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Lily stared at the screens as she absentmindedly bit into the donut in her hand, what happened with Christmas earlier completely forgotten. She focused her attention on Teams 3 and 4 as directed but didn't really understand the need for these "games" ...If you can actually call them games.
First of all, most of the students hadn't gotten to know each other well enough to work together effectively as a team. Especially me... Since I haven't made any effort to actually get to know anyone yet. The few that I know probably don't even like me all that much... She thought about her team mates from the real battle they had been in. Marcus. No. Probably hates me for throwing that grenade at him. Grant. We didn't really interact all that much...if at all. Callan. She waited for me to wake up in the hospital but she was just probably trying to be nice. Siena. Lily perked up a bit. She's fun.. And of course, some of the students that weren't on her team but at least interacted with her. Emma. Hmmm... She seems nice. Maybe I should try to talk to her more. Angelique. She remembered her comforting hand on her shoulder in the hospital. And that sincere thank you. Maybe I should make an effort to get to know her too. She made mental notes on who she wanted to talk to later on... something that she'll probably forget before the minute was up.
Her thoughts drifted to what had happened earlier. She wondered what would have happened if it wasn't Siena that found her. She probably would have run away or hide or something. As she continued watching what was happening on the screen, she noted the the teams at least made an effort to work together.
Why is their golden snitch thrashing the house? Ugh...It'll be hard to move around in all that junk...
Secondly, the whole thing did not fit into the games category. Games are supposed to be fun. What kind of game allows people to hurt each other? She again thought back to the recently concluded round she had participated in. She hadn't been hurt and had actually enjoyed the whole thing but she hadn't been in the midst of the fighting like most of her classmates were. A lot of them got hurt. Definitely not a game...
She stopped chewing and stared at the screen -- at the violence it showcased. Legs were broken, part of the building was cleaved off, a face melted, a head was bashed in, an eye was stabbed by a broken off table leg... Her thoughts shifted back again to the last real battle she was in, to the pain she felt when the grenade shrapnel hit her eye and then later on by a fish scale. The memory of the pain and the sight of people trying and successfully hurting each other made her stigma flare back up. Her heart began beating fast as that familiar urge to destroy and hurt came back. The voices in her head began whispering again.
Her eyes remained on the most violent of the students and the injuries that were dished out. She almost wished she was with this group. And suddenly she resented what had been her role in the previous round. She had been useless. Her powers would have allowed her to take and give. Give and take. Take and give. She didn't care much about the pain that she would receive but she craved the pain and the suffering that she could give. She knew that it would calm the voices and settle her unstable mind.
"Well, then, that was an exciting round! Let me make it official while you guys fill out the evaluation sheets."
Lily didn't even notice that while most of the students were given evaluation sheets and pens, she was bypassed. Although she probably wouldn't care even if she had noticed. Her eyes tracked the blonde boy with the blue ribbon on the screen and the events that had transpired between them earlier came back to mind. She should have cut his hand with that small wound that he had wanted so much to take back. Give it back and magnify it two folds...four folds. She knew she could do it. She didn't know how she knew but she could feel it. And she cursed herself for holding back.
A manic smile spread across her face.
Her thoughts came to an abrupt stop as she pulled her eyes away from the screen. The smile fell off her face and she stared hard at the unfinished donut in her hand as though it was offending her. No. These people are supposed to be my classmates... team mates and possible friends. Must. Control. These. Thoughts.
But it would be so easy to just let go and give in.
Easy to...give in.
Yes, give in.
Give in. She found her eyes drifting back up to the screen.
YES.
No. Once she saw that Christmas had finished healing the injuries, she let out her breath, not really realizing she had been holding it. She pulled her eyes away from the screen, closed her eyes and with one hand, rubbed them. The voices were still insistently whispering in her head. No. No. No. NO! she repeated the word over and over in her head, hoping to drown out the voices.