Tlstiffl

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta flinched when Ezra pulled away from her. She was hurt by Ezra's words, but she didn't let him know. He was upset and grieving, Marta was too, but she couldn't imagine what Ezra was feeling. If Ezra needed some space, she would give it to him, even if it made her unhappy. What would make Marta happy was knowing Atalia was safe and Ezra could see her again, and then all of them and Ezra's parents ran away. Left the country and never looked back and started a new life. But it wasn't that simple, it was never that simple.

Hearing his words, Marta felt cold stabs all over her skin. He was blaming himself so much, yet she wanted to make him realize it wasn't. None of it was his fault. It was all her fault. They were there for her, Marta was the one they wanted. If Marta never came into Ezra's life last month, then Ezra would be well and Atalia would be alive. Marta could imagine it; Ezra would be baking fresh bread in the bakery and Atalia would come in and would make him laugh and smile. They would discuss school, their religion, and everything they had in common. His life would be better, or as best it could be with the situation happening in the country.

She watched him carefully as he stood, even if he didn't want her touch, she wasn't going to let him fall to the ground, not if she could stop it. When he spoke of death that made Marta's heart stopped. She looked at him, her face in pain. Not physical pain, but emotional pain. How could he say something like that? He had to know that it would upset her. But he wasn't himself, at least, not the man who she spent the night with last night. It was insane how much can change in 24 hours.

When Jeremiah came back in and was fussing over Ezra, Marta was just doing her best not to have a meltdown. She didn't deserve to be emotional anymore, at least not now. The focus had to remain on Ezra. When Jeremiah asked her to bring him up to the bedroom, she nodded her head hesitantly. She knew Ezra would not be thrilled, but Marta was just doing as she was told. So wrapping an arm around Ezra's waist, she led him slowly up the stairs to the second floor and brought him into the room she assumed was the guest room since it just had a bed and a dresser, whereas the other room had a desk and other items around the room.

Once Ezra was settled in the bed, and Jeremiah brought him some water and their bags, he left the two alone to go make more phone calls. Marta stood by the bed, looking at Ezra. "Should I leave you alone?" she asked. He did not seem to want her near, and it hurt her. Just last night he spoke of never wanting her out of his sight.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

When Ezra spoke about Jeremiah, Marta nodded her head. She recalled him speaking of the family-friend numerous time, though Marta has yet to meet him. In fact, Marta hasn't met anyone in Erza's life except for his parents and Atalia. She knew though that if Ezra trusted the man, Marta would too. She prayed that Ezra's parents stayed away as long as they would, that way they wouldn't be here if the gestapo came back. Marta quickly got to work, getting the bags and began packing only the essentials. She packed majority of her clothes, since she didn't have many anyways, and she packed enough clothes for Ezra to have a different outfit for seven days. With winter approaching, she made sure to pack some gloves and scarves and had their two winter coats. Once everything was ready, and Jeremiah was alerted, they got ready to leave.

Marta looked around, making sure they weren't forgetting anything or leaving any trace of where they are going. Only than the empty dresser drawers, it did not look like anything was different. She glanced around and saw a framed picture of Ezra with parents, and then one with himself and Atalia. When he wasn't looking, Marta carefully stuck them into her suitcase. She wished they could bring more because she knew when the police came back they would trash everything, but they had to carry light.

Helping Ezra down the stairs and onto the bus, while carrying the suitcases was a difficult task, but she had to do it. She had to be the strong one, mentally and physically. She held onto his hand tight and let him put as much weight on her as he needed during the bus ride. By the time they reached Jeremiah's apartment, Marta's legs were shaking and she could only imagined how exhausted Ezra was. Once they were safe inside, and the bags taken care of, Marta went over and sat down next to Ezra, once again reaching for his hand. She didn't want him out of her sight now, and if she wasn't touching him, she felt insane.

She listened with so much guilt as Ezra gave a brief description of what happened. Marta swallowed hard and looked up at Jeremiah.

"Don't blame Ezra sir. Everything is my fault. My name is Marta, and I am sure you are aware of who I am and why I am shocked you agreed to allow me into your house. My father, he works for the government, and somehow the police found out that I, his daughter, was a Jewish sympathizer. They barged into Ezra's house today, and Atalia, for whatever reason I will never understand, claimed to be me. They took her before I could stop them." She left out that it was Ezra who actually stopped her, but it wasn't important. "I wish there was a way to save Atalia, but I fear it may be too late."

Jeremiah had sat and listened to her story intently, not showing any emotion on his face. She was waiting for him to throw her out of his house, but he simply nodded his head. "Excuse me, I need to make some calls."

Jeremiah stood, Marta giving him a strange look. That was not the response she was expecting. But for now she ignored it, and she turned to look at Ezra. She knew there was nothing she could say to make things better. He would be distraught for days, even weeks, over his friend. So Marta just leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder and stayed close. It was all she could do at the moment.

Men vs. Women Race to 1000

180

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta felt her determination slipping. She suddenly found the thought of leaving Ezra becoming harder and harder. When he wrapped his arms around her and cried into her shoulder, Marta held onto his tightly. She ran her fingers through his hair, hushing him as she tried to calm his tears. She felt stuck now, torn between the right choice. Her mind told her go, do what she can to right the situation. Maybe there was a chance they would free Atalia, but her gut told her that was highly unlikely. She was a Jewish girl who just tried to pass as a rich, Christian girl. But maybe Marta could somehow bargain for her freedom. But then her heart, her heart was here. Her heart was clenching onto her right at that moment. Her heart that belonged to Ezra was telling her to stay.

His words were like the last strikes with the hammer. Her determination was gone and she knew her mind was made up. She wasn't going to leave. The guilt of Atalia's fate would follow her like a curse, but Ezra was the most important person in her life and he needed her. He lost his best friend, he couldn't lose Marta too. But they were no longer safe at all here. The home, which had been a sanctuary of sorts for them, was now dangerous and tainted. But Marta wasn't sure where they could go.

She felt Ezra pull away from her physically and mentally. His voice changed and he seemed non-human. She almost want to shake him, did not want to hurt him. She refused to move from his lap, not until she knew Ezra was snapped out of it. So many emotions and thoughts were in the air, neither of them thinking 100% clearly, but Marta felt like she had to be the voice of reason, to some extent.

Forcing Ezra's head back up, she gave him an intense look. Not anger, or sadness, but a look she hoped would bring him back to her. "I promise you last night that I would never leave your sight. And I won't break that promise. I am not changing my mind, you are my everything Ezra and I am not going anywhere. Not now. I let my fear and anger blind me, but I am thinking more clearly. You are the real man I want in my life, so I need you to come back to me. We need to figure this out together."

She stood up from his lap, reaching down she helped him stand too and walked him back into the bedroom. Once he was settled on the bed, Marta looked down at him. "Ezra we can't stay here. They are going to come back looking for me. Is there any place you can think of where we can go?"

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta was enjoying so much hearing about little Ezra. It made her heart warm when she learned he was just as sweet and loving as a child as he was now, but it didn't surprise her. Marta was standing behind the couch, her hand subconsciously running through his hair, listening to Atalia speak about the difference between a bar and bat mitzvah. It was a celebration for Jewish kids when they were 12 and 13. They were now adults, meaning they had to take responsibility for their actions. Marta internally frowned, knowing she would never be able to have her own, but maybe one day she would have a children and could celebrate theirs.

Marta was feeling wonderful. She felt a new friendship forming with Atalia, and after last night, she felt even closer to Ezra. Little did she know, things were about to make a drastic change. When Marta heard the door slam open, she jumped out of her skin. She knew right away it could not be Ezra's parents because they weren't due back yet, and also they would not be so violent in their entrance. Fear sweeping her, Marta quickly circled the couch, and stood next to Ezra who had stood up. She clutched onto his hand and arm and felt her heart stop when the three officers appeared before them. Her heart was racing, what were they doing here? Did something happen to Ezra's parents? Were they here to take him too? She held onto the boy even tighter, listening to him try in vain to get the men to leave.

And then they spoke, and when she heard her name, Marta's eyes widened. It was like time froze for a moment, her brain unable to fully register what happened. And before she could decide what to do, she heard Atalia confessing that she was Marta. Marta shook her head, but before she could do anything, Ezra's hands was over her mouth. She tried to fight him, but despite his injuries, he was still stronger than her. Tears were streaming down her face, her chest heaving as she watched Atalia dragged out of the apartment. This couldn't happen, not another person hurt, or worse killed, because of her.

When Ezra dropped his hand, Marta didn't move a muscle. She was hyperventilating, staring at the entrance Atalia was just taken through. She had to make this right, she had to fix this. Fuck those men. Fuck Hitler. Anger was boiling up in Marta, she was feeling something she has never felt before in her life: rage. She felt her teeth clenching and her fist tightening. She barely registered what Ezra was talking about.

Suddenly without warning, Marta let out a scream. Letting all the rage escape through her mouth. She felt momentarily better, but she was still seeing red. Looking at Ezra, her heart clenched, she felt bad, but she was also so mad. Mad at him, mad at the officers, mad at the world.

"You fool!" she said, her voice louder, but she tried not to sound too harsh, "You should have let them take me! They are going to discover very quickly Atalia is not me, and then they will kill her! And then they will come back for me, and kill you too for trying to hide me! My life is not worth that much!"

She let out another scream, and began pacing around the small room. She had to make this right. Marta would have to turn herself in. She knew that Atalia was doomed, she couldn't save her at this point. But if she turned herself in, at least Ezra could be spared. Marta began to think where they would have taken Atalia. Possibly the police station, but knowing her father was involved, they could be holding her at the government offices. Thinking of her father, she felt anger rise again. What happened? Did he confess to having a sympathizer as a daughter? She truly wished that wasn't the case; she knew she disappointed her father, but deep down Marta felt that he still loved and cared for her. No he must have been betrayed.

Deciding the best path was to turn herself in, Marta ran into the bedroom and slipped on her shoes and grabbed her coat. When she came back out, she looked at Ezra. He hadn't moved from the couch, his body shaking, and he looked like he just saw a ghost. Marta suddenly felt her resolve melt, and she dropped her coat. She walked over, carefully she climbed onto Ezra's lap, straddling his waist. Unlike last time, the movement was not sexual at all. She reached up, her hands on both sides of his face, and made him look at her.

"Ezra..." she said softly, her fingers playing with his loose curls around his neck, "I need you to tell me who to call to come watch you after I leave."

Marta didn't think she would ever be returning, so she was going to take a few minutes to be with Ezra and make him understand what was happening, and to say her goodbyes.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Too distracted by cooking breakfast, Marta did not hear Ezra and Atalia talking. She glanced up occasionally and saw the two were obviously speaking, but it was in hushed tones and their heads were low. Obviously they didn’t want Marta to hear. And she understood, but it also sat heavy on her heart. She did not doubt Ezra’s love, or worry that he would suddenly leave her for Atalia. But the two have known each other their whole lives. They were best friends; Atalia knew things about Ezra that she may never know. She even probably knew how to make him feel better sometimes than she did. Marta hoped one day she could know Ezra as well as Atalia, but for now, she accepted that even if she was the one who was in Ezra’s arms at night, she was the third wheel in this situation.

Marta finished the malawach, proud that they appeared to look almost like Edith’s. They were a little smaller in shape, but the coloring was right and smelled right. She put it all onto the plate, took out the tomato paste sauce used on top and carried it over to the table. She set it down, before running back into the kitchen to get everyone plates and utensils.

She sat down, feeling a little jittery because she was nervous. “I hope it is ok. I know it won’t be as good as your mother’s” she said glancing over at Ezra, smiling gently, “But I understand if you don’t want to eat it.”

It is still so hard to believe how much her life has changed just in a month. Last month, she had ever meal prepared for her, she was driven wherever she needed, she had her clothes cleaned for her and she hadn’t a care in the world. Now, she was cooking not only for herself, but other people. She helped Edith with the laundry, and cleaning around the house. And if she wanted to get anywhere, it was on her own two feet or the bus. But now that she was officially cut off from her parents, she would have to be more careful with the little money she had managed to save and keep on her.

She ate her food, impressing herself a little. It didn’t taste bad, and it seemed to be cooked right, so she mentally patted herself on the back. She glanced over at the books Atalia brought before looking across the table at Atalia, “I would love your help with the books Atalia. I know that the journey a Jewish girl takes to become a woman is different. Bless Ezra’s heart, he has tried to explain it, but he is a little less knowledgeable in that area.”

Atalia smiled gently, “Of course Marta. Us ladies need to stick together.”

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta was working carefully over the stove, doing her best to copy what she saw Edith do. The past week, Marta woke every morning to help Edith make breakfast while Abe would get Ezra ready for the day. Marta didn’t want to tell Ezra she helped, because she was still learning, but she felt she was getting better. She was currently attempting to make malawach. It was a french toast like dish, made from a puffy dough that Edith made a large batch of yesterday before she left. Marta was carefully doing her best to fry the dough in the pan, not wanting to burn it or do it wrong.

Hearing a cough, Marta glanced up and saw Ezra standing there. She smiled brightly, and let her eyes appreciate the view. He had his shirt still unbutton and Marta could see his bare chest and for a moment, she felt her stomach form a loop. But she shook her thoughts away when she reminded herself she had to focus on breakfast. “Just you wait mister. You are going to be so impressed.” She looked up at him and stuck her tongue out playfully.

As she was beginning to flip the dough over to start frying the other side, there was suddenly a loud noise and Ezra screamed. Marta dropped her spatula and jumped out of her skin. She turned, panicking that it was Oscar and he snuck in, but when she saw Atalia she relaxed a bit. She saw that Ezra looked shaken, and with his weakened state, she went over and stood by his side, wrapping an arm around his waist. She felt him lean against her, and she let him.

She listened to Atalia explain the books she brought and Marta smiled at her. “Atalia that is so kind of you. It is a bit unclear what is going to happen” she said, a frown forming on her face for a moment, but taking a deep breath, “But I am not going to give up. And it means so much that you want to help.”

Suddenly a smell entered her nose and she remembered the breakfast. “Oh!” she said, making sure Ezra was ok, before turning back to the stove. Thankfully she caught it in time and nothing was burnt. She looked at Atalia, “Would you care to stay for breakfast?” she asked.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Marta wasn’t sure what came over her just then, but when she saw the same look of desire in Ezra’s eyes, she let out a gasp. The darkness to his eyes made Marta bite her lip. She couldn’t believe she was with such an attractive, handsome man. Feeling his hands on her legs, goosebumps raised on her skin. When Ezra encouraged her to move atop of him, she carefully straddled his waist, cautious not to hit his ribs or put too much weight on him. When he began to kiss her, she leaned over, resting her hands on the pillow under his head, not wanting to rest on his chest. She let out a sigh into the man’s lip, letting her tongue wander into his mouth and let his tastes overcome her. Kissing Ezra always created a tightness in Marta’s stomach, but tonight the tightness was more south on her body. It was a feeling she never experienced before.

When he ran his hands up her back, a shiver ran down her spine. And suddenly she felt something pressing against her inner thigh. She was a bit confused, thinking maybe it was his knee bent up, but when she pulled back and saw how flushed Ezra was, and the darkness of his eyes, she knew what was happening. She felt his arousal continued to rub against her, and suddenly Marta felt wetness form in her panties. For a moment, she thought that her period begun, but it was different. The wetness also came with a pressure in the same region, and it made her skin shiver every time Ezra’s arousal rubbed against her.

Marta continued to kiss Ezra on the lips, neck, face, wherever she could reach. However, when she felt Ezra’s hands on her panties, she let out a little moan and the wetness grew. She didn’t know what she was suppose to do, and too embarrassed to ask, so she was a bit relieved when Ezra stopped his motions. Marta felt a bit ashamed that she was so naive about sex, but she had a feeling Ezra was too. They were both discovering their own bodies together, while discovering each others. Everything felt good and right, but it was still a scary unknown.

When Ezra apologize, Marta shook her head and looked into his eyes. “No apologies needed. I am yours,” she whispered softly, her voice a bit huskier and deeper than normal.

It seemed both were ok with ending it here, so Marta carefully climbed off Ezra’s lap, but stayed closed. She laid down next to him, her front pressed into his side and her head resting on his shoulder. She felt the wetness in her panties getting cold and made it bit awkward, but she didn’t want to leave Ezra’s sides. Eventually she felt her eyes growing heavy and she fell asleep. It was the first night in days that Marta did not have a nightmare.

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Marta awoke to sunshine pouring onto her face. She blinked her eyes a few times, adjusting to the light. She glanced up at the clock hanging in the bedroom and saw it was half past eight. Usually Ezra’s parents were up at 6 AM, so it felt nice to sleep in a little. Marta sat up and smiled at Ezra’s sleeping form. Last night came flooding back, and Marta’s cheeks flushed as she thought about it. She did not regret what happened, but it was new territory for the both of them. She wanted to touch and explore more of Ezra’s body, and have him to do things to her like he did last night again, but in baby steps. Reaching over, she pushed the hair from his eyes and kissed him gently on the cheek. She then carefully stood up, trying not to wake him. She wanted him to get as much sleep as possible. She grabbed clean clothes and went into the bathroom to freshen herself up, since she did not take care of the mess in her panties from last night. After she was clean, she went to go start breakfast, making sure to listen for Ezra since she is the only one here to help him now.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

"I am sorry if I have seemed physically distant, but it was just me being cautious and not wanting to hurt your body. But every moment I don't see you, even if it is just to go to the toilet, you are on my mind. And I have the same fears. If I don't know where you are, I am terrified and constantly thinking if you are alright. And I have the nightmares too; the images of seeing you lying on the ground, that will never leave my head. And I just wait, wait for you to realize how it is in fact me who doesn't deserve you. The world think just because I grew up with money and my parents are Christians, we are better. You see yourself inferior to me. Yet you and your parents have been nothing but kind to me since the very beginning. Even though society made me your enemy, you gave me the benefit of the doubt. You are good. You are kind. You are the better person. I just fear the day you realize that."

She took a deep breath, her mouth was getting away from her, but she had to finish. But before she spoke further, Ezra pulled her into a passionate kiss, one that she returned fully. She would not have minded if kept going, but she could sense Ezra's physical struggle.

"Ezra I grew up with everything. I had my choice of toys as a child, I slept in a bed two times the size of this one. My personal bathroom is bigger than your whole house. But none of that gave me happiness. I felt so alone sometimes. And then I came here, and I am home. I am able to be the person I am meant to be. You gave me that. I will do whatever you want to show you I am not leaving your side. I will marry you. I will give you all my belongings. I will change my name. I will cut my hair. I will do whatever I have to so I am by your side forever. I wish I could understand why the things are happening the way they are. My hope is honestly, God is testing us. We are Romeo and Juliet, Ezra, we are two star crossed lovers... would our deaths change anything? Bring the two sides together? No, but I truly believe God doesn't want us to give up, no matter what...I will follow you anywhere Ezra. Whatever you want of me, you can have."

She was winded after saying all that but she spoke such truth. Sitting up, Marta gave us a deep look. A look of passion. She didn't know if it was the surge of adrenaline she felt after her talk, but she did something a bit absurd, and she hoped Ezra didn't get upset. Leaning down, Marta gave Ezra a soft kiss on his lips. And much like he had earlier, she began to butterfly kisses all over his face: his nose, eyes, forehead, chin. She worked her way down, kissing along is neck and as she did she reached up and began to unbutton the shirt he was wearing. As she revealed more of his skin, she continued to kiss down his collar bones, then his chest, taking special time to kiss his scars, making him realize that they did not bother her. She kissed all the way down his stomach, before sitting up. Her eyes were dark. "You are my world Ezra Baer."

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

When Ezra asked for Romeo and Juliet, Marta smiled and nodded. Walking out into the family room, she went over to the shelf that contained the Baer's books. There wasn't many, though it has grown in past few weeks. Whenever Marta and Ezra would go into the bookshop they use to meet by, occasionally they would buy a second-hand book. Mostly Shakespeare's works, Ezra fell in love with his written word. She walked into the room, and saw the mess she left of her clothes, so she quickly went to tidy them up. As she did, she heard Ezra whimper and Marta quickly stopped what she was doing. She went over and stood, hovering over the bed, ready to help him if he needed it. Hearing his words, she frowned.

"I don't understand" she said, feeling a little hurt, "I know my mind has been preoccupied lately, but I.. how.. why do you think that?"

Marta thought she made things very clear how she felt, and what she was willing to do for him. She sat down on the bed, wanting to be close to him. Was she physically distant? She was always just trying to be cautious about his sore body, but before the attack, she felt like she could never keep her hands off of him. Is that what he meant? Or did he mean straying away emotionally? To be fair, she could say the same to him. Maybe he wasn't straying, but he definitely swayed his emotions. One moment, he will confess his love and tell her he wants to marry her, but the next he won't even return an "I love you". She knew it wasn't that he didn't love her, she felt that deep down, but sometimes she felt like he was pulling her closer and the next pushing away. She assumed it was a battle of brains versus heart. But it mentally exhausted Marta.

"Ezra, I need you to tell me, what do you want from me?" She knew it was a broad question, but she had to understand. Sometimes it felt like the things she said or does were the wrong things. She upsets him even more, and she didn't want him upset. Marta had been stubborn in the beginning, not listening to Ezra's wishes, and maybe he resented her for that. She dug their graves for them. But now that she felt they were on the same boat, at least in her mind, she wanted to work together. The would never survive if they were constantly on opposite ends of the spectrum.