Retired

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

<Snipped quote by Retired>

So nothing unusual then.

@Lord Wraith

You underestimate how much effort it normally takes to simultaneously fuck up posts while also behaving like an elitist who critiques others.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

<Snipped quote by HenryJonesJr>

If we could get all returning characters updated to this format that would be preferred.

<Snipped quote by Lord Wraith>

@Lord Wraith

If I have to do this, I will put in zero effort.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Manhattan, New York City | Present Day

---

^{Chapter One | Part Six}

The mechanical buzz was omnipresent. Whirling, clicking, pumping. Footsteps marking the presence of several individuals circled the bed. The leather straps chafed against his wrists and ankles as the boy, no older than seven or eight, struggled against the bonds.

A calm voice reassured the child. "Don't worry, son. Everything will be alright."

Young Garfield Logan turned towards the source. Through the bright lights above that threatened to blind him, he could barely make out a male figure in white scrubs. A mask concealed his lower face and held in one gloved hand was a syringe tipped with a large, gleaming needle.

Garfield thrashed about wildly, bucking against his restraints. He opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out.

"Hold him." The doctor ordered.

Multiple sets of hands reached out from the ethereal to press down on Garfield's limbs. As they did, the droning hum of the machines grew louder. Through the din a myriad of soft, distance voices called out to him.

<sub>"It's alright, kid."

"You're okay."

"You're safe."</sub>

The boy howled silently, unable to resist as he felt a sharp sting in his left arm. The bright lights intensifying with his pain and consuming his vision. His pierced flesh beginning to burn and radiate heat.

The buzzing and brightness swirled together, all-enveloping. The burning sensation along his arm cascaded down and across his body. The bright, white void shifting to hues of yellow, then orange and red. The hum dissipated and gave way to a dull, incessant roaring occasionally broken up by light crackling.

"Garfield!" A woman's panicked voice shrilled. The familiarity of it managed to break through the void and pull the boy out.

As Garfield's vision returned to him, he immediately recoiled in fear and understanding of his pain. Searing flames surrounded him and licked at his pale skin. The restraints were gone, enabling him to scramble backward along the hardwood flooring. He felt himself slam against a wall, knocking a framed photograph down.

In a daze, he picked it up and saw three figures. One, the tallest, was unrecognizable due to a crack in the glass obscuring their face. Their hand rested gently on the shoulder of a small child. Brown hair, green eyes, and a wide, goofy grin; Garfield looked at himself in the photo. His dopey smile had been directed upwards at the last of the pictured individuals. Similar brown locks held up in a loose ponytail, freckles dotting her face. The woman was looking back down at Garfield, returning his smile with one even more cheerful.

Mom, thought Garfield. He placed his fingers against the ruined glass and traced them over the woman.

Another desperate scream rang out, once more calling his name and forcing Garfield back into the moment.

"Mommy!" He returned the shout, directing it into the flames that encircled but had yet to progress closer to him. "Mommy, where are you?"

He was met with nothing but the sound of the roaring flames. Picking himself up off of the ground, Garfield was shocked to realize he no longer felt any pain. The unbearable heat had subsided, and as he realized this so too did the fire directly ahead. The blaze parted to reveal a path leading further into the house. Tentatively, he followed.

The route continued to clear for him as he moved deeper in and it led Garfield to a set of stairs. Moving up the steps, he noticed the wall on the right was covered in more framed photos. Several of himself, all with that same exuberant grin, many of which also featured an assortment of animals lovingly held in the boy's arms. Rabbits, deer, an owl, even what appeared to be a young wolf. Other photographs depicted his mother, and with each he passed while ascending Garfield could feel his cheeks wet with tears. The remainder of the pictures were all cracked or smeared with soot, concealing the same tall figure from before.

As he neared the second-floor landing, the voice of his mother once more called out. This time, however, it was faint and parsed with sickening coughs.

"... Baby, where are you?" The hacking grew louder now and Garfield shot forward, running up the last few steps and taking off down a hallway.

"Please, Garfield... my baby, where's my baby?"

"Mom, I'm here!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. For some reason, the sound of the flames seemed to grow louder with each attempt. "Mom!"

Once at the end of the hall, Garfield saw the familiar maroon door he knew to be his mother's office. He reached out to take the doorknob and immediately yanked his hand back in pain. While the fire around him no longer hurt, the knob was scalding. From beyond the closed door, he could hear the coughing again. It was so soft now, he could barely make it out through the cacophony of flames.

"Let me in, mom. Please, I'm right here. Let me in!"

Garfield slammed his foot against the door. Then again. And again.

"Gar... field..."

He screamed wordlessly and reached out to grab hold of the knob once more. Feeling his skin bubble and blister, he twisted and pulled with all his strength. The door resisted for a moment, and Garfield's scream intensified as the searing pain overtook him. But, the door flung open.

Pushing inside and squinting against the thick smog, Garfield gasped. There, prone on the floor, eyelids flickering in and out of consciousness, was his mother. He went to take another step forward, arm extending out towards her when the flames suddenly returned to life. Rushing in from the corners of the room the blaze quickly formed a barrier between the two.

Garfield called out to his mother again, his voice cracking and mixed with heavy sobs.

Lifting her head weekly and inhaling a deep, ragged breath, she tried to speak once more.

But it wasn't her voice Garfield heard.

"Kid, you're okay. Everything's okay." The myriad from earlier said once more, this time louder and more clear, solidifying into one deeper voice. "You're safe now."

He tried to ignore the voices, tried to focus on his mother. Garfield willed himself to step forward, to pass through the flames, but his body refused.

"No, mom! Mommy, please!" He wailed as he watched the fire between them begin to expand and envelop the rest of the room. "No!"

The flames overtook his mother's body and Garfield screamed.

* * *

---

Garfield Logan woke up in a panic, shouting wildly. His hoodie clung to him damp with sweat. Long, dark hair matted against his face and covering his eyes. Taking a deep breath, the memory of his nightmare already fading, he reached up to sweep the hair away.

It was bright, he noticed. Too bright to be the alley dumpster he had called home the last two weeks. Confusedly, he took stock of his surroundings. Concrete floor, tall support pillars leading up to high ceilings and rafters. He could feel cloth under his head. Sitting up and reaching behind him he grabbed a sheet balled up to be used as a makeshift pillow. Half-collapsed cardboard boxes were piled up just a dozen feet away with what looked like several empty containers of instant ramen and other trash.

Charlie's? He thought, recalling how his new friend had offered to give him a place to stay.

Clouded memories returned to him. Charlie's handsome face laughing at one of Garfield's jokes. A long walk through backstreets. The promise of a hot meal awaiting him. It was all scrambled. Difficult to hold on to.

Garfield raised a hand to his temple recognizing a little delayed the throbbing in his head.

I don't... what happened? He questioned silently, trying to force through the sluggishness affecting his thoughts.

"Charlie?" He called out softly, his voice abnormally low and raspy. He could feel a stabbing in the back of his throat informing him of a desperate need of water.

"Oh!" An angelic voice rose up from behind Garfield. "Elijah, the boy has awoken."

Spinning around a little too quickly, his headache flaring up at the sudden movement, Garfield's eyes widened as they fell upon a young woman standing less than twenty feet away.

Her bright red-orange hair stood out first to him, followed next by her bronzed skin. Although her arms were covered in white bandages, and she was wearing too-baggy sweatpants and a flannel button-up, Garfield's jaw slacked.

Woah... Despite his confused state, Garfield could feel his heart quicken as his adolescent body reacted to the beauty in front of him.

No way she's Charlie's girlfriend. She's... wow.

Then, from a small side-entrance stepped out another stranger. A male this time, he had a darker complexion and fully shaved head. Garfield couldn't be sure, but he thought this one looked to be in their late teens at most. Whoever the guy was, though, it wasn't Charlie.

Scrambling backward, Garfield tensed. His groggy confusion and hormonal admiration of the woman now replaced with uncertain fear. Ignoring his aching head, the young teen crouched on all fours and recalled an image, a memory in his mind. Mottled shades of grey fur, a long, blunt snout, and a sloped, slender body deceptive of the power it possessed. A grey wolf behind a wire fence, patiently resting on its hindquarters as a small hand reached through to gently rub behind its ears.

Garfield focused on this moment, channeling the memory of a faithful friend from years past. Willing himself, he could feel his own body begin to shift slightly. Muscles expanding, different bones beginning to both elongate and shrink. He could feel the familiar change begin to take hold and, knowing the transformation would take only a second or two longer, his confidence started to return.

Garfield stayed hunched over, palms splayed across the ground, head low but maintaining wary eye contact with the two strangers. The female had a wide, carefree smile while the male looked on with furrowed brows.

That's it, just stay right there, creeps. You don't know who you're messing with. Garfield told himself, letting his bravado push down the fear. No one's gonna mess with me. I don't care how hot you are, I'm gonna...

His thoughts trailed off as the boy glanced down at his hands. His still green-skinned hands. No fur. No paws. No claws.

Um.

For the first time in two years, Garfield's superhuman ability failed him. He had shifted his form into that of various animals hundreds of times. Pigeons, rats, dogs. All had been useful the last year during his time on the streets struggling to find a meal. And when necessary for protection, he had even morphed into a wolf to scare away predators. Now, no matter how much he willed the change, it wouldn't come. His body still felt sluggish and somewhat unresponding.

Garfield's head throbbed once more as panicked thoughts flooded his mind.

"What did you do to me?" He hoped his shout would be intimidating, but the crack in his voice told him otherwise.

The male approached, hands raised passively. "Easy. Everything's okay. You're safe, kid. We didn't do anything to you. You were attacked by a couple of assholes. From the way you were out cold I figure they drugged you," he explained in a surprisingly familiar voice.

A hazy memory of a sharp object jabbing into the back of his neck returned to Garfield. The pain had come suddenly followed by his body feeling heavy, then darkness. He had been talking to Charlie...

"Where's my friend?" Garfield asked. "Charlie!"

"I'm sorry, I uh, I don't know your friend. We only found you getting attacked. Looked like they were trying to kidnap you. Maybe because of... your situation." He waved his hand towards his own body, then gestured towards Garfield. "Not trying to assume, but, you know. You're green.

"But you're okay now. We fought them off and got you away from there. If you want, we can walk you home, make sure you get there safely. Or you're free to go if you're feeling better."

Garfield shook his head and collapsed back into a sitting position. It was a lot to take in and his mind was a swirl of thoughts and emotions.

"I don't have a home..." He replied quietly before adding louder. "Who are you?"

The young man hesitated, but the girl stepped closer, raising a hand in a wave. "Hello! My name is Koriand'r and it is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance. Although, I wish it were under better circumstances."

"Korian..."

"You can call her Starfire. It's easier." Offered the other with a sigh. "I'm Eli. And you are...?"

"Uh, right. Garfield. So... you saved me. From kidnappers. And took me here. Where is here again?"

Eli opened his mouth to answer but Koriand'r beat him to it. "This is my new home. It is very spacious. Do you like it?"

"Uh, yeah. It's, it's nice." Garfield fumbled for his words as he tried to maintain eye contact with the redhead. "Do you... do you know who these people were or where they were taking me?"

"I think I can help with that." A new voice joined in.

All three whipped around just in time to see a figure step away from an outside wall. Their body almost seemed to melt away from the surface. Reaching up and sliding back the hood of a sweatshirt to reveal a feminine form and brunette curls.

Koriand'r took a defensive step forward, nearing Garfield to shield him from further harm.

"It's okay," Eli said. "This is the girl I told you about, Starfire. She was there and tried to help."

The golden-skinned young woman relaxed and a smile once more stretched across her lips. "Then you are a friend, yes? It is a pleasure to—"

"Dude!"

Eli, Koriand'r, and the newcomer all switched their gaze to the source of the sudden outburst.

Garfield had risen to his feet, once more slackjawed with eyes wide and an accusatory finger pointed at the newest stranger. "You totally just walked through a freaking wall!" He yelled excitedly.

She nodded. "I did. My name is Kitty. And we all need to talk."

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Well. Looks like I missed a bit in my time without electricity.

For the record, I'm against a new thread. I don't see a real necessity for it and it just provides some minor issues with being able to tell a coherent, long-term story without having to bounce around from thread to thread. It makes it more difficult for anyone whose story isn't wrapped up before the end of a season as they'd have to transfer it over mid-arc to a new IC. And it also puts strict, arbitrary time limits on arcs, even if that is an unintended consequence. People will naturally rush to try and wrap up their story before threads switch in the future. I see absolutely no need to usher in that sort of atmosphere.

New players join established games all the time. There is nothing about having an IC with numerous posts that inherently discourages new activity. Sure, some may see the history and decide it's not for them, but others may just as well see how the IC is thriving with such activity and wish to join as a result. If you want new blood, there are other ways to achieve pulling them in.

Now, I don't necessarily think we need a perpetual inflow of new players nor do I believe we need to rely solely on those we already have. A balance should be struck. Loyalty, persistence, and passion are all good things, and we should be proud and confident in our core player base to carry the torch. And we should encourage prospective newbies or returning players alike to come in if they're interested. But I don't think we need to panic or rush to achieve that when we're going strong. I'm not saying we should wait until things are dying, either, but those are not the only two avenues we can take.

A new interest check, updating the title to reflect that the RP is always open, a synopsis in both the OOC and IC opening posts that summarizes the important notes of the previous season (and leaving the more detailed, individualized summaries for each respective player's character sheet if desired). And, yes, not being so quick to jump down someone's throat if they show interest in a character integral to your plot.

Hex is right, but so are Star and Wraith. There is an issue with claim culture among many of us. But staking claim to important NPCs is not inherently wrong. I think Hound's use of Hank and Janet is brilliant, and I would want to encourage such great integration into the stories we weave. At this point, however, with how central of a character Hank is, Hound should just update his proposal for next season to include Hank as a joint POV for his Blue Beetle story. No different than myself controlling four Titans, or Maxx running the entire X-Men line-up. The degree to which these characters are used and are integral to a story reflect whether they should be NPCs or full-blown POVs. And it is clearly within the rules to have a single concept consist of multiple official POVs.

When it comes to villainous legacies, I 100% appreciate and respect that those characters are usually vital to the stories we tell. I think those are the types of NPCs we should be able to lay claim to, so long as they pertain to the character(s) we are writing. Deathstroke is clearly a very popular character, and I know many people would love to utilize him. I also know that what I intend to do with the character for my story doesn't leave room for someone else to utilize him at this moment. All of the characters I personally voiced I intended to use in my proposal are antagonists. I purposefully did not try to pull in any other NPCs because I don't want to limit what others may wish to do. Yes, I have story concepts for future Titan recruits, but they're neither central to my current story nor are they something I feel I should block off from others.

I wouldn't expect Inkarnate to give up Luthor as an NPC for someone else given the character is deeply integrated into his story in addition to being a legacy. Nor would I expect that from Wraith with the villains he has set up to be important. But Batman's rogues gallery is extensive, and they can't all be vital to his story, nor will he likely ever be able to utilize them all. I'm sure he'd love to, God knows I had a huge web of NPCs all laid out when I was Spider-Man that I intended to introduce. But, I think, that goes too far. We have to be realistic with the characters we have at our disposal and how we'll be able to use them, if at all. You can tell a great, heavily interconnected story that showcases the extensive underworld of your particular city of lore with just a handful of villains. You can also depict said villains as being around to enrich your narrative without having to claim them entirely as your own if they are not integral to the plot.

I don't know Wraith's plans, and Nate you don't have to justify anything in response to this, but for example let's look at at prominent Bat-foe Harvey Dent. If Harvey and/or Two-Face is not deeply integrated into the story Wraith is telling, but he still wants to establish their presence in Gotham, sure, go for it. But if and when someone comes around with a compelling and reasonable use for the character, we shouldn't be opposed with cooperating and sharing the character. Or even giving the character up completely so long as what's already been established isn't ignored or contradicted. Because, in the end, we're trying to build a cohesive, shared world and narrative.

And the same goes for heroic and other non-villainous NPCs. If they are integral to your story and are, in fact, basically a POV unto themselves, I don't understand why they are not simply included as part of the character's proposal. If I want to tell a story primarily about Red Tornado, but also wish to include the Jim Hammond Human Torch as a central character, I would apply as both in a unified proposal. But if a character isn't completely central to the story, but is still an NPC you desire to use, fine. Just be willing to share that character with another - whether after you've finished using them in your story, or simultaneously. Again, so long as it's a compelling and reasonable use of the character and will not ignore or contradict what has already been done. I'm definitely not advocating we throw around NPCs that have been already fleshed out willy-nilly because that risks continuity errors and confusion. But we definitely should not instinctively say "mine, you can't have it" just because we got to said NPC first.

That being said, there's another real problem in these games that so frequently occurs and directly correlates to this issue. And that is oversaturation. Yes, Gotham is a cool, interesting city that we all love. But we don't need to have half a dozen POVs centralized in one location. This world is vast, especially with the lore of two combined franchises, and there is an entire universe beyond it. There are so many different cities, states, countries, planets we can explore with our stories, and we should encourage that. We should not encourage the mistake of previous games and rush to expand one section of the world at the expense of others. If you have an idea for, say Azrael, a Gotham-central character, do not be afraid to take your story to another location and explore it there. We shouldn't limit ourselves just for the sake of maintaining the status quo.

As I said, there's a balance between not claiming and claiming too much. And it certainly isn't the easiest thing to maintain. But I think it's the healthiest route to take that can work for everyone and not just the few.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

@Lord Wraith as requested. I will not be reviewing any of the crisis bits.

Taking down the boss man.

Issue One:

Oh, boy. You saw everyone else doing colored dialogue and decided to outdo them by making everything colored. I'll keep you updated later in the review if this is annoying to me or not lol. Bruce's text being dull and muted like the rest of the text may get to me after awhile.

Warren's a shark. I see what you did there. Punny.

You did okay when referencing White and Tally Man. You gave enough context on White for me as a reader to understand, and Tallyman, judging from the Stork's comments, is meant to be steeped in mysterious lore. But then you reference Bruce and give no detail, even fleeting, into who or what he is. Yes, of course, everyone in the real world knows who Bruce Wayne is, and we in the game know you've made him older and the former Bat. But you shouldn't rely on your audience's outside knowledge to tell your story.

When introducing new characters and important concepts that will play a recurring role you should provide context. Treat them just as you would if these were original characters and settings in one of your Mavericks games, for instance. Of course, this doesn't need to happen if you're trying to keep your audience in the dark or if the narrator is unaware of this information. Nor for minor things that'll only show up once. But, for Bruce specifically, just a quick, expository note as to who this man is in Terry's ear would have been nice. Might seem silly, but I think this is a trap many of us fandom RPers fall into, and I personally think it makes a real difference.

Maybe you do this in the next post or two when we properly meet Bruce, though.

I notice you have two habits in your exposition. First, you tend to make your sentences into long stretches like this that, while technically correct, can quickly become monotonous and a drag to get through if that's all you ever do. I use these longer sentences myself, so I'm not saying avoid them completely. But try to vary things up. Instead of having multiple of these sentences back-to-back, some entirely making up paragraphs all on their own, break up the monotony by injecting shorter sentences in. It makes it easier to read. It helps with the flow. And, overall, it tends to be more enjoyable for your audience.

Second, you favor the word "as" a lot. When you describe events and actions happening simultaneously, you almost always resort without fail to that word. Which, again, is absolutely fine. But when it's all you use over and over, especially in conjunction with the stretched-out sentences, it becomes very noticeable. It stands out and can disrupt the flow. Try to employ other diction or restructure your sentences every so often so that these instances of "as" are separated.

Okay opening post, though. We get a glimpse of Bruce's gruff mentorship and get a tease for the vast Gotham underworld we're sure to be exposed to. Serves to capture some interest. I would have just liked a little more exposition here as it is our introduction to the character and story.

Issue Two:

Yeah. I've decided I'm not a fan of Bruce's dialogue color. It's too dim when the regular text is also grey.

As you know, since we had this conversation... five years ago? Commas before names, Nate. Or before titles and monikers, Mr. GM. Always put the comma there, Wraith. Whenever you address someone directly, you silly Canadian. < - See all those totally subtle examples for guidance. You do it sometimes, but others you forget.

As a general rule, though there are always exceptions, when you have multiple instances of exposition breaking up dialogue, separate the second instance and the following dialogue into a new line. It's cleaner and flows better.

While I liked the exchange between the elder and younger Bats, this post was short and without any real substance. Of course, there's nothing wrong with shorter posts, and you did use it to establish character dynamics, there's more I feel you could and should have done here. This post by its very nature was practically begging for more exposition into Bruce, his role as mentor, their history together, as well as introspection from Terry. I also would have liked to see a line or two about the False Face Society since you've now referenced them twice and they seem to be an established entity known to both men. But, primarily, I feel this post was a missed opportunity for key introspection.

Issue Three:

You know the routine by now. Something something lots of typos and poor diction/syntax choices something something proofread your posts out loud.

Interesting use of Carrie. Wondering if she'll play a more pivotal role in the time to come. I'd hazard a guess we'll see her in a role more akin to the comics later on.

Shared secret between Terry and Max? I assume you're going the show route and having her be aware of his costumed identity. But you provide absolutely no context for that here, and, in fact, if I wasn't aware of her role as a confidant in the show, I would be very confused and think this line was out-of-place or I had missed something. Definitely should have conveyed that here. Another example where introspection would have been useful. So far we haven't really gotten any, so I'm hoping that changes in the posts to come.

Issue Four:

Not using exposition to explain these new characters here works due to the nature of this post.

Unless the guy was wearing two, you had his wolf mask removed twice.

Chelsea Cunningham. Hm. Wonder if you're having her still be a friend of Terry's, which will make this more interesting when he finds out.

Good set up for Mad Hatter overall.

Issue Five:

“Your ass is definitely mine tonight, McGinnis.”

And people were saying you hadn't done a sex scene yet.

Yes. He is friends with Chelsea. I'm so smart.

You missed some color text for Nelson.

Man. When not posting anything to social media in a few hours results in people thinking the worst, you know you have an addiction. Tsk tsk, Chelsea.

Issue Six:

While you include more exposition in this post than others, you don't give any where I feel it's needed. The Batmobile is referenced and suggested to be flying, but we are given no information on that, just left to our assumptions. Is there significance in it being Gage and Ramirez who ruled it a suicide, are we to assume they're dirty? Or is it purely because of the suicide?

Likewise, we're not getting any introspection from Terry on his friend's disappearance in the face of her father being found dead. Given these events, we should be getting a glimpse into his thought process. Without that, considering the circumstances, I'm left just feeling like Terry is hollow and emotionless. Introspective moments help us to relate to and understand characters. Without that, it's hard to connect and they can feel like nothing more than generic stock. I want to feel like these are real people experiencing real events. This should be a deeply concerning moment but I'm not getting that due to Terry's seeming nonchalance.

A couple of mistakes here and there that seem to be from past iterations and edits. Again, proofreading will help catch these.

Hm. I find it odd that Tetch let his tech remain as evidence for the cops, and, even more, get destroyed. Unless, of course, he wanted Batman to follow the lead to him.

Issue Seven:

Some redundant diction here. It's been present in other posts, but it's more noticeable here as it's present immediately in the first few sentences. And there are four or five other instances throughout this post that are fairly easy to spot.

Here we go. The first half of this post we finally get some exposition regarding events, people, etc. More than just in passing, at least.
I do find it funny, though, that Bruce tells the guy he won't ask again... and then immediately asks again. Way to follow through, Bruce-y.

I don't follow why he thinks black/off-market, criminal tech would be patented, honestly. I get the purpose it served, and I understand it makes sense that there is a patent since Tetch worked for Stagg when he developed it. But Bruce being so certain that there must be one seems odd to me, personally.

I was going to like the post initially, mainly for the first half, but the littering of errors throughout the latter half that could be easily caught by proofreading pulled me out of the narrative too much. But, I liked the twist at the end a lot. I knew it was likely where you were going, but only because of your flashback sequence which was brilliantly set up. Well done on that.

Issue Eight:

Too many uses of "boy" back-to-back in the first half. It's all you used to refer to him. Varying it with a few different synonyms would have been better. As it is, the flow is affected and I was pulled away from the story.

Again, like the exposition here in regards to Chelsea's predicament as you delve in deeper than most of your other posts. You also give us more introspection with her in this one scene than we've gotten with Terry the entire arc thus far. And I love the introspection we do get. I like that you're actually giving us her thoughts and emotions in order to capture the dread and provide for a more uncomfortable and dark atmosphere. I just wish you would give the same treatment to Terry - minus the creep factor.

There's quite a bit of passive voice used in this post in particular, though. Given that we're so closely following Chelsea's internal horror and disgust, this post especially should be more active in voice. Which, honestly, just means swapping some of the text in sentences from the beginning to the middle or end.

Curious why you seem to have given Tetch a rhyming scheme here when he didn't have it before. I'm guessing it only comes out in his Mad Hatter persona.

Despite there being several errors throughout, and the rampant redundancies, this post will also get a like because I really enjoyed that you gave us the Chelsea introspection. Maybe one of the things I've enjoyed most from you this run so far, despite the circumstances of the scene.

Also, ten bucks says the sister doesn't make it.

Issue Nine:

wrinkling his nose in displease

Proofread.

You know. I find myself more invested in Tetch as a character than Terry. Same with Chelsea. I don't relate to Tetch at all, of course, but you've given him so much more development than Terry. I think it's great that you've developed him, I love that you've extended this out and allowed the story to build-up relatively slowly. But you're kind of giving Terry the short end of the stick and treating him more like a plot device than a character.

We get some more nice exposition regarding Tetch's life and history. Very appreciated. But, once again, no introspection from Terry. The kid finds himself face-to-face with his dying friend, and he doesn't react as far as the audience can tell. Just witty quips. Which, yes, may very well be his way to cope with the situation, but we don't get to see and feel that. We get one single line about him shivering seeing Chelsea's condition, but that's all. No further inner turmoil or shock and horror or anything. And, even then, it seems like the shivering is more about Tetch's giggle than the state of Chelsea. I can't connect with Terry as a character if I don't even feel he's a person with thoughts and emotions.

You mention that Terry was in a haste to save Chelsea and so forgot to use the sensors to check the building. We should have experienced that concern and panic that led to said hasty mistake. You're telling us, but you're not showing us.

Issue Ten:

Pet Pan Killer’s

Proofread proofread proofread.

You owe me ten bucks.

Not sure what nine-year-old uses "malice" in conversation, though. I understand the parallel between "malice" and "my Alice" but kids not acting like kids is jarring.

Great way to establish why the comeback was realistic and reasonable. The adrenaline injection keeps me from having to suspend disbelief that Terry rebounded in that combat. I wish it had been a slightly more prolonged battle, personally, given how easily they had overwhelmed him before with their speed and resilience, but it still worked.

Tetch was bound, though, from a bola. The Tweedles didn't have time to free him, presumably, since Terry was only out for a second or two before knocking them out. Hm.

Again, would have really loved to see some introspection from Terry here. Especially at the end when he manages to save his friend. Maybe some conflict between leaving her there in that state without immediate attention before the paramedics arrive. At the very least some relief and satisfaction over the victory. Over her being alive. Witty one-liners are nice and all, but there has to be more to the character than that.

Your fight scenes seem sort of matter-of-fact at times. I don't think it's the way you describe the combat itself, maybe it's just the exposition surrounding that. Not sure. This and the last fight scene felt a little stale to me, though. More like you were laying out the steps than actually taking us through the experience if that makes sense.

Issue Eleven:

Probably not the best use of an accent there. Talking about a thong not being wide enough to cover "'ips." So easy to misconstrue. Makes the whole conversation super creepy. Not the narrative, the way you wrote it. Skeevy, Nate.
Also, not a fan of writing out accents in dialogue, anyway, personally.

thinning hair was parted atop his bulbous hair

Proof-fucking-read.

Ooh, White Rabbit name drop.

You set up several plot threads moving forward very nicely and I'm interested to see how they all pay off.

---

So. I like the overall story arc. I like the pacing for the most part. I found Tetch a very compelling villain for his time in the limelight.

However, there's a severe lack of introspection and character development for Terry. As I said earlier, he comes across as a generic plot device. He might as well be a robot with how little we get to experience his thoughts and feelings. I could not connect to him as he did not feel like an actual character. I connected with Bruce slightly more due to the flashbacks and how you characterized him seeming to have some sort of enjoyment out of punishing the bad guys. I connected with Chelsea a lot due to the focused introspection during her scenes, and I could strongly sympathize with her. I was disgusted at the abuse you had her suffer through, but that disgust is due to the narrative being well-done in that instance. And I could connect with Tetch, even, because you let us experience and explore his trauma as a child and how it affected him as an adult. He got real development.

I got none of that from Terry, and I really wish I had because that would have made this arc genuinely fantastic.

That being said, I do appreciate and enjoy the worldbuilding you're doing by slowly teasing the greater Gotham underworld. But you should, in my opinion, really focus on better introducing these characters to us - at least when you're following Terry in the narrative. When you're doing the behind-the-scenes villain perspectives it makes sense not to elaborate. But when we're meant to be experiencing Terry's role and his exploits, and he has clear information on these people, events, etc, we as the audience need to get that, too.

Aside from all of that, the main things I'd say that stand out to me are the very clear signs you're not spending enough time, or any from your own admittance, proofreading. The over-reliance on "as" during exposition. And redundant diction throughout.

While I do have all of these complaints and grievances, and I really hope you start giving us more introspective moments for Terry, I was able to enjoy a decent chunk of the content. The pacing of the arc and characterization of Tetch helped with that a lot. Just nail down turning Terry into a real boy, so to speak, and you'll have struck gold moving forward.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Sooo let's talk Raven's death scene. I'm planning to have her killed, then her father takes possession of her soul and puts it in a new body and that'll be the dark Raven. She won't stay that way, so don't worry.

@Xandrya

Spoilers.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Okay, a couple of private reviews are finished.
@Dblade26 yours was sent in a PM. Apologies.

Will get a post up this weekend.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

If you are one of the people who asked me for a review, please update your post catalog. It saves me considerable time when doing these for you.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Let's not.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

I don't think I'm caught in a landslide, though...