Cairomaru — Roleplayer Guild

Finally, it partially felt as if it were hours before the group made it to the mosque. Hopefully this would be an actual safe haven for them away from the upcoming threat. As the cloaked man left, they walked to the entrance of the old building. Zaveed came out clearly in a foul mood which made Qara'Sion more hesitant to mention the decision he made as well as the favor of the nord but... it would probably be better to just get it out of the way now then later so it wasn't a constant string of negativity. So long as he had the nerve to.

While they were walking in, Shenzi noticed that he slowed down his pace and turned to look at him in curiosity. The younger khajiit simply raised one finger to her as a speechless "One moment" as he turned back outside to speak with Zaveed.

Scratching his head and looking at his body instead of his face in worry, he asked "Hey...Zaveed? Can I speak with you for a bit?"

The privateer had learned against a wall, staring aimlessly into the night. He knew people would be curious, or even excited to talk about the events of the day. A cocktail of mixed emotions filled Zaveed, a part of him wanted to break down and vent his anger and frustrations, another part wanted him to snap at Sion and demand privacy, and another just screamed at him. He inhaled deeply, not turning to look at the mage. "Now is not a good time." he said bluntly.

Just from the tone of his voice, Qara'Sion slowly flinched when he responded. He stayed silent and still for a few seconds, trying to decide if what he was going to say was the right thing to do...

But, if he didn't say it now, he wouldn't say it later. No other choice, let him yell at Qara'Sion all he wants for bringing bad news... the conversation would have to happen sooner or later. Shaking his head once, yet still keeping it down, the mismatched eye khajiit quietly spoke aloud "...I'm not going to stay and fight in this war...this is no place for me." He wanted to mention the nord and breton but he kept that to himself for now. Something did happen out there that made the mer in front of him change, and he did not want to speak of another potential annoyance...

"Good. Go." Zaveed replied, his tone barely registering what was said. "I've already watched one friend die today. The less people I have to concern myself over, the less I have to feel responsible for them. This is no one's war, and it was my mistake to let people think it was okay to fight it."

And only from hearing his first two words, Qara'Sion lowered his head even more. He could practically feel his mane against his chest despite the armor he still wore. It felt as if the same time so many years ago when his family left him behind. There was no doubt something did happen, and someone Zaveed knew had fallen. Maybe this really wasn't the time to speak about this however...

He already started the conversation himself, and he wanted an end to it. The khajiit standing before him was not who he thought it was, because even though he did feel nervous around him... it was horridly off. Qara'Sion noticed he subconsciously casted a spell on himself: Life Detect to be precise. Just to make sure Zaveed wouldn't attack him, and only due to him actually being scared of him once more. "...Who died today Zaveed?"

Zaveed inhaled sharply. "Gorzath. Executed at Mashad Textiles. The dwemer hit them all at once." Zaveed closed his eyes, and balled his fists, the anger welling up inside of him at his inability to act. He had seen many die, plenty by his own hands, so why was this one life refusing to give him peace?

Because you've never had friends before, you cruel bastard. You deserve to know the pain you've caused countless times. his mind screamed at him, as if it were not his own. His body started to quake from his inner turmoil, and his legs felt like they could no longer support his weight and he slid down the wall, agonized. He didn't trust himself to speak, his breathing was so ragged, only coming in as quick, shallow bursts. He almost forgot the younger khajiit who was so terrified of him was standing there.

"Gorzath... died...?" Unbelievable, Zaveed had to have been joking...

No, not with the way he was acting now. He was visibly hurt, one of the heroes, one of his allies, one of Qara'Sion's friends died? He wished it wouldn't be true but it had to have been regardless. This was becoming too much for him. He had to fight that damn crab, deal with unnecessary people both against him and on his own side, now this? Qara'Sion just wanted to be away from it all at this point. No choice... no other choice... but at least give Zaveed a break to inform the others about what happened. The other khajiit was breaking and even from the corner of his eye he could see his aura distorting; meaning he could potentially...

"..Do you need anything Zaveed? I can tell the others about what happened to take the burden off you know..." He asked slower than ever.

That caught Zaveed short, he drew the dagger from his back and stared at it intensely. "What I need is to drive this dagger into the bastard who killed Gorzath. He was my friend. He'd been with me ever since I freed him from the Praetorians and he helped me stop the auroras. We saved one another's lives countless times in just a few weeks, and we built a bond from that. It's my fault he's dead, I should've left him and the others when we were at peace. Instead I've roped you all with me as I march into Oblivion. It wasn't until now I realized what that was going to cost. You all are so loyal, trust me so much, and this is how I repay you. I am sick of it." His hands started shaking, forcing him to drive the blade into the dirt beside him and wrap his head in his hands, willing the world to go away. He no longer cared what the young skittish khajiit standing above him thought, what did anything matter? For the first time in as long as he could remember, he began to sob.

This was disgusting. No other words to describe it. One hero dead, another starting to cry, several missing. Then there was the dwemer, the dominion, and Gods know what else trying to strive for dominance in this world. He needed to say something to Zaveed, just for him to calm down a bit. And as motionless as he was, Qara'Sion opened his mouth to speak. "I think, we're loyal because... because... we know who is loyal to ourselves. You and Gorzath were truly loyal to everyone, not because you were "heroes" but because you were brother's in arms... friends..."

He didn't even realize how he was talking. This was completely unlike him to speak in such a way, but as he just said: they were friends. Sometimes, you had to just be different for a good impact...

Dammit, he knew he was going to need a drink after this... where in the world was Blade so he could antagonize him about the cave for a good laugh... He would tell everyone about Gorzath later, so Zaveed wouldn't have to...

Zaveeds gaze shot up and he stared daggers into Sion. "And what do you know of loyalty, hm? You just said you wanted to leave and abandon us, so go ahead and leave. I thought I knew you better, and I trusted you." Zaveed made a rueful laugh, a cruel sound. "I never forced you to come, you did on your own violation, and here you are, telling me you're loyal when all you're saying you've been planning on running this entire time. Leaving us. Why in Oblivion didn't you do it back on Stros M'kai when you were safe? What home do you hope to return to now that everywhere from here on East is filled with dwemer armies? You think the College is safe? Go. Find out, if you can make it. I'm sure they won't kill you and your entire family once they find you. Do you not remember what they did in Imperial City, the countless people slaughtered?" Zaveed's voice was raising, and he himself was rising to his feet, he took a step towards Sion and jabbed him hard in the chest with an outstretched finger.

"Why in Oblivion did you come? You clearly don't care if the rest of us perish fighting a battle to try to stop the bastards from wiping out another city! If you wish to go hide behind your mother's skirts, than do so and leave us to our fate. You're no use to me or anyone if you don't have it in your heart to fight." he inhaled sharply, his claws subconsciously extending as anger flooded his heart. "I could have run and fled to somewhere safe, without a damn worry in the world, but I wanted to do something right for a change after a lifetime of selfishly only caring about myself and my needs. I've killed hundreds of people, Sion, many of them innocent. Just because they had something I wanted. I see the way you look at me, like I'm a monster. And you're right, I am. I don't know what will become of me when I die, but it'll be no less than I deserve. But until then, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that worse men than I can no longer cut lives short for their own selfish desires. That is why I am here, and that is why I asked you people to help me. I can tell I was wrong about you." Zaveed's teeth bared. "You coward. I'm sure Gorzath would have loved to know that he died for his convictions when a man he trusted his life to intended to flee the entire damn time."

From those words alone, this was not the same person Qara'Sion knew and he was shocked by his words. But no matter who or what it was, no mattered if he were scared, he would fight back one way or another. And this moment was a very poor time for him to express his hidden temper that he shared with Shenzi.

He didn't flinch anymore, and only stared back into Zaveed's eyes while his own were illuminated. Qara'Sion opened his mouth wide as if he were going to roar, and yelled at him. "I damn well know about loyalty more than most people in this fucking world. Someone who was abandoned by not only his own blood, but others as well!? I did not plan on abandoning anyone, but I'm bloody sick of doing things for people who I will never see in my damn life again without a thank you in the slightest! You may have fought against powerful beings but understand most who had fallen today have not. Myself, my sister and friends and the nord warrior: Thyra went against one of the machines that could have been in imperial city which decimated the entire city!"

Qara'Sion's face matched the same snarl of the mer standing in front of him. With all of the stress of the day, and now this? He, was, livid.

"If I wasn't there healing people left and right, refraining the damned machine from attacking, and trying to look after who mattered to me and me alone, things would have been much, much worse. Blame me for being scared, it's not something I haven't heard before, but at least I act and succeed in what I do..." He hissed as he leaned in closer to Zaveed's face, paying attention to his hands. "I stood by you or at least you and the others because I believed you would protect me as I would for you despite being scared. Selfish people deserve selfish consequences; you are not supposed to be among them. Take your anger out on me if you want to, I'll leave your burdens to be your own then, but remember...

"I'm one of the best there is at what I can contribute. You could easily replace me but I doubt others will be as good despite being a coward."

If his mother heard his statement, she would be proud.
If his brother heard his statement, he would blame himself for what he was starting to become.

There was a fire in Sion's voice Zaveed had never heard before. He blinked slowly before disengaging eye contact. He walked back to where he had sat before and pulled the dagger from the dirt, wiping it off on his sleeve. "You think you're the only one who's scared. We're all scared. You'd be stupid not to be." Zaveed said quietly. "Things would have been worse without you there, your words, not my own. What do you think happens when you aren't there? Either you're saving lives or you're leaving the people in this fight to their fates where they may die because your unique talents aren't readily available. Can you live with that? The dead cannot answer for you. How many people are worth your life, I wonder. What is the cost that you decide enough is enough? Ten, fifteen, one hundred?" He shook his head. "I've never been here before. I never lost people I called friends before. I've... never had friends before." he admitted. "So forgive me if this grieving process is... unnatural to me."

He was right. Had he not been there to fight the dwemer crab, maybe more people would have died. But that wasn't what bothered Qara'Sion. It was the fact that he could apply it to his own scenario, where, had he been there with his siblings then... maybe they wouldn't have died. He knew what it was like to lose family... to lose friends. It hurt. But the khajiit would be damned if he was going to pass away fighting for selfish, ungrateful fools. He not once took his eyes off of Zaveed, watching his every more in silence but with the same snarl as before. He only shook his head in disapproval before turning to walk to the door to leave. As he did, he spoke once more. "This is why I don't want to be a "hero". You see the unneeded burden that you and Gorzath... even Hralvar and Sevari carry? That many people where most will only say "thank you oh great heroes" and go on with their lives right after? Its too bloody much. I only focus on those who have done for me, or for my friends and family; whats left of my family anyway. The number of the fallen doesn't matter so long as my own aren't among them..."

Qara'Sion grabbed the handle to the door and twisted it open slowly. But not before he finished his little speech. "It wasn't until I happened to meet the orc strongholds and the members of the college that I finally met friends, although the strongholds could be a stretch to say. And I don't know what would be worse to feel... having those who were by your side die, or have those who were by your side betray you...." He lowered his head as he sighed once more, lifting it up right after to prepare to enter the mosque. "As I said before, I am not staying. This fight has nothing to do with me. I'll stay with you until we get to skyrim, and when we do, I'll say my goodbyes. I refuse to die for this mess."

Zaveed thought upon Sion's words, frowning. The younger khajiit's words reminded Zaveed of Marassa, who he suspected was still in Senchal, staying away from everything as it wasn't her problem. His mind focused on Sevari, whom he had last seen outside Anvil and may not have escaped the Dominion siege. Another hard feeling gripped his heart; had he lost another friend without knowing it? It was becoming too much. There were no more words for the defiant khajiit who had unwittingly made things far worse.

"Until Skyrim, then." He said softly.

More screams. More battlecries. More crying in general. How did a simple riot turn into a bloodbath, the khajiit wondered. Regardless, the only thing that mattered was for him to stay alive, as well as his sister and her friends. As people fought, he ran. Only to the destination he chose while brushing pass the dwindling number of men and mer. Even though he wasn't killing their enemies himself, blood stained his mane as everyone became more drastic and frantic as the fight went on. He only looked behind once to spot the nord warrior who fought with him against the goblins, covering his back by taking down more foes. If they both lived, he would have to thank her later.

Upon reaching his sister and her friends, they stood on the sidelines and watched the fight unfold. Nobody else decided to make them a primary target, but they kept their guard up just in case. Although Qara'Sion did believe it to be strange that his sister did not bark at him for running off to help a stranger but, the reason could possibly be that she assumed he was being brave for once and tried to stop the dwemer crab when in fact, he just snapped and blindly took control of the fight for the moment.

And to their benefit, it was partially a good thing he did. Because the damned automaton fell. They actually defeated it... "Unbelievable...."

The two khajiit rested on the side of a wall on their own, as the imperial and argonian left to deal with their own minor matters plus giving the two siblings their own time alone. Shenzi held a bucket of water to the side of her. "Alright... your turn to get the blood off of you." She spoke as she lifted said bucket. Qara'Sion obliged and lowered his head; the dreads obscuring his view of anything around them. It kind of was like old times when the siblings would take care of one of the symbols of their family. He just wished it could have been during another time...

This moment as Shenzi poured some of the water on him, he took the chance just to think about everything that had gone just now. Why did he act so blindly yet still precise?

Because he was scared and believed he was alone to do the bidding of others he did not know. Yet how come when Shenzi showed up, he didn't know what to do and felt the fear take control of him in a different way?

Because he was comforted by being alongside her, instead of those he did not know. He could feel his sister's fingers in his mane trying to scrub out the blood of those who had fallen just as he began to think of her. Now... thinking about her, why did he start to think about every single one of his siblings...?

Because he never felt he was as good as they were. All of them were just... better than he was. And facing death in the face probably forced him to think about his regrets... the regret of not being good enough to stay with the family he loved. Not strong, skilled, smart, or even good looking to be vain as they were. "Turn your head." His sister said to him. Without a word, his head tilted and she brushed his dreads to the side. Qara'Sion had a nice, clear view of the dwemer crab that finally laid in defeat. He understood just from the destroyed machinery why he was scared...

Because how could one not be? Even as it no longer functioned it was still intimidating to say the least. Then he had to deal with the two nords' friends and the fucking elf who aside from the larger nord, had the audacity to come up to him. Then what bothered him so much about that...?

Because he didn't like to be used by people he would never see again a day in his life. Heal this one. Hurt this one. Stop this one. He did all of that, and not even a bloody thank you.... all of these thoughts just created a mental breakdown for him. All of these clashing thoughts and emotions...

"Lean back now." Obliging, he sat down and tilted his head back as his sister told him to do; beginning to wash the front of his mane. The younger khajiit only looked into the eyes of his sister's: the gold and green eyes they shared. Only looking at her reminded him that their brother should have been with them. But at least, his brother was capable of staying alive and finding their eldest sister. But as Shenzi would put it, he's a capable killer.

Just from the thought of what his sister would say about their brother, something struck Qara'Sion as odd. His brother definitely did work involving something not... clean. But, how did he find out about what was going on in Chorrol way back when? He worked for somebody, but he would never tell Qara'Sion who it was. Their sister definitely lived near Chorrol as he could tell Mufasa was visibly upset, yet what other reasons was he there at the camp? Who in the bloody world did he work for?

....He went through a list of things in his head. One seemed the most plausible but he wasn't exactly sure. When they meet again, he would have to confront him about it, so he could only hope his thoughts were wrong. It would be best not to mention anything to Shenzi, just for her own sake. But what he did know for sure were these few things.

He could not stay and fight in this war. He would have to tell those he fought along that.
He wanted to get back to the college and return to his home. The only home he had.
He needed to speak with his brother about numerous things... none pleasant topics of choice.

"Okay, all done." His sister confirmed, prompting him to shake his head a bit. "Hey, Sion... are you okay? You've been quiet the whole time..." "I'm fine... I just need to relax a bit." He quickly told her as he leaned against the wall. He long since stopped looking into her eyes. She slowly shook her head once. "Alright... I'm going to check up on Belle and the fat-one.... you stay safe okay?" He only nodded as a response and as she frowned, his sister walked away from him.

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