Syben

The Dust: Relaunch

Go time. Expect Reviews.

The Dust: Relaunch

Offense 4- Here I'm having some confusion, as when I consulted you via PM you said this was perfectly fine. I'll clarify that he was holding his guts in with his powers but I'll change it to someone else saving him. I guess I'll remove the crow?

Armor:This is a fair assessment; the telekinesis shouldn't be considered armor. Bit confused about the need to move it, but you're the boss.

Abilities:

• Offense 2- Would he thought? It's not like he's taking apart a gun by the screws, he's just breaking it. If you believe it's going to be an issue I'll remove it though.
• Offense 4- I'm not sure what your problem is here. Have I offended you in some way?
• Offense 5- Perfectly fine with that.

@Arcanaut

Backstory: O4: To be fair, as I stated, in the past four days I slept a maximum of ten hours. Though it is a two way street, as you should think about the reality of what you're writing.

Armor: Armor Reference Pictures should go in the Armor area, so I don't have to scroll up to match it to the description. If it is not an armor reference picture, then put it where is should go, or leave it as is. If appearance and armor use the same reference picture, then it's not that big of a deal for it to just be in appearance. This was intended for specific references to armor, and less on the face, etc.

Abilities:
O2: If he's using brute force then, well, anybody can do that. The way that I perceived it as him being able to manipulate anything without any prior knowledge to how it works. A complicated puzzle lock for instance, you can't just break. Thus where I said it is possible, but only with prior experience of knowledge of the device to manipulate. Brute force is well, a given.

O4(?): Are you referring to the (tip) as in, hey here's a suggestion? Or the part where I asked for clarification? Both are kind of straightforward.

@ShotGun Bear I will get to your CS tomorrow, as I likely will not have the time tonight. I have to work early, which is why I've had such irregular sleeping patterns (To you- Arc- in case you're reading this, which you likely are.) so I can get to work with some sleep and not be late because chronic insomniac yay. Tomorrow, but from what I read so far I like the concept, I have a few technical questions, also be aware that your character will be unable to draw from the magnetic fields of earth or people, but bullets? Eh, whatever, I don't care about the technicalities of stopping them, but I'd rather not have the character be able to send them back to their prior owners, so just stopping them is fine.

You can PM me if you want, but I'd like to know more about the direction of your character; how you intend her use in combat situations like a gunfight, and how she can affect that, etc. The regenerative magnetic healing cauterization is .. interesting.. but to have that level of heat constantly would leave her unable to touch anything without incinerating it, or wear clothes, so that may have to go.

Anyways more on that tomorrow~

The Dust: Relaunch

@Arcanaut The creature is good, I like it, I will add it when I get a chance. Eating right now and gotta go do lifey stuff though. Also replace "Yellow Zones" with "Sandy Dunes".

The Dust: Relaunch [Post Apoc, Superpowers, Shapeshifting, Creative Freedom]

As a Manifestation, yes, but not manipulation. It's a desert world and I cannot allow the manipulation of existing water or you character could single handedly kill everybody with a flick of his wrist. Those who manifestor their powers will be unable to function with their continual usage against those who manipulate, as manipulation puts a lesser amount of strain on the host. Just so you are aware.

Also in the rules, and key points there are two defining ones which cover the constraints you said:

And Immortal may never manipulate something directly inside anything organic being. (I should edit that to include manifest)

And The Immortal versus Immortal rule, basically stating that their powers are weaker, or lesser, against one another as opposed to a standard civilian/creature.

Post that CS in the new OOC and I will get around to it tonight, or tomorrow.

The Dust: Relaunch

@SirBeowulf Sir, that is a good name. I also don't feel that the blatantly rip-offed apes quite fit in my world. And for multiple other reasons, I hope you're no too sad at my denying them.

Also keep in mind that for the past three-four days I've had a total of 10 hours of sleep, or less, and I will be reevaluating your character sheet just to make sure I didn't gloss over something. No pressure though, I'm sure it's fine.

The Dust: Relaunch

@Arcanaut

• Please add description of eyes (A static image conveys a static idea, whereas perhaps there are moving specks?) You can keep the picture.
  
• Reference pictures, while useful, are not as telling as a written description. (Appearance) You can keep the pictures, within hiders: Though do not use hiders for the written portion, please.
  
• Aligned Faction: "Considered enemy of The Forsaken as well as those against the Forsaken" is.. a tad confusing, is an enemy to all?
  
• Backstory: " It was at this point Roland's abilities revealed themselves sending him across the field ", what abilities? I don't remember reading how, or when, he joined with a spark.
  
• Backstory:I don't understand why there would be no evidence of the bodies, blood, or anything, but they leave your character their because.. why? Convenience, purely.
  
• Backstory: "by crows and burned by the endless sun that Roland met his spark" Oh, there's that spark joining. Did you bother reading the lore I wrote? Actually, there's more lore errors than just the super powers without the spark. The character can't awake without a spark, as it is a manifestation of the spark. Uriel cannot "help" him remove himself from the cross, as the phenomena is gained by the joining, meaning the Spark has no prior knowledge of it, nor can Uriel take over his mind and do it for him, as the Spark can only take over during the awakened state. I suggest you read, or reread the lore, and redraft your backstory.
  
• Backstory: I'm really glad he was found by these doctors dudes who had the equipment necessary to perform microscopic surgery on his intestines, and treat the infections ensuing from wounds like that. Also, Blood loss in this case is still going to be very severe - nearly all the abdominal organs are pretty amply supplied with arterial blood. It's a bit hard to work out precisely, but the combined cross-sectional area of the arteries supplying the liver, kidneys and intestines appears to be about equivalent to that of a femoral artery. Meaning he would bleed to death in a couple a minutes at best, not even factoring in his crucifixion wounds, probable dehydration, and it's popularized that crows would go for the softer tissues first, his open wounds, his disemboweled midsection, and his eyes and tongue. I see absolutely no possible way this character is alive-- In fact he should have died about four times now.
  
• Armor: The armor he posses is accurately portrayed in the picture ... but without telekinetic shielding he is considered without armor. What? Does he or doe he not have armor? (Telekinetic shielding is not armor.) Also, Picture referencing his armor.. should be moved to armor section.
  
• Abilities: Long name is long: "Run so fast he becomes a blur" I agreed upon improved speed, but that's a bit drastic. Tone it down to like, twice as fast of a person sprinting?
  
• Abilities: Gremlin: That is not what tuning is, it does not give him the clairvoyance to see inside the working object and manipulate it. He would have to actually know what he was doing.
  
• Abilities: Rail Gun: This is tuning.
  
• Abilities: Spy Moon Guy: Training as a spy? You mean Soulless? How exactly does one know to acquire important pieces of information... if they do not understand what they are looking at; other than common sense which really isn't a special ability now is it?
  
• Abilities: Elegant Savage: Don't use specific situations as a fact. (This is really just a tip, not really a problem). Everything has a circumstance, that metaphorical room of people he could engage, they could all be immortals, or bears in disguise.
  
• Abilities: Muh Honor: Just need clarification on the last sentence, when he does use his powers to incapacitated, or when he does not? The "not" doesn't seem like it fits.
  
• Abilities: Muh Hands (:P): I will allow him to move small objects without much weight without tuning to them, and his longinus because of the familiarity of the weapon.

The Dust: Relaunch

@SirBeowulf Re-thinking this, the apes are a little too humanoid, making them a faction: And a blatant rip-off, not to be rude. (I Am abrasive). Can I mulligen your creature for a fresh idea?

The Dust: Relaunch

@Arcanaut I have to go to work like, right now. I will read your cs when I get home.\

@Shotgun Bear Fuck yea! I'm awaiting. Welcome to the wasteland.

The Dust: Relaunch

@SirBeowulf GIve it a name haha, you don't need a profile until your character awakens. (The Spark. I mean)

Cool creatures guys, but Beowulf exactly what town do these apes occupy? "A rising problem for the town of Dresden, as they occupy an city full of important scavenge-able items." or are the apes trying to scavenge the city?

The Dust: Relaunch

@Monochromatic Rainbow You're the half mad gun toting russian resident. Half mad with guns, that is. We have much love for you.