Hey! So this is actually really hard to do. Partly because I know sometimes Spam can be the worst place to come to in your darkest times. But, with that said. It can also be one of the best places to come to.
Anyway, there is a lot people here don't know about me. But this particular thing I am so tired of holding it in. I just want to scream about it constantly... I am constantly feeling angry and I have no one to talk to about it for the most part. Because it is either too hard for my family to talk about or the fact that I am being forced to keep it somewhat a secret... So I'm telling you guys this because I am not okay right now.
Here goes....
So most of you who do know somewhat about me know that I started university last year at the young-ish age of seventeen. Well I know I talked about how great some things were but to be completely honest they were anything but. A few months into the academic year... I became close with my roommate and started hanging out with her friends. Time went by and everything was going okay until things went sour. They would just do stupid shit like start rumors and stuff, in the beginning. But things were escalating as the year went on. The first major thing they did (Well four out of seven of them) was steal my clothes while I was in the shower and block the door so I couldn't get out of the bathroom. For about a half hour I begged them to let me out before exiting through my suite-mates room. Of course, barely decent only covered by a towel.... I reported it to Public Safety and by the time everything had settled and I was allowed to gather my own clothing it was around 6:45ish in the morning?... I had an 8AM class... After that I didn't sleep in my room and just slept anywhere I could whether it was in another persons room or a lounge... I figured I would let my roommate have the space and I'd just use it to store my things. (Basically I gave in) So anyway, a little while after this happened... My roommate got talked to by the assistant director of resident life. She was told her boyfriend (who had already been found guilty of filming a sexual assault that occured on-campus earlier that year) was no longer allowed in our space. Of course this infuriated them... So her boyfriend decided to wait for me in the room one morning and pinned me against a wall and threatened me... stating that I basically was going to regret reporting them to the university. So a few weeks passed after that encounter. Rumors flew around about me like wildfire. Then the Friday night beginning Spring Break... a friend of theirs came to my door and of course this was the one night I was actually spending in my own room because my rooommate had already departed for break and I was staying an extra night to give a campus tour... Well anyway. He knocked several times and when I finally opened the door to see what he wanted... The door wasn't open but maybe a foot? Before he forced his way in and sexually assaulted me...violating me for the third time mind you,,,, The other two times were just irrelevant to my break down tonight.. So at this point I was terrified of them and what they were capable of and started commuting from New Jersey to Pennsylvania for school. Never reported it. (Which was my first mistake) But anyway, I survived the remainder of the semester only being told that the majority of campus was told I was pregnant from working my "night job" and that was why I was commuting. So really minor in comparison to anything else they had come up with. Summer time came and I was officially home and thought I was safe... Until early June I discovered a Tumblr page devoted to me that talked about all of these supposedly awful things I had done during the year and it even had a nice little section for people to trash me... Which really I enjoyed that bit the most. So basically my mom called the university since their name was listed all over the page and it was obvious that these students were involved. And because the cops said they couldn't do anything at the time... Report was filed. The end. Nothing happened. Then a few weeks later I started getting a crazy amount of friend requests from guys I didn't know. Some old some young and some with dogs as their profile pictures... So I thought it was strange but figured it was nothing. Until I got home from work that night and discovered messages from several of them talking about pictures they had seen of me on a site and how they wanted to hook up, and etc. The one fellow went as far as talking about what car I drove and where I worked and how it would be a perfect spot for a quick bang.... So of course the constant mention of pictures and another site I googled myself and discovered one of them created a porn profile devoted to me with pictures from my facebook ranging from 15th birthday photos to current photos. The "About me" read "Slutty college student came into her first year of college, trying to play the innocent card. Until me and my buddy gangbanged her and she dropped the act just begging for more" and that is only a small portion of it... (Insert first mental break) The cops were called and basically the only thing that occured was a report being filed. They couldn't make any arrest or things like that because they weren't able to get an IP to track.... So yet again I'm just left to go on living life... Then they called my work continuously under a blocked number looking for me until I was the one to answer the phone at which point they told me "We know you called the cops bitch. Watch yourself." (Total PLL shit, right? I mean they could have attempted to be original.) And about two weeks after that I got a phone call from a blocked number on my cell while I was in Disney World saying "Enjoy my present for you" Again, Cops were called. Report was filed. Blah blah blah. Went to drive my car to work after I got back from vacation and discovered a cut brake line. (Well I didn't find it but when my car went berserk and wouldn't stop until it just shut off the mechanic from AAA found it) So after all of this I decided to not return to that particular school... And filed a formal complaint against the university. Problem I didn't realize was that I would be interviewed by and officer about everything that had happened which lead to me having to share with an officer and several faculty members of the university, the details of my assault.
Basically to finish this up quick... I started at another university and not two weeks into the year they found me. Then just the other night (All seven of them) proceeded to assault me until I was bleeding on the ground with no way to get help for myself. (Public safety discovered me on one of their "rounds") So I've decided to withdraw from school. And just today after waking up screaming for the millionth time from nightmares this morning I broke down. I called my mom and told her goodbye. Sent a text message out to several people and was almost 95% sure I was going to die today.. And honestly I think the only reason I didn't was because my mom somehow found me... So I know none of you probably care but I am coming here because I have nowhere else to vent. My family is angry with me and I have no friends because my only "friend" has decided she is better off being friends with the man who raped me. I don't know what I want out of posting this. Or if I even want anything... Nothing really matters to me that much right now.
