His heart wouldn't stop racing.
The smell of the flowers. Orchids. He'd never put a name to the smell before. It was such a subtle thing. And plums. Why plums? Why had his mind always gone to plums when she was near him? When her ruby eyes settled on his face, he had always been transported to a tall tree, where he basked in the shade, the taste of plum on his tongue, juice dripping down his chin.
Now, he could only taste ash on his tongue. Smoke and burnt flesh in his nostrils. Filling his lungs. Choking him. Screams filled his ears, overpowering the roar of his rushing pulse.
"Ruli."
His name, in Kire's voice, and hers, ripped him from his shock. He wasn't holding her hand anymore, he noticed, but he wasn't sure when she'd pulled herself free. He stood, his arm still slightly extended, as if waiting for something else. Someone else to grab him. Her words were muddled, like she spoke them underwater. Ruli blinked at the bright sand, trying to ground himself.
Slowly, as she strode past, he pulled his feet from the boots and buried them in the sand, feeling the sun-warmed grains burn against his skin, still so chilled from the coastal town. The warmth spread through him, bringing him home, back to his sun and his desert.
When Kire spoke again, it was clear and firm. As she spoke, he kept his gaze on the ground, on the sand that was his home, his birthright. Until, when he heard her speak of her near escape, how Ikegai had almost taken her, torn into her like he'd nearly done with Ysaryn.
The sight of her face made his heart skip.
He took a small, sharp intake of breath as Akuma's face stared back at him. So different, yet so identical. I hate you. Ruli heard his inner voice shout. I hate you. I hate you. I hate your face.
He swallowed, releasing the breath he'd been holding as Kire turned away from him again, removing that face, her face, from his line of sight. Instead, she peered at it, her marred reflection, and complimented her. Flawless. Akuma was flawless. Beauty, grace, coolness, everything to be awed and idolized. No wonder Itallo, no wonder Cordon, had praised her, worshiped her. He had, too. He would have done anything for her smile, for her kiss, for the way she trailed her fingers over his cheeks, as if counting the sharp molars beneath like a prize.
"No." Ruli said quietly, his hand reaching up to rub at the scratch marks down his cheek. "She isn't real." It was said more to himself than to Kire. The woman whose face Akuma wore with such perfection. Such flawlessness. "She's not real. She's a puppet." A tool. She is all Kire was supposed to be to this madman, but less. because she wasn't genuine. She was a pawn. Ruli inhaled again. If Akuma managed to break the shackles and be free of Ikegai's control? "Holy Gods." Ruli muttered, crouching down into the sand and and covering his face with his still-cool hands.
It hurt. Deep in his chest. To see her again. To see her smile. To see her bow. Ruli inhaled slowly, furious at himself for being envious of Itallo. Envious of anything Akuma smiled at. Whomever she touched. He was envious, even though he knew her to be a monster. Worse than he was. Just as he was, really, for all he'd done a lifetime ago. "I hate her." He muttered to his hands, willing the envious worm inside of him to wither.