Wraith/Ditch
After most of the team had dispersed, (Ditch had politely asked Tank to just stay with the boy a few more moments.) Ditch had approached Wraith, voice devoid of any emotion, save perhaps the slightest hint of a smile. "Why don't you come walk with me outside for a moment." She said curtly, and instantly headed for the door, leaving Wraith no choice but to follow.
Ditch headed down the dirty and empty street that was Racket Ave. Her hands jammed in her pockets, gaze set straight ahead. The rain had stopped now, though the sky was still gray. And for the first five minutes of the walk, Ditch said not one word.
"Anything to say?" She said, rather lightly. "Before I go ahead and show you the purpose of this walk, maybe you'd like one more chance to explain yourself."
Wraith just looked at the ground, still a little bitter about being called out for her fake apology. She replied in an equally casual tone, obviously forced.
"You want the real reason that the kid freaks me out so much? And here I was, thinking you'd dragged me out here so we could start my fan club." she said, muttering the last part with a slight roll of her eyes.
In an unusually sincere tone, Wraith decided to start answering the question. She kept walking, looking around to try and make sure there was no-one to overhear their conversation.
"I don't know if you'd get it at all. But if you want to know so much..." She paused, thinking about lying, but decided against it. After all, Ditch had proven to be annoyingly perceptive so far, or at the very least suspicious of anything Wraith said.
She looked at Ditch for the first time in their walk, seeming a little defeated.
"Have you ever killed someone, Ditch? How do you think it feels?"Ditch let out a little sigh. At least Wraith seemed to be somewhat trying to answer truthfully, which was a start. However, when she asked her question, Ditch bit her tongue. How much about herself did she really want to tell this girl?
"I've never killed like you." She said. "Never up close and personal - never stared them in the eyes or worked towards their demise. But I have killed." She said, staring straight forward, refusing to look back at Wraith. "Does it make you feel good, to kill?" She said. "'Cause I never felt good about it. Even if I got to look Umbra in the eyes and snap his neck. Some part of me would still feel awful, as bad of a man he is." Now that. That was a lie. She awaited the day she got to look Umbra in the eyes and kill him - she yearned for it. And she knew, no part of her would be sorry.
Wraith let out a bitter laugh at the response. Of course Ditch would feel bad about it. They all would, probably. After all, they were just so much better than poor little Wraith, weren't they?
"Good? That's one way of putting it. It's more like a rush. I feel powerful, invincible, like nothing can touch me. It makes everything just... Disappear. Like I'm untouchable." she shook her head, disgusted with herself.
"I was even able to convince myself I was right to do it, that I was helping other people-" She paused for a moment.
"Anyway, the best way I can describe it is like a drug. That feeling, that power over someone else. It's addictive. I guess you could say I craved it. Still do. And the more that things start piling up, the more scared I get, the more that I just want to make it all go away for just one moment. Be in control." Her eyes narrowed, glaring at Ditch.
"You wouldn't get it. Rest of them would probably feel the same way you do. It's fine. Wraith's fucked in the head. What's new, right?" she felt herself laughing again. It was funny, right? Yeah, funny. Just one big sick joke.
"Stop -- laughing like that." Ditch said, seeming to be a bit repulsed. "You're not fucked in the head. Or, we're all fucked in the head. Because I'm definetly fucked in the head too, so you're not alone." Ditch ran a hand through her wet hair.
"Listen, as someone who.. er.. very much enjoyed the use of drugs back when she was a stupid fucking teenager, I can understand where you're coming from." Ditch said with another sigh. "I get it. I do. Maybe not in the exact same way, but I get it."
"There are other ways to be in control." Ditch said quietly. "You can be in control by doing the right thing, not the wrong thing, you know. Stopping bad guys doesn't mean killing them - and.. killing is the easy way out, when you think about it. You'll be even more in control if you don't kill like that."
"..There's.. a fine line between justice and slaughter. All we want to do is help you find it for yourself."
Wraith shook her head.
"I know. I know you're all trying to help me, fix me or whatever. Why do you think I hate you all so much? You're all so damn forgiving and I hate it." That was it. It wasn't like she wanted to be a killer, but it would almost be easier if Ditch would just shout at her, call her a lunatic. She knew how to deal with that.
"Why are you doing this, anyway? Why bother trying to help me? I mean, I doubt anyone would blame you if you handed me over to the authorities. It's not as though I did it once and then just stopped. So many people are dead just because I'm too weak to control myself - Why are you trying to help me?" Wraith looked, and sounded confused. She didn't get it, didn't understand. Even if she got stronger, managed to control herself and never killed another person...
"I can't fix it, Ditch. It doesn't matter how many lives I save, how many people I help, it won't fix anything. Somewhere out there, there's always gonna be some kid, waiting for a parent that never comes home and it's my fault. Because I chose to kill them. I can't make that better." Wraith didn't even remember how many it had been. She knew what it had felt like, losing her mom. And she'd done that to so many people.
Wraith went quiet, staring at the floor again. She'd thought she was doing the right thing, but did that make her any better than if she'd known she was doing the wrong thing? Or did it make her worse, since she couldn't even admit it to herself?
"You're not broken, dammit." Ditch exclaimed. "We're not trying to fix you, we're trying to help you. There's a difference." She insisted, rubbing her forehead. "There's nothing about you that needs fixing. It's not fixing. Don't think of it like that."
"You're on our team." Ditch said, walking in front of Wraith and now looking her straight in the eyes. "You're on our side, you're fighting for our cause. You're just fighting a little bit too much and that's okay, because you have the power to stop that. You're a part of our family now, and all we want to do is help you. We can't help you if you don't let us."
Ditch swallowed. "Listen," She said softly. "You know Walker, right? Wall Walker. The guy you nearly killed." A smile escaped her. "When we were kids, he was my friend. I-I.. I didn't know it was him. I mean, he didn't really have a beard back then. And his voice got deeper, and I didn't know that he had powers, and his eyes were.. darker."
"He was always a bit of an asshole. He never had any qualms poking at someone's insecurities, laughing at them. He'd trip the weak kids and he'd beat the shit out of them, but he was still my friend. Because he had his good moments. Moments where he'd laugh at the right things, not cruel jokes. And moments where he'd beat the shit out of people who actually deserved it."
"He did bad things. He's done bad things. And I guess... I'm comparing him to you. Because he looks, he acts, he talks like a criminal. But he's not."
"But when you go down the path as long as someone.. someone like Umbra has.. the exit slowly fades away. You can't leave it. And as much of a bastard, a sick, twisted bastard Umbra is, I have no doubts he started out just like all the rest of us. I have no doubts he was good at some point. What I don't doubt, is that he started killing, and never stopped. And now the good is gone."
"Your good isn't gone yet. I know it isn't. It hasn't left, not in the slightest, because you're standing here and you're trying. And that's better then Umbra ever did."
Wraith smiled slightly at Ditch's words. Was she still deluding herself? Maybe. For now, though, she had a feeling that she could live with that. As much as she found the words hard to believe, the fact that someone was trying to help her was comforting, in some weird way. Although, it still kind of hurt to listen to Ditch trying to help her like this. Hurt even more to admit that she kinda needed it. Only thing worse than a self-righteous leader, was a self-righteous leader who actually had a point.
"I really am an idiot, huh? Feeling all sorry for myself like this when there's people actually trying to help me. Guess I just never really wanted to listen before." she smiled properly now, although it was more to herself than to Ditch.
"There's a lot for me to think about. I guess trying is better than nothing at all, so I'll try. I-" she paused, an expression of reluctance and hesitation crossing her face. After a moment, she spoke again.
"I can't promise that it'll never happen again. I wish I was strong enough to be sure, but I'm not. But I promise that I'll try not to give in, and that's the best I can give you right now. Hope that's enough." she sighed, shaking her head. Sincerity could be difficult, as it turned out.
Wraith looked up, some of her usual confidence returning to her expression although it was noticeably subdued. Her coldness was certainly still there, but the girl seemed to have thawed just a little bit.
"So, why did you want to bring me out here? Or was our little heart to heart the only reason for this walk?" she didn't mean to come off as dismissive, but after opening up like that she was instinctively trying to guard her emotions again.
"You're not an idiot. It's okay to not want to listen sometimes. But I'm glad you're coming around, kid." Ditch grinned, very lightly ruffling Wraith's hair. "It's hard, to break habits. I know. But you're strong. I'm sure you'll power through it." Ditch gave a small laugh. "You're so damn young, you know. And you're doing better then any stupid teenager I've ever met. Even my past self." Ditch paused. "Looking past the murder stuff, y'know."
Ditch scratched the back of her head. "Uh, I guess... I don't know. Mostly just the heart to heart. I guess we should just head back. I don't wanna leave the kid with Tank to long, I'm sure he wants to get home." Ditch cleared her throat. They'd reached a bit more of a desolate part of the avenue -- it was an empty plot, dirty and dusty. No one had taken advantage of it, of course.
Ditch kicked the tip of her shoe into the dirt. "Uh," She mumbled. "My dad kinda.. died, here." Ditch's eyes glazed over as she shoved her hands in her pockets. "I'm sorry. I don't know. I didn't mean to make this about me, I just.. I'm trying to be less... secretive? But I honestly don't even know what counts as a secret anymore. I just keep everything to myself, so I guess.. with me, everything's a secret. I really want to.. I want you guys to trust me. And I kind of already screwed that up by reading your files and shit, and basically blackmailing you to meet me, but I'm trying."
Ditch sucked in a breath. "So you can.. ask me questions, too. Whatever you want. Anytime. Now, even, if you want. Maybe there's stuff about Umbra that I know that you should know and I just didn't even think to tell you. Like.. Umbra has heterochromia. Did you know that? One eye's green and the other is blue. It's pretty cool. I mean, it would be cooler if he wasn't a psycho, but it's cool." Ditch paused for air.
Wraith didn't say anything at all when Ditch mentioned her dad, only giving her a sympathetic look. Sometimes it was better to just let someone get things out, at least from her experience. And if Ditch was going to be thinking about this kind of stuff, then it seemed better to let her speak. No reason to stop her in the middle of talking. So, Wraith listened as Ditch spoke, letting her voice all of her concerns, with a small smile when she started to talk about Umbra's eyes.
"Yeah, I guess it is pretty cool, huh? For what it's worth with someone like that. But, yeah, you didn't get off to the best start, Ditch." she laughed, turning to look at Ditch with a sincere expression.
"Listen, I'm not the biggest expert on honesty in the city and I'm pretty sure they all trust me less than they do you, but if you want my advice on this?""For starters, you've gotta make some kinda show of trust. Telling us your name, your real name, would probably be a pretty good start. You know who we are behind the masks, so having a bit more of an equal footing..." Wraith shrugged.
"It'd feel a lot less threatening. We've all got a lot to lose from being found out, you know? Me especially." Yeah, her especially. Although, if Ditch had killed people like she said, then she'd be in much the same situation as Wraith.
"So, I say we have a proper introduction before we head back." she smirked, holding out a hand for Ditch to shake.
"As you already know, my name's Kara. Kara Banks. How about you, Ditch?" Ditch nodded as Wraith spoke. "No, I get it. I.. I've got a lot to lose too, I should've.. started with that. But being Ditch means more to me then being. You know, normal, I guess. And showing you my face as Ditch means more to me then telling you who I am." Ditch stared at Wraith's outstretched hand, teeth clenched together before she finally took the girl's hand.
"Kendall," She said slowly, a small, weak smile creeping up on her face. "Kendall West. It's nice to meet you, Kara." After they shook, Ditch let out a kind of airy laugh, immediately shoving her hands back in her pockets as if the whole ordeal was too much for her to handle. She glanced around at the empty plot. "I think we should go before I start blabbing about my sad feelings or some shit." Ditch said with a grin, gingerly putting a hand on Wraith's shoulder. "I'm glad you came." She said. "I'm glad we could talk."
"Kendall, huh? Nice name." While the name didn't mean anything to her, Wraith was just glad that her advice had been taken on board. She appreciated having a bit more of a level playing field between them even if it was mostly symbolic.
"You should have said it at the start, but it's not too late. Just try and trust us a little from now on, and I'll do the same for you. You don't have to deal with everything on your own."Wraith smiled and nodded slightly as Ditch placed her hand on her shoulder.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad we could talk like this too. I think we really should head back, though. We've both got plenty to think about, and besides, I'm not even supposed to be out of the house!" she laughed a little.
"Come on, we should head back."Turning to head back the way that they'd come, she paused for a second and looking over her shoulder at Ditch, a genuine smile finally on her face.
"Thank you, Kendall. I mean that."
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