[Withdrawn] Aria Saal, Sith Apprentice

[The Elvenqueen]

Character withdrawn

[Ellri]

@The Elvenqueen

Review of Sith apprentice Aria “Ari” Saal

Personnel Files:
Interesting choice of master. How far down the chain of command from the Darth is she? Given her age, she is presumably fairly low on the food chain.

Is it critical for her father to have been a Darth, or could he have been one of Acheron’s Sith Lords? There’s not really anything in the bio that gives the feel of her father having had the power to be a Darth. Such people are rare powerhouses in the Empire. Generally, when a Darth dies unexpectedly, there is an upheaval as power shifts hands.

Appearance:
At her age, she would most likely be mistaken for being an acolyte rather than a Neophyte.

Mask could feasibly be equipped with external visual sensors and screens on the inside, which could allow for those glowing panels all the time.

Pretty certain “most Sith” don’t use respirators except when it is absolutely necessary.

Force skills:
As yoda said “size matters not”. Within reason of course, It doesn’t really matter whether it is a lightsaber or half a starfighter you telekinetically lift. Though you could, of course, have a mental barrier in play as a flaw.

Beyond the basics, known talents are often taught better than techniques without any talent, but of course circumstances can change such too. Force Lightning may often be of use in interrogation, if your character has practice at that.

The level you described for Force Sight is sounds closer to being part of Force Sense than Sight.

Don’t forget that choking isn’t just used for killing (though being able to do that is often considered a milestone), but also for basic interrogation and teaching lessons.

How good is she at breaking through defenses? Is that something she’s studied?

Nice to see you left skills that are of interest but unlearned.

Note: Force Healing is more about helping the body accelerate its own healing than it is magical healing. See the Guide to the Force.

Non-Force skills:
What can she fly from A to B? Fighters? Transports? Small Freighters?

Selling snow to a Wampa would require her to be able to communicate with one, just sayin’.

Combat skills:
Presuming that you mean that she can hold her own/outsmart/evade opponents of similar or lesser skill level, right?
What is she likely to do if faced with an opponent that is clearly superior in skill?

Political Influence:
The Empire doesn’t have a senate. Sith, Moffs and the like fill the kind of roles that senators hold in the Republic.

Rivals:
What would she do if faced with an incapacitated Jedi?

Associates:
Generally, the Sith don’t react too much to parents training their children. Some choose to do that, others choose to have the Academy take care of it. The only thing the Empire considers important is for them to be trained. Many Sith tend to prefer their heir to be a descendant.
What happened to her father’s power base when he died?

While most likely not close, she might at least have encountered Darth Theya once or twice, as one of Theya’s secondary spheres of influence is Biotic Science.

Ownerships:
Most Sith holocrons tend to be fairly extensive in the knowledge they contain. They are rarely so narrow as to cover just a single Force technique. We would suggest that you have her have only one holocron, but that she has not yet wrested much from it beyond the knowledge that it can teach her about handling animals and the raw power of Force Lightning. It could have a very stubborn gatekeeper that prevents her from easily accessing things.

Psychological Evaluation:
People stupid enough to call a Sith something like “shorty” deserve what’s coming to them.

Interests:
What is the goal of her drinking? Is it the intoxication? Forgetting? Outdrinking those who are larger? Something else?

Achievements:
Generally, no Sith wants to have on record any kills of other Sith at the academy (or anywhere else), on account of that being a crime. But of course, no witnesses to a death clearly means it was entirely accidental and all that.

Failures:
Generally, an acolyte that doesn’t succeed “properly” on a test will be given further tests until he or she is deemed worthy, either by the overseers or by a Sith in need of an apprentice that matches the acolyte’s skills or aptitudes.

Interview:
Generally, unimpressive physique only means much of anything to the less intelligent warrior-type Sith. The smarter ones tend to know better than to be deceived by appearance. Still, this doesn’t mean the overseers as a whole wouldn’t try to use her diminutive size against her. They would definitely do that, just as they would use the bigger acolytes’ size against them.

[The Elvenqueen]

@Ellri Ping for edits done _{(Sorry that it took a little while!)}

(also I somehow broke the middle hider despite not adding any further hiders or formatting, not sure how to fix it but I've been ripping my hair out the whole week trying to sort it out, help appreciated - if there is in fact, a way to fix it and I haven't just perma-broke the code XD)

Some notes regarding some of the corrections

Choice of Master : I have plans to have her join up with one of [@EldaronI] 's characters who I have now linked under associates, but I was awaiting a name decision/CS post from him, so I've added Qakrii in, but blanketed her under Acharon for now as a secondary/back up, but she will be joining up with Qakrii if all goes well and Qakrii is accepted in

Associates : It may be because I've worded it poorly, but it wasn't necessarily her father choosing to train her that was found suspect, but that the two very clearly had a deep emotional bond/attachment that made them more loyal to one another than to the Empire as a whole and therefore, I feel the other Sith would have become at least a bit suspicious/wary of that; now that Noctis is dead, that particular threat is "over" as Aria has no other family to speak of that she could run to, thus leaving her no choice but to stay loyal to the Empire. I've reworded that bit to hopefully make that a bit clearer, but if it requires further re-wording do let me know!

All other edits made as requested! :)

[Sini]

A few of your links and tags are broken. There is indeed something wrong with that hider. Not sure what. That's not a major thing or a reason to deny your sheet. I think it might be these: [i][b]often[/i][/b] in the skills section, at interrogation.

[The Elvenqueen]

@Sini Ooops! Musta goofed on the formatting code there, should be all fixed now, thank you! (the links as well, if there's still any missing could you let me know in which section, I think I've got them all but I'm not 100% on which links/tags you're referring to

[Ellri]

intersecting tags tend to break the system.

this breaks:
[i][b]often[/i][/b]
this doesn't.
[i][b]often[/b][/i]

[The Elvenqueen]

intersecting tags tend to break the system.

this breaks:
[i][b]often[/i][/b]
this doesn't.
[i][b]often[/b][/i]

@Ellri

Ahh I see, thank you! I'm more used to working with HTML than BBCode so I often get things mixed up, I'll keep that in mind for the future!

Are all the other edits made ok or do I need to make further edits, @Ellri?

[Ellri]

we've been on vacation, so we haven't had time to look at it yet. We will as soon as we have time and resources to spare.

[Ellri]

Her mask bears an almost arachnid-like configuration, with four glowing red-orange panels where the eye slits are (these are manufactured using the shattered remains of her father’s kyber crystals, allowing her to channel the Force into them to achieve the menacing glowing effect.

This bit about using the Force to make them glow is fairly illogical. We'd recommend just skipping that and keeping them neat and glowy from regular ol' tech. The Kyber crystal basis for them is unusual but not overly problematic.

most likely, "information packets", as you labeled them, would not be delivered by an apprentice directly to the Dark Council, but rather sent up the system, we'd recommend tweaking it so that rather than delivering directly, she passed them up the system so that they eventually got into the hands of the Dark Council. No doubt you can figure out a good phrasing.

Tweak those two elements above, and we're thinkin' the sheet is pretty close to done, @The Elvenqueen

[The Elvenqueen]

@Ellri

Removed the bit about the kyber crystals and reworded the last part to have her deliver the intel to a superior who then passed it "up the chain" to the Dark Council.

Hopefully all fixed now XD

Also non-essential but added a theme song playlist for anyone else who's curious cause playlists are my jam :3

[Sini]

May the Force be with you, always.