Isabelle is silent for a moment as she thinks. It's not a pleasant topic, but the massage and ice cream are really helping to subdue the panic that would otherwise be bubbling to the surface right around now.
"It's ... " she begins, hesitating. These are stories she's not proud of. Details she normally tries to avoid. Were it anyone else asking - or even if Asil had asked just a little while ago - she would deflect it with the usual litany: 'You don't know what she's capable of, but I do ...'
But this was Asil. If she didn't deserve to know, then who did?
"When I was younger, the seneschal of our estate was an older man. His name was Guillermo, but my siblings and I knew him as Momo. He was one of those people who had been in the job for generations, literally. He'd served my grandparents when my mother was young and was now raising the third generation of the household alongside his own grandchildren."
She took a bite of her objectively superior mint-chocolate, savouring the flavour, hoping it would tramp out the rising bitterness.
"I can't remember the trigger; it might've been the twins misbehaving, or maybe it was after one of the times mother disciplined me, but I remember him comforting us. Telling us that things would be okay, that our mother still loved us, and that she'd had her own difficulties with her parents growing up."
"She ... didn't react the first time we mentioned it to her. Tad had unthinkingly thrown it back at her during one of her shouting fits. I remember her face, her expression just being blank. It was like she'd just checked out midway through the fight and ... and it scared me. But she just turned and left."
"The next thing we knew, Momo was gone. We found out later that she'd transferred him to staff one of the mansions she maintained out at the fringe of the Alastar nebula. It was little more than a hacienda on a sparsely populated planet near the border with Hybrasil. Far enough out that he'd had to take his family with him as the costs to fly back regularly would've been well beyond his means."
She gulps down another bite.
"And ... and as if just getting him away from us wasn't enough, she went and sold the house soon after. Pulled out all her investments from the colony. All the staff there were just ... let go." she finished, somewhat surprised at how steady her voice still was. "Forty years of service and he was just ... We never found out if he was able to afford passage back to the core worlds and she never let us travel out there to see if we could find him. He just ... was just gone from all our lives. All because he'd crossed her."
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that she doesn't try to just defeat her enemies. She destroys their lives. As completely and ruthlessly as she can, using whatever resources she has at her disposal: Political. Financial. Emotional."
"And that's just one example from many. She's not above buying out companies just to fire employees, financing competition just to put someone's dreams out of business or using her contacts, of which she has many, to close off entire markets to people she doesn't like. It's not the most efficient way to do business, admittedly, but she has the resources and means to pay the costs of these things a thousand times over. You ask 'What's the worst she could do' if I cross her? Well ... she'd do that. To her own daughter. Without a moment's thought to what it would cost her."
Here she looks at Asil, looking into those deep brown pools that she's come to l- to li -- no, no more lies. Not to her. Not to myself, either.
She looks into those eyes she's come to love. Those eyes that make up her world. Those eyes that represent her greatest comfort but also the one place that Almira knows will get to her. She's searching for your reaction,
"She could have your engineering accreditations revoked, get you blacklisted from all the major companies within TC space. You wouldn't be able to find good work anywhere. And that's just to start with. Next, she'd find out where your family lives and go after them. Your parents? Your siblings? I mean, we haven't really talked much about them, but I know how much they mean to you. She'd go after your parents' apartment building. Your mother's job. And she'd be careful to ensure every step she takes is nice and 'legal', all but taunting you to try to fight her in court as another means to drain their accounts dry. Even if they all just relocate or roll with the punches, it will cost them more, much more, than it will cost her."
"And that's the thing: We all only ever get one life in this galaxy and she'd make a point to ensure that whatever life they end up living, whatever trajectory they take afterwards, that it'd be one that is harder, dimmer and far colder than what they could've had before I got in her path. And when everything is done and all the damage has been dealt, she'd pull me aside into her office. Make me stand there and tell me it was all my fault. And expect me to fall back in line before she does even more."
Isabelle stops for a moment, unsure if she should keep going. Something about Asil's silence demands to be filled, but she doesn't want to keep on with this topic - the point has been made.
"You're right, you know, you've got my routine down pat, but there's reasons I keep doing it." she continues, looking out the windows, watching the grav-cars speed past.
"It's like my instincts are constantly wrong as to what to do. And it's not a coincidence either. I've trained my whole life to pilot a mech. Almost from the day they found out that my compatibility was sufficiently high to have a realistic shot at winning the tournament, they've had me training on how to use the neural meshes. How to walk, fight, fly, until those movements became a part of me."
Isabelle pauses, her gaze turning down memories of training centres. Teachers. Tutors. Tests. Of dark rooms. Hard rulers and the red welts they left behind. Endless nights of study by fluorescent lights. Gruelling days of practice.
"Well, mother did the same thing to my social instincts too. Paid actors, false reports, tricks, traps and these fucking tests behind everything until I couldn't help but see everything like that." she continues, ruefully. "It took me a little while to convince myself that you weren't some kind of plant too once you started showing interest in me and ... I'm sorry that my mind even went there."
"I'm .. I'm trying to do the right things. But you can't just un-learn this shit in a day. And it's harder because sometimes I just don't have a frame of reference for what's the right thing to do." she sighs, letting the frustration bleed through for a moment.
"I think I know what I have to do, but once I do it - there'll be no going back. It'll be fight or fall. Are you sure that's still something you want to take on? Knowing what I've told you about what she could do?"