Chapter Eight: Gold
She stared down at the necklace, not quite sure how she should react. Remembering the lemonade incident that happened a couple months back, she wondered if this was the cause for the guilt. Somehow, she had repressed the intense emotions this little gem on its gold chain had caused.
Who was this for? Of course, she was aware that he was still his womanizing self, but to find this hidden in his apartment... what did it mean? Was he truly not as heartless as he seemed? Most importantly, who was this for? That question would not go away, and slowly rephrased itself. Who was better than her? Who deserved his affections?
The front door opened and she placed the gem back in its hiding spot in the bottom of a drawer, but the questions still lingered as she fixed a smile on her lips.
It was when he saw her smile that he knew something was wrong. He'd often seen her smirk, or that small shy smile when they were together, and then there was the annoyed scowl that often adorned her otherwise beautiful features. This almost grin disturbed him.
He asked her about what was so obviously bothering her, but as expected, she pretended he had not said a word. This did not keep him from watching her carefully.
Later on, he asked her again about what had happened, but received the same response.
"Elena," he let out a frustrated groan. He didn't really care, he told himself. He was only curious to know, and she was denying him satisfaction. "I know something's wrong. You haven't stopped smiling since I came back."
He was oddly comforted when she rolled her eyes, but it still did not answer his question. It was obviously something in the apartment because she had been fine when he'd left.
An involuntary groan left his lips a moment later. Could she have found that? He'd forgotten her tendency to dig around when she was bored. No wonder she was upset.
Fighting a smirk at the fact that she was jealous, he simply said, "It's isn't for anyone." Technically a lie, but not one that would hurt her.
Her head snapped up and her eyes narrowed. "I don't know what you're talking about, Jake."
"The necklace," he sighed. She never made things easy for him. Always fighting and pretending. "I bought it because I wanted to. No other reason." Not technically a lie. For extra affect, he added, "So you can stop brooding."
"Excuse me?"
A grin tugged at his lips and for once he found that he did not mind when she went on her rant about not caring about, "some necklace you probably bought for one of your mindless hookups." In fact, he was surprised to find that he rather liked it.
Much better than that creepy smile.
Arrayah
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The Awesome
STATUS: I'm back! Yeah. Let's go. Getting back into the swing of things. And all that stuff. 8 yrs ago
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I'm back! Yeah. Let's go. Getting back into the swing of things. And all that stuff.
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Bio
Hello all who have deigned to grace my profile with their presence! I am the great Arrayah, lord of the Phoenix. Or something. I don't know.
Anyways, bio. As of writing this, I am a 23 year old female. I am married. I own two dogs (a Dalmatian and a Labrador... so cliche). I work from home. I like crafty stuff and games. I used to be an MMORPG girl, but have since moved on to things like Minecraft and Ark as well as Rimworld and Dwarf Fortress. Who knows what's next?
I love writing, but only get to roleplaying a few times every couple years. Unfortunately, life gets in the way. I'm starting to have more time lately, and thought it'd be fine to start it up again. We'll see how it goes, but hopefully I stick around this time.
I was on the old RPGuild, so you may recognize my name. If so, hello again! If not, maybe we'll have lots of fun together. If I've been online recently, and you're interested in doing an RP, feel free to PM me. I'm almost always interested in 1x1s as long as I don't have too many going on. Check some of my old threads to see my rules, or pm me if that's too much hassle.
Long live the Phoenix Queen. Or something or other.
Anyways, bio. As of writing this, I am a 23 year old female. I am married. I own two dogs (a Dalmatian and a Labrador... so cliche). I work from home. I like crafty stuff and games. I used to be an MMORPG girl, but have since moved on to things like Minecraft and Ark as well as Rimworld and Dwarf Fortress. Who knows what's next?
I love writing, but only get to roleplaying a few times every couple years. Unfortunately, life gets in the way. I'm starting to have more time lately, and thought it'd be fine to start it up again. We'll see how it goes, but hopefully I stick around this time.
I was on the old RPGuild, so you may recognize my name. If so, hello again! If not, maybe we'll have lots of fun together. If I've been online recently, and you're interested in doing an RP, feel free to PM me. I'm almost always interested in 1x1s as long as I don't have too many going on. Check some of my old threads to see my rules, or pm me if that's too much hassle.
Long live the Phoenix Queen. Or something or other.
Most Recent Posts
Chapter Seven: Lemon
She watched the autumn leaves fall from the trees from the balcony of her apartment. Sometimes, she could almost forget that she had a life that needed attending to. Such as the painting in front of her. She needed to pay that month's rent and everyone loved her watercolor paintings.
Once again, she stared at the canvas. She had only ever painted landscapes. They'd called out to her in all their beauty when she was still very young. This painting, though, seemed as if it was missing something.
She was desperately trying to pinpoint whatever it was when she heard a crashing sound coming from the apartment behind her. If it had been anyone else in her home, she may have even been bothered to look. As it was, she was pretending she hadn't heard anything.
"Elena!"
Unfortunately, the calling of her name meant that she could no longer ignore the craziness coming from behind her. A deep sigh escaped her lips as she pulled herself out of the comfy chair and through the doors where he waited.
Just one glance and she was already wishing she had stayed outside. Her kitchen was a mess. Drawers and cabinets had been rifled through as if he'd been looking for something. She could barely contain the annoyance she felt at the sight. "Jake, what on Earth are you doing?"
"Where's your sugar?"
Clearly she'd heard wrong. This mess could not have been made in his attempt to find sugar. But, as always, his eyes were serious as he questioned. She was going to enjoy the look on his face.
Slowly, she moved to the refrigerator, making sure his eyes stayed on her. As she stood on her toes, her fingers grabbed at the container of white powder that he'd never have found on his own. Tossing it to him, she smirked, "You should have just asked in the first place."
His answering scoff only prodded her to question his motives. "What are you doing? Why do you need sugar?"
"Lemonade."
Again, she thought she must have been hearing things. He was making lemonade? Before she could stop it, the, "Why?" burst from her lips.
Finally, he turned to her and she did not recognize the look in his eyes . If it had been anyone else, she would have thought he was worried.
"I know you've been struggling with your painting, and I remembered that you told me once that you loved sweet lemonade. I thought it might cheer you up."
She stared at him incredulously, not even bothering to hide her dropped jaw. He was trying to cheer her up? What? With lemonade? Did he even know how to make lemonade?
He must have sensed the doubt because he rolled his eyes and went back to cutting lemons in half as if this were an every day occurrence.
It was not.
Jacob Hill did not care about anyone else. He must have felt some extreme guilt over something to be acting this way. That was the only explanation.
Still, she accepted the glass of lemonade, and though it was too bitter, drank it all. As it happened, it did cheer her up. She knew now what had been missing from her painting: the lightest twinge of yellow on the falling autumn leaves.
It was tiny, insignificant really, and somehow changed the whole picture.
She watched the autumn leaves fall from the trees from the balcony of her apartment. Sometimes, she could almost forget that she had a life that needed attending to. Such as the painting in front of her. She needed to pay that month's rent and everyone loved her watercolor paintings.
Once again, she stared at the canvas. She had only ever painted landscapes. They'd called out to her in all their beauty when she was still very young. This painting, though, seemed as if it was missing something.
She was desperately trying to pinpoint whatever it was when she heard a crashing sound coming from the apartment behind her. If it had been anyone else in her home, she may have even been bothered to look. As it was, she was pretending she hadn't heard anything.
"Elena!"
Unfortunately, the calling of her name meant that she could no longer ignore the craziness coming from behind her. A deep sigh escaped her lips as she pulled herself out of the comfy chair and through the doors where he waited.
Just one glance and she was already wishing she had stayed outside. Her kitchen was a mess. Drawers and cabinets had been rifled through as if he'd been looking for something. She could barely contain the annoyance she felt at the sight. "Jake, what on Earth are you doing?"
"Where's your sugar?"
Clearly she'd heard wrong. This mess could not have been made in his attempt to find sugar. But, as always, his eyes were serious as he questioned. She was going to enjoy the look on his face.
Slowly, she moved to the refrigerator, making sure his eyes stayed on her. As she stood on her toes, her fingers grabbed at the container of white powder that he'd never have found on his own. Tossing it to him, she smirked, "You should have just asked in the first place."
His answering scoff only prodded her to question his motives. "What are you doing? Why do you need sugar?"
"Lemonade."
Again, she thought she must have been hearing things. He was making lemonade? Before she could stop it, the, "Why?" burst from her lips.
Finally, he turned to her and she did not recognize the look in his eyes . If it had been anyone else, she would have thought he was worried.
"I know you've been struggling with your painting, and I remembered that you told me once that you loved sweet lemonade. I thought it might cheer you up."
She stared at him incredulously, not even bothering to hide her dropped jaw. He was trying to cheer her up? What? With lemonade? Did he even know how to make lemonade?
He must have sensed the doubt because he rolled his eyes and went back to cutting lemons in half as if this were an every day occurrence.
It was not.
Jacob Hill did not care about anyone else. He must have felt some extreme guilt over something to be acting this way. That was the only explanation.
Still, she accepted the glass of lemonade, and though it was too bitter, drank it all. As it happened, it did cheer her up. She knew now what had been missing from her painting: the lightest twinge of yellow on the falling autumn leaves.
It was tiny, insignificant really, and somehow changed the whole picture.
Yellow
"How wonderful yellow is. It stands for the sun."
- Vincent van Gough
"How wonderful yellow is. It stands for the sun."
- Vincent van Gough
Chapter Six: Pumpkin
"You're doing it wrong, Jake." He did little more than glance at her, but she could see the annoyance in his eyes. She was a bit miffed. He didn't have to come if he was going to act like that.
"I simply want it to look this way," he replied. Oh, yes, he was seething and she repressed an amused smile before pushing his buttons further.
"You want it to look like . . . what is that? It looks like it had a stroke and fell down a hill where a hobo in a bath-salt-induced-high decided to gnaw on its face."
Somehow, they had gotten to this point. It was now October. Months had passed since graduation day. She still wasn't sure why she had agreed to this. At first, she thought it hadn't mattered because he had not shown up, and surely, despite his declaration, she was rid of him forever.
Then, to her surprise and dismay, one month after, he showed up on her doorstep. Not even sure how he'd gotten into the building, she was wary of letting him into her apartment. As soon as he held up the bottle of tequila and Battle of the Sexes, she changed her mind. She loved when she beat his ass half-drunk.
It didn't take long to realize that even though her heart ached for him still, it lessened slightly when he was actually next to her. His presence made the pain slightly more bearable, so she allowed him to stay in her life.
She was still wary, and she wouldn't say they were close, but she'd forgotten how much fun it was to irritate him.
Her attention turned back to the pumpkin that he had mangled with his inexperience. "Have you really never done this with me?" she asked, knowing he wouldn't reply to her last comment.
He only shrugged by way of answer. Still annoyed. She grinned. "Why did you decide to come?"
Another shrug. "Curiosity."
"Liar."
It took all of his practice to hide the shock he felt and to prevent the widening of his eyes. Could she really see through him so easily? He didn't even know why he was here. This wasn't the first time she'd invited him over the years, but it was certainly the first time he'd agreed.
He knew that she loved Halloween more than any other holiday, Jake knew why this one called out to her. The desire to wear a physical mask, to be someone else for a day was a temptation she could not resist. To let go of who she was, it was all she'd ever wanted even if she'd never admit it to herself.
The opposite could be said for him. It was Halloween that he could be his true self. The boy who cared nothing for anyone around him and saw their worth in only how they could please him. On a day when monsters came out to play, so did he. This was why he'd refused to spend the holiday with her every year.
For some reason, though by now she must have known the monster he was, he didn't want her to see that side of him. More than that, he did not want to see her pretend to be someone she was not.
But, somehow, he was here carving a damn pumpkin when he should be at some bar getting drunk and prowling for his next victim. It had been her eyes. Every year she had held some hope that he'd say yes. That was, except for this year. It was obvious that she had expected and accepted his answer as no, and so he'd given her the opposite.
His brow furrowed in concentration. He could not allow a lifeless fruit, vegetable, whatever it was, best him. He would try again. She barely protested as he grabbed the pumpkin she'd planned to carve herself.
He did not see the softening in her eyes and the smile that formed. It was probably a good thing too, because it would only anger him. Prove to him that it was indeed a bad idea to spend that damned holiday with her.
The words were so quiet and unexpected that he could easily pretend that he hadn't heard them. He could pretend, but unknowingly, the beginnings of a smile tugged at his lips. The words repeated themselves in his mind before he decided he were truly going crazy.
"I forgive you."
"You're doing it wrong, Jake." He did little more than glance at her, but she could see the annoyance in his eyes. She was a bit miffed. He didn't have to come if he was going to act like that.
"I simply want it to look this way," he replied. Oh, yes, he was seething and she repressed an amused smile before pushing his buttons further.
"You want it to look like . . . what is that? It looks like it had a stroke and fell down a hill where a hobo in a bath-salt-induced-high decided to gnaw on its face."
Somehow, they had gotten to this point. It was now October. Months had passed since graduation day. She still wasn't sure why she had agreed to this. At first, she thought it hadn't mattered because he had not shown up, and surely, despite his declaration, she was rid of him forever.
Then, to her surprise and dismay, one month after, he showed up on her doorstep. Not even sure how he'd gotten into the building, she was wary of letting him into her apartment. As soon as he held up the bottle of tequila and Battle of the Sexes, she changed her mind. She loved when she beat his ass half-drunk.
It didn't take long to realize that even though her heart ached for him still, it lessened slightly when he was actually next to her. His presence made the pain slightly more bearable, so she allowed him to stay in her life.
She was still wary, and she wouldn't say they were close, but she'd forgotten how much fun it was to irritate him.
Her attention turned back to the pumpkin that he had mangled with his inexperience. "Have you really never done this with me?" she asked, knowing he wouldn't reply to her last comment.
He only shrugged by way of answer. Still annoyed. She grinned. "Why did you decide to come?"
Another shrug. "Curiosity."
"Liar."
It took all of his practice to hide the shock he felt and to prevent the widening of his eyes. Could she really see through him so easily? He didn't even know why he was here. This wasn't the first time she'd invited him over the years, but it was certainly the first time he'd agreed.
He knew that she loved Halloween more than any other holiday, Jake knew why this one called out to her. The desire to wear a physical mask, to be someone else for a day was a temptation she could not resist. To let go of who she was, it was all she'd ever wanted even if she'd never admit it to herself.
The opposite could be said for him. It was Halloween that he could be his true self. The boy who cared nothing for anyone around him and saw their worth in only how they could please him. On a day when monsters came out to play, so did he. This was why he'd refused to spend the holiday with her every year.
For some reason, though by now she must have known the monster he was, he didn't want her to see that side of him. More than that, he did not want to see her pretend to be someone she was not.
But, somehow, he was here carving a damn pumpkin when he should be at some bar getting drunk and prowling for his next victim. It had been her eyes. Every year she had held some hope that he'd say yes. That was, except for this year. It was obvious that she had expected and accepted his answer as no, and so he'd given her the opposite.
His brow furrowed in concentration. He could not allow a lifeless fruit, vegetable, whatever it was, best him. He would try again. She barely protested as he grabbed the pumpkin she'd planned to carve herself.
He did not see the softening in her eyes and the smile that formed. It was probably a good thing too, because it would only anger him. Prove to him that it was indeed a bad idea to spend that damned holiday with her.
The words were so quiet and unexpected that he could easily pretend that he hadn't heard them. He could pretend, but unknowingly, the beginnings of a smile tugged at his lips. The words repeated themselves in his mind before he decided he were truly going crazy.
"I forgive you."
Chapter Five: Tangelo
It was months later at their graduation that she laid eyes on him again. It wasn't that she was actively avoiding him. She was just really busy. With passing her last semester. And stuff. Okay, so maybe she was avoiding him. After that day on the beach, he had been on her mind and she was afraid that her eyes would betray her again.
Shortly after arriving home to her quiet apartment later that night, Elena realized that she had wanted to see him. That after all this time, her heart still yearned for him as it had years ago. This realization disturbed her so thoroughly that she had been actively avoiding him since, until she could rid him from her life entirely. The moment was so close that she could almost taste it.
There. She saw her opening. Diploma in hand, she made her way through the crowd in an attempt to escape. She could see her car, its awful bright color shining like a beacon. Almost there. Just a few more steps, and she would be free. Free. The word she had once used to describe herself. She was so close to it again.
Suddenly, a wall of flesh stood before her, so suddenly in fact, that she could not stop before colliding with the unyielding body. Slightly disoriented, she did not hear the grunt caused by the impact and barely felt the hands on her arms meaning to steady her.
A nagging feeling in her gut told her that she recognized something about this situation. Her eyes focused enough to land on the awful tangelo and white robe that represented her school colors. He was a student. That nagging feeling was growing, though she could not begin to imagine why.
Her eyes started to lift, to see exactly who thought it was okay to intrude into her personal bubble like this. As soon as he spoke, she realized that there was no need to see his face. She would recognize that voice anywhere.
"Elena," his voice was quiet, and she could not place his tone. When his deep blue eyes met hers, she saw a seriousness that forced her to hold her tongue. "Elena, where are you going?"
Her eyebrows raised as she suppressed every emotion she could. So close. She had been so close to freedom. Was this amusing to some higher power? If she cursed Him enough would He smite her? That would be preferable to the situation she was in. "Home," she answered. As if he didn't know.
His response was patient, as it had been so long ago when they were still getting to know each other, and her heart ached for those years. "Elena, I meant where will you go now?"
She didn't really know what to say. One, because she honestly didn't know where she would go or what she would do. Not to mention that she was still very aware of the hands that seemed to be burning holes into her skin, even through the thick cloth, and it was making it hard to think. Then the fact that this was the first time he'd talked to her in over a year. Finally, she was just incredulous at his question. "Why do you care?"
"I," he paused, and she thought for a moment that he might not actually know. "I wish to follow, and be your friend. Like before."
In response, her eyes widened, and a pregnant silence filled the air as she stared.
Why? Why had he said that? So many options, and that ridiculous statement was what he chose? Why was he even here? Why could he not remove his hands and walk away like he knew he should?
Seeing her walk across the stage, diploma in hand, caused a twinge in his chest just like the one he had felt months before. He ignored it again. Pretended he'd felt nothing. That was until he saw her walking so determined toward the parking lot. It had hit him so hard that he'd almost lost his breath.
If he let her leave now, he would never see her again. He shouldn't have cared. It should have made him happy that he would not have to be around her anymore. After all, he'd left her behind.
His legs began to move without his consent. This time, he was unable to stop them as they ran after her in a desperate attempt to stop her. What did those damn things expect him to do when he did catch up to her?
He was frantically searching, afraid he'd lost her, when the girl he'd been after ran right into him. A grunt escaped his lips, more from surprise than anything else, and he instinctively placed his hands on her arms to steady her as he used to.
She hadn't recognized him yet, so he took the opportunity to look at her ignoring the overwhelming desire to crush her to his chest. Where was that coming from? Surely it was just all those years of pretending that he'd become accustomed to.
He watched as she finally began to look up, and knowing that she would recognize him, he'd spoken. Still, why had he said that? Perhaps he missed his favorite play thing. Yes, that must be it. All it was. She was a challenge once more. Could he get her back after hurting her so thoroughly? A challenge. That was all. Then why was he so frightened that she would walk away?
More importantly, he wondered what it was that he had felt when she had tilted her head and said, "Okay."
It was months later at their graduation that she laid eyes on him again. It wasn't that she was actively avoiding him. She was just really busy. With passing her last semester. And stuff. Okay, so maybe she was avoiding him. After that day on the beach, he had been on her mind and she was afraid that her eyes would betray her again.
Shortly after arriving home to her quiet apartment later that night, Elena realized that she had wanted to see him. That after all this time, her heart still yearned for him as it had years ago. This realization disturbed her so thoroughly that she had been actively avoiding him since, until she could rid him from her life entirely. The moment was so close that she could almost taste it.
There. She saw her opening. Diploma in hand, she made her way through the crowd in an attempt to escape. She could see her car, its awful bright color shining like a beacon. Almost there. Just a few more steps, and she would be free. Free. The word she had once used to describe herself. She was so close to it again.
Suddenly, a wall of flesh stood before her, so suddenly in fact, that she could not stop before colliding with the unyielding body. Slightly disoriented, she did not hear the grunt caused by the impact and barely felt the hands on her arms meaning to steady her.
A nagging feeling in her gut told her that she recognized something about this situation. Her eyes focused enough to land on the awful tangelo and white robe that represented her school colors. He was a student. That nagging feeling was growing, though she could not begin to imagine why.
Her eyes started to lift, to see exactly who thought it was okay to intrude into her personal bubble like this. As soon as he spoke, she realized that there was no need to see his face. She would recognize that voice anywhere.
"Elena," his voice was quiet, and she could not place his tone. When his deep blue eyes met hers, she saw a seriousness that forced her to hold her tongue. "Elena, where are you going?"
Her eyebrows raised as she suppressed every emotion she could. So close. She had been so close to freedom. Was this amusing to some higher power? If she cursed Him enough would He smite her? That would be preferable to the situation she was in. "Home," she answered. As if he didn't know.
His response was patient, as it had been so long ago when they were still getting to know each other, and her heart ached for those years. "Elena, I meant where will you go now?"
She didn't really know what to say. One, because she honestly didn't know where she would go or what she would do. Not to mention that she was still very aware of the hands that seemed to be burning holes into her skin, even through the thick cloth, and it was making it hard to think. Then the fact that this was the first time he'd talked to her in over a year. Finally, she was just incredulous at his question. "Why do you care?"
"I," he paused, and she thought for a moment that he might not actually know. "I wish to follow, and be your friend. Like before."
In response, her eyes widened, and a pregnant silence filled the air as she stared.
Why? Why had he said that? So many options, and that ridiculous statement was what he chose? Why was he even here? Why could he not remove his hands and walk away like he knew he should?
Seeing her walk across the stage, diploma in hand, caused a twinge in his chest just like the one he had felt months before. He ignored it again. Pretended he'd felt nothing. That was until he saw her walking so determined toward the parking lot. It had hit him so hard that he'd almost lost his breath.
If he let her leave now, he would never see her again. He shouldn't have cared. It should have made him happy that he would not have to be around her anymore. After all, he'd left her behind.
His legs began to move without his consent. This time, he was unable to stop them as they ran after her in a desperate attempt to stop her. What did those damn things expect him to do when he did catch up to her?
He was frantically searching, afraid he'd lost her, when the girl he'd been after ran right into him. A grunt escaped his lips, more from surprise than anything else, and he instinctively placed his hands on her arms to steady her as he used to.
She hadn't recognized him yet, so he took the opportunity to look at her ignoring the overwhelming desire to crush her to his chest. Where was that coming from? Surely it was just all those years of pretending that he'd become accustomed to.
He watched as she finally began to look up, and knowing that she would recognize him, he'd spoken. Still, why had he said that? Perhaps he missed his favorite play thing. Yes, that must be it. All it was. She was a challenge once more. Could he get her back after hurting her so thoroughly? A challenge. That was all. Then why was he so frightened that she would walk away?
More importantly, he wondered what it was that he had felt when she had tilted her head and said, "Okay."
Chapter Four: Amber
Elena, now twenty-one (and a half, she would add), stared as the sun made its way towards the horizon. Every so often she would come to this beach for "inspiration." Honestly, she just needed a break, but she would never tell anyone else that. Sometimes, she just wanted to sit and watch the sun set over the water and let herself feel.
It was all his fault, truly it was. That pesky boy who knew nothing about women except how to use them. In fact, from what she had been hearing, he was still able to to do that well. Fantastically, they'd told her. Not that she asked. She never asked. Why was it that her gender was so prone to gossip? It wasn't as if she wanted to know how good her kind-of ex was in bed. She didn't even want to know how he was or what he was up to. She didn't. Most of the time.
Now, she let her mind wonder and let her heart feel what it tried to every day. Damn him for breaking down the armor that had protected her for so long, damn him for making her care, damn him for breaking her heart, but mostly, damn him for making it so she could not stay mad at him.
The anger had helped. She had not felt the pain until that blinding anger had somehow receded. When that happened, it was all she felt. She'd tried to force all that feeling back inside, as she had done so many years ago, but found she could not. Those walls were forever broken, and she no longer knew what to do.
So, she watched the sky as amber and salmon mixed in ways she only wished she could duplicate. A single tear betrayed the heartbreak that had not lessened since he had left her behind almost one year ago.
Jake stared at the girl with the scarlet hair and pretended the tear trailing down her cheek didn't affect him. In fact, he didn't even see it. At this distance? Impossible. The twinkling reflection of light could have been anything. This girl didn't cry. Even when she had been his, he had never known her to cry.
Suddenly, he wondered what it was that she could be thinking about, which, inevitably, led to him wondering why the hell he was here staring at her in the first place. It wasn't on purpose. Honestly. Someone had told him that sometimes she stole away to this beach to watch the sunset. He had only wondered what the fuss was about.
He was appalled to find that she was actually there. In fact, he would be leaving as soon as his feet began to obey his brain once more. Now that he thought about it, why were they aching to move forward, not back? His heart? No way. That was buried so deep it could never be found.
Shit. Too late. She'd turned her head, as if sensing the eyes that had been on her for several moments now, and seen him. Was that emotion he saw in those cold eyes? He watched her turn her back to him and walk away.
It did not hurt. He was Jacob Hill, and he had no heart. It did not hurt at all. But if he had no heart, what was that twinge in his chest as he watched her go?
She had turned, not really knowing why, and froze when she saw someone staring at her. That straight black hair that always looked like he had just gotten out of bed, she recognized that hair. Horror was filling her soul as she met eyes as dark as the ocean. Those eyes, she knew those too.
Jake.
Just that word had the power to unravel her from the inside out. This was not the first time she'd seen him since that day and would probably not be the last. Anywhere else and her eyes wouldn't have betrayed her as they were doing now, but this place was hers. This place was where she allowed herself to remember. He had no business being here. In the back of her mind, the question of why he was there was waiting, but she was too distressed to give it much thought.
Elena's feet were moving before she could tell them to stop. In seconds, she had turned around and was walking as fast as humanly possible to where she had parked her car.
She hated him. Hated him for what he had done to her. Hated him for being there. Hated him for watching her. Hated him for everything. But if she hated him so much, what was this fluttering in her chest, and why could she not make it stop?
Elena, now twenty-one (and a half, she would add), stared as the sun made its way towards the horizon. Every so often she would come to this beach for "inspiration." Honestly, she just needed a break, but she would never tell anyone else that. Sometimes, she just wanted to sit and watch the sun set over the water and let herself feel.
It was all his fault, truly it was. That pesky boy who knew nothing about women except how to use them. In fact, from what she had been hearing, he was still able to to do that well. Fantastically, they'd told her. Not that she asked. She never asked. Why was it that her gender was so prone to gossip? It wasn't as if she wanted to know how good her kind-of ex was in bed. She didn't even want to know how he was or what he was up to. She didn't. Most of the time.
Now, she let her mind wonder and let her heart feel what it tried to every day. Damn him for breaking down the armor that had protected her for so long, damn him for making her care, damn him for breaking her heart, but mostly, damn him for making it so she could not stay mad at him.
The anger had helped. She had not felt the pain until that blinding anger had somehow receded. When that happened, it was all she felt. She'd tried to force all that feeling back inside, as she had done so many years ago, but found she could not. Those walls were forever broken, and she no longer knew what to do.
So, she watched the sky as amber and salmon mixed in ways she only wished she could duplicate. A single tear betrayed the heartbreak that had not lessened since he had left her behind almost one year ago.
Jake stared at the girl with the scarlet hair and pretended the tear trailing down her cheek didn't affect him. In fact, he didn't even see it. At this distance? Impossible. The twinkling reflection of light could have been anything. This girl didn't cry. Even when she had been his, he had never known her to cry.
Suddenly, he wondered what it was that she could be thinking about, which, inevitably, led to him wondering why the hell he was here staring at her in the first place. It wasn't on purpose. Honestly. Someone had told him that sometimes she stole away to this beach to watch the sunset. He had only wondered what the fuss was about.
He was appalled to find that she was actually there. In fact, he would be leaving as soon as his feet began to obey his brain once more. Now that he thought about it, why were they aching to move forward, not back? His heart? No way. That was buried so deep it could never be found.
Shit. Too late. She'd turned her head, as if sensing the eyes that had been on her for several moments now, and seen him. Was that emotion he saw in those cold eyes? He watched her turn her back to him and walk away.
It did not hurt. He was Jacob Hill, and he had no heart. It did not hurt at all. But if he had no heart, what was that twinge in his chest as he watched her go?
She had turned, not really knowing why, and froze when she saw someone staring at her. That straight black hair that always looked like he had just gotten out of bed, she recognized that hair. Horror was filling her soul as she met eyes as dark as the ocean. Those eyes, she knew those too.
Jake.
Just that word had the power to unravel her from the inside out. This was not the first time she'd seen him since that day and would probably not be the last. Anywhere else and her eyes wouldn't have betrayed her as they were doing now, but this place was hers. This place was where she allowed herself to remember. He had no business being here. In the back of her mind, the question of why he was there was waiting, but she was too distressed to give it much thought.
Elena's feet were moving before she could tell them to stop. In seconds, she had turned around and was walking as fast as humanly possible to where she had parked her car.
She hated him. Hated him for what he had done to her. Hated him for being there. Hated him for watching her. Hated him for everything. But if she hated him so much, what was this fluttering in her chest, and why could she not make it stop?
Orange
"The first stab of love is like a sunset, a blaze of color - oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples . . ."
-Anna Godbersen, The Luxe
"The first stab of love is like a sunset, a blaze of color - oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples . . ."
-Anna Godbersen, The Luxe
Chapter Three: Scarlet
Their lives went on, as all lives do. Fleeting moments in the scheme of things. She continued pursuing the art degree she had always dreamed of, and he pretended to enjoy the programming classes he took.
She did her best to forget him. The boy who had broke through and stolen her heart. The boy who had took that heart and smashed it into pieces so tiny that it could never be saved.
He pretended not to watch her. Pretended she had never existed so that he could convince himself that he was the same cold bastard he'd always been. It worked. Mostly. Until he caught sight of scarlet hair. Then he was forced to start all over again.
Neither would admit it, but they kept tabs on the other. He knew that Elena was a promising student with her beautiful watercolors. She knew that Jake could complete a three-week project in three days.
Life went on.
Their lives went on, as all lives do. Fleeting moments in the scheme of things. She continued pursuing the art degree she had always dreamed of, and he pretended to enjoy the programming classes he took.
She did her best to forget him. The boy who had broke through and stolen her heart. The boy who had took that heart and smashed it into pieces so tiny that it could never be saved.
He pretended not to watch her. Pretended she had never existed so that he could convince himself that he was the same cold bastard he'd always been. It worked. Mostly. Until he caught sight of scarlet hair. Then he was forced to start all over again.
Neither would admit it, but they kept tabs on the other. He knew that Elena was a promising student with her beautiful watercolors. She knew that Jake could complete a three-week project in three days.
Life went on.
Chapter Two: Ruby
They had met, Elena and Jake, when they were very young. She couldn’t remember anymore, and he chose not to. In middle school, they became rivals. In high school, tentative friends or close acquaintances.
It was senior year that things started to change. Elena, who had once been plain to look at, was somehow beautiful. Not that straight forward beauty, but beautiful all the same. The red waves that had always been pulled into a ponytail, now found themselves loose and free to bounce on her shoulders. Those eyes which had started out watery and gray were now a dark green that seemed to stare into the soul.
And then there was the attitude. Elena couldn’t care less what anyone thought of her and somehow this drew people to her all the more. She hadn’t noticed it happening. Her life had just been going on.
One boy in particular watched her closely. Jake would never say he was in love, but he was certainly fascinated. She still wasn’t anything special, he thought, and he could not understand how she drew people in like moths to a flame. The more he watched, the less he understood.
He watched her push away every single person who tried to get close. He watched her walk away from every love sick boy. He watched her brush off every jealous girl. It was as if she lived on a plane all herself. One where no one was around to bother her.
That was when the thought took root. He would do it. He would be the one who broke through. Why? For the challenge of course.
It took him two years to break down that last wall, to become her lover.
"I don’t love you. I never will," he told her. He did not know why, but he felt the need to warn her.
The girl who had left her heart so guarded responded, “Likewise,” but she knew it was already too late for her. That she had fallen so deep that she didn’t think she’d ever be able to crawl to the surface again.
He kept true to his word and never fell for her. Never even hinted at it. She was only a challenge he had conquered, and he would enjoy her until she ran out of use. He was cruel and a user and she found that she could not even bring herself to care. The girl who had been lonely her whole life was lonely no longer.
What she would never learn, what he would never tell her, was there was a separate reason that he had taken the challenge. Jake had barriers of his own. Barriers so thick he could not even pretend to feel his heart beating beneath them. If he could break the armor that encased her soul, could someone break through to his heart? He wondered about that.
He would never tell her that he was fascinated with her. That she frightened him beyond belief. That he thought she might be the one to free him. He would never even tell her that he knew she loved him.
Before long, another year had passed and, without him noticing, the barriers had come down. It all seemed normal, unchanging until he found himself staring at a ruby and wondering why he was so tempted to purchase it. The answer that came to him was so unexpected, so shocking that he had run from it, physically and literally.
Somehow, the girl who let no one close, had wormed her way through the cracks in the barriers and latched herself onto his heart. The moment he realized this, the fear drove him into a panic. He had to rip her from his life and never look back. Never.
The next day, he met her at the park and locked his heart away once more cursing the small gemstone that had held such significance. The ruby that had reminded him so much of her. She would never know that later he went back and bought that gem, that the necklace sat in a drawer in his apartment. It would be his secret. The chink in his armor.
They had met, Elena and Jake, when they were very young. She couldn’t remember anymore, and he chose not to. In middle school, they became rivals. In high school, tentative friends or close acquaintances.
It was senior year that things started to change. Elena, who had once been plain to look at, was somehow beautiful. Not that straight forward beauty, but beautiful all the same. The red waves that had always been pulled into a ponytail, now found themselves loose and free to bounce on her shoulders. Those eyes which had started out watery and gray were now a dark green that seemed to stare into the soul.
And then there was the attitude. Elena couldn’t care less what anyone thought of her and somehow this drew people to her all the more. She hadn’t noticed it happening. Her life had just been going on.
One boy in particular watched her closely. Jake would never say he was in love, but he was certainly fascinated. She still wasn’t anything special, he thought, and he could not understand how she drew people in like moths to a flame. The more he watched, the less he understood.
He watched her push away every single person who tried to get close. He watched her walk away from every love sick boy. He watched her brush off every jealous girl. It was as if she lived on a plane all herself. One where no one was around to bother her.
That was when the thought took root. He would do it. He would be the one who broke through. Why? For the challenge of course.
It took him two years to break down that last wall, to become her lover.
"I don’t love you. I never will," he told her. He did not know why, but he felt the need to warn her.
The girl who had left her heart so guarded responded, “Likewise,” but she knew it was already too late for her. That she had fallen so deep that she didn’t think she’d ever be able to crawl to the surface again.
He kept true to his word and never fell for her. Never even hinted at it. She was only a challenge he had conquered, and he would enjoy her until she ran out of use. He was cruel and a user and she found that she could not even bring herself to care. The girl who had been lonely her whole life was lonely no longer.
What she would never learn, what he would never tell her, was there was a separate reason that he had taken the challenge. Jake had barriers of his own. Barriers so thick he could not even pretend to feel his heart beating beneath them. If he could break the armor that encased her soul, could someone break through to his heart? He wondered about that.
He would never tell her that he was fascinated with her. That she frightened him beyond belief. That he thought she might be the one to free him. He would never even tell her that he knew she loved him.
Before long, another year had passed and, without him noticing, the barriers had come down. It all seemed normal, unchanging until he found himself staring at a ruby and wondering why he was so tempted to purchase it. The answer that came to him was so unexpected, so shocking that he had run from it, physically and literally.
Somehow, the girl who let no one close, had wormed her way through the cracks in the barriers and latched herself onto his heart. The moment he realized this, the fear drove him into a panic. He had to rip her from his life and never look back. Never.
The next day, he met her at the park and locked his heart away once more cursing the small gemstone that had held such significance. The ruby that had reminded him so much of her. She would never know that later he went back and bought that gem, that the necklace sat in a drawer in his apartment. It would be his secret. The chink in his armor.
Chapter One: Crimson
Red. She had never seen something so red in her life. Granted, it was tinged by the anger she was feeling. Anger? No. That wasn't right. She wasn't angry. She was furious. She fought the urge to peel off the layers of clothes she wore. They were stifling, but she was in public and had to worry about that stupid word "propriety." Her blood was burning, though, and the temptation was there.
Why did the man in front of her have to be so damn infuriating. She was sure he was doing it on purpose. Damn men and their damn sense of superiority. Stripping was becoming a more likely option with each passing moment. Anything to wipe the smirk off his face.
"You can’t just leave things like this," she said through clenched teeth. She wasn’t really one to care about what people thought of her, but if her voice was the volume she wanted it to be, well, they would be drawing a lot more attention. Her tense body language and the way her fingers twitched as if they would be more at home around his neck already had people staring.
The chuckle almost sent her over the edge. Almost. “Elena, you knew what this was from the beginning.”
At the sound of her name, a bit of her sanity found her once more. That’s right. She was Elena Roberts, and this was not like her at all. And by this, she was referring to the fact that he was not dead yet. Her beautiful name was great in context, but if she had to describe herself she would certainly not use “bringer of light.”
This train of thought momentarily distracted her. How would she describe herself? Rash. Selfish for sure. Quick to anger (she blamed the red hair for this). One word popped into her head and refused to disappear though she did not know what it meant.
Free.
Free from judgement? Free from oppression? Free from stress? Or just free to do what she liked? She couldn’t be sure. Free. It popped into her head again. Free from the asshole in front of her. Yes, that seemed the most likely answer.
As her mind went over these puzzles, his smirk slowly turned into a scowl. He had seen that far off look many a time and knew it meant she had forgotten he was there. A growl was beginning to form in his throat when he finally saw the anger return to her eyes in full force.
For a moment, she wondered why she was angry. It was irrational. He was absolutely right. She knew exactly what this was when they started. Perhaps it was that quote she had heard once. Something to do with anger and heartbreak.
He saw her eyes begin to wander again and had enough. If she wasn’t going to react, there was no reason to stick around.
"Elena."
The name snapped her out of her thoughts and she silently cursed whoever had released this so called ADD upon the world. Couldn’t she just be angry? What was with all the random thoughts? Anger. Right. She was angry.
He stood in front of her looking as bored as ever, and she wasn’t sure she felt about this. Oh! It finally occurred to her that he expected a response. By now, she had kind of forgotten what he said. so she tried: “I don’t know.”
This sounded silly and the confusion on his face meant that it was the wrong thing to say.
She tried again: “I just don’t understand what changed.” This seemed like a better response.
He stood there watching her, wishing he had never gotten involved. He’d forgotten how hard it could be to hold a conversation with her. A sigh left his lips unbidden. He did not have the patience for this anymore. That was what had changed. They were older, and he didn't want to deal with her. Instead of giving her any of these answers, he decided to leave, suppressing the ghost of an emotion he convinced himself didn't exist.
She watched as he turned and walked away. Her anger had left her quite a bit ago, gone as quickly as it came, and she was unsure of what she should be feeling.
In an attempt to distract herself, her eyes roamed the park that she was standing in. Back when they had been friends, this had been their favorite place to go. Kids ran away from parents and old people watched them with knowing smiles. She hated those smiles. Those smiles that had been turned on them and said “young love.”
Suddenly she felt an ache in her chest, and Elena turned to the spot he had been standing. He had left several minutes ago, but only now was his absence dawning on her. He had left her for good. He was gone. As she stared, she was surprised to find her eyes were dry. Crimson, she saw. Anger.
He had left her alone, and she was angry.
Red. She had never seen something so red in her life. Granted, it was tinged by the anger she was feeling. Anger? No. That wasn't right. She wasn't angry. She was furious. She fought the urge to peel off the layers of clothes she wore. They were stifling, but she was in public and had to worry about that stupid word "propriety." Her blood was burning, though, and the temptation was there.
Why did the man in front of her have to be so damn infuriating. She was sure he was doing it on purpose. Damn men and their damn sense of superiority. Stripping was becoming a more likely option with each passing moment. Anything to wipe the smirk off his face.
"You can’t just leave things like this," she said through clenched teeth. She wasn’t really one to care about what people thought of her, but if her voice was the volume she wanted it to be, well, they would be drawing a lot more attention. Her tense body language and the way her fingers twitched as if they would be more at home around his neck already had people staring.
The chuckle almost sent her over the edge. Almost. “Elena, you knew what this was from the beginning.”
At the sound of her name, a bit of her sanity found her once more. That’s right. She was Elena Roberts, and this was not like her at all. And by this, she was referring to the fact that he was not dead yet. Her beautiful name was great in context, but if she had to describe herself she would certainly not use “bringer of light.”
This train of thought momentarily distracted her. How would she describe herself? Rash. Selfish for sure. Quick to anger (she blamed the red hair for this). One word popped into her head and refused to disappear though she did not know what it meant.
Free.
Free from judgement? Free from oppression? Free from stress? Or just free to do what she liked? She couldn’t be sure. Free. It popped into her head again. Free from the asshole in front of her. Yes, that seemed the most likely answer.
As her mind went over these puzzles, his smirk slowly turned into a scowl. He had seen that far off look many a time and knew it meant she had forgotten he was there. A growl was beginning to form in his throat when he finally saw the anger return to her eyes in full force.
For a moment, she wondered why she was angry. It was irrational. He was absolutely right. She knew exactly what this was when they started. Perhaps it was that quote she had heard once. Something to do with anger and heartbreak.
He saw her eyes begin to wander again and had enough. If she wasn’t going to react, there was no reason to stick around.
"Elena."
The name snapped her out of her thoughts and she silently cursed whoever had released this so called ADD upon the world. Couldn’t she just be angry? What was with all the random thoughts? Anger. Right. She was angry.
He stood in front of her looking as bored as ever, and she wasn’t sure she felt about this. Oh! It finally occurred to her that he expected a response. By now, she had kind of forgotten what he said. so she tried: “I don’t know.”
This sounded silly and the confusion on his face meant that it was the wrong thing to say.
She tried again: “I just don’t understand what changed.” This seemed like a better response.
He stood there watching her, wishing he had never gotten involved. He’d forgotten how hard it could be to hold a conversation with her. A sigh left his lips unbidden. He did not have the patience for this anymore. That was what had changed. They were older, and he didn't want to deal with her. Instead of giving her any of these answers, he decided to leave, suppressing the ghost of an emotion he convinced himself didn't exist.
She watched as he turned and walked away. Her anger had left her quite a bit ago, gone as quickly as it came, and she was unsure of what she should be feeling.
In an attempt to distract herself, her eyes roamed the park that she was standing in. Back when they had been friends, this had been their favorite place to go. Kids ran away from parents and old people watched them with knowing smiles. She hated those smiles. Those smiles that had been turned on them and said “young love.”
Suddenly she felt an ache in her chest, and Elena turned to the spot he had been standing. He had left several minutes ago, but only now was his absence dawning on her. He had left her for good. He was gone. As she stared, she was surprised to find her eyes were dry. Crimson, she saw. Anger.
He had left her alone, and she was angry.
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