++God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.++
As they sat in their worn-out Camry in the worn-out car park of a tiny worn out church, Dylan was pretty certain they didn't believe in god. They were even more certain that their addiction counselor was a total quack. No medical training, no expert knowledge, hell, no professional training at all. Dylan was sure they could do a better job with just a couple of hours on Google. Still, this AA group was halfway between Rosefell and home and that made it the least objectionable. They had promised their parents that they would attend at least once a week, but they weren't going to go out of their way for it.
At least hearing other addicts made them feel better about themselves, as callous as that sounded. Tonight they'd heard from a guy who crashed his car into a telephone mast, and a woman who had punched the groom at her daughter's wedding. Dylan comforted themselves knowing that their rock bottom would never be that bad. Or perhaps that was wrong and these were grim predictions of their future after all. Either way, the smarmy counselor wasn't going to be much help.
They glanced at their phone and saw a flurry of messages. Aria's party was down by the lake tonight. Dylan chewed their lip as they weighed up just how terrible of an idea it would be to go. A party full of Rosefell students would be equally full of alcohol. And despite Dylan's apathy towards their treatment, even they could realise that would be a bad place for a recovering alcoholic. On the other hand they hadn't really seen Aria in forever. They'd spent this first week of senior year caught up in their own head, heading from class to class like some kind of blurry eyed automaton. With a sigh they flicked through their phone and typed out a text message.
-Study group. Home late. Xx-They felt a pang of guilt about lying to their dad, but they knew he wouldn't approve. The guilt brought other emotions flooding right back to the surface. Their own personal rock bottom had come just over a month ago. A lump formed in their throat as they remembered their words.
I WISH THE FUCKING CANCER HAD KILLED YOU.
Dad said he'd forgiven them, but they knew he was still hurting. Dylan was hurting too. They pressed send and started the engine, causing the stereo to burst into life.
++Bother me, tell me awful things
You know I love it when you do that
Helps me get through this without you
Bother me, tell me awful things
You know I love it when you move that on me
Love it when you do that on me++
It only took ten minutes to drive down to the lake. Dylan parked up the car and began to walk down towards the glow of the bonfire. As they approached they could feel the heat, the sting of smoke in their sinuses, and the sound of teenage voices chattering away - arguing, flirting, just complaining about life. If you forgot about the rest of the world for a moment, it could almost be the set of a coming-of-age movie. They paused and took in the whole scene. There were many people Dylan recognised, but very few they actually cared about. That thought brought them back to reality. Why were they even here?
They spotted Aria down by the drinks table. After a deep breath to steel themselves, they made it two steps before they saw who Aria was talking to. Dylan had no idea who the redhead was, but she was definitely attractive. And they knew what that look on Aria's face meant. They waved a hand in Aria's direction and mouthed a hello. Maybe she'd come find them later, they didn't want to get in the way. Selfishly, they hoped that they'd misread the situation or that something would go wrong. As fucked up as it was, they didn't want to have to share Aria's attention with anyone.
With a sigh they collected up a big pack of marshmallows from one of the tables and settled down cross-legged in front of the bonfire.