---
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore
---
Everything was eternal... Everything was ethereal, the world seemed to glow, seemed to have an aura. Everything was brighter, crisper, like the sun shone brighter and the colours were more enhanced than they naturally should be. The grass, the beautiful grasses that reached to her knees; a million different shades of green that seemed to melt together into a velvet, blanketed eternity, stretching off until it blurred and mixed in with the azure blue sky.
The air was warm, soothing, wrapping her in its warm arms that comforted her until she felt the safest she'd ever felt since before she could ever recall. It trickled over her skin like warm water, dissipating her fears, evaporating her reality and creating her own reality. This reality. Everything was just as it should be here, and better, she had everything she could ever want for. She was safe here, she was who she used to be here.
Her hands came up into her field of vision, the sun-kissed skin wrapped around her muscles, tendons, bones and blood seemed to glitter back at her, unblemished, as if from a fairy tale. Her hair was long, mahogany brown, sleek as newly spun silk that trailed through her fingers like liquid sand. She cast her eyes beyond the hands in front of her face, and found herself looking upon an ocean, and the ground beneath her feet seemed to give way as sand wriggled through her toes and slid over the tops of her feet; warm and inviting.
There was a presence behind her, a wicker and a blow of air that ruffled the soft cotton of the gown she wore, tickling the backs of her knees. She need not glance behind her to know what creature approached. The soft velvet muzzle nudged her shoulder, and the wicker came again. When the beast received no attention, it proceeded to nibble at the gown, and she could feel the short, rough whiskers of the horses lips against her bare arms.
She ignored the animal, knowing that mere physical touch did not define their relationship, and instead pressed forward, allowing herself to move closer to the ocean that stretched out into forever before her. The hot sand that slid between her toes and engulfed her feet was a relaxing sensation, and made her feel drowsy. Before she knew it, she was drifting -falling- backwards, although it did not feel like falling, she felt weightless, as if gravity did not hold her pinned to the earth as it once had. The feeling did not last as long as she would have liked, for she lay on her back- bare, with the warm sand hugging every crevice of her body.
To her left, the ocean, which had only seconds ago been something out of a fairy tale, was beginning to dull, the colour seeming to drain out of her vision, until it was but grey. Twisting her head to the right, she watched as the beast which had once been her one and only friend, rear up with a screech, twist, and gallop off into the distance until all that was left of her perfect world was the soft sand on which she lay. The rest of the world was dim, dark, and nothing at all the perfect world she had imagined.
---
A fragile frame aged
With misery, and
When our eyes meet
I know you see
---
When Aniella seemed to come back into reality, and blinked, she was sitting upright, staring ahead at nothing. She was still warm, even though the blanket which she was mysteriously wrapped in had dropped to her waist, exposing her bare torso to the dimly lit room. However Aniella seemed not to notice, as if still immersed in her dream world, unaware that she was now awake and staring at a blank wall.
When she did seem to come into her surroundings, Aniella could not say at all what the time was. Nor did she particularly care, the first thing the young female did was look down upon herself, and felt a repulsion twist inside her chest, almost as if she felt she would physically vomit at the sight of her chest in the low light of the sun that trickled through the window. Her chest was a mess of different colours, even in the dim morning light, Aniella could tell this skin was not her own, and she swallowed hard on the rising lump in her throat at the harsh realisation that her dream had been just that. A dream.
The pain was almost normal now, she reflected, which only added to her repulsion. The thick, jagged scars stretching across her body like tinsel on a Christmas tree still wept small beads of blood, staining her recycled skin and the ivory sheets in which she was tangled up in. Her small, deft hands pawed at them regardless, pulling them up and around her shoulders, burying her face in them in a feeble attempt to cover herself and will herself to stop existing. Why can't it just be over already? Why do I have to be the one to suffer...?
As if in reply, her mind flashed back to the last place she remembered, an astral being, watching herself skinning other human beings, not even half her age. She remembered vividly the thick, sticky blood up her bare arms, satiating her primal need to cut, her need to survive. A need she prayed to whatever semblance of a God there was left to just strip her of that need, so she might just die and leave the world with one less parasite. Her stomach churned, and Aniella realized with grim resignation that if she didn't move, she would be decorating these ivory sheets with yesterdays (or whenever the last time she ate was) meal.
It wasn't until Nell was hunched over the toilet bowl that she discovered that she had in fact, not eaten anything. She heaved, and she heaved, and she heaved. Nothing but acidic stomach fluid and bile, which tore into her throat and made her crave any form of hydration. She felt her way to the sink, the room dark, but shadows of objects visible in what dim light there was. Feeling for the tap, hot or cold, she didn't know- or care, she twisted it on and dipped her head under the tap. The lukewarm water filled her mouth, and she coughed it all back out into the sink; now pink-stained water sloshing against the ceramic bowl. That was all she needed, really, to wet her throat. The scratchiness remained, but she didn't like to irritate her constantly-healing facial scars.
The young Italian found her way back into the room she'd woken up in, and with a sick horror, heard movement outside the door. Suddenly the room was lit up, not from a light within, but out there- somewhere. Nell darted back to the bed and fought her way beneath the sheet and quickly tried to cover every inch of her body from this intruder. She sat as still as she could manage through her panic, straining to hear how far away this person was... Nothing. Aniella frowned, unable to hear the footfalls of the person somewhere outside her door; she strained more, and discovered she could not make out a heartbeat either. She relaxed. They must have left.
After a few more moments in the yellow-washed room that now surrounded her, thanks to the new light spilling in from the window; Aniella had to wonder where exactly she was. This was certainly not a place she had ever been before, and it felt too real to be a dream. She might have pinched herself to make sure, but she was too afraid the skin would fall away at her fingertips. It wasn't an ugly room, it was stripped back and bare, just what was needed, she guessed. She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, or how long ago her last memory was. She felt as if she had been asleep for years, but it surely couldn't have been that long. Maybe she was in a hospital; maybe there were people here now to--
Tap, tap, tap!
Aniella visibly jumped, her head jerking to the side to stare at the door- or moreover, the figure standing at the door. Oh god! Panic rose up in her throat, and she planted herself on the spot, her fists balled up in the sheets, gripping them to her chest as if they were a part of her being. She couldn't move, she wouldn't move, there was someone at the door, and they wanted to come in. She couldn't.. no... what did they want!? Who was it?! Aniella stared, frozen, as the figure knocked again at the door. Aniella couldn't move.
When she refused to move from her refuge on the bed, the door to the room began to open, and Aniella sucked in a long, panicked breath, trying to settle herself. You're okay, this is a hospital, they are going to help you, breathe, swallow, you're-- oh my... it's a... a... a man! The rock quickly returned to Aniella's throat, threatening to choke her and drown her in tears that stabbed at the backs of her eyes. She only stared at the man, wide eyed, like a rabbit caught in headlights.
*Note; All dialogue between Buck and Aniella is spoken in Italian unless specifically mentioned otherwise.*
“Good morning, Aniella. My name is Nurse Buck, and today it’s my job to show you around the Institute,”
If she had been a different person, her jaw may have dropped slack at the man before her, instead her eyes grew a little wider at the sound of his voice, his Italian voice. Was she home? In Italy? Had she finally managed to find someone who would help her find her way back? Back to her father, her brothers, her friends and her sweet, lovely Dutch Warm-blood; Solomon. How long had it been since she was home? Wading through the waters in her pool and riding the bus to her school. She almost filled with hope, but the man's words echoed through her mind. Nurse Buck... Job... Institute.
Her brow knitted together, as if trying to figure out the meaning behind the words. She was not home. This was a hospital- no, an institute, whatever that was. But she knew one thing, she was not home. If she were, her family would be here, not this stranger, this silent stranger stood before her. This creature that made no sound nor had no beating heart. Fear radiated from her being as he stared at a spot just past her, some most-interesting spot on the wall just shy of her line of sight. She didn't know what to do. Instead, she cast her eyes down to the floor, swallowed hard, and took a deep breath, attempting in vain to settle her rattled nerves.
“...In...stitute...?” She croaked back in Italian, a voice that seemed so unlike her own. It had been so long since she'd spoken to anyone. The only time she heard her own voice had been when she was sobbing.
“Osmond’s Institute, your new home,” He said quickly, expertly, and Nell wondered how many times he had said these very lines. There was a pause between them, Nell dared not look up to see the man's expression, and he seemed to take the silence as a means to go on, “I’m going to show you to the Cafeteria, and then I’ll give you a brief tour of the rooms you’ll have access to.” Still, Aniella simply stared at the man, not trusting herself or him to do anything, “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be waiting outside.” And with that, the man stepped out of sight and pulled the door halfway closed behind him.
For a long time, Aniella did not move. She sat as still as a statue, weighing out her options. There was nowhere to go, the only exit was the door in which Nurse Buck had emerged. She need only look at the glass window to know she would not be escaping that way. Who says you need to escape? She asked herself, but she already knew the answer, I'm in a hospital, and that means there's more people, more men! I can not handle this... can I? This nurse.. he was nice to me, he didn't attack me, defile me and call me horrible names, he didn't call me the monster that I actually am. Maybe I will receive help here... maybe.
Taking a shaky breath, she cast her eyes away, and pushed away the sheet, and climbed to her feet in search of something to cover her mutilated body.
---
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside
Just to breath in
---
Aniella was unsure of how much time had passed between Nurse Buck leaving the room, and her gently pulling the door open and silently stepping out into the brightly lit hallway. She sported Royal Purple clothing, the only clothing in which she could find that seemed to cover her as much as she would have liked. To Aniella's grave distress, there was nothing available for her to cover her disgusting face, and so the girl had bunched up her hair and wrapped it around her face like a mask. All that was visible of the female were her deep, watery emerald eyes, and her pale pink nose. Her arms were also exposed, and although Nell refused to look at them, she knew they were two slightly different shades of skin.
Nurse Buck stood just to the left of the doorway, waiting patiently for her, with a cool, calm demeanour which seemed frighteningly un-threatening. No matter what Nurse Buck did, he would frighten her, any man would, and any man always will. She sighed, then stepped forward, her eyes still firmly planted anywhere but his eyes, she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes, something deep inside her forbade it. Instead, Aniella settled on his chest, and stared intently at the indent at the bottom of his throat where his left and right clavicle met.
She swallowed into her now-dry throat, feeling the sting of where she had been heaving who-knows-how-long before. She would have to force something down her when they arrived at this Cafeteria that Nurse Buck had mentioned. She nearly gasped with shame when her stomach audibly growled at the thought of food, and she recoiled in on herself, “I'm so sorry!” She gasped, reaching down with her free hand to grab at the belly, as if it would stop the hunger. How rude! Aniella wanted to dart back into her room, climb under the covers and hide for the rest of the day.
But she didn't. She didn't have the nerve to leave now that she was here, that would be even more insulting considering he had come out of his way to wake her and show her around. Nurse Buck must have read her internal dilemma all over her mismatched face, as when he spoke, he seemed almost amused.
"Don't worry, you are only moments away from breakfast. Follow me, please." He ushered down the hallway, and after a small nod of agreement from Aniella, began a slow walk down the hall.
They walked in silence, Aniella did not dare to bring her voice to light and ask him anything, even though she had plenty of questions; where was she; who was he; what was she doing here; why was this her new home; what had happened; how long had passed since... she shook her head, pushing away the memories which constantly fought their way to the forefront of her mind. Instead she focused all of her attentions of the Nurse walking only a few steps in front of her, and she stared furiously into the back of his head, as if she could crack it open and pull all of her answers from within. She could not. His shimmering brown hair stopping just above the nape of his neck seemed to occupy all of her attention, that she didn't notice him stop until she almost bowled into him.
Almost. She stopped up short, and quickly scrambled backwards a few steps as she caught wind of her surroundings. She was in a doorway, staring out into an open space occupied by many other people. Many other people which were not people at all. Her eyes went wide as disks as she studied them with open shock and terror. There was a blonde, seemingly normal with an inhumane mountain of food before her which she packed into her small mouth without a care in the world for who saw her. With her, stood something out of this world. A man, although it wasn't a man, it was something part man, part beast. Isn't that what I am? She chastised herself, suddenly feeling horrible for judging this creature based on its appearance. Still, it was difficult to take in the sight of something quite so obviously not-human.
Part man, part bird, Aniella had no idea what to call him. He reminded her of a creature out of a book she once read, what had it been called now? A harpy! That's how the book had described them, if her memory served her right. She cast her attention to another seemingly-human male sat at a table, looking very unhappy, and Aniella decided there and then that he would be one to avoid. He looked angry, and an angry man was not something Aniella wanted anything to do it. Her breath hitched in her throat just thinking of interaction with him. She looked elsewhere. Her eyes found a couple sat at a table together, both looking human and unimposing, however she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do and where she was supposed to go.
As if reading her mind, Nurse Buck's presence appeared beside her, “There are two sections, Aniella,” he started tentatively, obviously well aware of her rising trepidation at entering the room, “to the right are food in which I believe you would consider 'normal'; fried eggs, sausages, cereals...” He paused, watching the young Italian scanning the room, lips pressed tightly together, “To the left are foods in which I think may be more suited to your tastes.”
Aniella felt sick. She felt hungry, but she also felt physically sick. She knew what the Nurse meant when he mentioned her own tastes, and it roused a deep rooted hate for herself, that burned in the centre of her chest. Part of her thought it absurd that they would have what she needed to sustain herself, but then there was some other part, that she knew they would. Just from looking upon the creatures in this room, she knew they had what she needed. However, she would not be the one to admit it. She chewed the inside of her cheek before shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
“Th-... Thank you very much, Nurse Buck,” She said in a voice so small she wasn't sure he had heard her, “This is all much more than I deserve... I think if it is okay with you, I could possibly have some toast?” She swallowed, “And perhaps a small drink of plain water?” She hated asking for anything at all, and in such a public place, there was no way Aniella would subject herself to eating the only thing she knew would truly satisfy her hunger; flesh. Bloody, warm, flesh. For now, she would just pretend she was normal, and eat normal food, and come back later, alone, to fill herself. Maybe.
---
I'm tired
Of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut.
---