Poet's lounge

[ReaptheMusic]

Catching Flies
A petty thing; isn't it?
The concept that being sweet to all
Is best than being sweet to none?
What source raised this point
What drone ran their mount?
True man is drawn to kindness
Shuns the doubt
Walks to the light
And casts the dark with glory's might.

Yet what endless seams
Bear and Break
When the kind can no longer
Bear and Take.
Spent so much time
Preaching the sweet
No time teaching
How to break Teeth.
No time teaching
For when a woman is brought to her hands
Her knees
Scraping
Screaming
Pleading
"Sir, no, Not me!"

She asks why
Knowing she is kind
Kind to all
And thus she must be broken.
In a society captivated by
Beauty, Royals, the Unspoken
Are we not responsible
For the horrors we cause
By teaching and professing
What will only be our fall?!

Windows shatter
Clothes in tatters
When the Kind are plucked from existence.
With no more to be said
Other than "They were kind,
t'is a shame they are dead."
When the Kind are plucked from existence.
And what hypocrisy
Will we be
When we find our own screams asking
"Why are we, The Kind, plucked from existence?!"

~~~

By Me, ReaptheMusic
Inspired by the idea of 'catching flies with honey.' In many countries, being kind can only get you killed. Yet even so, people are taught harmony, being neighborly regardless of how they may be taken advantage of, hurt, raped or even slaughtered. In a sense, people that commit crimes such as these know exactly how to 'catch flies' hence where this came from. I myself am more of a fly drawn to vinegar (Aiding people in need and subjects of darker themes.) I'm not the best poet in the world but I'm curious to see what you might think! ^^

[Brovo]

This belongs in member's lounge. But there's no harm in it being here, I think, if it goes the discussion route.

In all seriousness if you're looking for advice about poetry, on this poem, my suggestion? This sounds more like hip hop than traditional poetry, which relies more on BPM and free verse.

Specifically:

Your poem has no structure.

It sounds nice, but it has no discernible rhythm. There's the occasional rhyme but it's often off beat. To illustrate:

"Walks to the light" --4 syllables.
"And casts the dark with glory's might."[/i] --9 syllables.

The stanzas themselves vary in size. (Lines: 9, 15, 10, 11.)

You've got the message there, though. At least it has some meaning, and that's the most important part, so...

My recommendation? Learn a couple poetry styles and practice them to death, and dabble in free verse if you like, though free verse is arguable one of the hardest forms of poetry to master. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm terrible at it myself.

Example
Haiku (5-7-5 is traditional, you can play with the syllable count in new forms. It often talks about nature, and contrasts to something human, like an emotion, or feeling.)
"Clouds drift over me
I see beauty so clearly
Darkness takes me home"

ABAB Rhyme and rhythm as defined in an A-B-A-B pattern. It rhymes in the first and third lines, and second and fourth lines each respectively.

In fact, there are many, many kinds that you can try, I simply find ABAB is one of the better ones to start on for practice.

Robert Frost did a lot of ABAB.

"The people along the sand
All turn and look one way.
They turn their back on the land.
They look at the sea all day.

As long as it takes to pass
A ship keeps raising its hull;
The wetter ground like glass
Reflects a standing gull.

The land may vary more;
But wherever the truth may be---
The water comes ashore,
And the people look at the sea.

They cannot look out far.
They cannot look in deep.
But when was that ever a bar
To any watch they keep?"

Source of example.

Hope I was helpful. ^^;

[ReaptheMusic]

Thanks for your advice o3o Hip hop huh?
... Now that I think about it I'm probably stuck on one of my characters then -3-' he's cursed to only speak in raps.

On the other hand though, I'm not the biggest fan of traditional poetry. This was more to be... kind of a slam poem. I'm sure you know about slam poetry; and if I could read this out loud for you I would. Thanks for bringing up those points though. Do you have any poems you'd like to share of your own original design?

[Brovo]

ReaptheMusic said Thanks for your advice o3o Hip hop huh?...

Yeah. Hip Hop came to mind because it defies the traditional style or formula pattern in favour of rolling with the beat. Being Slam poetry, that is far more like Hip Hop than anything traditional. This isn't a bad thing, it's just a curious footnote.

ReaptheMusic said Do you have any poems you'd like to share of your own original design?

None at the moment. Was mostly here just to offer advice which you were seeking, seeing as how I am (or was?) a WOTM manager.

[So Boerd]

No verse is truly free. By definition, without any structure, it is prose. Look at Walt Whitman's poems for inspiration on structure. I personally prefer Iambic.

But maybe I am just a quaint old-fashioned soul.

[Brovo]

So Boerd said
No verse is truly free. By definition, without any structure, it is prose. Look at Walt Whitman's poems for inspiration on structure. I personally prefer Iambic.But be am a old-ioned .

That's even noted among Free Verse communities. By the time it became accepted, it, too, had a general structure: That it follows the natural flow of speech, in some manner or way. If it sounds unnatural to say it aloud then it's not Free Verse. Beyond that the rules are... Hazy. Though as I said above it's really hard to master, mainly because it's hard to really nail down what it... Is.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Brovo said This belongs in member's lounge. But there's no harm in it being here, I think, if it goes the discussion route.

*Sips tea and twirls moustache*

Hmmmm, yes.
This poem sounds very sensational...

Oh dear, this one seems a bit rash... Just cut this and this... Oh my, oh my yes that poem is now Marvelous!

[ReaptheMusic]

I sparked a discussion ^.^ Yay~ I'm glad to garner just a little attention. What is, WOTM?

[Gwazi Magnum]

WOTM = Writer of the Month

Basically, it's a contest the Guild used to have (It's alongside something similar is currently being worked on being revived however) where they would submit pieces of writing according to certain rules and themes. It was mainly a competition, but one where many people came to get the insight and advice of judges, contestants and audience members.

Someone who actually had taken part in or ran it though back on the Old Guild would be able to describe it better than I can.

[Brovo]

Writer of the Month contest. It would still be running if we could actually get a contests portion of the site again so we could actually get some people looking at it instead of having it get buried alive. Alas though, priorities.

[ReaptheMusic]

Oooh O3O I had no idea that was a thing. Man that could have been so cool to get into as well v-v

Hate to advertise but since it's the fist time I've made a successful rp please take a look at it as anyone with half decent writing skills is always welcome by me. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/topics/46132/posts/ic

Couldn't someone just bring it up to Mahz? I mean she... he... has a twitter now or something right?

[mdk]

ReaptheMusic said
Oooh O3O I had no idea that was a thing. Man that could have been so cool to get into as well v-vHate to advertise but since it's the fist time I've made a successful rp please take a look at it as anyone with half decent writing skills is always welcome by me. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/topics/46132/posts/icCouldn't someone just bring it up to Mahz? I mean she... he... has a twitter now or something right?

it's already in progress, but the more groundswell we can get, the better. Expect new things (and hopefully old ones too) within the month.

[Gwazi Magnum]

ReaptheMusic said Couldn't someone just bring it up to Mahz? I mean she... he... has a twitter now or something right?

Already have, it's priorities like Brovo had said.

[xAsunaWolfx]

Is this meant to be a place for everyones poems? or just yours, they're nice anyway? Slightly curious :3