Hostile

The Crucible - Winner Take All

I have a few characters that I can bring out of retirement.

The Crucible - Winner Take All

Mountain Dew Quickscope, Gaben's Chosen

Mountain Dew Quickscope

Name: Mountain Dew Quickscope

Alias: Gaben's Chosen

Race: Human

Sex: Male

Class: Trickshotter

Equipment: Mountain carries much equipment with him, and it is normally stored on his person.

• Dragon Lore AWP, the Dewrito: The fabled AWP in its final form. Blessed by Lord Gaben himself, this is a weapon of true power. In addition to the legendary stopping power of a stock AWP, the dragon spirit inside the rifle can propel projectiles to absurd speeds and bestow infinite range, although it is a bolt-action sniper, meaning it has a slow fire rate and needs to be reloaded after every shot. It can fire three different types of ammo: Standard, Doritos, and Nokia. The Standard ammo is a regular .50 caliber round. The Doritos round is visually similar to a .50 caliber round, although it is coloured orange and glows. This round leaves an orange trail of spicy Doritos dust as it streaks through the air. Upon hitting a target, it explodes, sending Doritos dust everywhere, before a secondary explosive ignites the dust. Nokia rounds are the most powerful of the three. They are essentially Nokia 3310s in the shape of a .50 caliber round. Thanks to the indestructible properties of Nokium, the toughest material in existence, it cannot be stopped, and can punch through reinforced concrete with ease, passing through one side to the other without stopping. Used sparingly by Mountain as he can only hold a maximum of six Nokia rounds at any time.
• KAP-40: A powerful automatic pistol with a high fire rate and damage. Deadly at close ranges, ineffective at longer ranges.
• Doritos Sword, EXPcalibur: A one-handed sword constructed out of microscopic Doritos, with flavoured dust surrounding it. Very light, making it ideal for fast attacks. Regenerates all damage dealt to it. Can be eaten.
• Illuminati Shield: After defeating the Illuminati, Mountain gained this piece of equipment. It is a triangular green shield of the Illuminati, and is almost indestructible. The Eye of the Illuminati can open and fire a massive laser, although it has a lengthy charge up time and cooldown, and Mountain is immobilised during this period.
• Mountain Dew Grenades: Explosive Mountain Dew cans. Incredibly reactive and can deal heavy electric damage.

Abilities: After becoming a Quickscope Master and Gaben's Chosen, Mountain gained numerous MLG powers.

• Instant Teleportation: Short teleports of two metres or less require a very short cooldown, with a maximum of five seconds.
• Enhanced Reflexes: Mountain has the reflexes of someone playing CoD on 14 sensitivity. He can see and dodge thrown projectiles like knives and arrows.
• Enhanced Strength: While not over the top, Mountain can carry several dozen kilograms without effort.
• Pocket Dimension: Mountain can store any object in his back pocket, including more guns, food, and even vehicles.

Fighting Style: Mountain is mostly a ranged combatant, hardscoping from a distance. Thanks to years of trickshotting and owning noobs at everything, he has lightning-fast reflexes, which he also gained after injecting himself with Red Bull. He is a frightening mid to close ranged fighter. He is a master quickscoper and trickshotter, being able to land headshots from across the map while doing a 1080. He is also incredibly skilled with his Doritos Sword and Illuminati Shield, able to parry attacks and bash with his shield. Mountain utilises his teleport ability to blitz opponents with either his sword or AWP, dealing heavy damage. He is nimble and as fast as an ADHD kid on speed, allowing him to easily dodge relatively slow-moving projectiles such as knives or magic bolts, but not bullets. He prefers to stay at range as his rifle is far more destructive, and he is generally more fragile than other fighters.

Personality: Cocky and confident in his abilities, Mountain is your typical MLG tryhard. He much of a trash-talking loudmouth, not afraid to vocally voice his opinions in the most offensive way possible. He loves taunting his opponents, and he often gets distracted by this. Although he isn't exactly the smartest tool in the shed, he is smart enough to plan ahead, and is highly unpredictable, moving in erratic patterns. He has a tendency to underestimate female fighters, normally yelling at them to stay in the kitchen, when he's not insulting physical appearance. Mountain has also shown to have an inability to pay attention, getting distracted and bored easily. Loves Mountain Dew, Doritos, and Doritos-flavoured Mountain Dew.

Bio: Mountain was a normal albeit highly skilled gamer who loved pwning noobs with his friend Daniel Doritos Blazeit. The two of them lived in the realm of Mlgolia, where everything MLG comes to life. The sun is a gigantic Dorito, the birds are airhorns, and the seas are salty from the tears of LoL players. One day, they were approached by an old man who told them that it was their destiny to stop an ancient hacker forever because their names were written in an ancient prophecy written by Gaben himself. So they went on a dew (see what I did there?) adventure. Eventually, after accidentally shooting the old man in the face and killing Thor, they found themselves in the hacker's dimension. They then battled the hacker XxXPu55ySlay3rXxX the Destroyer of Networks and managed to defeat him. However, Pussyslayer was not beat yet, and he ran away like a little bitch, vowing to pwn their asses next time.

Mountain and Daniel pursued him, gaining new weapons and defeating multiple threats along the way. Finally, after an overly long adventure through time and space and multiple universes, they managed to catch Pussyslayer. With their new weapons and powers, they prepared to defeat him once and for all. Unfortunately, Pussyslayer used the power of Ultimate Hax and very nearly defeated the two, and he almost killed Mountain until the quickscoper managed to distract him with his 500GB porn stash. Using his distraction, Mountain sliced off Pussyslayer's balls with his sword, before quickscoping him sixty-nine times. It was only then that the hacker was defeated, and order was restored to Mlgolia once more.

The two, having fulfilled the prophecy, were brought to the Temple of Gaben and met Lord Gaben himself. Mountain was then granted the title of Gaben's Chosen and became the newest Quickscope Master, legendary heroes with ridiculous powers. Daniel, unfortunately, did not become a Quickscope Master as he was based around shotguns, and he failed to meet the age limit of eighteen years. He was, however, given badass new weapons and accepted into the Steam School of MLG, a prestigious trickshotting academy.

Sometime later, word had gotten out that Electronic Arts, Steam and Lord Gaben's mortal enemy, was planning to unleash the tyranny of Downloadable Content and Preordered Games to the world. Mountain was called upon to stop this threat. Uniting with Daniel and several other heroes, they embarked on their quest into the heart of EA: Origin. The squad fought their way through swaths of Origin soldiers and made it to EA's headquarters. However, Andrew Wilson, the head of EA and evilest man alive, was there to stop them. He managed to defeat the entire Steam squad except for Mountain and Daniel (because they were the main characters). Mountain unleashed his True MLG form and defeated Andrew Wilson for good, ending Origin and EA forever.

Wish: To become the greatest quickscoper to ever exist, to smoke the dankest weed in existence, and to stop the threat of hackers forever.

Echo: In the realm of Mlgolia, there is a massive temple above the clouds. It is black and white, with flags of Steam fluttering everywhere. This is the Temple of Gaben, where Mountain met everyone's lord and saviour himself, and became the latest Quickscope Master and Gaben's Chosen.

Appearance:

Gaben's Chosen

Mountain wears an unzipped dark grey MLG hoodie over a black, white, and red FaZe Clan T-shirt, with dark blue jeans fastened by a black leather belt, and black and green sports shoes. He would look fairly average if not for his AWP strapped to his back and KAP-40 holstered by his hip. His sword and shield are usually not present, as he is able to summon them at will. He has short and messy black hair and a Flymemo EACH G4000 Noise Cancelling Headset hanging around his neck. He wears a pair of armoured fingerless gloves on his hands for protection when in combat, and when he's gaming. His formerly-blue eyes are now green after getting his powers, glowing slightly in the dark. He stands at a fairly average 5'11" and has a lean build with light skin.

Frenzy: Unleashing his True MLG form, Mountain is surrounded by a green aura, and rotating Mountain Dew crystals which render him invulnerable to damage until they are broken. The crystals shoot energy beams at targets. He can fly during this time, and he becomes even stronger and faster than before, able to block and dodge most attacks. His weapons also become incredibly powerful, such as the blade of his sword becoming monomolecular and rounds fired from his rifle travelling through the air almost instantly. However, he loses the ability to teleport. His eyes also glow pure green as a badass remix of Darude - Sandstorm plays in the background.

Inventory (Includes items in pocket dimension):

• Phylactery
• Board
  
  • Provides speedy horizontal transportation and long jumps (provided enough speed has been reached) for the rider.
• Ammo for weapons
• Six Nokia rounds
• Snacks and drinks
• Tools

Changelog

>14/4/17: Added item Board to inventory
>29/5/17: Added list of items in pocket dimension
>1/6/17: Added changelog
>10/6/17: Changed eye colour to green
>10/6/17: Added image reference

The Crucible - Winner Take All

Thanks for that.

The Crucible - Winner Take All

@Lugubrious

There, I've done as you asked. I've changed his teleportation range to two metres at most.

The Crucible - Winner Take All

@Lugubrious

I can nerf him slightly more, but teleportation is one of his default abilities. I've significantly toned it down. Is there anything else you want me to nerf other than that?

The Crucible - Winner Take All

@Lugubrious

I've removed his Dew Shield, making him more of a glass cannon right now, and nerfed his Nokia rounds. I hope he's more balanced now.

The Crucible - Winner Take All

@Lugubrious

Right, I've toned down my character's teleportation ability and nerfed his strength. I've also removed his super speed.

Find really bad writing and share it.

Sonic fanfics. Pure. Fucking. Cancer.

On a side note, this fucking 'creepypasta'.

Burner

Hello said james to kyle at school sup kyle responded.they both ran to class and were anxios to get out off school. When school was over Kyle tripped james causing him to fall in a pile of rocks. One of the rocks whent throu his skull causing james mental isues. James family had no choice but to lock him in a mental hospital. He spent 6 years there. Until the mental hospital caught on fire they got as many people out as they could’ve. James was one of the unfournatet ones. He burnt horribal causing his skin to go black and one eye to burn out. He arose from the ashes seeing his body. He ran to a nearbye house and found a silver mask. He put it on Also he stole jeans,a t-shirt and a jacket.the man who lived there woke up seeing james. James span around quickly charging the man. The man had a screw driver and pinned james down. He drilled 4 nails onto each side of james head left,right,top and bottom. James threw the man off and grabbed the screw driver and nails he drilled the man down to a chair. He saw lighter fluid and a matches. He grabbed them also with a knife and cut a hole in the mans stomach. He put the bottle of lighter in the mans stomach and pummed some in.I love volcanos don’t you?James put the match in his stomach and he stared vomiting blood. See your a volcano now. James walked out the door leaving the man to die.Bye the way call me “Burner”. He grabbed an axe and walked out the door.Local news report:7 Houses have burnt down to the ashes killing 16 people.Also a man covered in his own blood and burnt from the insides was found in his own house nailed to a chair.And on the wall it said “Burner” writen in ashes if you see a man named burner contact the poilce.

Yes, the entire thing is one fucking paragraph.

The Crucible - Winner Take All

@Lugubrious

Here's mine.

Gaben's Chosen

Mountain Dew Quickscope

Name: Mountain Dew Quickscope

Alias: Gaben's Chosen

Race: Human

Sex: Male

Class: Trickshotter

Equipment: Mountain carries much equipment with him, and it is normally stored on his person.

• Dragon Lore AWP, the Dewrito: The fabled AWP in its final form. Blessed by Lord Gaben himself, this is a weapon of true power. In addition to the legendary stopping power of a stock AWP, the dragon spirit inside the rifle can propel projectiles to absurd speeds and bestow infinite range, although it is a bolt-action sniper, meaning it has a slow fire rate and needs to be reloaded after every shot. It can fire three different types of ammo: Standard, Doritos, and Nokia. The Standard ammo is a regular .50 caliber round. The Doritos round is visually similar to a .50 caliber round, although it is coloured orange and glows. This round leaves an orange trail of spicy Doritos dust as it streaks through the air. Upon hitting a target, it explodes, sending Doritos dust everywhere, before a secondary explosive ignites the dust. Nokia rounds are the most powerful of the three. They are essentially Nokia 3310s in the shape of a .50 caliber round. Thanks to the indestructible properties of a Nokia, it cannot be stopped, can punch through reinforced concrete with ease, passing through one side to the other without stopping. Used sparingly by Mountain as he can only hold a maximum of six Nokia rounds at any time.
• KAP-40: A powerful automatic pistol with a high fire rate and damage. Deadly at close ranges, ineffective at longer ranges.
• Doritos Sword: A one-handed sword constructed out of microscopic Doritos, with flavoured dust surrounding it. Very light, making it ideal for fast attacks. Regenerates all damage dealt to it. Can be eaten.
• Illuminati Shield: After defeating the Illuminati, Mountain gained this piece of equipment. It is a triangular green shield of the Illuminati, and is almost indestructible. The Eye of the Illuminati can open and fire a massive laser, although it has a lengthy charge up time and cooldown, and Mountain is immobilised during this period.
• Mountain Dew Grenades: Explosive Mountain Dew cans. Incredibly reactive and can deal heavy electric damage.

Abilities: After becoming a Quickscope Master and Gaben's Chosen, Mountain gained numerous MLG powers.

• Instant Teleportation: Short teleports of two metres or less require a very short cooldown, with a maximum of five seconds.
• Enhanced Reflexes: Mountain has the reflexes of someone playing CoD on 14 sensitivity. He can see and dodge thrown projectiles like knives and arrows.
• Enhanced Strength: While not over the top, Mountain can carry several dozen kilograms without effort.
• Pocket Dimension: Mountain can store any object in his back pocket, including more guns, food, and even vehicles.

Fighting Style: Mountain is mostly a ranged combatant, hardscoping from a distance. Thanks to years of trickshotting and owning noobs at everything, he has lightning-fast reflexes, which he also gained after injecting himself with Red Bull. He is a frightening mid to close ranged fighter. He is a master quickscoper and trickshotter, being able to land headshots from across the map while doing a 1080. He is also incredibly skilled with his Doritos Sword and Illuminati Shield, able to parry attacks and bash with his shield. Mountain utilises his teleport ability to blitz opponents with either his sword or AWP, dealing heavy damage. He is nimble and as fast as an ADHD kid on speed, allowing him to easily dodge relatively slow-moving projectiles such as knives or magic bolts, but not bullets. He prefers to stay at range as his rifle is far more destructive, and he is generally more fragile than other fighters.

Personality: Cocky and confident in his abilities, Mountain is your typical MLG tryhard. He much of a trash-talking loudmouth, not afraid to vocally voice his opinions in the most offensive way possible. He loves taunting his opponents, and he often gets distracted by this. Although he isn't exactly the smartest tool in the shed, he is smart enough to plan ahead, and is highly unpredictable, moving in erratic patterns. He has a tendency to underestimate female fighters, normally yelling at them to stay in the kitchen, when he's not insulting physical appearance. Mountain has also shown to have an inability to pay attention, getting distracted and bored easily.

Bio: Mountain was a normal albeit highly skilled gamer who loved pwning noobs with his friend Daniel Doritos Blazeit. The two of them lived in the realm of Mlgolia, where everything MLG comes to life. The sun is a gigantic Dorito, the birds are airhorns, and the seas are salty from the tears of LoL players. One day, they were approached by an old man who told them that it was their destiny to stop an ancient hacker forever because their names were written in an ancient prophecy written by Gaben himself. So they went on a dew (see what I did there?) adventure. Eventually, after accidentally shooting the old man in the face and killing Thor, they found themselves in the hacker's dimension. They then battled the hacker XxXPu55ySlay3rXxX the Destroyer of Networks and managed to defeat him. However, Pussyslayer was not beat yet, and he ran away like a little bitch, vowing to pwn their asses next time.

Mountain and Daniel pursued him, gaining new weapons and defeating multiple threats along the way. Finally, after an overly long adventure through time and space and multiple universes, they managed to catch Pussyslayer. With their new weapons and powers, they prepared to defeat him once and for all. Unfortunately, Pussyslayer used the power of Ultimate Hax and very nearly defeated the two, and he almost killed Mountain until the quickscoper managed to distract him with his 500GB porn stash. Using his distraction, Mountain sliced off Pussyslayer's balls with his sword, before quickscoping him sixty-nine times. It was only then that the hacker was defeated, and order was restored to Mlgolia once more.

The two, having fulfilled the prophecy, were brought to the Temple of Gaben and met Lord Gaben himself. Mountain was then granted the title of Gaben's Chosen and became the newest Quickscope Master, legendary heroes with ridiculous powers. Daniel, unfortunately, did not become a Quickscope Master as he was based around shotguns, and he failed to meet the age limit of eighteen years. He was, however, given badass new weapons and accepted into the Steam School of MLG, a prestigious trickshotting academy.

Sometime later, word had gotten out that Electronic Arts, Steam and Lord Gaben's mortal enemy, was planning to unleash the tyranny of Downloadable Content and Preordered Games to the world. Mountain was called upon to stop this threat. Uniting with Daniel and several other heroes, they embarked on their quest into the heart of EA: Origin. The squad fought their way through swaths of Origin soldiers and made it to EA's headquarters. However, Andrew Wilson, the head of EA and evilest man alive, was there to stop them. He managed to defeat the entire Steam squad except for Mountain and Daniel (because they were the main characters). Mountain unleashed his True MLG form and defeated Andrew Wilson for good, ending Origin and EA forever.

Wish: To become the greatest quickscoper to ever exist, to smoke the dankest weed in existence, and to stop the threat of hackers forever.

Echo: In the realm of Mlgolia, there is a massive temple above the clouds. It is black and white, with flags of Steam fluttering everywhere. This is the Temple of Gaben, where Mountain met everyone's lord and saviour himself, and became the latest Quickscope Master and Gaben's Chosen.

Appearance: Mountain wears an unzipped black MLG hoodie over a black, white, and red FaZe Clan T-shirt, with dark blue jeans fastened by a black leather belt, and black and green sports shoes. He would look fairly average if not for his AWP strapped to his back and KAP-40 holstered by his hip. His sword and shield are usually not present, as he is able to summon them at will. He has short and messy black hair and a Flymemo EACH G4000 Noise Cancelling Headset hanging around his neck. His formerly-blue eyes are now orange after getting his powers, glowing slightly in the dark. He stands at a fairly average 5'11" and has a lean build with light skin.

Frenzy: Unleashing his True MLG form, Mountain is surrounded by a green aura, and rotating Mountain Dew crystals which render him invulnerable to damage until they are broken. The crystals shoot energy beams at targets. He can fly during this time, and he becomes even stronger and faster than before, able to block and dodge most attacks. His weapons also become incredibly powerful, such as the blade of his sword becoming monomolecular and rounds fired from his rifle travelling through the air almost instantly. However, he loses the ability to teleport. His eyes also glow green.

Inventory:

• Phylactery

Read Mountain Dew and Doritos: An Epic MLG Tale here.

Your favourite Steam reviews

The funniest or most honest Steam reviews you've seen, both your own or by someone else. Here's one I posted for Stellaris.

>Be me
>Buy game on glorious sacred Steam Sales
>Spent all my money on games
>Better be worth it because now I'm broke
>Did it for Gaben
>Download at amazing 5mbps download speed
>Took fucking hours but now it's done
>Play Stellaris
>Create race and start exploring
>Get bored
>Not enough communism
>Download glorious Soviet mods from Workshop
>Form space Soviet Russia to spread communism to the galaxy
>Become galactic superpower
>Soviet propaganda music playing in background
>Declare war on weak empire because I can and they have delicious resources
>Invade enemy space with massive fleet of battleships and frigates
>Immediately get swarmed by corvettes
>Got rekt
>Allies laughing at me
>mfw

10/10 would get rekt by corvette spam again.