... The candidates won't ultimately matter but some kid somewhere is going to fall into an animal exhibit some time before the primaries are over and permanently trigger nation-wide PTSD over Harambe. The nation, incapable of thinking straight, will flock to the most stable beacon of instability and we'll elect on meme value.
I think the enclosure will be the Detroit penguin exhibit. Without a dedicated security force to patrol the city zoo, they're going to call the police, who will deploy SWAT. They'll tactical seize command and kill all the penguins in a tactical extraction of the lost child. Detroit starts rioting, but no one notices because we're blinded by grief over the penguin massacre.
I think the enclosure will be the Detroit penguin exhibit. Without a dedicated security force to patrol the city zoo, they're going to call the police, who will deploy SWAT. They'll tactical seize command and kill all the penguins in a tactical extraction of the lost child. Detroit starts rioting, but no one notices because we're blinded by grief over the penguin massacre.
