I wrote this as a response to a rather wrongheaded comic I read once online. I won't name names and I won't bring anything up, as I'm not trying to pick a fight with anyone and in the off-chance you know who made the comic I'm referring to, please don't bring it up here or name anyone; keep it to yourself. The comic and person in question are not from the roleplayerguild, and if you ask me who I mean or what comic I'm referring to, I won't tell. The goal is to criticize and correct bad ideas, not go after the writer; said ideas will be evident in the story. As such, enjoy this for what it is. I think you'll like it if someone ever said no to you or anyone you know for a stupid reason.
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A priest's time as a shepherd of souls can lead one to very dark realms. I, Vespion of Minbenthac, ought to know, given what I've seen and done fighting against Dememoras. Yet for all of the disturbing, wretched, and heartrending tales I could tell, none have stood out to me more than a case which struck right at home. Mind you, the Great Temple of Minbenthac is an incredible home to have, yet it is a site intended to be the very last place where such hideous pain is to be felt.
It all began during the first stages of initiation for the temple younglings for the Order of the Golden Wall. For those who are unfamiliar, it's a reputable Paladin order dedicated to the protection of all Dracons from demonic, undead, or mundane threats, famous for its high standards and relatively small number of about 60 or so paladins at any time. Unlike most of the orders associated with the great temple, this one only recruited from outside of the temple's ranks, so as to preserve a degree of independence from the temple itself. Although it was not a hereditary order by any means, most of its ranks were and remain stocked by a few families who dedicate their male offspring to its ranks. As simple blood descent is no guarantee or even partial qualification for entry, the young males had to train hard for years until the age of eligibility, which started at 10 and ended at 15, with a chance to make another attempt every six months.
Every order of paladins has its own regulations and traditions regarding who is fit to join its ranks. For the Golden Wall, the physical determination is left up to the order itself, yet the moral determination was given to the temple to decide. Although any cleric above the very lowest ranks could in theory conduct the moral evaluation, the Golden Wall maintained a tradition of letting a temple priestess pick and choose who was morally fit to be a Golden Wall Paladin. For several centuries, this arrangement worked beautifully. No one even questioned that a female should be given such authority to decide, and until the incident, the temple permitted the priestesses to appoint one of their own to the post of evaluator for the Golden Wall's candidates, free and clear of outside interference.
I became aware of the rot in the system during the trials in the year after Dememoras' fall. It was a particularly important one, as the recent war had depleted the Golden Wall's ranks, and new trainees were sorely needed if the order was to survive. That year, a high-ranking priestess by the name of Prodosia, a female 61 years of age- still relatively young for dracons- was in charge of the moral development and evaluation of the young candidates, many of whom had been studying and training for eligibility since they were five years of age, or even as young as three in extreme cases. Of course, not everyone who trained would get in, and there were many more chances to join. The memory of that first day is seared into my memory. The younglings who had passed their physical aptitude tests had just finished their moral evaluation. Of course, all of them easily qualified the standard alignment scan which the priestesses could cast. More advanced character-determining spells weren't taught to or even considered necessary for all but the highest-level clergy, and the gods would only let spells of that magnitude be cast a few times a day at most for even their most devout servants. Prodosia's words, flowery yet poisonous, were listened to with rapt attention by the entire assembly. It was just her and the boys, plus a few priests who had attended as mere observers.
"This year's qualifications are hereby closed. Will all the boys I gave a piece of parchment to please stand up and present it to the paladins at the back of the room? Thank you. For all the younglings who remain, know that I am very proud of all of you and I have no doubts that you will certainly qualify six months from now if you keep to the true path. Remember, the bridge of righteousness is narrow and frail. Those who allow themselves too much latitude or come burdened down with too much weight will."
Although disappointed, none of the boys were despondent, even the ones who were only a couple of years until their 15th birthday. One in particular- an 11-year old by the name of Kalos- wasn't shaken in the least by her pronouncement, nor was he discouraged by not qualifying this time around, even though it was his third attempt.
"Sure thing, Prodosia. I'll just train harder than ever and make it for sure next time!"
"That's the spirit! I'm sure we'll see great things from you." Kalos ran back over to his parents with what he believed to be the good news, that he would 'surely' make it next time. From my vantage point, I could see his mother and father received the news rather coldly, but I thought nothing more of it. The next three months went by without further incident as far as the Order of the Golden Wall was concerned, until one fateful night. It might have been fate which saw me and Prodosia in the same room together at the same time once more, as we were discussing matters related to the liturgical calendar when in stumbled a bedraggled and emaciated Kalos, clearly showing the signs of neglect, abuse, and severe overwork and malnourishment. Behind him was another priestess, one of the younger initiates who had only joined a few years back.
"My lady! Your grace! Forgive this intrusion, but this boy says he had to speak about-"
"YOU! You ruined my life!"
"Wha-? Kal, what's this about? What happened to you?" Prodosia went over to him, her face betraying an expression of confusion and surprise, but not an ounce of compassion or even pity.
"You KNEW my parents would do it! Their parents did it to my father and you were the one teaching even in his day!"
It was then that I sensed the need to interject. "Did? Who did... what?" Prodosia glanced over at me, giving me the same sort of look as one might had I intruded on her quarters.
"Hmph. While it is my prerogative, I'll let you know out of a spirit of congeniality. Kalos' father had failed the physical test several times, and was pushed to his very limits to do well. Eventually, he became a paladin, as his father was before him, and his father before that, going back seven generations. They're pushing Kalos in the same way." I looked at the child once more. Between his ragged clothing and obvious thinness of frame-
"No, they've been starving him. Isn't that so, Kal?" The boy nodded. "They told me that I was no good. A disappointment. A failed offspring. Not worth anything but the minimum to keep me alive."
"The boys parents are to blame for it, not I!" Ignoring her words, I quickly ordered the younger priestess to fetch some food and water, along with a change of clothes fit for a dracon his age. Only once the immediate matter of sustenance was addressed did I move to deal with Prodosia.
"Talk to him. Explain to him why he was rejected." I didn't know Kalos, yet he didn't seem like he was deficient in any way. Paladins of the Order of the Golden Wall had to be brave, kind, wise, and willing to set aside their own desires for wealth and fame in the interests of others. Prodosia knelt down in front of Kalos and spoke straight to him. "Tell me, Kal, why do you want to be a member of the order?"
"I-I want to make my family proud and follow in my father's footsteps."
"But are you doing it of your own free will?"
"What the-?!" Kalos and I spoke the words at the same time. Surprised at the timing, there was a brief pause, but I let Kal take it. "Yes, of course."
"Would you be doing it if not for your family telling you to do it?"
"Of course! It's something I've always wanted to do!"
"But is that only because you were raised that way?"
"Prodosia, where are you going with this? He's a child. This is the one part of his life where his will is most directly shaped by others around him. You can't blame him for wanting to follow his family, particularly when following them would be walking the narrow bridge. Perhaps your judgment was a bit hasty?"
"That's not your call to make. Now Kal, I've been teaching young recruits for the Golden Wall for decades. As with most other orders, a paladin has to possess the highest commitment to his calling. If the will to stay on the path of righteousness doesn't come from the deepest depths within you, if your conviction is any shallower than it ought to be, you could be easily swayed from the-"
"Let me determine that."
"What."
"You heard me. And before you tell me that it isn't my call to make, might I remind you that as a priest of this temple- a HIGH priest no less- I have plenary powers regarding the safety, sanctity, and morals of those within the temple's purview. And Kalos plainly falls into our scope.
"Vespion, I've taught this boy for years. Let me assure you that I am well aware of his moral character. He is eager and well-meaning, but if he isn't doing it of his own free will-"
"Enough. Kalos, come here for a minute. I'm going to cast a spell on you, with your permission. It's called the Soulglance. It's a very powerful spell, and I may learn some things which you might not want to share with others. You have my solemn word on the three, the five, the nine, the six, and the one that I will never betray any secret of yours, nor through negligence or recklessness let slip any information gleaned from the spell without your approval. May I cast this spell?" Kalos nodded.
"Very good. Just sit there and close your eyes." Prodosia watched with nervousness. For a spell like this to be cast over a matter of rejection from training was akin to using a butcher knife to spread butter, and had I not been the hero who stood beside Adykon on the day our race was saved, she might have protested. But my word was worth its weight in gold around the temple ever since that day, and if I had to expend any of the trust I had earned over the years, this was a perfect time to do it.
As it had been some time since I had last cast the soulglance spell, I was somewhat slow to make the gestures and say the words. I shaped my hands into a triangle and moved them over Kalos' head, focusing the divine power into a similar shape. A simple tap of his forehead was all it took to establish the connection, the gold-white magic of the gods acting as a conduit from his soul to my mind. In an instant, I had learned all there was to know about his character. His struggles, his joys, his hopes, his fears, his faults, his virtues, and yes, the root of his desires in life. The instant I had absorbed it all- a process which took all of ten seconds after the instant of clarity- the truth was as plain as day for all to see.
"Oh... you BITCH! This boy is the very definition of what a paladin ought to be, and you destroyed his hopes and dreams! And don't give me some nonsense about his motives or his free will. He has free will, as all beings do, unless they've been placed under a spell!"
"B-but he's doing it for his family! HE has to be the one to want it!"
"He's doing it for others! That's the very point of being a paladin, you witch! He has not a trace of selfish desire in him, the first such individual I've ever seen to be so utterly selfless. And to think you tossed him out because you got hung up on some- some pet moral concern about where you'd want his motivation to come from?! And don't tell me that the bridge is narrow and frail. You forgot the part about many roads leading to it! Kalos, you're in the order as a trainee as of this very second! Now hold still and let me apply a restoration spell, we still need to-"
"- the priestesses will NOT take kindly to this, mark my words."
"And you can forget about being a teacher from now on. I'm ordering an audit of every trainee you ever rejected, even if I have to Soulglance every one of them myself! And I'm going to recommend that the spell be available upon appeal for a rejection!" Every condition I added meant an additional burden for myself and the temple, and had I not been the hero, none of it would even be possible. The audit alone took me an uphill battle, but by the end of it, I had determined that fully half of the trainees Prodosia had rejected for moral reasons in the last decade were perfectly fit to be paladins in the Order of the Golden Wall. Her rejection of one decent trainee was one thing, but fifty was another story. The order had to revise its rules just to accommodate the influx of older recruits, but when word got out about the unjust rejections- a word Adykon himself helped me to spread- there was nothing the temple, the order, or the temple's priestesses could do about it. As it turned out, the nonsense had reached many of the priestesses.
"No, no. You misunderstand. Vespion. When Prodosia said the boy didn't act out of his own free will, she didn't mean to say he had no free will at all, only that he wasn't acting under his free will at the time."
"And which time would that have been, Mother Superior? When he trained all day? When he studied until late at night? His desire to make his family proud in no way tainted his intentions, I promise you."
"Regardless, I must protest, and I have in fact protested. The patriarch has been sent a letter about your usurpation of our-"
"You mean this letter? I have it along with his response. Shall I read it? Let's see here: 'Having heard your concerns regarding the judgment of the High Priest Vespion, my previous judgment regarding this matter remains unchanged. Might I take this moment to reiterate the long-standing canonical laws regarding the subordinate roles the priestesses play in matter of faith and morals, even where such ground has been ceded to the college of priestesses, and it remains the prerogative of a high priest to intervene in matters where such faith and morals are at risk of being undermined. Prodosia's rejection of a valid candidate posed a serious risk to not only the candidate's physical health as detailed below, but put him at risk of permanent alienation from the divines. Moreover, Prodosia herself would have been at risk of similar damnation if the gods themselves determined that she was pushing many promising champions of their cause away from their service.' Do you want me to continue?"
As for Prodosia herself, she was expelled from the temple. She ended up as the fifth wife of some obscure farmer on the edge of Minbenthac's territory. Kalos went to visit her and offered his forgiveness a year after making full paladin rank, having earned his sword and armor with flying colors. As for the moral instruction for Golden Wall paladins, I personally intervened to make sure that a priest and a priestess would sign off on a rejection, a process which could be appealed to the high priests and the temple patriarch above them.
If there is a lesson in all of this, I suppose it would be to never reject someone for a questionable reason, but I'm inclined to think this incident exposed something far more insidious. Kalos was fortunate- or else blessed by the gods- that I happened to be around and that I possessed the ability and willingness to use that spell. How many more promising dracons have been rejected on ill-conceived grounds? How many lives have been ruined? Obviously, we can't accept everyone who was ever rejected, yet when we measure worthiness, we have to look at merit, not simply what we want to see in someone else. Prodosia wanted to only see a certain type of dracon make it into the order, with a very specific set of motivations and desires. Her failure to consider dracons from other walks of life was her downfall. If we're not careful, it may be our downfall as well.
-- Reflections from Vespion of Minbenthac.
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A priest's time as a shepherd of souls can lead one to very dark realms. I, Vespion of Minbenthac, ought to know, given what I've seen and done fighting against Dememoras. Yet for all of the disturbing, wretched, and heartrending tales I could tell, none have stood out to me more than a case which struck right at home. Mind you, the Great Temple of Minbenthac is an incredible home to have, yet it is a site intended to be the very last place where such hideous pain is to be felt.
It all began during the first stages of initiation for the temple younglings for the Order of the Golden Wall. For those who are unfamiliar, it's a reputable Paladin order dedicated to the protection of all Dracons from demonic, undead, or mundane threats, famous for its high standards and relatively small number of about 60 or so paladins at any time. Unlike most of the orders associated with the great temple, this one only recruited from outside of the temple's ranks, so as to preserve a degree of independence from the temple itself. Although it was not a hereditary order by any means, most of its ranks were and remain stocked by a few families who dedicate their male offspring to its ranks. As simple blood descent is no guarantee or even partial qualification for entry, the young males had to train hard for years until the age of eligibility, which started at 10 and ended at 15, with a chance to make another attempt every six months.
Every order of paladins has its own regulations and traditions regarding who is fit to join its ranks. For the Golden Wall, the physical determination is left up to the order itself, yet the moral determination was given to the temple to decide. Although any cleric above the very lowest ranks could in theory conduct the moral evaluation, the Golden Wall maintained a tradition of letting a temple priestess pick and choose who was morally fit to be a Golden Wall Paladin. For several centuries, this arrangement worked beautifully. No one even questioned that a female should be given such authority to decide, and until the incident, the temple permitted the priestesses to appoint one of their own to the post of evaluator for the Golden Wall's candidates, free and clear of outside interference.
I became aware of the rot in the system during the trials in the year after Dememoras' fall. It was a particularly important one, as the recent war had depleted the Golden Wall's ranks, and new trainees were sorely needed if the order was to survive. That year, a high-ranking priestess by the name of Prodosia, a female 61 years of age- still relatively young for dracons- was in charge of the moral development and evaluation of the young candidates, many of whom had been studying and training for eligibility since they were five years of age, or even as young as three in extreme cases. Of course, not everyone who trained would get in, and there were many more chances to join. The memory of that first day is seared into my memory. The younglings who had passed their physical aptitude tests had just finished their moral evaluation. Of course, all of them easily qualified the standard alignment scan which the priestesses could cast. More advanced character-determining spells weren't taught to or even considered necessary for all but the highest-level clergy, and the gods would only let spells of that magnitude be cast a few times a day at most for even their most devout servants. Prodosia's words, flowery yet poisonous, were listened to with rapt attention by the entire assembly. It was just her and the boys, plus a few priests who had attended as mere observers.
"This year's qualifications are hereby closed. Will all the boys I gave a piece of parchment to please stand up and present it to the paladins at the back of the room? Thank you. For all the younglings who remain, know that I am very proud of all of you and I have no doubts that you will certainly qualify six months from now if you keep to the true path. Remember, the bridge of righteousness is narrow and frail. Those who allow themselves too much latitude or come burdened down with too much weight will."
Although disappointed, none of the boys were despondent, even the ones who were only a couple of years until their 15th birthday. One in particular- an 11-year old by the name of Kalos- wasn't shaken in the least by her pronouncement, nor was he discouraged by not qualifying this time around, even though it was his third attempt.
"Sure thing, Prodosia. I'll just train harder than ever and make it for sure next time!"
"That's the spirit! I'm sure we'll see great things from you." Kalos ran back over to his parents with what he believed to be the good news, that he would 'surely' make it next time. From my vantage point, I could see his mother and father received the news rather coldly, but I thought nothing more of it. The next three months went by without further incident as far as the Order of the Golden Wall was concerned, until one fateful night. It might have been fate which saw me and Prodosia in the same room together at the same time once more, as we were discussing matters related to the liturgical calendar when in stumbled a bedraggled and emaciated Kalos, clearly showing the signs of neglect, abuse, and severe overwork and malnourishment. Behind him was another priestess, one of the younger initiates who had only joined a few years back.
"My lady! Your grace! Forgive this intrusion, but this boy says he had to speak about-"
"YOU! You ruined my life!"
"Wha-? Kal, what's this about? What happened to you?" Prodosia went over to him, her face betraying an expression of confusion and surprise, but not an ounce of compassion or even pity.
"You KNEW my parents would do it! Their parents did it to my father and you were the one teaching even in his day!"
It was then that I sensed the need to interject. "Did? Who did... what?" Prodosia glanced over at me, giving me the same sort of look as one might had I intruded on her quarters.
"Hmph. While it is my prerogative, I'll let you know out of a spirit of congeniality. Kalos' father had failed the physical test several times, and was pushed to his very limits to do well. Eventually, he became a paladin, as his father was before him, and his father before that, going back seven generations. They're pushing Kalos in the same way." I looked at the child once more. Between his ragged clothing and obvious thinness of frame-
"No, they've been starving him. Isn't that so, Kal?" The boy nodded. "They told me that I was no good. A disappointment. A failed offspring. Not worth anything but the minimum to keep me alive."
"The boys parents are to blame for it, not I!" Ignoring her words, I quickly ordered the younger priestess to fetch some food and water, along with a change of clothes fit for a dracon his age. Only once the immediate matter of sustenance was addressed did I move to deal with Prodosia.
"Talk to him. Explain to him why he was rejected." I didn't know Kalos, yet he didn't seem like he was deficient in any way. Paladins of the Order of the Golden Wall had to be brave, kind, wise, and willing to set aside their own desires for wealth and fame in the interests of others. Prodosia knelt down in front of Kalos and spoke straight to him. "Tell me, Kal, why do you want to be a member of the order?"
"I-I want to make my family proud and follow in my father's footsteps."
"But are you doing it of your own free will?"
"What the-?!" Kalos and I spoke the words at the same time. Surprised at the timing, there was a brief pause, but I let Kal take it. "Yes, of course."
"Would you be doing it if not for your family telling you to do it?"
"Of course! It's something I've always wanted to do!"
"But is that only because you were raised that way?"
"Prodosia, where are you going with this? He's a child. This is the one part of his life where his will is most directly shaped by others around him. You can't blame him for wanting to follow his family, particularly when following them would be walking the narrow bridge. Perhaps your judgment was a bit hasty?"
"That's not your call to make. Now Kal, I've been teaching young recruits for the Golden Wall for decades. As with most other orders, a paladin has to possess the highest commitment to his calling. If the will to stay on the path of righteousness doesn't come from the deepest depths within you, if your conviction is any shallower than it ought to be, you could be easily swayed from the-"
"Let me determine that."
"What."
"You heard me. And before you tell me that it isn't my call to make, might I remind you that as a priest of this temple- a HIGH priest no less- I have plenary powers regarding the safety, sanctity, and morals of those within the temple's purview. And Kalos plainly falls into our scope.
"Vespion, I've taught this boy for years. Let me assure you that I am well aware of his moral character. He is eager and well-meaning, but if he isn't doing it of his own free will-"
"Enough. Kalos, come here for a minute. I'm going to cast a spell on you, with your permission. It's called the Soulglance. It's a very powerful spell, and I may learn some things which you might not want to share with others. You have my solemn word on the three, the five, the nine, the six, and the one that I will never betray any secret of yours, nor through negligence or recklessness let slip any information gleaned from the spell without your approval. May I cast this spell?" Kalos nodded.
"Very good. Just sit there and close your eyes." Prodosia watched with nervousness. For a spell like this to be cast over a matter of rejection from training was akin to using a butcher knife to spread butter, and had I not been the hero who stood beside Adykon on the day our race was saved, she might have protested. But my word was worth its weight in gold around the temple ever since that day, and if I had to expend any of the trust I had earned over the years, this was a perfect time to do it.
As it had been some time since I had last cast the soulglance spell, I was somewhat slow to make the gestures and say the words. I shaped my hands into a triangle and moved them over Kalos' head, focusing the divine power into a similar shape. A simple tap of his forehead was all it took to establish the connection, the gold-white magic of the gods acting as a conduit from his soul to my mind. In an instant, I had learned all there was to know about his character. His struggles, his joys, his hopes, his fears, his faults, his virtues, and yes, the root of his desires in life. The instant I had absorbed it all- a process which took all of ten seconds after the instant of clarity- the truth was as plain as day for all to see.
"Oh... you BITCH! This boy is the very definition of what a paladin ought to be, and you destroyed his hopes and dreams! And don't give me some nonsense about his motives or his free will. He has free will, as all beings do, unless they've been placed under a spell!"
"B-but he's doing it for his family! HE has to be the one to want it!"
"He's doing it for others! That's the very point of being a paladin, you witch! He has not a trace of selfish desire in him, the first such individual I've ever seen to be so utterly selfless. And to think you tossed him out because you got hung up on some- some pet moral concern about where you'd want his motivation to come from?! And don't tell me that the bridge is narrow and frail. You forgot the part about many roads leading to it! Kalos, you're in the order as a trainee as of this very second! Now hold still and let me apply a restoration spell, we still need to-"
"- the priestesses will NOT take kindly to this, mark my words."
"And you can forget about being a teacher from now on. I'm ordering an audit of every trainee you ever rejected, even if I have to Soulglance every one of them myself! And I'm going to recommend that the spell be available upon appeal for a rejection!" Every condition I added meant an additional burden for myself and the temple, and had I not been the hero, none of it would even be possible. The audit alone took me an uphill battle, but by the end of it, I had determined that fully half of the trainees Prodosia had rejected for moral reasons in the last decade were perfectly fit to be paladins in the Order of the Golden Wall. Her rejection of one decent trainee was one thing, but fifty was another story. The order had to revise its rules just to accommodate the influx of older recruits, but when word got out about the unjust rejections- a word Adykon himself helped me to spread- there was nothing the temple, the order, or the temple's priestesses could do about it. As it turned out, the nonsense had reached many of the priestesses.
"No, no. You misunderstand. Vespion. When Prodosia said the boy didn't act out of his own free will, she didn't mean to say he had no free will at all, only that he wasn't acting under his free will at the time."
"And which time would that have been, Mother Superior? When he trained all day? When he studied until late at night? His desire to make his family proud in no way tainted his intentions, I promise you."
"Regardless, I must protest, and I have in fact protested. The patriarch has been sent a letter about your usurpation of our-"
"You mean this letter? I have it along with his response. Shall I read it? Let's see here: 'Having heard your concerns regarding the judgment of the High Priest Vespion, my previous judgment regarding this matter remains unchanged. Might I take this moment to reiterate the long-standing canonical laws regarding the subordinate roles the priestesses play in matter of faith and morals, even where such ground has been ceded to the college of priestesses, and it remains the prerogative of a high priest to intervene in matters where such faith and morals are at risk of being undermined. Prodosia's rejection of a valid candidate posed a serious risk to not only the candidate's physical health as detailed below, but put him at risk of permanent alienation from the divines. Moreover, Prodosia herself would have been at risk of similar damnation if the gods themselves determined that she was pushing many promising champions of their cause away from their service.' Do you want me to continue?"
As for Prodosia herself, she was expelled from the temple. She ended up as the fifth wife of some obscure farmer on the edge of Minbenthac's territory. Kalos went to visit her and offered his forgiveness a year after making full paladin rank, having earned his sword and armor with flying colors. As for the moral instruction for Golden Wall paladins, I personally intervened to make sure that a priest and a priestess would sign off on a rejection, a process which could be appealed to the high priests and the temple patriarch above them.
If there is a lesson in all of this, I suppose it would be to never reject someone for a questionable reason, but I'm inclined to think this incident exposed something far more insidious. Kalos was fortunate- or else blessed by the gods- that I happened to be around and that I possessed the ability and willingness to use that spell. How many more promising dracons have been rejected on ill-conceived grounds? How many lives have been ruined? Obviously, we can't accept everyone who was ever rejected, yet when we measure worthiness, we have to look at merit, not simply what we want to see in someone else. Prodosia wanted to only see a certain type of dracon make it into the order, with a very specific set of motivations and desires. Her failure to consider dracons from other walks of life was her downfall. If we're not careful, it may be our downfall as well.
-- Reflections from Vespion of Minbenthac.