks. Roughly circular and approximately thirty three yards in diameter, the factions gather to witness the spilling of blood in the Heart, and once a duel has been issued and accepted there is no end but on that hallowed ground.

Beyond the duels in the Heart the factions, though they all meet in the Heart, are still interconnected in other locations along the complex underground systems. None of the factions hold territory that is completely inaccessible from a location held by another gang, and in these contested hallways and open caverns and basements battle rages near constantly in an effort to gain more influence, more territory, and more control over the next group. The fighting is fierce, and often moves inch by inch with projectiles lobbed at the opposing side’s palisades or shield walls until both sides reach a breaking point and charge one another with bronze dirk and iron battleaxe at distances of a mere handful of yards. Each gang controls several important locations noted for their production capabilities, food or water harvesting, or natural resource reserves, and the blood spilled by their soldiers is always considered to be worth the price when taking or defending these priceless resource generators.

I think this would be a useful starting point for further discussion, but of course take or leave as much of it as you both want. It simply accomplishes the goals of having the potential for two superpowers warring over a conflict zone, underground gangs fighting over smaller points of interest, an arena that has plot background for being used to generically spill blood, plus it could easily transition into a Nation Roleplay. That would either be accomplished by players reprising the as of now faceless, “gangs,” of Karitos or even as totally independent freeholds or slaver gangs in the Wastes who are trying to compete with the superpowers and each other for dominance over the wastes. It can also be filled in with setting details that would allow it to fit the category of Post-Apocalyptic, Future, Medieval, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Military, or whatever really, and so few as two or as many as might join could realistically take part in the setting in one form or another. If you do want to try it out as a 2v2 or something in this setting (modified, not modified, or even scrapped entirely) I would be happy to write up a character for the fight, either with you versus Doc and his second, or with Doc versus you and your's.



----- ----- -----


EDIT: So is this based on an existing setting? Don't see where Qari, or Azaal as species are explained, and if they mean anything it's lost on me.
Jimmy let out a loud yawn as most of the crowd, at first attracted to their presence by the promise of what might have been a mildly entertaining distraction from the day's long hours of mock combat in the form of a rap battle on some guy's front lawn, made for the most part one of three equally embarrassing decisions. In light of the blatant display of magic on the part of the cracker in white many just pissed themselves and started running in terror, other, braver sorts were now pulling out their phones and recording the magic show without a f@#$ given towards the rap that made up the substance of the dispute, and several were now staring dumbfounded at what they had just witnessed clearly without enough wherewithal to make any sort of decision as to their next move. Mac for one looked like the only thing keeping him from running along with many of the others was the sheer amount of concentration he was expending simply to keep from fainting on the spot, a mental back and forth visible in his eyes between the competing forces of rationalization of what he had just witnessed and the underlying, lizard-brain horror of what it might mean that this random guy might actually have the power to command little people to appear out of thin air, and the fears of what that would actually mean in the grand scheme of things as well as for his immediate chances of walking out of this encounter in one piece and without developing severe traumatic psychological damage. Perhaps the guy with the fake grill and an apparent lack of interest in his opponent’s ability to conjure TV personalities into being out of thin air had seen similar displays of magical prowess before, though that would have seemed rather unlikely given he had been chance met at a live action roleplaying event primarily aimed towards young adults who fantasized magic rather than understood the actual dangers represented by individuals who could bend the nature of reality with their minds. Perhaps he was just insane, or convinced that it had been an elaborate display of common smoke and mirror street magic.



Either way, it didn’t stop him from busting into his routine the second the beat dropped. Sixteen seconds into the track and he was as ready as he was ever going to be, taking one last deep breath a moment before jumping to attention and taking a long step forward with his right foot. “Oohh, look out y’all, we got a Bad-Ass Over Here," seventeen seconds and change, and Jimmy threw his hands up in the air, turning his feet around in a circle as though to elicit a response from the remaining audience members. He knew that the kind of pace Kentucky here had belted during that last bit wasn't something most people were going to beat, but just because his opponent was fast didn't mean Jimmy wasn't gonna try and out-do his bitch ass. "With just two words he made his favorite Lad-Lass Appear," nineteen seconds in, and Jimmy was looking Wee Man square in the eye while making thrusting motions with his hips in his direction, in a mock imitation of what he figured Kentucky's main purpose in summoning him from out of nowhere must be on a regular basis. If this whole thing turned into an actual brawl, he already knew that he was gonna take him and use him as a human club to beat this magic slinging dirtbag. "Bet that’s real useful for You, really gets you Going, Need him bothering your Boo, to get her juices Flowing," he had picked up the pace now, double time, and twenty seconds and change into the track his mind was made up to belt this out as quickly as he possibly could, regardless of the consequences for the rest of the exchange. He had plenty to say, little time to say it, and he knew it. "We all know your auntie-sister-cousin really don’t like Him, But you need him sneakin’ ‘round to keep things the way she likes it, Grim," twenty two seconds and he picked up the pace further, half of the words leaving his mouth barely enunciated, but the crowd would have caught the gist and Kentucky, who was being faced and rapped at directly, would likely catch every word.

"What’s next? Gonna summon some seven foot Amazonian to help you Out? Thought my Lannister thing was over, why you just gonna go and reinforce It? Spitting my own accolades, spinning my own web, more interesting tales I’d Spout, But some Southern slaver using magic to control little people just made this Bit," twenty four seconds, he'd have to do better if he was going to finish in time. His left arm outstretched palm up as though he was holding something, Jimmy then tucked this invisible object to his chest and began rubbing at it with his right hand, presumably an imagined lamp given the context. “Master Kentucky Fried Cracker, I bestow upon thee three Wishes. Whatever thy desire shall be granted Thee. For I am a great and powerful Genie, whose might and grandeur could make you a King,” twenty seven seconds, and he had taken a step to the side with his hands at his hips, before taking a step and turning about face, reprising his second character, clearly meant to be Kentucky. “Why Genie, I wish for the ability to summon little men by spoken command so as to make them my Bitches, To posess the ivory raiment of Colonel Kay Ef Cracker so that I might be the most finely bedecked at afternoon Tea, And for the great feat of commanding hundreds of words a minute with which at my many small bitches I shall Fling, Orders, expand my family’s Borders, None of that matters much to me, but ‘till the wars are Won my auntie-sister-cousin girlie has me by the Pe, --,” Jimmy grabbed at his crotch to emphasize the point, though he didn’t break his concentration nor his barrage of half-enunciated words. “Mad about it so I pick on Nerds,” he made a fist and hit an imagined passerby, nearly actually hitting Mac, though whether or not that was intentional given his lack of situational awareness in his hyper focused state was impossible to say. “Sad the fighting’ shedding lighting on her loyalties fickle as Birds,” he flapped his arms before making a grapping motion with both hands. “Catch her with the guy from the supermarket fish section Again?”

Batch of fresh new worries got you thinking ‘bout some other guy who could buy her Champaign?” he poured from an imagined bottle into a stemmed glass before moving his hand as though tipping it in Kentucky’s direction. “Difference between you and me is I ain’t worried ‘bout tryin ‘a hook up with my Family, Vociference of personality and character when I throw down don’t do so Clamily,” he pointed a thumb directly to his chest with his right hand, never missing a beat. “All that propels me, drives me, fuels Me, Brawl all day see, it’d be, best to Flee, While you still can ‘fore those sad rhymes of your's elicit Boos, I’ll gladly take a hand from you and our lovely audience in addition to your Shoes," Jimmy pointed first to his right hand with his left before making a slashing motion at it with an imagined axe or blade, and then bowed low to what was left of the audience, at least half of the reason for the low bow being that he could hide his face long enough to take several brittle, gasping attempts at getting oxygen back into his blood stream. He felt like he was going to pass out, and he knew he’d have to do this all over again in a minute, but if he could help it he sure as shit wasn’t gonna let the audience or Kentucky see him squirm. Best case scenario he got his point across to Kenzie, whose boots he could see some ten feet behind him out of the corner of his eye with his head and back bent so low, and he might elicit some applause from the crowd mostly spawned by her egging them on to it. He knew most of them weren’t actually listening to a word either of them were saying or he would have won after this, instead more preoccupied with Wee Man’s sudden appearance at the magical behest of his opponent, but there was still a chance his far superior burnage might elicit some favor from the masses. Who knows, maybe his opponent would take something personally, throw his shoes off and stomp back into his house.

----------------------------------------------------------------


“Oohh, look out y’all, we got a Bad-Ass Over Here,"
With just two words he made his favorite Lad-Lass Appear,
Bet that’s real useful for You, really gets you Going,
Need him bothering your Boo, to get her juices Flowing,
We all know your auntie-sister-cousin really don’t like Him,
But you need him sneakin’ ‘round to keep things the way she likes it, Grim,

What’s next? Gonna summon some seven foot Amazonian to help you Out?
Thought my Lannister thing was over, why you just gonna go and reinforce It?
Spitting my own accolades, spinning my own web, more interesting tales I’d Spout,
But some Southern slaver using magic to control little people just made this Bit,

Master Kentucky Fried Cracker, I bestow upon thee three Wishes.
Whatever thy desire shall be granted Thee.
For I am a great and powerful Genie, whose might and grandeur could make you a King,
Why Genie, I wish for the ability to summon little men by spoken command so as to make them my Bitches,
To posess the ivory raiment of Colonel Kay Ef Cracker so that I might be the most finely bedecked at afternoon Tea,
And for the great feat of commanding hundreds of words a minute with which at my many small bitches I shall Fling,

Orders, expand my family’s Borders, None of that matters much to me, but ‘till the wars are Won my auntie-sister-cousin girlie has me by the Pe, --, Mad about it so I pick on Nerds, Sad the fighting’ shedding lighting on her loyalties fickle as Birds, Catch her with the guy from the supermarket fish section Again? Batch of fresh new worries got you thinking ‘bout some other guy who could buy her Champaign? Difference between you and me is I ain’t worried ‘bout tryin ‘a hook up with my Family, Vociference of personality and character when I throw down don’t do so Clamily, All that propels me, drives me, fuels Me, Brawl all day see, it’d be, best to Flee, While you still can ‘fore those sad rhymes of your's elicit Boos, I’ll gladly take a hand from you and our lovely audience in addition to your Shoes,"

"It seems the more I try to connect with the world,
I am feeling more alone than I ever have felt before,
"
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