Henry
The meeting had been short and barely that sweet, but at least it was nice to see everyone in reasonably good spirits. The data-pad gave all the information he needed about their next assignment. Cultists. Ground-level. Hostages, possibly dead. Things were already terrifying enough as it was, no need to add bat-crazy-insane religious types. Something about it sent shivers down his spine. Aside from that though Henry watched quietly as the others talked amongst themselves as one-by-one they drifted away. Eventually it was just Mel, Kenna and himself. He felt a little uncomfortable for some reason, shifting around awkwardly as a silence settled across them. As Mel sent a wink his way he felt a red flush run through his cheeks and was thankful for the scarf over his face. Such a convenient hiding device. Henry returned a weak wave goodbye and then it was just him and Kenna.
For the first time in his conscious existence Henry felt the ever present risk of having nothing to say. And after a point the silence had remained for so long that it would almost seem more awkward to say something. He looked up. Left. Right. Down…then up again. He let out a cough to clear his throat. And finally built up the courage to talk.
“So…erm…how are you?” his voice was croaky from lack of use, but it just about did its job.
Kenna
A mission - The mission - this, more than anything else that had happened so far, was Kenna’s chance to prove herself to her knew Sector, to at least pretend that she could keep up. Despite her own opinions, she had to make others believe that she wasn’t this meek little weakling from Sector N, that she was capable of the extra push. If she screwed this up, it would paint a very horrible picture of her in missions to come. Kenna didn’t want to be babied, she wanted to pull her own weight, show she was part of the team.
So why was she finding it hard to breathe?
Kenna tried her best to pay attention as raptly as she had when doing boxing with Church and Sonia, but she found her thoughts wandering to the pain in her chest and the twisting in her stomach. The arm that had been punched in the riot was throbbing painfully as all her muscles coiled and tensed, as though she was expecting attack at any moment. Cultists and hostages – that’s about as much as her brain could process.
She tried not to focus on her breathing, or the fact that she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and her whole Sector was right there, but logic failed her and it became all she could think about. Her shoulders were raised and tensed, her hands were shaking and she just knew she was going to get all sweaty and gross.
Kenna focused on her breathing.
In – 1, 2, 3.
Out – 1, 2, 3.
And repeat.
Having calmed herself slightly, Kenna looked up in time to see the rest of the Sector filing out, tailed by Melanie shooting them a wink as she went. Kenna managed a nervous smile in return. She and Henry stood in heavy silence for a while, and she tried very hard not to look at him in case she starts panicking again.
“So... erm... How are you?”
Kenna looked up, fighting a strange urge to laugh at the question for some reason. Kenna gave him a small smile, trying to stop the heat rushing to her face simply because he was talking to her. What is it about social interactions that make her want to throw up?
“I’m...” she hesitated, looking around as though the answer will present itself to her, “I’m alright. Um. N-Nervous, I guess.”
It’s coming back, she realised. She can feel it in her chest, feel the tell-tale burning sensation stinging in her eyes. The tremors in her hands and legs came back with a vengeance, making her unsteady on her feet. Make an excuse, an inner voice told her, make an excuse and get out to calm yourself before it gets any worse.
“U-Um,” she cursed the crack in her voice, “I- I’m going to, uh- walk. Gonna walk.” She inserted what she hoped was a light-hearted laughed but sounded painful even to her own ears. “Cl- Clear my head. Um. Catch you later.”
She left as fast as she could while still trying to make it look like she was totally in control of her emotions. Checking the corridor and making sure it was empty, she moved a few yards away from where Henry was staying and gasped as she felt the first tear streak down her face. Kenna gasped for breath, holding her stomach and shaking. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God- why can’t she breath? Why does it have to happen now? She’d been doing so well! Kenna met her Sector and did her first boxing session – but now this!?
She silently prayed that no one would come outside.
Henry
Now Henry wasn’t the sharpest knife in the draw when it came to social etiquette, but something inside him said that Kenna’s actions were a bit odd. He couldn’t be totally sure, but he felt as if she was perhaps feeling worse than she was letting on. The man watched he curiously as she turned to leave and swore that he saw her shake. Ever so slightly, but still a shake. And then the most definite of actions, her arm moving to her stomach. What could that be all about? Henry looked down at his shoes…they needed a good clean. His head craned back up to where Kenna was walking away. The quickest of internal battles erupted inside, a sheer 50/50 split in forces for either side. Just ignore the signs and leave, or do what would be considered the human thing and see if there was something wrong.
He turned away, seemingly having decided to leave himself out of whatever it was, but with a last minute sigh and sag of the shoulders swung about and gently strode after Kenna. Catching up to her was easy enough, but in those last few seconds he actually had no idea what to do. Which is why he was surprised to see himself raise his hand and rest it on the girl’s right shoulder, tugging slightly.
“Yo-…you don’t need to pretend,” he started, his plain brown eyes looking as intent as they could “Not around teammates. Not around…friends. Right?”
Henry still didn’t know exactly what it was he could do or say, but something deep inside told him it was the right thing to do. Protecting friends didn’t just extend to whacking bad guys with crowbars. It reached much further than that. It was as if he’d just had a mini-epiphany.
Kenna
Kenna was no closer to calming herself down when she felt the light pressure of a warm hand on her shoulder. She jumped slightly, having not heard the footsteps over her own ragged breathing, and then winced at the bolt of pain that shot down her bruised arm.
Kenna looked up from where she stood, slouched against the nearest wall with one hand wrapped around her stomach as though to calm it and the other placed firmly against the wall, to keep her balanced. Her hands were shaking worse than ever as the nervous attack kicked into gear. She had given up trying to wipe her tears away.
“Yo- ...you don’t need to pretend. Not around teammates. Not around... friends. Right?” Henry told her, just looking at her.
She had never been so simultaneously thankful and fearful to see a person in her entire life, but his words washed over her like water down a dry and stinging throat. He was so utterly calming that, for just a moment, she was able to take a regular breath – slow and calm.
Then the weight of the mission and all her fears and anxieties hit her again and she gasped, looking at Henry through tear-filled eyes, nodding mutely while wishing she could stop crying for one freaking second to tell him how grateful she is that he’s there for her.
“I- It’s just-” she gasped, choking on her own sobs, the dry air piercing her throat painfully, “I- I can’t-”
Waving her hands mutely, she fell into another bout of unintelligible sobbing with half-hearted attempts of apologies drowned in gasping tears. She stayed that way for at least a minute or two, not able to bring herself to confront Henry again until she had more of a grip on herself. Kenna felt awful – not just in the way that she always did after an attack, the sick stomach and dizziness with a feeling like your head is too heavy for your neck to carry – but also that she had to trouble Henry in such a way. From what little she had seen of the fellow rookie, she knew he wasn’t exactly a social butterfly at the best of times, never mind when someone was freaking out and crying.
Finally, her breathing slowed and tears dried up, leaving behind only an uncomfortable itchy feeling and the sensation of her eyeballs themselves feeling swollen in their sockets. Her hands still shook, but only with the last residues of wasted adrenaline leaving her body. Soon enough, she was able to stand up straight and wipe her eyes on the back of her hands, still leaning on the wall for support, and giving Henry a watery, sincere smile of gratitude.
“Um- Sorry. Y’know. That you have to... see that.” She felt her face flame as she thought of what a mess she must had looked. She groaned inwardly. “Thank you,” she told him earnestly, looking him in the face with the same grateful smile tugging at her lips.
“I- I just-” she wondered how to word it, whether she should actually discuss all the mad ramblings and fears in her head. In the end, she decided to dilute it. “I just don’t want... to disappoint anyone.”
Kenna gave another feeble smile, wiping her face on the back of her hand again and trying to get over the abject humiliation she felt. In front of one of her Sector! Honestly, she better do well in this mission if she wanted to get up to speed.
But, she had to admit, she felt quite a bit better knowing that Henry, at least, had her back on this.
Henry
The man’s hand recoiled slightly, jumping at the girl’s full outburst of tears. As she looked up at him with wet eyes, he looked back helplessly, searching her glossy eyes for an answer that so clearly wasn’t there. Something he could say to make her feel better. Henry patted his hand slowly, and ever so awkwardly, on her shoulder as she fell in and out of sobbing fits. A couple of minutes passed before the man joined Kenna slumped against the wall. He pulled down his scarf and took off his hat, trying to appear more…approachable he supposed.
Eventually she managed to calm down of her own accord and spoke more clearly. Disappoint, huh? Henry sighed audibly, but it was a sigh of agreement. Nodding his head at the same time he searched the empty space around them for words of comfort, for some semblance of a sentence that might be beneficial. Unsurprisingly all he found was stuffy air and murky walls. So instead he just started talking without really thinking.
“I think I know what you mean,” he started slowly, stuffing his one free hand into a pocket “You see what these other guys can do, the stuff that they can achieve, and it’s just like…it’s like, how are you supposed to prove you’re good enough to work alongside that? Some of the Runners around here are almost ten years my younger, but I’m the one who feels like a kid. Lost. Confused. Scared. Always worrying I might do something wrong. But you know, I learnt something since I started here.”
At this point the quickest and faintest smile passed across his lips and he looked sideways down at Kenna.
“All that sense of loss, confusion and fear? Your team, your friends. Us. They’ll always be there to help. Church and his enthusiasm. Eva and her big sister act. Marina with all her energy. Klaus, cool and calm. Mel and a joke ready. You couldn’t ask for better. And the only way you could ever disappoint them? Would be if they found out you thought you could ever disappoint them. You shouldn’t…we shouldn’t hide behind masks Kenna,” he paused and tugged at his scarf “Unless it’s to keep us warm.”
The last sentence was said with a definite smile. Was that a joke? Was it even meant to be funny? He wasn’t sure. Honestly he had already forgotten half the things he had just said. He was just surprised at how many words had just flowed from his mouth. He must have talked more in those last few moments than he had for the last few months. A small part of him felt happy for it, the rest just hoped it had helped.
Kenna
Kenna stayed silently perched in her place against the wall, tapping her feet lightly and giving Henry time to think. She wouldn’t be surprised if they just stood there silently for another few minutes. From what Kenna could judge from their brief meetings, Henry wasn’t much of a talker, and she felt bad for burdening him with all her worries now. If she didn’t know how to react to all this and it was in her own head – how the hell was he supposed to?
Once again, she found herself pleasantly surprised at Henry’s response and having to hold back tears for entirely different reasons.
“I think I know what you mean,” he said eventually. “You see what these other guys can do, the stuff that they can achieve, and it’s just like…it’s like, how are you supposed to prove you’re good enough to work alongside that? Some of the Runners around here are almost ten years my younger, but I’m the one who feels like a kid. Lost. Confused. Scared. Always worrying I might do something wrong. But you know, I learnt something since I started here.”
Was that a ghost of a smile that graced the corner of his mouth then, or simply a twitch of the lips? Kenna couldn’t tell, but she found herself looking at Henry in a new light, as though he was a new person. There is so much more to him than simple the quiet rookie who says little – and he is so much better than that. Kenna was, undoubtedly, glad she had met him. Maybe they could help each other out their shells a little, who knows?
“All that sense of loss, confusion and fear? Your team, your friends. Us. They’ll always be there to help. Church and his enthusiasm. Eva and her big sister act. Marina with all her energy. Klaus, cool and calm. Mel and a joke ready. You couldn’t ask for better. And the only way you could ever disappoint them? Would be if they found out you thought you could ever disappoint them. You shouldn’t…we shouldn’t hide behind masks Kenna,” he says, playing with his scarf. “Unless it’s to keep us warm.”
Kenna didn’t miss the pun and, despite how lousy she was feeling – mentally and physically – after her little episode, she cracked a smile and a little snigger burst from her lips. Then a full-on smile appeared on Henry’s face and it seemed to brighten him, weirdly reminding Kenna of a flower that’s gone without water for too long finally being watered again. She’d never seen him with such a sincere smile before, and it cheered her.
Allowing a small silence to stretch between them, Kenna carefully considered her words before saying anything. Whether he thought about his words carefully or just happened to spew them out, she had never heard Henry say so much before and be so undeniably helpful. Great swells of gratitude bloomed in her stomach, driving away the dizziness ever so slightly.
“I...” she cleared her throat, the dryness causing the word to come out croaky and weak, “I guess you’re right.” Kenna twisted her head slightly, shooting him a sideways look. “Thank you, Henry.”
She sighed, tired now, and stood up straight, stretching out her aching limbs.
“I don’t think you have any reason to worry, Henry,” she said smoothly, barely thinking about what she’s saying and not even realising that she actually said a full sentence without a stutter or false start. “You’re more than you give yourself credit for.” Dropping her arms from her stretching, she gave him another sideways look, accompanied by a very un-Kenna like childish grin. “You show those young whipper-snappers how it’s done.”
Kenna felt a sort of connection with Henry that she hadn’t realised before – they aren’t that different, really, are they? They’re both quiet, reserved, and at the extremes of Runner’s age-groups; Kenna, at the youngest end, and Henry and the older side. Despite the age difference between them, Kenna felt closer to Henry than the other so far.
Maybe they weren’t social butterflies like the others. Maybe they were out-going like Marina, cool like Klaus, ready to joke like Mel, motherly like Eva or confident like Church. But maybe that didn’t matter. They had their own skill set – Henry was incomparably kind and he could give one hell of a swing with that crow bar when he wanted to. All Kenna had to do was to find her own skill set.
“Thank you,” she said again, suddenly feeling the weight of her own words and the flush creeping up her neck and across her cheeks. For some reason, Kenna felt awkward whenever complimenting someone, as though worried how they might react to her being so forward.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, looking at her feet.
Henry
He could hardly believe that he’d always managed to muster a few useful words, and more than that he’d even managed to make someone laugh. His first joke was a rousing success! It sent warmth through his whole body, like he was finally managing to be…normal. Almost. He still had this slight niggling feeling that he might say something stupid or do something wrong, but it wasn’t as ever present as it always had been. Somehow he felt comfortable. Or at least more so than he usually did. His smile stayed, as if it was the first time he had ever smiled before and he was taking the time to enjoy it. He even let out a raspy chuckle when Kenna shot out her own joke.
His social skill was now at such a level that he even noticed Kenna’s shift back to awkwardness. So this was the point, he assumed, people would quickly switch subject to avoid any such feelings for as long as possible. Henry’s mind stumbled and stuttered over himself, but his body moved without thinking, pushing himself off the wall and stepping a few feet ahead of the girl. A walk around Sundown might do them both good, his body told his mind. His mind processed this quickly before agreeing, and claiming the idea. He turned halfway to face Kenna and gestured with his hand for her to follow.
“Come on,” he started “Lets grab some drink and food.”
Assured that the girl would follow, Henry turned away to walk and began to weave through the crowd. Sundown was always such a busy and bustling place, it still amazed him how utterly chaotic yet strictly efficient it all was. Amazing really that they had managed to build such a place. Beams of radiant light pierced the various canopies and makeshift structures where it could, and everywhere people had a job to do, or training to complete, or friends to hang out with. The two didn’t pass as many words after their talk, but it was nice to just have company. The food and drinks they got were replenishing enough, though the water could have done with more ice. They even managed a few more jokes, whether it was about themselves, the other V members or even the Elders. After a while they stopped at a sort of wide raised courtyard which looked out over a large part of Sundown and then over to the rest of London. They just sort of stood there in silence, appreciating the view.
But the one problem with downtime was that it never lasted, and soon they realised it was time to join the others. Time to set their minds to a more morbid task. Henry only hoped that their earlier talk would continue to help Kenna. The two slowly wound their way down and back through the crowds, eventually rounding a corner and seeing their teammates in sight. Henry placed his hat back on and adjusted a few bits of clothing, finally making sure his crowbar was firmly in place. It looked as if they were late.
Kenna
Kenna had never really heard Henry laugh before, and even though her meagre quip brought only the smallest sound of joyful breath escaping his lungs, she felt heightened. They were laughing, joking together. She was actually being sociable! And with someone she barely knew! She felt a surge a pride dampen the anxieties that tried to return to her and was pleased to see that Henry’s smile remained in place. Kenna realised that she’d like to see him smile and laugh, to be more involved, and hope that he could do the same when they were with the others and not just her. She also wished the same could be said for her, though she thought it may take time.
Henry must’ve noticed the change in her, the way her feet shuffled on the spot and her hands fumbled in front of her, because he stepped away from the wall and beckoned her towards him.
“Come on,” he suggested, “Let’s grab some drink and food.”
Before she could answer, he turned and started walking. Even more amazingly, without having to think about it, Kenna followed. She felt properly at ease for the first time since she met Sector V. They were all great people – she knew that now – but Henry was the first real connection she made. And to think, it started from her freaking out about a bloody mission! In a way, she was glad it happened.
Kenna dogged Henry without question, keeping pace and saying little for the journey. Neither of them were big talkers and nothing really needed to be said; it was a comfortable silence, squeezing through the bustling crowds of Sundown. More than once, Kenna fell behind slightly trying to walk around a group of Runners, and each time she was sure that Henry deliberately slowed so she could catch up, though neither of them commented on it.
Sundown never failed to amaze her. Corridors that she had wandered when they were deserted seemed totally different when they were full of people – brighter, more alive. There seemed to be light everywhere and Kenna found herself finally starting to feel good about her life as she settled with Henry in the canteen.
She hadn’t realised she was hungry, but Kenna ate her food quite happily. She didn’t want to eat too much and stuff herself before a mission, so she ate small portions, but enjoyed it all the same. Admittedly, she hardly paid attention to what food she was shovelling into her mouth; she was having such a good time just chatting idly with Henry. Kenna wouldn’t have pegged him for the joking type, but he was quick to make little quips about himself, the others in Sector V and even other runners in Sundown. (Kenna particularly enjoyed their jokes about the Elders and choked on her food more than once with laughter). Joking and laughing and chatting – it all came so naturally now that they’d had a little chat, broken the ice. There were times when she lost the ability to speak, panicking lest the conversation die and the magic keeping her social end, but it always carried on, flowing so easily. She hadn’t completely gotten over her stutter, either, nor had she gotten over the habit of over-analysing everything that was said, by others and herself, but the main difference now was the fact that it was hardly bothering her.
Their walk didn’t end there. They wandered to a raised courtyard – Henry leading, Kenna following meekly beside him – and Kenna allowed herself to be wrapped in the silence of it. It was one hell of a view! One of the best that Kenna had ever seen, at least. That was one of the reasons Kenna loved the Runners – the freedom of an open horizon, right in front of them.
Kenna hadn’t stopped smiling.
Eventually, their relaxation ended and they had to go meet with the others. Kenna was quite happy to stroll absently, but was glad that Henry picked up the pace. When they, eventually, came into sight of their team, Kenna saw that they were the last ones. Her anxieties about the upcoming mission, which had been slowly resurfacing meekly, were pushed away with the thought of Oh my God we’re late.
Kenna crossed the courtyard to her team at a half-walk, half-jog, quickly wiping her face again and praying that she didn’t look as pale as she felt and that her eyes weren’t red. She should’ve washed her face before she came down, she realised.
Keeping her gaze low so her fringe covered most of her face and hiding by Henry for good measure, Kenna prepared herself for a scolding.
“U-Uh,” she cursed the reappearance of her stutter, “Sorry. We’re, um, late.” Her voice grew quieter, “Sorry.”
She rubbed the back of her neck absently, fiddling with her hands but trying to stand up straight so she didn’t look like a slob.
“Good- uhm- Good to see you, guys,” she sent them a shaky grin, nowhere near as bright the other’s but still, hopefully, equal parts friendly and apologetic.
Terrified she may be, Kenna was rather looking forward to her first mission as part of Sector V.
