Okay lets keep it short and sweet, we need a spam thread for jokes, because if your like me comedy is the spice of life so this is going to be my official joke thread. Per the rules of this Spam section, make sure to keep it from being racial or incredibly obscene I don't want to see this taken down or me otherwise get in trouble therefore resulting in my ban :P. So without any further a due let me post my first joke, and then anyone else who has a funny one let it rip.
The future of trying to buy a simple pizza...
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut."
Customer: "Yes, hello, may I please order.."
Operator : "I must have your multi purpose card number first, Sir"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on....6102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Sheehan, calling from 17 Meadow Drive. Your home number is 555-494-2366, your office # is 555-745-2302 and your mobile is 014-266-2566. Would you like to have the delivery made to 17 Meadow Drive?
Customer: "Yes, how did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are 'connected to the system' Sir"
Costomer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza...?"
. Operator : "That's not a good idea, Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Soybean Yogurt Dishes" from the National Library last week, Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me two family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 5, Sir. The total is $ 29.99
Customer: "I will be paying by credit card."
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is too close to the limit thereby marking you as a credit risk - and that's not including the late fees that were added to your electric bill for being one week late in your payment October of last year. By the way, did you know you are going to owe your bank $1.55 when you receive your statement next week - you obviously made a mathematical error in your check book last month when you deducted the payment made to Blockbuster Video for the rental of "The Matrix", giant tub of popcorn, 2 Snickers bars, 1 Butterfinger, 2 M&M's (1 plain/1 peanut) and family size polybag of licorice whips (red not black)."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives" .
Operator : "You can't do that, Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today after your tire separated on Vermont Rd on the way to pick up your son, James from his soccer match against Lincoln Jr. High and you had to call Ace Towing. We extend our congrats to your son on his win however!" .
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?" .
Operator : "About 45 minutes, Sir but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..." .
Customer: " What the..?" .
Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Harley,...registration number E1123..." .
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#" .
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language to a policeman... .
Customer: (Speechless) .
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?" .
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... are you giving me the 3 free bottles of Pepsi as advertised?" .
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you have a diabetic in the family and we do not trust you to store the Pepsi responsibly and keep it out of the hands of said diabetic."
The future of trying to buy a simple pizza...
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut."
Customer: "Yes, hello, may I please order.."
Operator : "I must have your multi purpose card number first, Sir"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on....6102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Sheehan, calling from 17 Meadow Drive. Your home number is 555-494-2366, your office # is 555-745-2302 and your mobile is 014-266-2566. Would you like to have the delivery made to 17 Meadow Drive?
Customer: "Yes, how did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are 'connected to the system' Sir"
Costomer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza...?"
. Operator : "That's not a good idea, Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Soybean Yogurt Dishes" from the National Library last week, Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me two family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 5, Sir. The total is $ 29.99
Customer: "I will be paying by credit card."
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is too close to the limit thereby marking you as a credit risk - and that's not including the late fees that were added to your electric bill for being one week late in your payment October of last year. By the way, did you know you are going to owe your bank $1.55 when you receive your statement next week - you obviously made a mathematical error in your check book last month when you deducted the payment made to Blockbuster Video for the rental of "The Matrix", giant tub of popcorn, 2 Snickers bars, 1 Butterfinger, 2 M&M's (1 plain/1 peanut) and family size polybag of licorice whips (red not black)."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives" .
Operator : "You can't do that, Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today after your tire separated on Vermont Rd on the way to pick up your son, James from his soccer match against Lincoln Jr. High and you had to call Ace Towing. We extend our congrats to your son on his win however!" .
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?" .
Operator : "About 45 minutes, Sir but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..." .
Customer: " What the..?" .
Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Harley,...registration number E1123..." .
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#" .
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language to a policeman... .
Customer: (Speechless) .
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?" .
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... are you giving me the 3 free bottles of Pepsi as advertised?" .
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you have a diabetic in the family and we do not trust you to store the Pepsi responsibly and keep it out of the hands of said diabetic."
