“Are you enjoying yourself, Goldie?”Emilia was so far gone in her own little world, appreciating Kim’s warmth even if there was very little of it actually coming from the brunette, that the sudden words whispered in her ear jolted her upright, releasing Kim from Emi’s grasp. She turned around to get a look at who did such a thing, only to spot one of the people she was calling for not moments ago.
“AJ!” she exclaimed, far happier to see him this time than their last encounter… and the previous few hours.
“Heyyyyy you!” She tucked her hair back behind her ear… then repeated it a couple more times because the feeling of her own hair on her fingers was awesome.
“Heyyyy, I… I gotta apologize for the ride here. I’m so sorry I was all sad and stuff. It will never happen again!” Sober Emilia would never be able to promise that, but this Emi was trying to spread happy, and it started with making up for the sad.
“It’s okay. I really don’t mind.” AJ observed the blonde carefully. Okay, that was a lie. The whiskey was hitting him
hard and his primitive brain was leading the charge. He had endorphins telling him to stop having a pity party. Enjoy himself. Make sure the girl was okay. Simple thoughts, really, but at least he wasn’t thinking about Val, or Jamie.
His brown gaze softly rested on the ray of sunshine that was Emilia Seger. Her eyes were a deep, ocean blue, and her hair had a thousand shades of gold and looked so incredibly soft. Did AJ ever get this close to her before? He couldn’t recall because while she hung over Brandon, he was with Jamie, or Val. His attention went up toward the blunt being passed around and then to Sami:
“I’ll pass, dude. I’m gonna’ take another walk.” With a charming prince smile, he looked back to Emi, ignoring everyone else, including Aleks who seemed to be having a nice conversation with Ellie. Offering his hand while standing upright, he gestured for her to come with him,
“Can we talk? I’d like to apologize too.” He seemed to be set on pulling her aside, with or without her permission. For as long as his patience would allow him, he would wait. He hoped she’d come on her own accord. If he can provide some comfort to her about her ex, he would sure as hell try. But first, she had to grab his hand.
Emilia tilted her head slightly, letting her hair fall back to the side. She definitely knew she had to do more than just apologize to AJ. There was a lot to talk about. The earlier incident near Bell Mountain. The prom. The past two years of football practices. All these thoughts were starting to circle in her mind. However, the drugs in her system were incredibly effective at preventing yet another breakdown. Hell, now, talking about all those things felt like a good idea. Emi looked over at Val, her usual outlet for her problems. She seemed busy with Jules over something. She couldn’t hear what they were talking about. Kim didn’t sound very pleased with the hugging she received. Umbra was… somewhere. Maybe she did need someone who saw the other side. Maybe AJ would let her talk. Even if he was probably more invested in the locker-room side of the story.
The blonde looked back up at the fire dancing off the sunglasses that dangled off AJ’s chest, the shadows in his hair flickering with the flames, the extended hand offering an olive branch. She offered a smile, goofier than she intended, but again, something else was in control of Emi now.
“Sure,” she confirmed as she took AJ’s hand and hoisted herself up from the fire.
“I mean, I dunno what you want to apologize for, but sure!” She dusted the dirt off the back of her dress and looked back at the Gearhead.
“Let’s go!” Probably too enthusiastic, but it was still genuine.
“We’ll be back, eventually.” Holding onto her hand delicately, as if she were made of porcelain, too fragile to handle wrongly, AJ first went to his tent, where a backpack was resting outside of it, and retrieved his flashlight. Briefly letting go of her, he threw his backpack over his shoulder, just in case they strayed away from the familiar path, and gave her the light to hold.
“We’re not going too far, but I think it would be nice to look around while we talk. There’s this big arch a half a mile away I’d like to take you to.” Emi flipped the flashlight on, delighting in the light zooming across the Nevada landscape according to her whims. She giggled as she put a particular sage bush in the midst of a strobe light disco. As AJ straightened up, she nodded at him.
“Sounds pretty!” She retook AJ’s hand. The physical contact just felt intoxicating at the moment.
“Lead the way!”AJ would be lying if he wasn’t taken aback, even in his inebriated state. Having gone to more than enough parties, as one of the hot jocks — though he did it out of boredom and not because he cared about the sport — he had more than enough experience in alcohol. Unlike most of his comrades, aside from Aleks who preferred starburst over a can of beer, he hated the taste. He did it socially, not because he
liked it. That being said, seeing Emi like this was…
weird. He knew she was a bubbly ass girl, but never to this extent. Maybe her mental state was temporarily allowing herself to ‘be happy’ until the waterworks came again. Honestly, AJ was preparing for the worst. With Emi, you never knew when she’d start hyperventilating,
“Someone’s in a good mood, did you get a love confession or something?” Maybe that was a question in poor taste. It probably was. He started striding on, making sure that he kept a firm, yet gentle, grip on his friend’s dainty hand.
No one said he was the best with words.
Emi put the flashlight up to her face as she thought for a second, forgetting that it was meant to be lighting the way to the arch.
“Hmmmm, I dunno!” she admitted.
“I mean, I know I was really down earlier, but it’s just like, it doesn’t matter anymore! Maybe I just needed some sugar or something, because since I ate those M&M’s earlier, I just feel better!”“You want some more? I got starbursts, thanks to Aleks.” For another second, AJ released her, hoping she wasn’t going to fall or anything while he retrieved the candy from his bag,
“It’s good to see you smiling. You haven’t, in awhile.” Pulling it out, he brought it to her and waved it in front of her as they walked.
“Here.”The blonde greedily grasped at the offered candy and managed to grab a couple of pink ones. Strawberry. Her favorite flavor that wasn’t watermelon. She unwrapped one and popped it in her mouth.
“Mmmmmm, yummmmy…” she said as the fruit flavors mingled on her tongue. They tasted even better than the M&M’s!
Satisfied with the candy, Emi’s attention went to AJ’s other remark.
“I know I haven’t been myself lately, and it feels nice to be able to have something to smile about again. I don’t know what it is. It just…” It almost seemed like the MDMA was beginning to wane, but nope. Just another pocket of flavor in the candy.
“It’s been hard. And again, I’m so sorry it didn’t happen sooner, because I know it made for a really bad car ride, and you didn’t deserve that, AJ. You didn’t do anything to have to deal with me like that.”The archway was gradually approaching. The desert at such a late hour was like an eerie sea, with silhouettes of cactus, that resembled ghost ships on the wavy sands. The night made things seem
different than they were, and yet the black tranquility of the sky made him feel at peace, even if he was a
little tipsy.
“Emilia, stop.” With his right hand, he gently grabbed her and pulled her toward him, so that she was staring at him face-to-face, eye-to-eye.
“Stop apologizing for hurting. Stop feeling guilty because your ex didn’t see how fucking amazing you are. I should be the one saying sorry! I should’ve SEEN. I should’ve been able to help! But I wasn’t there. I let it happen. I let him hurt you. And that makes me awful.” It was a forceful action. Then again, those seemed to be necessary nowadays to snap Emi out of whatever funk she was in. It seemed weird she would be in a position to pull someone else out of the depths, but AJ seemed genuinely hurt by everything. It made sense. The difference between junior year AJ and senior year AJ was noticeable, and it didn’t take a Swift fan to see why. Even from as far away as she was at the time.
Emilia put her hand up to AJ’s as it rested on her shoulder.
“AJ,” she softly spoke.
“You couldn’t have known. There was no possible way to know. I didn’t even know until I was left there at prom.” She rubbed his hand as if to put him at ease, but really it just felt great, on both her hand and her shoulder.
“If anything I should still be saying sorry to you! I mean, I’ve been sitting at home, wasting my time thinking about that stupid fucker and feeling sorry for myself, when I could have been reaching out and getting some help with this…” She stopped moving her hand and continued to lock eyes with the Gearhead leading her among the phantoms of the canyon, seemingly giving their respective demons life in the night.
“I just… I’ve never felt this kind of pain. This kind of hurt. It’s so overwhelming. I know Brandon is a fucking asshole, but you know that feeling when you just kinda give yourself to someone, and you make them a part of you, and then they just rip it away. You’re never OK after that. I’ve just been making it worse. I should have talked to someone sooner. Val or Kim or Umbra or… you, I guess.” A slight breeze picked up, blowing some strands of hair across Emilia’s face as she continued to gaze at the boy who had caused so many tears today, yet was now drawing some necessary confessions out of the blonde.
“You’re a champ for crying about it. You might not say ‘help, I'm hurting’ but it’s there. I see you.” Only letting his gaze lay on her face for a second longer, he looked away and allowed himself to fully drop the mask, showing his vulnerabilities. The black night held them close and although substance was the main reason they were sharing, their hearts were entwined for this moment in time.
“And… you’re facing it. You’re not pretending. You’re in so much pain, and you release it. Like, fuck, Em.” Unlike her, he kept so much bottled up. Yes, his friends knew he was still drunk in love with his ex, but he never shared the exact details of everything to them. There was no proper disclosure. They didn’t see what happened behind closed doors. He didn’t share how bad he hurt his ex. He didn’t share that
he was the fucking asshole in their story. He just played it like Jamie was his property and he hated that someone else claimed him, when really, the guilt ate at him — for the pain
he caused.
“Y’know standing next to you, it makes me realize how much of a fucking coward I am.” His eyes became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. He looked up to the sky to put them right back where they came from. Crying was for pussies.
Taking a deep breath in, as they finally got under the arch, AJ shook his head and turned his miserable face to her once more. A face where memories weighed heavy.
“Break ups happen for a reason. They suck. Fuck, they suck. I wasn’t there for Jamie when he needed me and then after he was gone, I couldn’t let go. And the same goes for Val! Our friendship is fucking over because I’ve never been good at making people feel good about themselves. I’ve never been good at seeing what they want. Emilia, I made him so insecure, and I do the same with Val. What-the-fuck is wrong with me?!” At this instance, AJ was just about to reach his breaking point as he aggressively started pulling his shaggy hair.
It was an unusual position for Emilia to be in, watching someone else struggle with their emotions and just break themselves down into a puddle. At least lately, it was unusual. Sure there were meltdowns at clubs because leaders didn’t think they would get off the ground, but this was a whole new level. This was something Emi recognized in herself. Hell, she had been there three times today. But for AJ, this seemed to be even more self-destructive than her own.
Emi grabbed a hold of AJ’s hands and pulled them away from his head, holding them down as much as she could, despite her relative lack of strength and her desire to keep rubbing them.
“I release it because honestly AJ, I don’t know what else to do. Like I said, I don’t know this. I’m so not used to this. I have no idea what to do with this. There’s a part of me that wants to hunt Brandon down and kick him in the nuts until he coughs up his balls. But then, there’s that other part that just wants to know why. Why was I so easy to cast off like that? And there is no way to get any closure on that. He just bailed. Scurried off to San Jose to leave me here in this absolute mess. Leaving me here to deal. And I don’t know how. So I cry. I cry because I’m stuck like that.
“I don’t think there is anything wrong with you, AJ. I think we all deal with our tragedies in different ways. They may not be the right ways, but they are what we got. Have you been a bit self-centered about the whole thing? Probably. I mean, we never really talked so I can only go off what you literally just told me. But if that’s how you deal, then that’s how you deal. And if that’s making you crazy, then dude, you need to realize that yourself and make that change. Kind of like you’re doing right now.
“And for what it’s worth, Val is pretty hard to shake. You’re going to have to do worse things than that to get her to completely cut off the friendship. I mean, do you know how many times I have sung Ariana in her face? And yet we’re still friends.” It was a lot for Emilia to unload in that instance but her goal was to help AJ in that moment. The fact that she was finally getting some things off her chest was just a happy side effect.
She was… making a lot of sense. It was weird that he was finding comfort in someone he didn’t know as well as Chris or Aleks. But, it was refreshing. Maybe hearing these words from someone outside his usual circle was exactly what he needed. The alcohol was like a truth serum and made him spill out his heart. He didn’t know when it would stop — when he would shut up. He needed to shut up.
Suddenly, he had an urge and rather than think about it, he just did it. He pulled Emilia into an embrace and buried his face in her luscious, blonde waves and as if he really needed to do so, he let himself silently cry. How unmanly of him.
“I don’t know if I want to be ‘just friends’ with her.” AJ whispered in uncertainty.
Emilia's eyes widened upon hearing that news.
“Oh… Ohhhhhhhh! Oh," she stammered as she patted AJ on the back. It seemed like the right thing to do. What wasn't the right thing to do is what she said.
“I...I didn't know you were interested… in that way. I mean, with Jamie and all…“Yeah, well. Shit’s complicated. I didn’t think I was interested either. Until today.” He closed his eyes, not realizing how honest he was being nor holding any regrets for sharing it with this ball of sunshine. Her hair smelled nice. It was part of the reason he was calming down.
“It’s okay. She would never want me.” He admitted, knowing he was getting in over his head.
“I’d hate myself, anyways, if she felt like my rebound.” Emilia nodded as she continued to comfort her friend.
“I mean, not to say you couldn’t, but it’s probably a hail mary throw at this time, and yeah, you never want to put anyone else in the position of being the rebound. Although, I could probably go for some of that right now. I mean, I don’t have a lot to compare to, but I don’t think Brandon was very good. He kept saying it wasn’t about the size, but he really didn’t know how to use it…” She was spilling way too much now. Definitely the “pop rocks” coaxing that level of discourse out of her. But it was Brandon, so who cares how many people knew. AJ probably knew. They had been in locker rooms together for years.
For another time, he was taken aback. He pulled away from Emilia and gawked at her. She couldn’t be serious? Did he hear wrong? Was she offering herself to him? That… seemed… wrong. Especially after this pitiful conversation they had just shared. Well, Emi was hot. He’d give her that. And too good for him. Double the points. But did he want to fuck her and show her a good time?
“Em… I’m kind of drunk. Would you be okay if we just laid together? I’m not saying I’m not interested, I just… don’t want to take advantage of you. I’d rather be sober if I make the decision for us to test the waters. Is that okay?” Fuck, he was such a goddamn pussy. Who the hell declines such a good offer? He does obviously!
“We can go in my tent and share stories? I can tell you a lot of stupid shit about Brandon.” For the first time since she took the MDMA, Emilia had a moment of clarity. Did she really just offer herself up to another man like that? Right out of the blue? Especially another football player? Didn’t she swear off anything football related? All of a sudden she was very confused. However, AJ didn’t budge. He didn’t take advantage. It was clear he wasn’t a Brandon. If Emi had three Mike’s in her, Brandon would have been on her faster than he could ice a bro with the fourth one. It was sweet that AJ thought like that. Another point in his favor. Besides, having sex in the canyon sounded like a rough time.
The blonde held the flashlight up to her face so AJ could see her smile, even if the light did make it look slightly creepy.
“That sounds like a great idea. Brandon did so much stupid stuff in private, it makes the Kardashians look like Harvard grads.” She gave AJ a soft hug before quickly retreating.
“Oh! I can get the rest of the pop rocks from the cabin too! They are so weird! I don’t think they are a good flavor of pop rocks, I don’t know why Matt would give me brown ones, but I mean, I guess they worked all right, right?”“Pop rocks…” A sudden and abrupt lightbulb went over AJ’s head. WHAT THE FUCK, MATT?! Oh-my-GOD. Emilia was on DRUGS. Now he HAD to watch her. Tomorrow, AJ would make sure to punch the shit out of that motherfucker.
“I have a better idea. Or well, better candy for you to eat.” He paused for a second, before adding,
“Where are those pop rocks, exactly?” He hoped he didn’t have to explain himself. He really didn’t want the sweet little bumblebee to have drugs on her, sharing it with everyone. That was a recipe for disaster!
“They are in the cabin, I think they are still on the bunk bed,” Emilia admitted, laughing after she did so.
“I thought I could eat them all at once, but I only got like half the bag in my mouth. Guess I’m not as good with my candy as I used to be.” She was leaning right back into the endorphins now.
“But hey, your candy is much better tasting. I like strawberry way more than I like... whatever the heck brown is.”“You know… it’s getting pretty late and we have a big morning ahead of us. I don’t want to waste nice snuggle time, so let’s head back. You can make yourself comfy in my tent and then I’m gonna take a quick whiz. How does that sound, Bumblebee?” Yeah, he liked this nickname over Goldie. It suited her more.
Emi giggled as she retook AJ’s hand.
“That sounds awesome!” She looked up at the stars over the arch. They almost seemed like they were dancing in the night sky. She felt like dancing right now.
“Thanks for taking me out here, Shades. I needed to see something like this… and to talk about this too. You’re a good listener.” She leaned against AJ, much like she did to Kim earlier. Only this time, she was a bit steadier.
“Maybe…” He slid his hand around her waist, pulling her close.
“We don’t need to rush. Do you want to dance?” As if AJ read her mind or something, he didn’t, he just felt it was right to offer, he waited with a caring smile, all the while looking down at her pale face. His mama didn’t raise a fool (okay sometimes he was foolish). Pulling out his phone, he added another question,
“Any requests, milady?” Naturally, he assumed she wanted to.
A goofy smile spread across Emilia’s face.
“Play me some Break Free, DJ!” Of course she was gonna ask for Ariana. She always asked for Ariana.
Word. With a quick swipe with his phone, he went to his dance playlist, which did have some Ariana Grande. Yeah, he could get jiggy with that. The
song washed over the desolate area and under the archway, he let the good vibes flow in him, first, pocketing his phone, and secondly, dancing like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, after such a shitty day, Emi was the perfect medicine and this song. This song felt so right. It let him forget about all his problems. The music moved him like a puppet and although it was dark as shit, minus the flashlight, he
loved how this was just their moment. No one knew what they were doing. No one could take this away from them. No one mattered, but them.
And, ya know, AJ could flex his dancing skills. If there was one thing he wasn’t a fuck up at, it was knowing how to have fun on the DANCE FLOOR. This was only a sneak peak for what Las Vegas had coming for them. His feet moved to the beat and his hand took it upon himself to twirl his partner of the night, as he watched her blonde hair bounce. God, he loved her hair.
“Thank you, Emilia. I needed this.” He mouthed.
As the blue-eyed girl spun around, light flickering wherever her right arm cared to go, she could feel a lot of negative emotions leaving. This was fun. This was carefree. This was more like herself. It was like having someone else in that space she was living in lifted them both up out of that pit. Into this moment. Into this beautiful, unspoiled moment. No matter how the two of them got there. It felt so good.
The flashlight barely caught AJ’s mouth moving and Emilia continued to smile as wide as she had in a long time.
“We both did,” she mouthed back before launching into another rendition of the chorus, her voice ringing out over the desert, breaking through the night. It didn’t matter what time it was, or where they were, this was beautiful.
It truly was. And she was cute.
This night they’d allow themselves to be a rainbow in the darkness.
They deserved it.
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