CLIW

Just One Bite

Mattie determinedly wiped her face clear of the tears that dribbled down one cheek. God damn it. "Nicholas," she murmured, tears threatening again. "It's hard being alone. It sucks. And I get that. And... I-I shouldn't have let you into that house on your own." Her eyes shone with tears. She looked sharply toward the wall, aware that this was ruining her stoic act. "We both knew it was dangerous and stupid. I let you go in, I let it bite you..." She trailed off when Jacob came back. Wiped her face again, one more time, just to be sure.

It was in silence that Mattie watched Jacob help Nicholas change his shirt and then wipe his face with a wet cloth. It was a relief (and perhaps a first?) to see her friend grin, but a kick in the stomach to hear the word "brother". Bittersweet. Their friendly demeanor helped to relax her.

"Thank you so much," she said to Jacob. "I don't know what we'd do without you. Especially him." She pointed toward Nicholas as if it were necessary, and got up to lay Nicholas on a comfy-looking armchair so he could sleep and she'd have her hands free again. Then she sat in the wooden chair again, clearly intent on staying there as long as she could.

Just One Bite

Mattie hoped that her presence hadn't agitated Nicholas. Trying to convince herself that it was the pain in what used to be his arm, not her, that had caused the crying, she patted him gently on the head before glancing toward the front door. So weird, she thought. Why would there be ding-dong-ditchers in the apocalypse? But it didn't even take a second for Nicholas to be front and center in her mind again. She wanted to apologize for letting him into that house on his own; she assumed he was crying for the arm he'd lost. But sorry, she knew, hadn't been good enough before the zombies.

She hadn't even noticed Jacob approaching with pain killers. He'd startled her, as people often did, but she dipped her head gratefully. Although she was more concerned with the blood loss issue. Surreptitiously she craned her head to look at the stump of Nicholas' arm. It didn't yield much information as to weather a scab had formed, for all she could see was the dark stain on the bandage. The thought of him slicing into his own arm like that...it made her momentarily nauseous.

"Need help getting those down?" she asked anxiously.

Just One Bite

Mattie managed the tiniest of smiles. It was best to be friendly here; an idiot could figure that out. In fact, this was a situation in which being rude could mean death. Not that she doubted the man's morals, she just...didn't know. "It's not my baby," she informed him, and then added in a softer voice, "well, it is now I guess. And I didn't even sleep around for it." In spite of her word choice, her tone was humorless. She was feeding Cole with a distracted air. Focusing on Nicholas, on the stump that had been his arm, on all the ways she could have rushed into Hippie Manor and saved him from this horrible fate.

The banging on the door nearly made her drop Cole. Damn good thing she didn't, the poor baby was already distressed enough, and she assumed it was from the same stimulus. It was only half-willingly that she backed into the bedroom, biting back protests. If someone was breaking in, someone who'd just suffered an amputation awake shouldn't just be laying in the living room like that...but she said nothing. As was becoming the norm.

But, comforted by Jacob's willingness to grant her access to the guns, Mattie sat Cole on the bed and dabbed the baby food off of his chin. A small red flag bobbed up. Mattie had always avoided gun freaks as much as she could. Opening the closet and gaping at the assortment of weapons, she felt a small heart palpitation. I hope this isn't some gunman who ordered crazy guns off the Internet and shit before all this. But if he was, she had a gun now, too.

She picked out a niceish-looking revolver, popped in some ammo, and prepared for perhaps a large bald man in all black, maybe carrying an RPG, lower half of his face covered, to say something like, "I'm in charge now," or, "Give me everything you have or your ass is on fire," but instead, craning her neck to get a good look through the bedroom doorway, all she caught was a glimpse of movement. Not someone else. No. No more creeps. "I'm out of here," she announced, and scooped up Cole before trooping out into the living room again. "Did they leave?" she asked, the disbelief tangible in her voice. It didn't make any sense why someone would just take off like that in a situation like this one, turning down likely life-giving shelter.

It must have been a strange sight: Young woman with a baby perched in one arm and a revolver in the free hand. She put the gun down and pulled a light wooden chair up next to the couch on which Nicholas lay. Absentmindedly continuing to feed the baby, she spoke softly to Nicholas in case he was sleeping in which case she didn't want to interrupt his rest. "I'm staying right here if you need anything."

Just One Bite

Sorry for the short posts, by the way! I'll try to get a longer one up next time.

Just One Bite

Mattie perched on the very edge of the couch. Her muscles were tensed to the point that she looked like a feral cat preparing to bolt. There was no way she was relaxing, not yet, not now. She swallowed and avoided eye contact with Jacob.

"It wasn't bitten, if that's what you were thinking, so no more impromptu amputations," replied Mattie, her voice somewhere between a hiss and a squeak. Then it softened just a little once she reminded herself that this man was showing them hospitality. Incredible hospitality. She pushed a few strands of hair out of her face. "I had to get out of my apartment. The door wasn't an option. Jumped out the window, and landing on my feet isn't always a talent of mine." Clearly she was too worn-out for the long story. She smiled slightly, but there was a flood of anxiety behind it. "I can take care of myself. Nicholas really is the only one who needs attention here."

She pulled out a container of baby food and started to feed Cole. Frankly it was all she felt useful doing.

Just One Bite

"Mattie," she said, her voice taut with anxiety. It loosened a little, but still sounded somewhat far off, when she added, "Pleasure to meet you. But I wish the circumstances weren't so awful." Seeing the way that he treated Nicholas made her feel a little better; someone who wanted them dead wouldn't be so kind, right? But her history made her wary. She shook her head slightly and told herself they had no choice. Nicholas had a better chance of survival in a warm house, perhaps with more medical supplies, and when she thought of it, so did Cole.

Her mind wandered as they neared the house. She thought of her brothers, mainly the one who'd died. The younger one. The one she'd sworn to keep safe. Considering that the apocalypse had happened, she reflected on the fact that the middle child was almost certainly dead. Mattie had failed them both. Seeing Nicholas covered in blood and dangerously pale made her think of that late evening, when she'd sat in the ICU and held Aaron's hand, and then his vitals had swan dived and a swarm of nurses and doctors shooed her out of the room so that they could try to save him. Needless to say, it hadn't worked.

But Nicholas won't die. He took the effort of sawing his own arm off, to survive.

She wasn't entirely sure.

When they got close to Jacob's house, she trotted ahead to hold open the door so that he wouldn't have to put Nicholas down; with his blood loss she didn't want him standing if he didn't need to. She decided to stay with Nicholas, to just sit beside him, because it was her opinion that should he die, it was always better to die with someone who cared about you there. Although his entire family was gone, but that just helped her case. She was the closest thing.

Just One Bite

Mattie scooped Cole into her arms and followed the man who'd introduced himself as Jacob Stride. She wanted to say, "Don't go in there! Are you crazy?" but no words come out. Anyway, what should she have expected him to do? Biting her lip and clutching the baby close, she lingered at the doorway and peered inside at...

Oh, Christ. Her arms tightened involuntarily around Cole, and she turned him so that he faced her chest and not the gory sight ahead. Her mind raced as fast as her heart. I could have gone in with him. I could have prevented this. Now he's lost a whole arm because of me. She caught Jacob referring to her as Nicholas' girlfriend, but the words didn't click until a minute later. She never did respond to that.

She stood aside to let them through the door. Don't cry, god damn it. Don't cry. She'd seen people OD on heroin. This, she told herself, was no different. But it felt different. It felt so different.

She extracted a water bottle from one of the packs. Holding Cole in one arm, she put the water bottle to Nicholas' lips and tilted it so just a tiny bit would go in and not choke him. It wasn't much. We'll find shelter and then I'll do more. Mattie looked gratefully up to Jacob. "Thanks," she whispered.

Just One Bite

Mattie gave a violent jump and dropped the fence post, taking in a sharp breath as she turned around. Nicholas' voice was still ringing in her ears. Don't leave me. But she had to. She couldn't risk getting sick. Couldn't risk either of them getting little Cole sick. Her heart thumped weirdly and for several heartbeats all she could do was stare at the man who was now in front of her. Her mind was whirling too quickly for any decisions to be made. All she could think was: He was bitten. I'm alone with a baby. Stranger danger. I'm dead.

Her head cleared enough to compel Mattie to pick the fence-post back up. She was stuck between Nicholas and the house that stank with coppery blood she hadn't smelled before, and a man she'd never met. An even more complete stranger than Nicholas was. Her chest heaved. She'd been lucky enough, she realized, that Nicholas (to her knowledge) hadn't been using her, and wasn't (to her knowledge) a murderer, rapist, cannibal, or anything else horrible. Encountering another man in a world like this was asking for trouble.

"Yes, everything's fine," she lied, her shaking voice betraying the real nature of the situation. Thud, thud, went her heart. Her eyes flitted to the backpacks that Cole lay between. Oh, God. Everything was crashing down on her at the worst possible time. She should have stayed in that damn apartment and let the zombies eat her. She glanced back at the bloody-smelling house and felt tears springing to her eyes. "Sir? There's...a problem..." She wiped the tears off.

"My friend's in there. He's been bitten." Don't break down yet, Matts. Not yet. Not in front of this guy.

Just One Bite

"Don't you worry, Cole. I'll be back in no time," Mattie assured the baby without much conviction after putting him down and setting the backpacks on either side of him, partially to keep him hidden and partially to keep any windchill from seeping through his blankets and clothes. This seemed to distress him more, but now that she knew Nicholas was still alive, there had been a swell of determination to keep him that way and a squirt of adrenaline that made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle more than they already had.

She ripped a fence-post out of the ground and thundered into the dim room, slamming the heavy slat of wood into the ribcage of the headless ex-pacifist and knocking him through a window so dirty that light had a hard time getting through. She panted and twitched. Everything in her was alive and twitching and itching to fight.

Mattie turned and her eyes fell on the horrible red mark on Nicholas' arm. Her eyes widened, and she whispered to herself, "Holy hepatitis-flavored jelly donut," while raising the fence-post defensively in front of her. She didn't know how long the infection took to set in, but one thing was sure, and it was that she didn't want to be near it. She took one step back, two, three, while staring at Nicholas as if he were a mother grizzly bear and would attack her any moment. She choked as if the disease had suddenly taken on a horrible smell, and nearly tripped as she backed swiftly out of the house.

Take the baby and get away.

Just One Bite

Mattie had noticed that Nicholas' eyes had gone shiny with tears, and she found herself wishing that she hadn't mentioned the hippie who kept goats. She had hoped that it would lighten the mood a little, but instead it just seemed to have dug memories out of him. Frowning, she looked ahead and pretended not to have noticed his emotional distress. It would only make things tense to try and get something out of him, and she also figured that she'd fall quickly out of his favor if she made him cry.

When he told her to stay there, she started, "Maybe you shouldn't..." but she faltered, as he'd already started toward the house. Every part of her being screamed at her that this was just wrong and disastrous... She held Cole, her arms tightening around him as Nicholas kicked the door in, and tried to swallow down the dread that was coming up. He knows what he's doing, she told herself, but then the other half of herself replied: Yeah, and he led you straight into a warehouse with two infected.

When Mattie heard him screaming, it only confirmed her fears. God damn it, she thought bitterly, she'd only wanted to come so they could milk the goat, maybe take it with them. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't just charge in and play the hero like she'd done to an extent in the warehouse. Not with a baby clutched in her arms. She also didn't want to leave Cole out here in the chilly air, with only a goat for company. Her breath caught in her throat; what to do? He could already be dead, she thought with horror as the faint sound of a yelled swear filtered out of the doorway.

Assume he's dead, said the practical side of her. If he isn't yet, he will be soon. Get going. Farther into the country. Find a nice farmhouse, clear it out and make it home. But she didn't want to leave him behind, after he'd been kind enough to give her supplies.

Tentatively, she called, "Nicholas? Can you hear me?" while Cole wailed softly. A chill went down her spine. I'm on my own again, aren't I? She looked from the goat to the broken-down front door and started to back away. On my own with a baby. I've never even--! I didn't ask for this!