Basic Statistics:
full name: Riku Shoma
name origin: “Riku" means handsome. His mother picked out the name after he was born and they saw his unusual pigment free hair and bright blue eyes. She wanted him to know no matter how different he was or what anybody else said- kids could be so damn mean- he was still her beautiful boy.
birthdate: December 14th
nationality: Japanese
hometown: Tokyo, Japan
currently lives: San Diego, California
occupation: Student
income: He has his trust that he gets a hundred dollars a week from until he turns eighteen and the full trust is open to him. (( His aunt hates that she gets nothing from the trust despite having to take care of Riku. She doesn't make the best of money and while she would have taken Riku with or without his trust, the fact that the money they could use was there but completely out of reach was rather frustrating to her. ))
talents: Riku is pretty smart, when he's actually able to focus he can easily retain almost anything he needs too. He also has a green thumb, he absolutely adores plants and working in a garden. In Japan he had spent so much time working in his backyard from the time he was eight until he was sixteen and forced to move to the states that the backyard looked like a Botanical Garden with a lovely little vegetable garden close to the house.
relationship skills: Not everyone likes the weird silver-haired, blue-eyed, gay teenager. And that's just fine with him, he doesn't feel the need to be liked by everyone. He was nice, he was pretty funny at times, and he was generally a good person. If people couldn't look past his odd natural appearance that he had absolutely no control over or his sexuality, which was also not a choice, that was their problem.
After going to school with the same people since first grade most of them were used to Riku and he got along just fine with them. Of course there were still bullies, and those bullies found Riku an easy target up until he started carrying around a knife that he had proven he could use if he had too. Then, like all kids, he had his best friends. Sora Suzuki and Kairi Ito.
How he acted and held himself around people drastically changed after he moved to the states, but that was more because of the reason he had to move than people. He didn't have the same tolerance for people he used too, and he had never had anyone squeal about him. That was an unpleasant surprise.
“I'm just gonna take a wild guess here and say that you're Riku Shoma?” The brunette smiled at him in the office, a smile that instantly had the transfer student dreading this day more than before.
“Uh, yes… what gave it away?” He gave her a little weak smile back, after all, she hadn't actually done anything yet. Just… smiled at him.
“Oh my god, I love your accent! I mean, with your name obviously I knew you were Japanese, but I had no idea you were actually from Japan!” Oh god, he hated so much that his first assumption was right.
“Yeah, well, I am,” he shrugged. Why the hell was it such a big deal to her? He never got all crazy when he met someone from another country. And living in Tokyo it happened more often than one would think.
“That is so cool. You have to tell me everything. Later though, maybe at lunch since you have it with me I'm supposed to show you where all your classes are and make sure you're all set, yanno?” She giggled and Riku inwardly groaned. Why was she so excitable and peppy when all he wanted to do today was stay in his room? Maybe with a good book, or any book really, to distract himself everything. Like a new school for example. Gods this whole day was going to suck. “I'm Amber Rose Kepler by the way, but everyone calls me Bambi. You ready for your tour of Point Loma?”
“Ready as I'll ever be,” he mumbled a little, scratching at the back of his neck before he pulled his message bag up on his shoulder.
“Don't be nervous, everyone is super nice here.” He rolled his eyes at her. Yeah, he didn't believe that for a second. The first student he met here already fit one stereotype he knew about American’s, he had little hope left that he wasn't going to find the rest of them here. “So how do you get your hair that colour? I have never actually seen anyone have that colour hair before. And does wearing coloured contacts hurt? I've been thinking about asking my parents for some purple ones.”
“I don't dye my hair and I've never worn contacts…” he wasn't surprised at the assumption, he'd heard it a million times growing up. “It's natural.”
“No way! How on earth is that natural? That is so cool.” He knew she was just trying to be nice. But she was far too interested in him and gave off a fucking weeaboo vibe that he had been dreading to feel since he was told he was moving to his aunt's in the states.
“It's a genetic mutation, I have no pigment in my hair and less in my eyes. Nothing all that interesting. Aren't you supposed to just be showing me my classes?” He asked, taking a breath and catching himself realizing the way he said that sounded pretty rude with the slightly annoyed tone that escaped him. “Sorry… I'm just-"
“Nervous! It's totally okay, I get it.” She cut him off, with the wrong word at that, and her smile barely faltered since Riku apologized pretty quickly. “New school, new people, heck- new country altogether for you. It's totally fine.”
She pulled a piece of paper from her back pocket and unfolded it as they walked out of the main office together. Riku instantly recognized it as a copy of the same one he had in his own hand with his schedule on it. “Mantala, math, first hour. You totally got the best teacher. He's great. And funny. You'll love him.”
He couldn't get away from Amber Bambi Rose fast enough. Her little tour took over twice as long as it should have with her constant commentary and bombardment of personal questions, most of which he ignored and just mumbled that he didn't feel up to talking about himself right now.
Throughout the rest of his first day he met quite a few more people that let him check off boxes on his Stereotypical American Teen list. He was sure there were probably normal kids there too, but those kids either didn't even give him a second glance or notice him at all. That first day was like being in hell, making a friend here was going to be hard- not that he was really looking for one anyways. He was almost surprised when he saw someone that he actually wanted to talk too. His dark skin and white dreadlocked hair caught his attention, and the tattoos of a skeleton that were covering every visible part of his skin made Riku want to know him. It would be his luck that the only person he met that he was interested in talking too whatsoever hated people with a passion and had less interest in Riku being around at all than the Asian did with anyone else in the school.
photo(s):
Immediate Family:
mother: Airi Shoma - Maiden name Yamamoto - Deceased
father: Itaru Shoma - Deceased
brother(s): n/a
sister(s): n/a
guardian after parents death: Hana Yamamoto
Physical Characteristics:
height: 5’5
weight: 114 lbs
race: Japanese
eyes: bright blue, sometimes outlined in dark liner
hair: he keeps his hair on the longer side, usually with shorter bangs that almost always look like they need to be cut.
(( thanks to a genetic mutation that caused him to loose pigment in his hair and eyes, the Japanese males appearance is completely natural))
how does Riku dress?: He liked fashion well enough, but if what's supposed to be fashionable is completely comfortable to be in he won't wear it. He loves jeans, usually a size or so too big for him- that's what belts are for. He tried on skinny jeans once because Sora begged him too. While it was true they did make his ass look awesome they were ridiculously uncomfortable. Why the hell people wanted to suffocate in their clothes was behind him. And how could people do that to their junk?
Shirts are a different story. A bit too big, form fitting, or a little on the tighter side didn't matter, if he liked it he would wear it. Hell, he had even worn crop tops before. It was hot out and the shirt was stupidly comfortable. And since he couldn't go places topless, because laws, that was the closest he was going to get.
One of his absolute favourite things to wear are his vests. His closet is full of them in different colours and styles so he could almost always find one that went with whatever the hell he picked to wear that morning.
mannerisms: A lot of what made Riku who he was to the outside world changed when he was forced to leave his home, his country, and his friends. Though after his parents, he was likely to change anyways. Just not as drastically.
Ever since he was little, Riku had very little filter between his brain and his mouth. Which made him an extremely honest person, if not a little blunt and ride at time. It was always hard for him to gather his thoughts and think about what he was saying through before he said it. Teachers said for years they were sure that Riku had ADHD and should be medicated. His parents were extremely against pills though, and since all seeing a doctor would do is label their boy and get a prescription they would never fill they never bothered to get him properly diagnosed.
Riku was a genuinely happy kid either way. He had to spend extra time on homework thanks to his inability to concentrate, which he of course hated, but he was smart. Hell would freeze over before his parents let the kid waste his intelligence because he would rather play with Sora and Kairi than spend the extra time on his school work.
He had his friends, like every kid does, but looking so different from everyone else with his stark white hair and blue eyes did earn him his fair share of bullies. Especially once they got to the age where they understood what gay was and that Riku was quite obviously into the boys. He tried not to let the asshole kids get to him, and would learn as he got older how to ignore them. When you're a little kid and being made fun of though, it really gets to you. And that was a huge factor in Riku developing an anxiety disorder.
Kids stopped physically trying to mess with him when he turned ten and his father bought him a switchblade to keep on him to protect himself and taught him how to use it extremely well. Itaru was done seeing his son come home with bruises because he was too small than to defend himself properly. Once they realized Riku wouldn't hesitate in pulling that blade out they stopped attacking him. Physically at least. Harsh words never stopped though, and threatening to cut someone because they hurt his feelings was just wrong.
“Just ignore them, Riku. They're not only obvious idiots who would lose their heads if they weren't attached, but they're missing out on getting to know a really great person. I couldn't be prouder of the man you're becoming.”
His parents always had kind words for him, as if what they told him could magically erase the words that cut him deep. Their kindness rubbed off on him in a good way even if it didn't always help him, Riku didn't like to be mean to people. He didn't want to make other people feel the way he had. Most of all, he really didn't want to be the reason that anyone felt that tightness in their chest that made it hard to breathe and feel like he was going to die if he didn't get air.
As much as he had grown to hate Sora’s brother Reo over the last few years he woi of forever be grateful for introducing him to pot. Smoking not only stopped his panic attacks before they got too bad but it also helped his undiagnosed ADHD. He was able to focus finally without a bunch of hard work. As far as he was concerned fucking thinking should never be hard.
Then his world got turned upside down. Left was right and green was pink. The usually upbeat, friendly, social butterfly found he didn't want to be around people anymore. People asked too many questions and wanted to know far too much about him, his past, or what he was thinking. Things he just really didn't want to talk about.
He was still honestly blunt to the point of rude, but he no longer cared much if he was seen as rude for what he said. He was still smart and inquisitive, but those traits took a seat on the back burner most of the time now. Nowadays… Riku was simply depressed. He didn't want to be around people, they were too nosey, but being left alone with his thoughts just pulled him deeper into depression.
With just one exception.
bad habits: Riku has been smoking pot since he was twelve, though the he and his parents looked at it- pot wasn't a bad habit. It was a natural drug that helped him. Like White Willow or Meadowsweet to help with a fever.
His worst habit formed after everything else about his life changed, he doesn't eat much at all anymore. He didn't think he was fat, but food was the last he felt he had any control over in his life anymore. Eating like everyone wanted and expected him too gave them control, and he just won't have that. He desperately needs to be in control of something in his life.
health: Physically, Riku is pretty damn healthy. He rarely gets sick thanks to a good immune system. He's more on the skinny side nowadays, but not sickly. Yet anyways.
Mentally, Riku has a few issues that he hides from the rest of the world. His hyperactivity and concentration problems for one. His anxiety was another big one. And the only person who had any idea that Riku was depressed was his Hana Oba, and that was only because she lived with him and he didn't always put up his front while at home.
hobbies: Riku loves the outdoors. Something he did when he was little that is stuck with him till this day is climb trees, earning him the nickname Monkī from his two best friends and parents. It took him forever to get Sora and Kairi to climb up some trees the way he did and even when they did they never dared go as high as Riku in fear of the branches not holding their weight. Riku was pretty good at knowing what was a safe branch to put his weight on or not. That's not to say he was always right, he had fallen a time or two in the past.
His biggest hobby was made right in his backyard. When he was six he asked his mom if they could start a little garden in the backyard. Right up against the house she helped him start his vegetable garden on the right side of the back door in front of their kitchen, and a little flower garden on the other side of door.
Over the next ten years, Riku took over their entire backyard. It took a helluva long time, a lot of planning, and a lot work but it was absolutely impossible for him love his garden any more than he did. Having such a green thumb really worked in his favour. He paid for a lot less pot than he usually would since he helped his dealer care for his plants in the hidden greenhouse in his basement.
most used word(s): Gods and fuck. Both of which offend people in different ways.
favourite quote: “Not seeing is a flower.” - Translated into English. What it means is “Reality cannot compete with imagination.”
disability: Just his undiagnosed mental status.
style: Riku wouldn't have a clue what to tell you if you asked him what he thought his style was. He had never put a label on himself because of his clothes. He already had enough labels that he was subjected too thanks to other kids. He sees it, he likes it, it's comfortable, he wears it.
The one thing about his ‘style’ that didn't always adhere to those rules were his vests. Sure, most of them did, but he did have one or two that weren't the most comfortable but he just loved.
biggest flaw: Growing up it was letting other kids get to him. Something he just couldn't help. Once they stopped physically fucking with him and he got his panic attacks under control- and inadvertently his concentration issues- his biggest flaw became his promiscuity. Which was in thanks a big part to Sora’s brother, Reo.
If someone asked him that today, and ignoring them wasn't an option (Which was another flaw to date, ignoring most people), he would likely tell you his biggest flaw was everything. What happened back home seriously fucked with him, and because of his family aversion to doctors seeing someone to help him never crossed anyone's mind. Hana Oba’s views on modern medicine were just like his parents.
In reality, not everything about Riku was flawed- though he did have more now than he used too. Not eating for one. Having little control of his temper and other emotions while sober was a lifelong problem and not a hundred percent his fault.
best qualities: He's loyal to a fault. He met his two best friends on their very first day of school, and ever since that day Riku would have done absolutely anything for them, fuck the consequences to himself if there were any.
Even as broken as he is now, his loyalty remains. If you manage to get a place in his heart than you will always have him. It was a helluva lot harder to get in there now with the walls he put up around it, but that just meant that if you actually managed too you're an extremely important person to Riku. Even if he doesn't realize it right away.
Intellectual / Mental / Personality Atributes:
educational background: School in Japan starts with first grade, and you are not allowed to enter until you are six years old. He was always one of the tops in his class thanks to the hard work his parents forced him to do. It was his vacation between tenth and eleventh grade that he moved. As much as he didn't want to go to an American school he was just glad that they managed to translate his transcripts and he was still able to go into his eleventh year. He was worried as hell he was going to be put in a younger year and have to stay in a school he dreaded going too even longer.
short term goals: Try to be happy again. Oh yeah, Dream Big. He's aware though that there is only one time that he's happy and nearly carefree anymore… and he knows his life was better when he was like that ninety-nine percent of the time. He just has no clue how to get back there.
how does Riku see himself?: As with almost everything else, there are two answers to this. What Riku would call B.S. and A.S. Before and after moving to the states respectively.
Riku saw himself as a generally good person. He always tried to be kind and honest, even though the two didn't always go hand in hand. He was caring, loving, and maybe a bit of a nutcase at times. He was happy and loved when something he did put a smile on someone else. For example, the look on someone's face the first time they walked into his backyard. They smiled at the beauty he made.
Now though, he's lost. He doesn't know how he sees himself. Because obviously he had to be completely wrong about himself before if the fates decided he was such a bad person they needed to take away everything from him.
how does Riku believe he is perceived by others?: In Japan he believed that strangers saw him as the odd man out. Than again though, when you're the only person in class without black hair and brown eyes you pretty much were the odd man out. As they got older and other kids started dyeing their hair or wearing contacts he wasn't as much a visual outcast as before. But no matter what he was still the gay kid with the weird genetic mutation.
By kids who had a problem with him, he really didn't have a clue how they saw him other than ‘abnormal’ or his favourite one ‘freak’.
He believed his friends saw him as the sweet, straightforward, faithful, and true hearted person he liked to think he saw in himself. That's far from saying he was perfect, he would have relationships that go past a month or two if that were true. He didn't know what it was about himself that made it impossible for anyone to want something real with him, but considering that before Sora his longest relationship was only two and a half months there had to be something seriously wrong with him. Something Sora had just been willing to overlook.
It never occurred to him that the reason his relationships didn't last was because the guys who asked him out only did so because they had heard that Riku was easy to get into bed. Which was true, but only because of his own issues with sex thanks, unknowingly to Riku, to Reo.
Now, the only things that would cross his mind on how others look and think of him were things he had actually seen. Things he heard. Since he avoided most people now, there were only two ways he saw himself in others eyes now.
Like this exotic plaything sent to Point Loma to squealed over or gawked at by these damn weeaboos and fag hags.
Or they saw him like his newest ‘enemy’ did. Or at least how he truly and wholeheartedly believed that he saw him from the way the hockey player fucked with him. As someone less than. Someone who didn't deserve to be treated with normal human responses of kindness. Someone who didn't matter.
It wasn't just words with this fucker either. Riku wasn't so intimidating without his blade which his Hana Oba had taken away from him when she caught him about to leave the house with it when he was leaving for school. He hated her for that. Riku fought back the best he could, you don't climb trees with as much ease as he did or build a complex garden from nothing without getting at least some muscle definition. He was still smaller though, and his biggest bully hardly ever worked alone.
how self confident is Riku?: Despite some obtuse asshole kids trying to bring him down whenever they saw an opportunity growing up, Riku did still have a good deal of self confidence. Things that those kids mostly thought of as abnormal about his appearance he had come to believe was special. His parents really helped with that growing up. They taught him to embrace his differences and see how they made him spectacular and special and never something to even fathom being ashamed of.
“How come I don't look like you and daddy? Everyone else looks like their mommy's and daddy's,” Riku frowned into his mom's vanity mirror that he usually loved to play with. Riku had started first grade that week, and after five days of kids asking him that he finally gave in and asked his mom.
“Are you crazy, Riku? You look so much like us that we couldn't deny you even if we wanted too.” She came to stand behind the chair Riku was sitting in and she leaned over a bit, resting her chin playfully on the mess of white fluff on his head. “What's going on in that head of yours?”
“I don't look like you guys. I don't look like anyone.”
“Oh honey,” she chuckled softly, wrapping one of her arms around her sad little boy, “Do you really think it's hair and eye colour that makes you look like your parents? You have your daddy's nose, and the same shape of his eyes, and his surprisingly soft chin. You're cheekbones look like they were photocopied off of me, and you know that special dimple you got- right here?” She playfully punched his cheek and smiled when she got a small giggle from Riku. “That matches the one I got. True, you don't have the same brown eyes and me or your dad, but I'm positive that if that one little gene had been in the right place at the right time, you would share your daddy's colour.”
Riku pushed out of her soft hold to get on his knees and closer to the mirror to stare more intently at his reflection. “But everyone else, Mama, they do have their mommy's or daddy's colour… and there's like, negative zero people whose hair grows not black.”
“Who wants to be like everyone else? I grew up like that, it was terribly boring,” Sure, that wasn't the complete truth, but there was absolutely no reason for Riku to think otherwise in her opinion. “Do you have any idea how much people go through, not to mention how much money they spend, trying to look just like you? They put these thin round little coloured disks in their eyes to change the colour to something other than brown. And even with them, they absolutely can't get that beautiful bright blue you got.”
Riku had slowly sat back into the chair again the more his mom spoke. It made her smile, she was managing to move his train of thought off of all the reasons he hated what he was looking at. She was taking away his hate about his looks completely right now, which would become a welcomed surprise. She had believed that she was going to have the same conversation a dozen times before Riku would start believing it.
“And to be completely honest, it's close to damn near impossible to get that extremely coveted colour you just lucked out to be born with? People will spend hundreds upon hundreds dying and bleaching and stripping their hair trying to get this beautiful white, almost silver colour.”
“Really?” He sounded a bit unsure about that. Would people really spend that much money just to change their hair?
“Seriously. It's beautiful and unique and oh so special. All grown ups want something that makes them stand out among any crowd.”
“Mooooom, you're fibbing! It's just my hair, it can't be special,” the six year old didn't buy that at first. Special was good and awesome and hopefully unbreakable with superpowers. Something that you could cut with safety scissors couldn't be special.
“But it is special, Riku,” she promised, running a hand through the soft locks in question, “You know what fate is, yeah?” He nodded softly, “Well then you know that it was fate that made you into this absolutely perfect little boy. They must have known before you were even born what an amazing and wonderful person you were going to be. And someone as amazing as you deserves to stand out from everyone else.”
Riku was smiling a little now, the smile that completely melted her heart. Airi really did love her child more than anything else on the planet. “My hair is special…” he mumbled with a soft giggle.
“Not just your hair, Riku. You’re special. Nothing that anyone can do to themselves can make them look like or shine near as bright as you, my love.”
His smile was wide now as he tilted his head back to look at his mom. He really liked what his mom said about his silly little differences over any other idea he had or was given. And that remained to be true as he grew up and the kids got meaner, partly due to their now larger vocabulary.
“Mommy, I don't want to cut my hair ever, ever again. If it's special I don't want to cut it.”
It would be seven years before he finally cut his hair again, and that was only because he could stand sitting on it anymore. It kept pulling and that hurt. He cut the long locks off to his shoulders that first time, and that was when he realized how gods damn heavy all that hair was! His hair didn't get past the bottom of his shoulder blades anymore.
how self confident is Riku? (cont.): Thanks to his parents always giving him the support he needed when he needed it most and the love that every child deserved from their parents Riku grew up loving himself. Save for one bad week at the beginning of first grade. He made plenty of friends growing up, not every kid was a complete ass after all. He had his friends, he had his best friends whom he loved and loved him, and he had awesome parents who always made sure Riku knew he loved and accepted as is. How could he not have confidence when he had such a great support system.
That isn't to say that he would never wish something to change about himself. Like most people growing up, and even probably most adults, there were always some random things about himself he wished he could change.
His first wish was always the same no matter what, he wished he could be taller. For quite a few reasons. He wished he could play an instrument, and it wasn't from lack of trying. Riku and instrument just didn't click. He wished he could write. Creative writing that is, writing a paper for class was easy enough. That was just spinning a bunch of facts and information he had learned for the paper into pretty words and writing that down in a specific order depending on topic. Papers had a formula he could follow and spinning words was a game.
It bothered him a ridiculous amount that he was no good at creative writing, he had never worked so hard for a damn class and still not get an A before. He didn't fully realize it until he was already in the class, but he was just really, really bad at having to come up with something creative to write about. Short stories, poetry, and basically absolutely anything he had to make up and come up with an interesting prompt just to start, always ended up being complete failures in his book. But fuck, he tried. He still ended up with a B in the class, since his writing was always technically correct. Never anything wrong with format, with the actual structure of the piece. Just the subject matter itself was very lackluster and pretty boring.
If he were to ever look back on it and remember what he thought were his biggest issues that needed to be changed, he would just laugh at his poor, stupid, naive, and gullible self who lies to himself without even noticing.
When it came to his physical appearance his confidence didn't change much. The only reason he wished once in awhile that he changed was to try and get the damn giggling girls away from him. He was actually a little thankful that he had so much practice lying to himself, it made it so much easier to lie to everyone else. To pretend that he didn't secretly hate everything about himself.
Riku’s psyche was completely broken in the time it took an officer to say two sentences to him. He didn't remember anything after that, everything went white and the next thing he knew he was sobbing curled in ball on Sora’s couch with his two best friends holding him tightly.
The only thing that kept Riku alive for those last three weeks in Japan were his best friends who never let him be alone. Everything moved by in a complete haze that made those three weeks move by in both a blink of an eye and too much time to count. He couldn't remember which anymore.
When he no longer had his friends to hold him afloat while he was lost in a sea of unsure emotions he went completely catatonic for three days. He still wasn't sure what pulled him out of it, but he suddenly couldn't stand to be seen like that. He didn't want or need any pity or worry dammit! Just because the dam broke in front of his fragile psyche did not mean that anyone but him needed to know that.
Other than trying to actually avoid most people, and his temper getting set off easier Riku was pretty good at faking that he was the same seemingly happy upbeat teenager that he was before he came to the states. It helped that no one here actually knew him before, because as hard as he might try Sora and Kairi would be able to tell the difference, tell that there was something wrong.
does Riku seem ruled by his emotions?: Unfortunately, especially as of late, Riku can be quite a victim of his emotions bubbling over before he completely processed something. Pot helped the teenager immensely to keep his emotions in check. He hates it when he can't keep a lid on himself, he always had. It was something else he couldn't control all the time and that just infuriated him. Even now it still never dawned on him that had his parents just listened to his teachers all those years ago and got him on a proper medication that he would no longer be a slave to emotional outbursts. That smoking pot was really self medicating to some extent.
what would most embarrass Riku?: The only thing that would truly embarrass Riku to his core would be anyone seeing or even finding out what an actual mental mess he really is, and along with that, them finding out what happened to break him this way.
Emotional Characteristics:
It's almost a little scary how one thing not only changed everything about how he lived his life, but also shook him so deeply that it changed how he looked at the world. It changed how he even looked and felt about himself.
It was so frustrating that just one thing changed absolutely everything Riku had ever known, ever believed… changed him. Sure, it was huge and it would devastate absolutely anyone it happened too. But Riku's untreated mental health took it alarmingly hard. At least, it would be alarming if anyone knew what went through the Asian teenagers head now.
strengths: Ever since he was little, thanks to his dad, he got really good at not letting it show when somebody's words actually hurt him. He was human, of course, hearing people call you names or make fun of you in some other way was going to sting. But his dad gave him advice that he held close to him like a shield.
“I know it sucks, and if they won't let up you will not be in trouble if you just go and deck them. But make sure they can't see they've gotten under your skin, Riku-chan. When you punch them make sure all they can see is your annoyance that they're even standing in same vicinity as you.”
He still used that lesson, but not to keep people from seeing they got to him. Now he used it to keep people at a distance. Maybe, just maybe, If they can't see you're hurting and a mess inside then you'll start to see yourself that way too. Unlikely, sure, but either way… it kept him from getting too hurt by people in any way. Okay, not physically, he could still get hurt physically but that was a completely different story.
Riku is intelligent, once he understands something he's not likely to forget it. It takes hard work on his part, effort that he just wasn't really putting in as much anymore, but once he slows down his racing brain and concentrates on the task at hand he usually catches on pretty quickly.
In his opinion though, his biggest strength comes with something a lot of people couldn't care less about. His green thumb. His ability to take a messed up yard or something of the like and creating something beautiful in both design and execution.
weaknesses: Once upon a time he was far too trusting. And even though it ended up screwing him in some way again and again he had wanted to see the best in people like his parents did. Or so he thought they did. He didn't know anymore.
They had been the only people in his life that he was positive would never break his trust and they were the ones who destroyed it. He didn't think he would ever be able to give someone the benefit of a doubt before actually knowing them ever again.
His mental issues are an obvious weakness considering he's not getting any help with anything or even consciously letting anyone see there is something wrong. Even the one person that he had started to trust after weeks didn't know. He couldn't let him know.
Being too trusting was a flaw before, but not trusting anyone at all might possibly be even worse. At least when he did trust people he wasn't holding back, well, everything. Sora and Kairi used to help him when he needed it because he wasn't too terrified to tell them. He wasn't crazy then though, and he felt like he was crazy now. He was not going to lose the only person he liked, and was just starting to really trust, because he couldn't keep his crazy at bay.
introvert / extrovert: Growing up, an extrovert without a doubt. His parents had him believing than that being exactly who he wanted to be, who he felt in his heart he was, was perfectly fine. They encouraged Riku in everything he wanted to do, even the things he gave up on after a short time. Like guitar and piano which he did for a whopping month a piece.
When he fragile psyche broke, the outgoing and outspoken teenager pulled into himself. He could fake happy, feign interest if he had too, and speak if he felt the need to contribute something. But even after a few months in his new life, only one person knew anything about him. And even he was shut out of quite a few important aspects of his life. Even though his initial intention had been to just fake being the person he was before, he just couldn't bring himself to let people in. Couldn't bring himself to try and get along and to know his new classmates.
Really, if things hadn't gone pretty much exactly right he wouldn't even have one friend. Wouldn't have the one person in his life that could make him honestly happy and smile and forget about his troubles while they were together.
how does Riku deal with…
anger?: Not well. He used to be able to work around his anger for the most part, but now that was a seeming impossibility. Unless he's ‘medicated’, when someone flips that switch and turns his mere annoyance into anger Riku snaps at them. He nearly rambles while he's chewing out the person he lost it at, and when it gets really bad he'll forget completely that he needed to speak English here and slip back to his native tongue. Usually ending in a long line of profanities, choice names, and where they could go shove a hot iron.
sadness?: Nowadays, he just doesn't deal with it. Before he had four different people he was close enough too to go to when he was upset. He didn't have anyone anymore and when left alone for a long period of time with just his thoughts his sadness eats at him until it hurts so bad he wants to die. He doesn't know how he's supposed to deal with any of it.
conflict?: It really depends on the type of conflict. Most of the time, he's able to push whatever bothered him aside until he was out of the vicinity of absolutely everyone. Only than did he let himself get emotional in any way over whatever happened.
There are times they say something that pushed his walls just a little too hard and Riku will start arguing back with whomever it was until he realized what he was doing and he just closed back up.
“You know what, no, I'm done. I am not doing this. I know you're an idiot, and this is going to get nowhere until you accept that fact too.”
When the conflict gets physical, he reacts the same now that he always has. He won't start the fight, but he was not going to sit back and take it without putting up a fight of his own. His smaller stature did hinder him, especially here where it wasn't uncommon for their teenagers to be over six foot tall and double his size. Even when he loses the fight though, he never gave them the satisfaction of seeing him cry. Tears were weakness dammit.
change?: He had always handled change pretty well, at least he thought he did. Until absolutely everything in his life changed in one foul swoop. That he didn't know how to handle, and is still trying to come to grips with all that happened in such a short time.
loss?: People came in and out of life all the time. He just took it in strides until the day he lost them. He didn't know how to handle the loss of both of his parents, he needed them so badly. Especially with the way he lost them… it thoroughly fucked over the sixteen year old.
what does Riku want out of life?: He had a lot of dreams and plans for his future when life made sense. The only thing he wants now is to somehow be happy and feel normal again. He didn't need to be society's version of normal, he would settle for the fully functioning abnormality he was before.
At least before he didn't need to be high to pull him out of his head. Sometimes, yeah, but everyone got in a funk like that now and then, right? His thoughts were cluttered at times and hard to focus on a single one often, but they weren't always painful and confusing and anxiety ridden like they always seemed to be nowadays.
what would Riku like to change about life?: He only had one thing that he wished with every part of his being he could change. He wanted nothing more than to go back in time and somehow stop his parents from dying on him that way. And if that was an impossibility than he wanted to go with them.
what makes Riku happy?: There is only one person in his life that makes him happy anymore. He doesn't know how he can be happy when he's not around him. He tries. He spends a lot of time outside which used to always work in lifting his mood, but he didn't have his garden around him anymore. It wasn't the same. He did find the most awesome and climbable tree he had ever seen in his life in his own backyard, and while he did have a comfort spot and the like it was more of a temporary contentment than actually being happy.
is Riku judgemental of others?: Not usually, not until said person gave him a reason to judge them. Like being an asshole bully for starters. Or his new hated stereotypical personality he had prayed didn't actually exist in real society. Amber Bambi Rose and her giggling fawning friends made him find out for certain that he truly hated them. They wanted to know everything all the time, bombarding him with questions and stories whenever they managed to catch him off guard. Just the way they talked to him and the things they wanted him to answer made him feel like they thought he was perfect living doll instead of a real, honest to gods human being.
full name: Riku Shoma
name origin: “Riku" means handsome. His mother picked out the name after he was born and they saw his unusual pigment free hair and bright blue eyes. She wanted him to know no matter how different he was or what anybody else said- kids could be so damn mean- he was still her beautiful boy.
birthdate: December 14th
nationality: Japanese
hometown: Tokyo, Japan
currently lives: San Diego, California
occupation: Student
income: He has his trust that he gets a hundred dollars a week from until he turns eighteen and the full trust is open to him. (( His aunt hates that she gets nothing from the trust despite having to take care of Riku. She doesn't make the best of money and while she would have taken Riku with or without his trust, the fact that the money they could use was there but completely out of reach was rather frustrating to her. ))
talents: Riku is pretty smart, when he's actually able to focus he can easily retain almost anything he needs too. He also has a green thumb, he absolutely adores plants and working in a garden. In Japan he had spent so much time working in his backyard from the time he was eight until he was sixteen and forced to move to the states that the backyard looked like a Botanical Garden with a lovely little vegetable garden close to the house.
relationship skills: Not everyone likes the weird silver-haired, blue-eyed, gay teenager. And that's just fine with him, he doesn't feel the need to be liked by everyone. He was nice, he was pretty funny at times, and he was generally a good person. If people couldn't look past his odd natural appearance that he had absolutely no control over or his sexuality, which was also not a choice, that was their problem.
After going to school with the same people since first grade most of them were used to Riku and he got along just fine with them. Of course there were still bullies, and those bullies found Riku an easy target up until he started carrying around a knife that he had proven he could use if he had too. Then, like all kids, he had his best friends. Sora Suzuki and Kairi Ito.
How he acted and held himself around people drastically changed after he moved to the states, but that was more because of the reason he had to move than people. He didn't have the same tolerance for people he used too, and he had never had anyone squeal about him. That was an unpleasant surprise.
“I'm just gonna take a wild guess here and say that you're Riku Shoma?” The brunette smiled at him in the office, a smile that instantly had the transfer student dreading this day more than before.
“Uh, yes… what gave it away?” He gave her a little weak smile back, after all, she hadn't actually done anything yet. Just… smiled at him.
“Oh my god, I love your accent! I mean, with your name obviously I knew you were Japanese, but I had no idea you were actually from Japan!” Oh god, he hated so much that his first assumption was right.
“Yeah, well, I am,” he shrugged. Why the hell was it such a big deal to her? He never got all crazy when he met someone from another country. And living in Tokyo it happened more often than one would think.
“That is so cool. You have to tell me everything. Later though, maybe at lunch since you have it with me I'm supposed to show you where all your classes are and make sure you're all set, yanno?” She giggled and Riku inwardly groaned. Why was she so excitable and peppy when all he wanted to do today was stay in his room? Maybe with a good book, or any book really, to distract himself everything. Like a new school for example. Gods this whole day was going to suck. “I'm Amber Rose Kepler by the way, but everyone calls me Bambi. You ready for your tour of Point Loma?”
“Ready as I'll ever be,” he mumbled a little, scratching at the back of his neck before he pulled his message bag up on his shoulder.
“Don't be nervous, everyone is super nice here.” He rolled his eyes at her. Yeah, he didn't believe that for a second. The first student he met here already fit one stereotype he knew about American’s, he had little hope left that he wasn't going to find the rest of them here. “So how do you get your hair that colour? I have never actually seen anyone have that colour hair before. And does wearing coloured contacts hurt? I've been thinking about asking my parents for some purple ones.”
“I don't dye my hair and I've never worn contacts…” he wasn't surprised at the assumption, he'd heard it a million times growing up. “It's natural.”
“No way! How on earth is that natural? That is so cool.” He knew she was just trying to be nice. But she was far too interested in him and gave off a fucking weeaboo vibe that he had been dreading to feel since he was told he was moving to his aunt's in the states.
“It's a genetic mutation, I have no pigment in my hair and less in my eyes. Nothing all that interesting. Aren't you supposed to just be showing me my classes?” He asked, taking a breath and catching himself realizing the way he said that sounded pretty rude with the slightly annoyed tone that escaped him. “Sorry… I'm just-"
“Nervous! It's totally okay, I get it.” She cut him off, with the wrong word at that, and her smile barely faltered since Riku apologized pretty quickly. “New school, new people, heck- new country altogether for you. It's totally fine.”
She pulled a piece of paper from her back pocket and unfolded it as they walked out of the main office together. Riku instantly recognized it as a copy of the same one he had in his own hand with his schedule on it. “Mantala, math, first hour. You totally got the best teacher. He's great. And funny. You'll love him.”
He couldn't get away from Amber Bambi Rose fast enough. Her little tour took over twice as long as it should have with her constant commentary and bombardment of personal questions, most of which he ignored and just mumbled that he didn't feel up to talking about himself right now.
Throughout the rest of his first day he met quite a few more people that let him check off boxes on his Stereotypical American Teen list. He was sure there were probably normal kids there too, but those kids either didn't even give him a second glance or notice him at all. That first day was like being in hell, making a friend here was going to be hard- not that he was really looking for one anyways. He was almost surprised when he saw someone that he actually wanted to talk too. His dark skin and white dreadlocked hair caught his attention, and the tattoos of a skeleton that were covering every visible part of his skin made Riku want to know him. It would be his luck that the only person he met that he was interested in talking too whatsoever hated people with a passion and had less interest in Riku being around at all than the Asian did with anyone else in the school.
photo(s):
Immediate Family:
mother: Airi Shoma - Maiden name Yamamoto - Deceased
father: Itaru Shoma - Deceased
brother(s): n/a
sister(s): n/a
guardian after parents death: Hana Yamamoto
Physical Characteristics:
height: 5’5
weight: 114 lbs
race: Japanese
eyes: bright blue, sometimes outlined in dark liner
hair: he keeps his hair on the longer side, usually with shorter bangs that almost always look like they need to be cut.
(( thanks to a genetic mutation that caused him to loose pigment in his hair and eyes, the Japanese males appearance is completely natural))
how does Riku dress?: He liked fashion well enough, but if what's supposed to be fashionable is completely comfortable to be in he won't wear it. He loves jeans, usually a size or so too big for him- that's what belts are for. He tried on skinny jeans once because Sora begged him too. While it was true they did make his ass look awesome they were ridiculously uncomfortable. Why the hell people wanted to suffocate in their clothes was behind him. And how could people do that to their junk?
Shirts are a different story. A bit too big, form fitting, or a little on the tighter side didn't matter, if he liked it he would wear it. Hell, he had even worn crop tops before. It was hot out and the shirt was stupidly comfortable. And since he couldn't go places topless, because laws, that was the closest he was going to get.
One of his absolute favourite things to wear are his vests. His closet is full of them in different colours and styles so he could almost always find one that went with whatever the hell he picked to wear that morning.
mannerisms: A lot of what made Riku who he was to the outside world changed when he was forced to leave his home, his country, and his friends. Though after his parents, he was likely to change anyways. Just not as drastically.
Ever since he was little, Riku had very little filter between his brain and his mouth. Which made him an extremely honest person, if not a little blunt and ride at time. It was always hard for him to gather his thoughts and think about what he was saying through before he said it. Teachers said for years they were sure that Riku had ADHD and should be medicated. His parents were extremely against pills though, and since all seeing a doctor would do is label their boy and get a prescription they would never fill they never bothered to get him properly diagnosed.
Riku was a genuinely happy kid either way. He had to spend extra time on homework thanks to his inability to concentrate, which he of course hated, but he was smart. Hell would freeze over before his parents let the kid waste his intelligence because he would rather play with Sora and Kairi than spend the extra time on his school work.
He had his friends, like every kid does, but looking so different from everyone else with his stark white hair and blue eyes did earn him his fair share of bullies. Especially once they got to the age where they understood what gay was and that Riku was quite obviously into the boys. He tried not to let the asshole kids get to him, and would learn as he got older how to ignore them. When you're a little kid and being made fun of though, it really gets to you. And that was a huge factor in Riku developing an anxiety disorder.
Kids stopped physically trying to mess with him when he turned ten and his father bought him a switchblade to keep on him to protect himself and taught him how to use it extremely well. Itaru was done seeing his son come home with bruises because he was too small than to defend himself properly. Once they realized Riku wouldn't hesitate in pulling that blade out they stopped attacking him. Physically at least. Harsh words never stopped though, and threatening to cut someone because they hurt his feelings was just wrong.
“Just ignore them, Riku. They're not only obvious idiots who would lose their heads if they weren't attached, but they're missing out on getting to know a really great person. I couldn't be prouder of the man you're becoming.”
His parents always had kind words for him, as if what they told him could magically erase the words that cut him deep. Their kindness rubbed off on him in a good way even if it didn't always help him, Riku didn't like to be mean to people. He didn't want to make other people feel the way he had. Most of all, he really didn't want to be the reason that anyone felt that tightness in their chest that made it hard to breathe and feel like he was going to die if he didn't get air.
As much as he had grown to hate Sora’s brother Reo over the last few years he woi of forever be grateful for introducing him to pot. Smoking not only stopped his panic attacks before they got too bad but it also helped his undiagnosed ADHD. He was able to focus finally without a bunch of hard work. As far as he was concerned fucking thinking should never be hard.
Then his world got turned upside down. Left was right and green was pink. The usually upbeat, friendly, social butterfly found he didn't want to be around people anymore. People asked too many questions and wanted to know far too much about him, his past, or what he was thinking. Things he just really didn't want to talk about.
He was still honestly blunt to the point of rude, but he no longer cared much if he was seen as rude for what he said. He was still smart and inquisitive, but those traits took a seat on the back burner most of the time now. Nowadays… Riku was simply depressed. He didn't want to be around people, they were too nosey, but being left alone with his thoughts just pulled him deeper into depression.
With just one exception.
bad habits: Riku has been smoking pot since he was twelve, though the he and his parents looked at it- pot wasn't a bad habit. It was a natural drug that helped him. Like White Willow or Meadowsweet to help with a fever.
His worst habit formed after everything else about his life changed, he doesn't eat much at all anymore. He didn't think he was fat, but food was the last he felt he had any control over in his life anymore. Eating like everyone wanted and expected him too gave them control, and he just won't have that. He desperately needs to be in control of something in his life.
health: Physically, Riku is pretty damn healthy. He rarely gets sick thanks to a good immune system. He's more on the skinny side nowadays, but not sickly. Yet anyways.
Mentally, Riku has a few issues that he hides from the rest of the world. His hyperactivity and concentration problems for one. His anxiety was another big one. And the only person who had any idea that Riku was depressed was his Hana Oba, and that was only because she lived with him and he didn't always put up his front while at home.
hobbies: Riku loves the outdoors. Something he did when he was little that is stuck with him till this day is climb trees, earning him the nickname Monkī from his two best friends and parents. It took him forever to get Sora and Kairi to climb up some trees the way he did and even when they did they never dared go as high as Riku in fear of the branches not holding their weight. Riku was pretty good at knowing what was a safe branch to put his weight on or not. That's not to say he was always right, he had fallen a time or two in the past.
His biggest hobby was made right in his backyard. When he was six he asked his mom if they could start a little garden in the backyard. Right up against the house she helped him start his vegetable garden on the right side of the back door in front of their kitchen, and a little flower garden on the other side of door.
Over the next ten years, Riku took over their entire backyard. It took a helluva long time, a lot of planning, and a lot work but it was absolutely impossible for him love his garden any more than he did. Having such a green thumb really worked in his favour. He paid for a lot less pot than he usually would since he helped his dealer care for his plants in the hidden greenhouse in his basement.
most used word(s): Gods and fuck. Both of which offend people in different ways.
favourite quote: “Not seeing is a flower.” - Translated into English. What it means is “Reality cannot compete with imagination.”
disability: Just his undiagnosed mental status.
style: Riku wouldn't have a clue what to tell you if you asked him what he thought his style was. He had never put a label on himself because of his clothes. He already had enough labels that he was subjected too thanks to other kids. He sees it, he likes it, it's comfortable, he wears it.
The one thing about his ‘style’ that didn't always adhere to those rules were his vests. Sure, most of them did, but he did have one or two that weren't the most comfortable but he just loved.
biggest flaw: Growing up it was letting other kids get to him. Something he just couldn't help. Once they stopped physically fucking with him and he got his panic attacks under control- and inadvertently his concentration issues- his biggest flaw became his promiscuity. Which was in thanks a big part to Sora’s brother, Reo.
If someone asked him that today, and ignoring them wasn't an option (Which was another flaw to date, ignoring most people), he would likely tell you his biggest flaw was everything. What happened back home seriously fucked with him, and because of his family aversion to doctors seeing someone to help him never crossed anyone's mind. Hana Oba’s views on modern medicine were just like his parents.
In reality, not everything about Riku was flawed- though he did have more now than he used too. Not eating for one. Having little control of his temper and other emotions while sober was a lifelong problem and not a hundred percent his fault.
best qualities: He's loyal to a fault. He met his two best friends on their very first day of school, and ever since that day Riku would have done absolutely anything for them, fuck the consequences to himself if there were any.
Even as broken as he is now, his loyalty remains. If you manage to get a place in his heart than you will always have him. It was a helluva lot harder to get in there now with the walls he put up around it, but that just meant that if you actually managed too you're an extremely important person to Riku. Even if he doesn't realize it right away.
Intellectual / Mental / Personality Atributes:
educational background: School in Japan starts with first grade, and you are not allowed to enter until you are six years old. He was always one of the tops in his class thanks to the hard work his parents forced him to do. It was his vacation between tenth and eleventh grade that he moved. As much as he didn't want to go to an American school he was just glad that they managed to translate his transcripts and he was still able to go into his eleventh year. He was worried as hell he was going to be put in a younger year and have to stay in a school he dreaded going too even longer.
short term goals: Try to be happy again. Oh yeah, Dream Big. He's aware though that there is only one time that he's happy and nearly carefree anymore… and he knows his life was better when he was like that ninety-nine percent of the time. He just has no clue how to get back there.
how does Riku see himself?: As with almost everything else, there are two answers to this. What Riku would call B.S. and A.S. Before and after moving to the states respectively.
Riku saw himself as a generally good person. He always tried to be kind and honest, even though the two didn't always go hand in hand. He was caring, loving, and maybe a bit of a nutcase at times. He was happy and loved when something he did put a smile on someone else. For example, the look on someone's face the first time they walked into his backyard. They smiled at the beauty he made.
Now though, he's lost. He doesn't know how he sees himself. Because obviously he had to be completely wrong about himself before if the fates decided he was such a bad person they needed to take away everything from him.
how does Riku believe he is perceived by others?: In Japan he believed that strangers saw him as the odd man out. Than again though, when you're the only person in class without black hair and brown eyes you pretty much were the odd man out. As they got older and other kids started dyeing their hair or wearing contacts he wasn't as much a visual outcast as before. But no matter what he was still the gay kid with the weird genetic mutation.
By kids who had a problem with him, he really didn't have a clue how they saw him other than ‘abnormal’ or his favourite one ‘freak’.
He believed his friends saw him as the sweet, straightforward, faithful, and true hearted person he liked to think he saw in himself. That's far from saying he was perfect, he would have relationships that go past a month or two if that were true. He didn't know what it was about himself that made it impossible for anyone to want something real with him, but considering that before Sora his longest relationship was only two and a half months there had to be something seriously wrong with him. Something Sora had just been willing to overlook.
It never occurred to him that the reason his relationships didn't last was because the guys who asked him out only did so because they had heard that Riku was easy to get into bed. Which was true, but only because of his own issues with sex thanks, unknowingly to Riku, to Reo.
Now, the only things that would cross his mind on how others look and think of him were things he had actually seen. Things he heard. Since he avoided most people now, there were only two ways he saw himself in others eyes now.
Like this exotic plaything sent to Point Loma to squealed over or gawked at by these damn weeaboos and fag hags.
Or they saw him like his newest ‘enemy’ did. Or at least how he truly and wholeheartedly believed that he saw him from the way the hockey player fucked with him. As someone less than. Someone who didn't deserve to be treated with normal human responses of kindness. Someone who didn't matter.
It wasn't just words with this fucker either. Riku wasn't so intimidating without his blade which his Hana Oba had taken away from him when she caught him about to leave the house with it when he was leaving for school. He hated her for that. Riku fought back the best he could, you don't climb trees with as much ease as he did or build a complex garden from nothing without getting at least some muscle definition. He was still smaller though, and his biggest bully hardly ever worked alone.
how self confident is Riku?: Despite some obtuse asshole kids trying to bring him down whenever they saw an opportunity growing up, Riku did still have a good deal of self confidence. Things that those kids mostly thought of as abnormal about his appearance he had come to believe was special. His parents really helped with that growing up. They taught him to embrace his differences and see how they made him spectacular and special and never something to even fathom being ashamed of.
“How come I don't look like you and daddy? Everyone else looks like their mommy's and daddy's,” Riku frowned into his mom's vanity mirror that he usually loved to play with. Riku had started first grade that week, and after five days of kids asking him that he finally gave in and asked his mom.
“Are you crazy, Riku? You look so much like us that we couldn't deny you even if we wanted too.” She came to stand behind the chair Riku was sitting in and she leaned over a bit, resting her chin playfully on the mess of white fluff on his head. “What's going on in that head of yours?”
“I don't look like you guys. I don't look like anyone.”
“Oh honey,” she chuckled softly, wrapping one of her arms around her sad little boy, “Do you really think it's hair and eye colour that makes you look like your parents? You have your daddy's nose, and the same shape of his eyes, and his surprisingly soft chin. You're cheekbones look like they were photocopied off of me, and you know that special dimple you got- right here?” She playfully punched his cheek and smiled when she got a small giggle from Riku. “That matches the one I got. True, you don't have the same brown eyes and me or your dad, but I'm positive that if that one little gene had been in the right place at the right time, you would share your daddy's colour.”
Riku pushed out of her soft hold to get on his knees and closer to the mirror to stare more intently at his reflection. “But everyone else, Mama, they do have their mommy's or daddy's colour… and there's like, negative zero people whose hair grows not black.”
“Who wants to be like everyone else? I grew up like that, it was terribly boring,” Sure, that wasn't the complete truth, but there was absolutely no reason for Riku to think otherwise in her opinion. “Do you have any idea how much people go through, not to mention how much money they spend, trying to look just like you? They put these thin round little coloured disks in their eyes to change the colour to something other than brown. And even with them, they absolutely can't get that beautiful bright blue you got.”
Riku had slowly sat back into the chair again the more his mom spoke. It made her smile, she was managing to move his train of thought off of all the reasons he hated what he was looking at. She was taking away his hate about his looks completely right now, which would become a welcomed surprise. She had believed that she was going to have the same conversation a dozen times before Riku would start believing it.
“And to be completely honest, it's close to damn near impossible to get that extremely coveted colour you just lucked out to be born with? People will spend hundreds upon hundreds dying and bleaching and stripping their hair trying to get this beautiful white, almost silver colour.”
“Really?” He sounded a bit unsure about that. Would people really spend that much money just to change their hair?
“Seriously. It's beautiful and unique and oh so special. All grown ups want something that makes them stand out among any crowd.”
“Mooooom, you're fibbing! It's just my hair, it can't be special,” the six year old didn't buy that at first. Special was good and awesome and hopefully unbreakable with superpowers. Something that you could cut with safety scissors couldn't be special.
“But it is special, Riku,” she promised, running a hand through the soft locks in question, “You know what fate is, yeah?” He nodded softly, “Well then you know that it was fate that made you into this absolutely perfect little boy. They must have known before you were even born what an amazing and wonderful person you were going to be. And someone as amazing as you deserves to stand out from everyone else.”
Riku was smiling a little now, the smile that completely melted her heart. Airi really did love her child more than anything else on the planet. “My hair is special…” he mumbled with a soft giggle.
“Not just your hair, Riku. You’re special. Nothing that anyone can do to themselves can make them look like or shine near as bright as you, my love.”
His smile was wide now as he tilted his head back to look at his mom. He really liked what his mom said about his silly little differences over any other idea he had or was given. And that remained to be true as he grew up and the kids got meaner, partly due to their now larger vocabulary.
“Mommy, I don't want to cut my hair ever, ever again. If it's special I don't want to cut it.”
It would be seven years before he finally cut his hair again, and that was only because he could stand sitting on it anymore. It kept pulling and that hurt. He cut the long locks off to his shoulders that first time, and that was when he realized how gods damn heavy all that hair was! His hair didn't get past the bottom of his shoulder blades anymore.
how self confident is Riku? (cont.): Thanks to his parents always giving him the support he needed when he needed it most and the love that every child deserved from their parents Riku grew up loving himself. Save for one bad week at the beginning of first grade. He made plenty of friends growing up, not every kid was a complete ass after all. He had his friends, he had his best friends whom he loved and loved him, and he had awesome parents who always made sure Riku knew he loved and accepted as is. How could he not have confidence when he had such a great support system.
That isn't to say that he would never wish something to change about himself. Like most people growing up, and even probably most adults, there were always some random things about himself he wished he could change.
His first wish was always the same no matter what, he wished he could be taller. For quite a few reasons. He wished he could play an instrument, and it wasn't from lack of trying. Riku and instrument just didn't click. He wished he could write. Creative writing that is, writing a paper for class was easy enough. That was just spinning a bunch of facts and information he had learned for the paper into pretty words and writing that down in a specific order depending on topic. Papers had a formula he could follow and spinning words was a game.
It bothered him a ridiculous amount that he was no good at creative writing, he had never worked so hard for a damn class and still not get an A before. He didn't fully realize it until he was already in the class, but he was just really, really bad at having to come up with something creative to write about. Short stories, poetry, and basically absolutely anything he had to make up and come up with an interesting prompt just to start, always ended up being complete failures in his book. But fuck, he tried. He still ended up with a B in the class, since his writing was always technically correct. Never anything wrong with format, with the actual structure of the piece. Just the subject matter itself was very lackluster and pretty boring.
If he were to ever look back on it and remember what he thought were his biggest issues that needed to be changed, he would just laugh at his poor, stupid, naive, and gullible self who lies to himself without even noticing.
When it came to his physical appearance his confidence didn't change much. The only reason he wished once in awhile that he changed was to try and get the damn giggling girls away from him. He was actually a little thankful that he had so much practice lying to himself, it made it so much easier to lie to everyone else. To pretend that he didn't secretly hate everything about himself.
Riku’s psyche was completely broken in the time it took an officer to say two sentences to him. He didn't remember anything after that, everything went white and the next thing he knew he was sobbing curled in ball on Sora’s couch with his two best friends holding him tightly.
The only thing that kept Riku alive for those last three weeks in Japan were his best friends who never let him be alone. Everything moved by in a complete haze that made those three weeks move by in both a blink of an eye and too much time to count. He couldn't remember which anymore.
When he no longer had his friends to hold him afloat while he was lost in a sea of unsure emotions he went completely catatonic for three days. He still wasn't sure what pulled him out of it, but he suddenly couldn't stand to be seen like that. He didn't want or need any pity or worry dammit! Just because the dam broke in front of his fragile psyche did not mean that anyone but him needed to know that.
Other than trying to actually avoid most people, and his temper getting set off easier Riku was pretty good at faking that he was the same seemingly happy upbeat teenager that he was before he came to the states. It helped that no one here actually knew him before, because as hard as he might try Sora and Kairi would be able to tell the difference, tell that there was something wrong.
does Riku seem ruled by his emotions?: Unfortunately, especially as of late, Riku can be quite a victim of his emotions bubbling over before he completely processed something. Pot helped the teenager immensely to keep his emotions in check. He hates it when he can't keep a lid on himself, he always had. It was something else he couldn't control all the time and that just infuriated him. Even now it still never dawned on him that had his parents just listened to his teachers all those years ago and got him on a proper medication that he would no longer be a slave to emotional outbursts. That smoking pot was really self medicating to some extent.
what would most embarrass Riku?: The only thing that would truly embarrass Riku to his core would be anyone seeing or even finding out what an actual mental mess he really is, and along with that, them finding out what happened to break him this way.
Emotional Characteristics:
It's almost a little scary how one thing not only changed everything about how he lived his life, but also shook him so deeply that it changed how he looked at the world. It changed how he even looked and felt about himself.
It was so frustrating that just one thing changed absolutely everything Riku had ever known, ever believed… changed him. Sure, it was huge and it would devastate absolutely anyone it happened too. But Riku's untreated mental health took it alarmingly hard. At least, it would be alarming if anyone knew what went through the Asian teenagers head now.
strengths: Ever since he was little, thanks to his dad, he got really good at not letting it show when somebody's words actually hurt him. He was human, of course, hearing people call you names or make fun of you in some other way was going to sting. But his dad gave him advice that he held close to him like a shield.
“I know it sucks, and if they won't let up you will not be in trouble if you just go and deck them. But make sure they can't see they've gotten under your skin, Riku-chan. When you punch them make sure all they can see is your annoyance that they're even standing in same vicinity as you.”
He still used that lesson, but not to keep people from seeing they got to him. Now he used it to keep people at a distance. Maybe, just maybe, If they can't see you're hurting and a mess inside then you'll start to see yourself that way too. Unlikely, sure, but either way… it kept him from getting too hurt by people in any way. Okay, not physically, he could still get hurt physically but that was a completely different story.
Riku is intelligent, once he understands something he's not likely to forget it. It takes hard work on his part, effort that he just wasn't really putting in as much anymore, but once he slows down his racing brain and concentrates on the task at hand he usually catches on pretty quickly.
In his opinion though, his biggest strength comes with something a lot of people couldn't care less about. His green thumb. His ability to take a messed up yard or something of the like and creating something beautiful in both design and execution.
weaknesses: Once upon a time he was far too trusting. And even though it ended up screwing him in some way again and again he had wanted to see the best in people like his parents did. Or so he thought they did. He didn't know anymore.
They had been the only people in his life that he was positive would never break his trust and they were the ones who destroyed it. He didn't think he would ever be able to give someone the benefit of a doubt before actually knowing them ever again.
His mental issues are an obvious weakness considering he's not getting any help with anything or even consciously letting anyone see there is something wrong. Even the one person that he had started to trust after weeks didn't know. He couldn't let him know.
Being too trusting was a flaw before, but not trusting anyone at all might possibly be even worse. At least when he did trust people he wasn't holding back, well, everything. Sora and Kairi used to help him when he needed it because he wasn't too terrified to tell them. He wasn't crazy then though, and he felt like he was crazy now. He was not going to lose the only person he liked, and was just starting to really trust, because he couldn't keep his crazy at bay.
introvert / extrovert: Growing up, an extrovert without a doubt. His parents had him believing than that being exactly who he wanted to be, who he felt in his heart he was, was perfectly fine. They encouraged Riku in everything he wanted to do, even the things he gave up on after a short time. Like guitar and piano which he did for a whopping month a piece.
When he fragile psyche broke, the outgoing and outspoken teenager pulled into himself. He could fake happy, feign interest if he had too, and speak if he felt the need to contribute something. But even after a few months in his new life, only one person knew anything about him. And even he was shut out of quite a few important aspects of his life. Even though his initial intention had been to just fake being the person he was before, he just couldn't bring himself to let people in. Couldn't bring himself to try and get along and to know his new classmates.
Really, if things hadn't gone pretty much exactly right he wouldn't even have one friend. Wouldn't have the one person in his life that could make him honestly happy and smile and forget about his troubles while they were together.
how does Riku deal with…
anger?: Not well. He used to be able to work around his anger for the most part, but now that was a seeming impossibility. Unless he's ‘medicated’, when someone flips that switch and turns his mere annoyance into anger Riku snaps at them. He nearly rambles while he's chewing out the person he lost it at, and when it gets really bad he'll forget completely that he needed to speak English here and slip back to his native tongue. Usually ending in a long line of profanities, choice names, and where they could go shove a hot iron.
sadness?: Nowadays, he just doesn't deal with it. Before he had four different people he was close enough too to go to when he was upset. He didn't have anyone anymore and when left alone for a long period of time with just his thoughts his sadness eats at him until it hurts so bad he wants to die. He doesn't know how he's supposed to deal with any of it.
conflict?: It really depends on the type of conflict. Most of the time, he's able to push whatever bothered him aside until he was out of the vicinity of absolutely everyone. Only than did he let himself get emotional in any way over whatever happened.
There are times they say something that pushed his walls just a little too hard and Riku will start arguing back with whomever it was until he realized what he was doing and he just closed back up.
“You know what, no, I'm done. I am not doing this. I know you're an idiot, and this is going to get nowhere until you accept that fact too.”
When the conflict gets physical, he reacts the same now that he always has. He won't start the fight, but he was not going to sit back and take it without putting up a fight of his own. His smaller stature did hinder him, especially here where it wasn't uncommon for their teenagers to be over six foot tall and double his size. Even when he loses the fight though, he never gave them the satisfaction of seeing him cry. Tears were weakness dammit.
change?: He had always handled change pretty well, at least he thought he did. Until absolutely everything in his life changed in one foul swoop. That he didn't know how to handle, and is still trying to come to grips with all that happened in such a short time.
loss?: People came in and out of life all the time. He just took it in strides until the day he lost them. He didn't know how to handle the loss of both of his parents, he needed them so badly. Especially with the way he lost them… it thoroughly fucked over the sixteen year old.
what does Riku want out of life?: He had a lot of dreams and plans for his future when life made sense. The only thing he wants now is to somehow be happy and feel normal again. He didn't need to be society's version of normal, he would settle for the fully functioning abnormality he was before.
At least before he didn't need to be high to pull him out of his head. Sometimes, yeah, but everyone got in a funk like that now and then, right? His thoughts were cluttered at times and hard to focus on a single one often, but they weren't always painful and confusing and anxiety ridden like they always seemed to be nowadays.
what would Riku like to change about life?: He only had one thing that he wished with every part of his being he could change. He wanted nothing more than to go back in time and somehow stop his parents from dying on him that way. And if that was an impossibility than he wanted to go with them.
what makes Riku happy?: There is only one person in his life that makes him happy anymore. He doesn't know how he can be happy when he's not around him. He tries. He spends a lot of time outside which used to always work in lifting his mood, but he didn't have his garden around him anymore. It wasn't the same. He did find the most awesome and climbable tree he had ever seen in his life in his own backyard, and while he did have a comfort spot and the like it was more of a temporary contentment than actually being happy.
is Riku judgemental of others?: Not usually, not until said person gave him a reason to judge them. Like being an asshole bully for starters. Or his new hated stereotypical personality he had prayed didn't actually exist in real society. Amber Bambi Rose and her giggling fawning friends made him find out for certain that he truly hated them. They wanted to know everything all the time, bombarding him with questions and stories whenever they managed to catch him off guard. Just the way they talked to him and the things they wanted him to answer made him feel like they thought he was perfect living doll instead of a real, honest to gods human being.