On the topic at hand, as a gay man, I kind of detest the yaoi fandom, just out of personal experience. And it's very easy to tell anyone who, at least in this particular fandom, who's a lady writing about a bishounen man having sex with another, more dominant, er, bishie, so to speak. Now, there are those out there who are absolutely fantastic writers who happen to like that kind of stuff and definitely props to them. They at least understand and acknowledge what they're writing about isn't an accurate depiction of gay sex. I personally dislike realism when it comes to writing erotica, but I think there's a requirement to a certain degree. Things like anatomy, proper lubrication, etc. is a must for me, at least.
Now, in terms of yaoi and boylove type of writing, I avoid it. My experiences with ladies who take the genre, the fandom, the roles a step too far have turned me off to anything LGBT related when it comes to anime or manga. It's turned me off to the feminization of men entirely. I don't dislike anyone who does it, or anyone who loves it, I just have no intention of writing anything remotely close. I do a lot to make sure I don't blur the line between the fetish and the person with that fetish. People like what they like and some of those things are... unsavory and extremely taboo in our society. I just feel, as long as they keep it in their mind, keep it to fiction, and acknowledge the fact that it's kind of... extreme, then I have no issues with them or the fetish in question. I mean, I talked and RP'd with a guy who had a big gore and torture fetish. He never forced those on my when writing 'cause he understood exactly how niche his kinks were, but it didn't change my opinion of him or the way he wrote.
I think the same goes for anyone who ships real life people. My sexuality verges on asexual, purely for the fact that any thought of me engaging in any sexual intercourse turns me off quicker than seeing a naked grandma. It's why my go to for anything that'll give me 'sexual satisfaction' is fictional and mostly written. I get my fix through movie and TV ships. But, I see RPF as pretty much exactly like what magazines do on a daily basis. People eat that shit up. Who's dating who. Who's getting married to who. What celebrity is having who's kid and what their name is. I'm pretty sure a majority of people have fanatasized, more than once, about their favorite movie star doing some *cough* unsavory things to them in a consensual environment (or non-consensual, hey no shame, as long as it... stays in your head or in a safe BDSM scene). It's just turning that 'you' into another actor, another real person. As long as that doesn't detriment anyone involved, I see absolutely no harm in it. I think a lot of stigma of it comes from the Supernatural fandom and how rabid a minority group of RPF shippers (it's like a minority group within a minority group within a fandom) have become in the recent years. If you start deluded yourself into thinking said actors or youtubers are actually involved and in a relationship, I think that's where it kind of needs to stop. There's tinhatting and then there's presuming your statements are fact and then stalking actual, real life people.
But, this topic is derailing with this RPF discussion. I definitely don't think there needs to be any bashing involved when it comes to people and their kinks. Not everyone is quite 'vanilla' in the aspect that they just like it when two people have sex. It goes to greater lengths than that and sometimes it goes to lengths beyond society's own standards. The only time I'll ever say something to a yaoi 'fangirl' is if they're also actively homophobic despite their whole 'boy love' 'seme/uke' deal.
In other words, I avidly avoid anything labeled 'yaoi' because it's just not for me. I've had bad experiences with it. I'm cool with other people enjoying it, as long as it doesn't harm anyone. And as long as their 'rape is an expression of my love' deal doesn't extend farther than their fictitious worlds. There's absolutely nothing wrong with liking non-consensual fiction, and rape-fantasy, as long as it stays fantasy. There are plenty of safe, sane, consensual ways to act these things in real life, as well. I mean, it's a part of BDSM culture for some people, ya know?
(As well, you might want to relabel your title. Add an 18+ because a lot of this topic deals with things that anyone under that age probably isn't legally allowed to read about. ;p I mean, I did a lot of shit just turning 13 that was 18+ crap, but it was all labeled, so I knew what I was getting myself into.)
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