Gender Of Your RP Partner(s)?

[TheFlyingScotsman]

Obviously, I trawl the 1x1 section of the site, and a few others quite often, and I've recently noticed a trend in "Male Wanted" or "Females Only".

Why is the gender of the partner seen as an issue? I can understand requesting, say, a female character, or asking for another male character, if you're seeking that gender.

But does the Rpers gender matter? I've been rejected for Rps based purely on my gender, not really the skills I hold. (I admit I'm a Free/Low-Casual Rper, but as such, only respond to those.)

Is it really that difficult to understand that people can play other genders?

What are your views on this?

-Sam

[Alphakoka]

The only reason I would care is whether I should call you a she or a he.

[Rilla]

Alphakoka said
The only reason I would care is whether I should call you a she or a he.

This.

That's the most important. Other than that, don't care.

[TheFlyingScotsman]

No, no. I don't mean like that.

What I mean is those who refuse to rp with men, and those who refuse females.

[Alphakoka]

Eh, probably they're also imposing the player's figure to their character. So, they see the player dressing as their character and see it as a put off.

Other than that, it's their personal view and I have no say about it other than "Huh, ok, bye then." if they reject me trying to join because of that.

[Jorick]

The reason you see that in 1x1 is because so much of it is romance RPing. People tend to do more self-inserting with romance RPs than other kinds from what I've experienced, people also tend to play characters of their own gender exclusively and for some reason hate on those who don't stick to the same arbitrary rule, some people seem to view romantic RPing as a sort of intimate thing (particularly if they like to write out sex scenes instead of fading to black and skipping over them) rather than just people collaborating to make a story, people often have trouble separating the character from the player in their mind (which is part of why the previous issues exist), and people also tend to have a lot of hang ups about their sexuality and how it is perceived by others. Those various reasons combined ought to explain why gender requirements started being a thing, and now the fact that it's a traditionally expected thing in 1x1 interest checks accounts for the people who don't actually fit in one of those categories (or a similar one I didn't think of) or are actually talking about character gender desired rather than player gender.

My own view on the subject is that ultimately the gender of your RP partner doesn't matter because there should be a firm line drawn between the character and the person who plays it, but I get where romance RPers are coming from. Were I to go seek a romance 1x1, I would prefer that the other person be a female simply because that happens to line up with my own sexuality, but if some guy came along who met my writing skill standards and was interested in the thing I wouldn't turn him away because the player gender thing is only a minor preference rather than a requirement in my mind. I play female characters sometimes, recently with greater frequency, and if I were to go looking for a romance 1x1 where my character is a heterosexual female I would still prefer that the person playing the male be a female. This is due to my own minor issues with separating the character from the player, because while I know and understand that they are not the same entity, the thought still pops up in romantic RP things that the other person is male or female, and if they're male that makes me feel like it's kind of awkward and weird because I'm not into dudes. That hasn't ever stopped me from from writing romantic RP things when the other character is controlled by a guy, but the thought of awkwardness is there when the other person is a male and it is not there when the other person is a female. It's dumb and makes no logical sense, but hey, that's the human brain for you.

[TheEvanCat]

It's not 1x1 but PoW is a sausagefest. Poor Nova. All alone with her different genitalia.

[Jannah]

I think Jorick hit the nail on the head. A lot of 1x1 involves romance and for a lot of people it becomes a sort of way to project their own fantasies into reality. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but it can seem odd to a person who uses RP for stuff besides that. With that said, I play characters of both genders and frankly don't give a damn what my partner behind the computer screen's gender is; if they can RP well then I'll take them up as a partner.

[Dervish]

Jannah said
I think Jorick hit the nail on the head. A lot of 1x1 involves romance and for a lot of people it becomes a sort of way to project their own fantasies into reality. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but it can seem odd to a person who uses RP for stuff besides that. With that said, I play characters of both genders and frankly don't give a damn what my partner behind the computer screen's gender is; if they can RP well then I'll take them up as a partner.

This all becomes a lot more terrifying when you consider some of the interest checks, like for incest and abusive relationships and the like.

[Jannah]

Dervish said
This all becomes a lot more terrifying when you consider some of the interest checks, like for incest and abusive relationships and the like.

That is true. I generally overlook those ones. I will confess to having played a RP before that involved siblings in an incestrous relationship, but it wasn't the main focus of the RP. It was really only a very minor thing. People who centre an entire RP around that sort of thing tend to creep me out though, haha. Same with rape fantasies and the like. Those are just disturbing, but to each their own I suppose. I know some people are into that sort of power struggle BDSM thing in a relationship.

[Nyaonukusu]

I think I'm just going to voice my personal experiences since other people seem to have made all the important points and I don't really want to repeat things.

Anyways, I'm a female but I'm able to play both genders. I try to balance out my female/male roleplays because when I do that I find that it's easier for me to distinguish different characters and personalities than if all my characters were, let's say, female.

Even when playing a female character in a somewhat-romantic roleplay involving another male character, I personally do not find it odd if the person who plays the male character is a female. Likewise for if I were playing a male character with a female.

I think maybe it's because I use quite a bit of male characters that I just grew to distinguish the characters from myself. Even with female characters, I never, ever see myself in them.

[Kiriyama]

I just don't care whether the RPer is male or female. Really. I don't care. If I want to play a female character in romance roleplays, I will. I have played a lot female characters, probably even more than male characters.
I just don't care. I mean c'mon! It's roleplaying! You get a role abd play tat! Even in the ancient Greece female characters where played by male actors, and still they didn't care!

Sorry if someone became angry or something, I didn't mean it like that.

[Sunflower]

I

Nyaonukusu said
I think I'm just going to voice my personal experiences since other people seem to have made all the important points and I don't really want to repeat things.Anyways, I'm a female but I'm able to play both genders. I try to balance out my female/male roleplays because when I do that I find that it's easier for me to distinguish different characters and personalities than if all my characters were, let's say, female.Even when playing a female character in a somewhat-romantic roleplay involving another male character, I personally do not find it odd if the person who plays the male character is a female. Likewise for if I were playing a male character with a female.I think maybe it's because I use quite a bit of male characters that I just grew to distinguish the characters from myself. Even with female characters, I never, ever see myself in them.

I agree.

I can understand someone wanting the gender behind the screen to match the gender on the screen but you miss out on so many opportunities if you limit yourself to what gender you prefer your partner is.

[Brovo]

Dervish said
This all becomes a lot more terrifying when you consider some of the interest checks, like for incest and abusive relationships and the like.

Not that terrifying. The fantasy of it and the reality of it are two separate things. Even if someone is imagining you in that position and not a fantasy character, the key word is still "imagining". The more away from reality it gets, the less likely it's something inherently twisted. It's the same reason you don't see people into tentacle rape weird Japanese cartoons going on mass murdering rampages or becoming serial rapists. Yes, it's weird. No, it's not inherently dangerous.

Because remember: Everything is a skill. Even imagination. A person who is finding it difficult to separate you from your character based on your personal gender is just someone with less skill. Not a person who is mentally disturbed or a monster in the works.

If anything, exploring such bizarre impulses is actually a healthy thing to do in a fictional environment. Nobody is hurt and you learn more about yourself. The more you learn about yourself, the better equipped you are to deal with your own impulses, which means greater self control at the very least.

Now, when it surpasses the PG 13 barrier and turns into ******** ****** ****** *** ****** *** * ********* ** ** ***** with a rake and a gardening hose in her ****** ** ******* *** ******* and a captain Kirk action figure, then you probably should stop and recommend them to a different website to explore such urges.

[TheFlyingScotsman]

Brovo said
Not that terrifying. The fantasy of it and the reality of it are two separate things. Even if someone is imagining you in that position and not a fantasy character, the key word is still "imagining". The more away from reality it gets, the less likely it's something inherently twisted. It's the same reason you don't see people into weird Japanese cartoons going on mass murdering rampages or becoming serial rapists. Yes, it's weird. No, it's not inherently dangerous.Because remember: Everything is a skill. Even imagination. A person who is finding it difficult to separate you from your character based on your personal gender is just someone with less skill. Not a person who is mentally disturbed or a monster in the works.If anything, exploring such bizarre impulses is actually a healthy thing to do in a fictional environment. Nobody is hurt and you learn more about yourself. The more you learn about yourself, the better equipped you are to deal with your own impulses, which means greater self control at the very least.Now, when it surpasses the PG 13 barrier and turns into ******** ****** ****** *** ****** *** * ********* ** ** ***** with a rake and a gardening hose in her ****** ** ******* *** ******* and a captain America action figure, you probably should stop and recommend them to a different website to explore such urges.

Fixed.

[Ruby]

Iono. There's an argument to be made that not all males write good females, and not all females write good males.

But I think I write both pretty well, and I've been laughed at in PMs for asking to RP with a girl looking for male partners.

So, in a perfect RP world it wouldn't matter. But as I'm convinced Twain had the right of it; humans are the worst, and far from perfect. =)

[Commander]

I'm male and prefer to roleplay with other males, so what's the big deal? It's no different than wanting a partner who posts five paragraphs instead of one, or wanting a partner that posts seven days a week instead of one. It is a preference and another case of "to each their own".

To be more specific, I can often notice a difference in a male playing a male and a female playing a male. Also I've had bad experiences in the past with what I call "annoying yaoi fangirls" and that's not something that should be held against me. It's not a deal breaker for me, but I give preference to males in the end. I really don't see why it's such a big deal.

[Jannah]

Ruby said
Iono. There's an argument to be made that not all males write good females, and not all females write good males. But I think I write both pretty well, and I've been laughed at in PMs for asking to RP with a girl looking for male partners.So, in a perfect RP world it wouldn't matter. But as I'm convinced Twain had the right of it; humans are the worst, and far from perfect. =)

I've been told I play excellent male characters(I'm female), but you do raise a good point. I think some people feel that some RPers just can't portray the opposite sex very well. However, without chances to practice there's no chance of improving.

[Ruby]

Commander said
I really don't see why it's such a big deal.

The 'big deal' is pretty subjective. I, personally, don't see it as a big deal. But I don't do 1x1s a lot. To me, they're usually lacking and bound to lose my interest quick-like.

But to someone who does 1x1s a lot, and finds half of their possible games off limits to them for their RL gender? Subjective as it is, I can see how that might qualify as 'big deal' to that person.

Empathy, MFer. Haz sum. =)

[Ruby]

Jannah said
I've been told I play excellent male characters(I'm female), but you do raise a good point. I think some people feel that some RPers just can't portray the opposite sex very well. However, without chances to practice there's no chance of improving.

Well. All males and females don't fall under universal rules of behavior. (Much as we, as people, want to generalize and say that they do.) So while I find many females writing males without much assertiveness to them and typically identify it as a negative, it's not like every guy I know is assertive. (Nor is it that females are never assertive.) Just so, I've found many a female character written by a male that seems to forget that females can be expressive and girly, and count that as a negative about their portrayal. (Not that all girls are expressive and/or enjoy something pink.)

Both those ARE two examples of generalized traits of the gender behind the character bleeding through into their opposite-gender character. And yeah, I imagine if you're focusing on romance that missing something you consider very much part of the opposite gender in your 1x1 game would be pretty damn disheartening and deflating.