Cassiopeia Carrington
"I send her a card every mother's day and another on her birthday. But that's about it, really."You know, I think there's a fundamental difference between how her and dad looked at me. When dad scowled at some low test results or harrumphed at a corny joke (we never called them dad jokes in our family) I felt like he had a vision for what he wanted me to be, but that he wouldn't tell me what it was. But with mum... I'm not sure if she even thought of me all that often. For her, it was all Sam, all the time.
Which, I suppose, makes sense. After all, there's a saying about it, isn't there? '
your son's your son until he takes a wife but your daughter's your daughter for the whole of your life. She needed Sam to be the daughter she wanted, not the one she was. I was always second as far as she went and I've made my peace with that.
Abbi likes dad better anyway.
Lee Carrington
"Well, you know, he's my father, so I've always respected him. He wasn't the most supportive of parents, I suppose, but I always had a roof over my head and clothes on my back. It could've been a lot worse."Who am I kidding, dad used to look at me like I was an imbecile and scowl whenever I cracked a joke. He didn't hate me, I don't think, just didn't understand me or particularly want to. As unhelpful as he was when I raised the idea of working in television, I know he would've put me under house arrest if I'd gone through with... well, it could've been worse but only if I'd pushed him any further.
And I really don't understand it. I mean, I'm a father now, I understand the pressures of having someone look up to you, of knowing you're going to be the one to prepare them for the world, that feeling of love and responsibility that fills you up until you're about to burst. But it makes me want to spend more time with her, give her more options, not less. I can't even imagine not talking to her everyday or scowling when I could smile.
Maybe he never felt like that?
Sam Carrington
"Sam's always been my brave, bold badass of an older sister. Whatever I didn't have the courage to do, she's already done so much it's no longer cool. And, yes, sometimes she scares me but she's still my hero."I know that mum always gave more of a damn about her while we were growing up but somehow that never mattered between me and Sam. We always got along well, despite our wildly different personalities. She's been the cool one that lead our little group, the rebellious first born right from the start, blazing a trail for me to follow. But because I didn't, at least not like she did, I've always worried she's disappointed in me.
Still, we can always make each other laugh, no matter the situation, and she introduced me to my wife. After that, after owing her that much, I feel so guilty that I didn't do enough to help her during her struggles. I mean, she wouldn't have accepted help, she's got the family stubbornness right enough, but I could've done something, made her accept it.
Maybe she's not the first child mum and dad wanted, but she's the perfect older sister.
Elaine Carrington
"Of all my siblings, I think I know Elaine the least. And I'm more than a little guilty about that."Obviously, we're at opposite ends of the sibling chain and I doubt she even remembers when we lived under the same roof. I've seen her at the odd family event and tried to be friendly but she's got her own stuff going on. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of dad and that's certainly not much of an incentive for me to get to know her better...
I suppose it might be good for him to have a child to aspires to be like him, one that he can really connect with, but it's probably a bit late for him to really connect with a child. I get the feeling he gave up somewhere after me and Gabriel didn't really live up. Still, maybe Elaine is the hope of the Carrington dynasty. Maybe one day soon she'll be head of the family firm, looking down on us little people.
Better her than me.
Emile Carrington
"Something went right between me and Emile that never really did between me and Elaine, even though there's just a few years difference between them in age."Maybe it's that Emile always acted glad to see me when I dropped into the family home in his childhood? Though I suppose Elaine was a little too young. Anyhow, I used to take Emile on picnics and to the cinema when he was young, before Abbi was born. We'd just mess about, get ice-cream, feed the ducks and generally bum around until it was time for him to go back to the nest. I always got the feeling he liked being with me because the things we did would never be done with dad.
Having said that, there was a moment when I thought Emile had grown out of having fun with me. It was around when Abbi was born when he must have been... 11? Well, he stopped looking so happy when we came a-calling and never tried to hold Abbi in the early days. Things have changed in the last five or so years though, now he's my go to babysitter and Abbi is always talking about what her and Uncle Emmi are going to do next time me and Melissa go away.
He'll make a great parent, one day.
Gabriel Carrington
Indiana Carrington
"Poor old Indie. I've tried to be close to her, I really have, but there's always been a distance between us."I think it might be because she's Carrington, through and through. She wanted to be an artists, to play her music and have people listen to it, so she did. She wanted to be her own person, free of alternatively overbearing and absent, so she did. Whereas I... well, I think we all know I've never taken life by the throat like that. I get the feeling she doesn't like or doesn't understand that about me, it's probably why we're not very close.
And I admire her, I really do, she's like a young Sam. Only I know, probably better than most, how hard life was for Sam for so long and I don't want that for Indie. So I've done my best to help her, give her a retreat and support her in whatever way she'll let me. But like I said, she's a Carrington through and through, just like her father, mother and oldest sister.
Too stubborn by half.
Nathaniel Carrington
"Nate was the first sibling I really felt like a big brother to. Gabriel, Mathias, Charles, we never really connected. But me and Shaggy? Always got along."Maybe it was the right age gap or the right timing or something but there was never the animosity I had with Gabriel or the lack of connection between me and Mathias. With Nate I could crack a few jokes, have a few laughs and be myself. Admittedly, things changed when he got full into the slam poet, starving artist, anti-system man he is today (I think being a producer is the definition of serving The Man) but we still hang out when we can. And he gets on with Abigail so well.
I'd never say he's my favourite sibling but he's certainly the easiest one to talk to and one of the ones I've spent most time with. And in a way, I think he helped prepare me for being a parent. Some of the things we did together, I know I'll never do with Abbi. Buying him booze and taking him to parties, not exactly father/daughter bonding. But listening to his first (terrible) poems and giving him whatever encouragement I could?
That's something I'll be doing again.
Esther Carrington
"And people call me the family joker... I kid, Esi is clever and creative and occasionally even kind. At least, she is when she isn't stoned."Ah, she's a good kid, she really is. Making something her self, performing what she likes and making a living with her art. I see some of my own mad pursuit of freedom through the route of parties and... well, partners, shall we say, but I don't think I ever had the courage (or the cowardice?) to follow it has fully as she has. There's been more than one time where I've talked to her and she's been so out of it she doesn't even remember seeing me the next day.
Still, that's not all there is to her. Esi is always watching and listening, even when she's probably trying to smell colours. There's a calculated nature to her conversation, it's probably a part of what makes her charming. And if I knew her better, I'd likely have a better idea of what it is she's watching for, what it is she's calculating. But at the very least, I can say that she's a joke with a subtle subtext, unlike me.
I'm all punchline.
Mathias Carrington
"I have a lot of siblings, that's no secret. And I don't like them all and some I find it hard to love. But Mathias... There's nothing between us."I don't hate him, I don't love him, I nothing him. As kids, we didn't talk or play together. He never asked my advice and I never took an interest in what he was doing. It's strange, really, because even with Gabriel, I tried to be his brother in the beginning. But with Mathias, there was never really anything. He never laughed at my jokes and I was never interested in his achievements. So when I left home, we simply stopped bothering to talk to each other, think about each other or even to have opinions about each other.
Except... I actually resent him for being the one sibling who doesn't move me one way or another, nowadays. It's silly, I dislike him because I don't dislike him. So at any family event or social function where I hear his dulcet tones, I just walk the other way.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Charles Carrington
"I sometimes feel like a failure as a brother when I think about Gabriel, Mathias and then Charles all in a row. Three brothers and not one of them my friend."And then I think about how dad must feel. Well, that's probably a bit harsh, Charles is certainly no Gabriel. And though I've had little more contact with him than I first had with Mathias, I feel there's more of a barrier between us than a complete lack of connection. Charles has never felt at home in the company of others, or at least others of the same last name, and that stopped us from being the fast friends we could've been.
I've seen some of his art, Sam or Melissa will drag me to one of his shows every now and then, so I know there was always something interesting cooking behind his eyes. Maybe he couldn't get it out in words so he found another medium? Whatever the case, and even though we're not close, I wish Charles all the best and hope one day that I'll be able to help him like a big brother should. Being a Carrington and an artist is hard, just ask Sam, so he'll probably need it.
I wonder if he'll be able to ask for it though?