Member
Zoe had left the hospital as soon as they got the all clear. Sure, part of her was curious about why Benediction would be here, but it didn't seem like he'd helped them on much more than a whim to her. More importantly, she wouldn't get the time of day if she tried to find out from anyone who actually knew anything. Besides, the Precursor's unexpected arrival wasn't her priority. She had more personal issues to deal with right now.
Well, more like issues to try and avoid, if she was honest with herself. The truck ride back to campus had given her plenty of time to think over her outburst and it wasn't hard to figure that she wouldn't have made many friends in Green Team. Which normally wouldn't be an issue, but several of them were in the 'violent X' dorms, and running into them wasn't something she felt like dealing with until she cleared her head. Best case scenario, they'd scream at her, which she could mostly ignore. Worst case scenario, they'd start lecturing her about what she did and why it was a very very bad thing. Which was way more infuriating, because if you hit those people it apparently made you the unreasonable one.
Besides that, there was the fear that she'd snap again if they started to get on her nerves. Even with the suppression bracelets on, she didn't want to see how far her ability would work through that if she got into a fight. Even if it didn't work at all though, there was still the possibility of just straight-up punching them in the face. Which would probably get someone in trouble.
Either way, it wasn't a ideal situation, so she'd figured the best thing to do was clear her head. Walking around town wasn't exactly exciting, but it was nice to finally have some kind of calm after the rest of the day had been so chaotic. More importantly, she doubted any of her 'teammates' were there, so she'd been able to relax without looking over her shoulder the whole time. Smiling to herself, she leaned back against the front of a store that had closed for the night, just watching the world go by.
"Christ you're impatient!"
Came a voice from around the corner, followed by a crunching sound echoing into the night. Footsteps slowly became audible on the sidewalk, as well as the pitter patter of paws clicking against the ground. More enthusiastic crunches followed, with only a sigh to respond to them. On the deserted streets nearly midnight, anybody nearby would have heard the two. Zoe, of course, would be no exception. It was almost a few moment more though before the sources of the noise rounded the corner. Lawrence, unsurpringly, holding a cup of coffee, and Lizzy behind him, staring intently at his other hand. It was hard to tell in the middle of the night, but it appeared he was holding sticks of some kind, halfway stuck in some orange wrapper.
Deciding where to go next, he looked both ways down this new street, and saw Zoe almost immediately. Of course, Zoe was a hard figure to miss. Tall with hair that was good at catching the light, and a presence that made itself easily known. Coupled with a personality that made no attempts to hide it. Just about as intimidating as a woman could be, unless that woman's name was Zhang. Still, if Lawrence was surprised at seeing her, he didn't show it. Instead he tossed one of the sticks in his hand at Lizzy- who snatched it out of the air with practicd dexterity, and took his place leaning next to the taller woman. He stayed there silent for a few seconds, taking a long sip of his coffee, before saying:
"Couldn't sleep, or didn't try?"
Zoe looked at Lawrence curiously, slightly surprised to see him out this late. He hadn't looked much like the type to be out wandering town with his dog at midnight to her, but her impression must have just been off the mark. Maybe it was true you shouldn't judge a book by its cover - although now that she actually took time to look at the guy's appearance it seemed a lot less weirdly professional than she'd initially assumed. If anything, he actually seemed kind of scruffy, like he didn't care about it at all.
She thought for a second on how to go about responding to his question before deciding to just be straightforward with him. There was something calm about Lawrence and she'd gotten a lot more relaxed over the past hour anyway, which tended to make her more open with people. Besides, she didn't have any reason to lie to him right now, and he'd been there longer than the rest of them from what she remembered. Maybe talking to him could actually be helpful. With a sigh and a shrug, she turned her head to look at him.
"Things got pretty heated after the fight. Guess I figured it was a good idea to clear my head so I don't do anything stupid."
"Yeah, it probably wouldn't be a surprise if I said I heard you, at least enough to get the idea. Then there was Emma hitting the guy who saved our asses as a 'Thank you' and Sander trying to attack Christmas. I heard blue team bickering pretty hard as well. Yeah, pretty heated."
He took another sip of his coffee, but a much shorter one than the last.
"I don't know if I'm trying to clear my head, but I like to unwind after a situation like that. Makes you appreciate the time you have to relax."
Zoe chuckled slightly, not really seeming bothered by the observation. It was true, after all, and she at least wasn't ashamed of what she'd said.
"Hey, in my defence, someone had to say it. But yeah, it's good being able to to take some time out. At least 'til they send us out to die again."
Pausing for a second, she looked at him curiously before speaking again, her tone fairly blunt.
"Was today normal? You've been here longer than the rest of us, but sending us out that quickly... So many of them are just kids. Not that I'm much older, but I can handle myself. Can't say that about everyone though."
Lawrence had to stop himself from laughing at the absurdity of the question. The fact that anything surrounding subnaturals could at any time be normal was... amusing to think about, but he held back at the moment. Instead, he tossed another stick towards Lizzy as a brief distraction, letting her finish it with another satisfied Crunch before responding:
"Normal in that new students are thrown into the meat grinder immediately upon arriving? No. Normal in that new students are thrown into the meat grinder immediately upon arriving when Menagerie or another Precursor attacks us? I can't answer that. I can say things went surprising well, so who knows if it was the right decision or not?"
Another sip.
"I sure don't."
Zoe nodded slowly at his words. So it was true that they weren't normally sent out that quickly, she'd been right about that. But it was also true that it hadn't been a normal situation that lead to it, so whether they were being targeted for something or just unlucky was up in the air. She looked up at the night sky, considering the situation.
"I just wish we'd get told what was going on. I know that's not gonna happen, though. We're subnaturals, after all, so I doubt they care how any of us feel about this. At least until it starts causing them trouble, that is."
Sadness crossed her expression for a brief second.
"As long as they get whatever they're trying to, we're just collateral damage, aren't we? Don't think it really sunk in before today."
"You're not entirely wrong, but...
He paused once more watching the steam rise from the cup in his hands.
"Would they feel pity for us? Probably not, on a whole, but if they didn't give a damn at all about your well being then they would be shooting themselves in the foot. They need us to kill monsters, even if we're only weapons, a broken weapon is useless, it needs to be maintained. They're not so stupid as to throw us away for no benefit, or completely ignore all our needs as human beings."
"You know what they can't do though? Kill monsters. Doing that, I feel like I've found my purpose."
"So, even if it's only as weapons, we always have value. It may not seem like much, but I'd rather be something at the end of the day than nothing. Something, at least, has a reason for being alive."
"I guess it's better than nothing, then. At least we're useful."
Zoe couldn't help but be slightly bitter about it, but she knew how people thought of them. Besides, it wasn't like she'd never felt the same way before she became a subnatural herself. People with their kind of power were frightening to think of - she supposed it could have been a lot worse than 'useful'.
"I'm not really thrilled about it, but if being a weapon gives you a purpose then that's what works for you. All the same... I feel like most of the others deserve better. Don't belong on a battlefield. I don't want to see them getting hurt for someone else's fight."
It was an interesting thought, though. A purpose was something she'd never really considered, finding a real reason to keep fighting that wasn't just survival. She'd have to give it some thought.
"Someone else's fight?"
His tone changed, suddenly. A slight bitterness of his own leeching into it. The delivery was still calm, but there was a definite air of chastizement- or combativeness- to it:
"Who else's fight exactly? The owner of the shop I bought this coffee from? The military that was forced to nuke China into a wasteland? Any other option causes too much harm or too little good to be worth considering. We might fight because we have to, and I'll be the first to admit I probably wouldn't be anywhere near a battlefield if I had an actual choice, but it's still ours as much as it is everybody else's. We just happen to have power. Whether we belong on a battlefield or not, I'd much rather see us out there than civilians getting slaughtered or the military bringing a new definition to 'Collateral damage'."
Trying to soften a bit, he threw another of the sticks at an ever appreciative Lizzy.
"Maybe they do deserve better, but someone would have to take their place. And the people that would deserve just as much as them. It's a way of thinking that leads to more questions and regrets than answers. Personally, I work with who I'm given, we're all equals in misfortune. I don't think you're any more deserving of being out there than I am, or Shane, or even the children. World's fucked up whether we adapt to it or not."
"I never really thought about any of that. The fate of the world, the lives of whatever random people are walking down the street? I've never looked past the people on my side, not really. Doesn't stop me fighting, but saving the world was never really my thing. As long as I can look out for the people close to me, everything else was never really my problem. There's only so much I can care about."
She shook her head, almost looking angry at herself. Resentful.
"Selfish, right? But I'm sure you already figured that out."
Smiling wryly, she raised her head, slowly tapping a finger against the X mark on her throat. That was why she had it, after all. One stupid, selfish decision. Death, destruction, blood on her hands - she'd chosen that for the world, just to protect the people she cared about. Maybe it was just a dream or a vision, but there was no denying reality.
"I'm not going to stop fighting. But make no mistake, my fight was only ever for the people I personally care about. Say whatever you like, but that's not changing any time soon."
He shook his head.
"I'm not what you would call a bleeding heart, all I mean to say is death is equal. Whether it's us, or a random joe, someone has to be risking their life or the entire world does go to shit both for the fighters and the idle. It just makes more sense for the fighters to be us, and things that make sense are what I choose to follow."
Tossing the last stick to Lizzy, he shoved the empty wrapper in his his pocket and pointed to the Arbiter mark on his face.
"Besides, your mark doesn't make you selfish any more than mine makes me selfless. We made the choice we felt was best, and we live with the consequences of that action. But..."
He extended his now-free hand, offering a shake.
"This is all a rather deep discussion for a woman whose name I haven't even caught yet."
So he was just being logical about this? Wasn't how she looked at things, but at least she knew where he was coming from now. So she could sort of understand it, even if they didn't exactly see eye to eye. Logic was as good a way as any to try and sort out the mess they were in - but she was never going to be the type of girl able to view things objectively.
Although it was interesting to hear him talk about the marks. She'd always just assumed she'd made the 'wrong' choice, considering the consequences she'd ended up with, but in a way he was telling the truth. It had been what she thought was important that had mattered in the end. That was different for each and every one of them.
Zoe looked at the offered hand for a second before relaxing and accepting the handshake with a smirk.
"Guess that did get pretty deep, huh? Name's Zoe. You're Lawrence, right? I think Zhang introduced you to us all earlier."
The smirk was returned as he retracted his hand.
"Right, right, the whole arrival in chains thing. Yeah, still Lawrence here. And this-"
Stare.
"- Temperamental little dog-"
Stare.
"- Is named Lizzy."
STARE.
Upon finishing the last of her snacks, Lizzy could only be described as enormously satisfied with her life and the direction it had taken. However, the second Zoe and Lawrence had shaken hands she completely transformed. With almost unnerving stillness she inched closer to Lawrence and fixed a steady gaze on Zoe, almost startling in its intensity. No growl came from her throat, and no teeth were barred, but the message was clear: The dog was issuing a challenge.
"I'd just ignore her- she gets like this around women. Food's usually a good peace offering if you have any."
Zoe looked at Lizzy. Someone was pretty protective of her owner apparently. Not that it was a bad thing, although it was kind of inconvenient to deal with right now. Still, it was Lawrence's dog so taking his advice seemed like the best idea. Better than possibly making the dog angry anyway, because she'd been attacked enough for one day. Not that Lizzy seemed like she'd do that, but still.
Of course, she didn't exactly carry dog treats around with her. Although she had grabbed some snacks on her way around, seeing as the fight had left her with a bit of an appetite. Most of them were finished searching her pockets, she pulled out a small bag of apple slices and gave Lawrence a questioning look. She didn't want to go poisoning his pet or something.
"Yeah, this is all I've got on me. Can dogs even eat apples?"
"Yeah, although it's hit or miss if they actually like them, Lizzy though-"
At the word apples the dog walked up and snatched the package from Zoe's hand, strutting away with her head held high in arrogance. As if to say she had won the first round of a game Zoe didn't even know she was playing. Then, once behind Lawrence, she tore into the small package on the ground and devoured it's contents, leaving Lawrence to pick up the trash with a sigh.
"- Will eat anything. Sorry about that. I'll pay you back sometime, lord knows enough smartasses hand me apples on a daily basis."
The statement was followed by another sigh that spoke volumes about the truth behind it. The sound of a man resigned to his fate. Running a hand through his hair, he looked down the empty streets, and to the now-pacified Lizzy. Finally, his eyes settled on Zoe once more, and he tilted his head in the general direction of her new home.
"Need help finding your way back? I'm in no hurry either way if your head still needs clearing."
Zoe looked at the dog's actions in bemusement. At least she didn't seem to be mad anymore, although the reaction had been almost arrogant. Lawrence definitely wasn't joking about the dog's appetite either, seeing the speed that the apples disappeared at. It was kind of funny, actually - drawing a slight chuckle from the girl.
"No need to pay me back. It's just a few pieces of apple, I'm sure I'll live."
Still, there was something about the way that he spoke. Almost like he was tired of something or other. She gave him a look of concern, but didn't call him out on it. Instead, she looked back up at the school, following the direction he'd indicated. As much as she resented the circumstances, she had to go back eventually.
"I think I've just about cooled off. So long as we don't get there too quickly, it should be fine. Can't stay out here forever, right?"
"Well, as the one with longer legs, I'd say you have the honor of setting the pace."
With a sip of his coffee and an "after you" sweeping of his hand, Lawrence fell in beside Zoe on their trip back home. The three walked in silence, man, woman, and dog, although at least to Lawrence it was a peaceful one. A last chance to enjoy the night air for what it was, with the sounds of a mostly-slumbering town to soothe him. It had, in the end, been a successful trip into town. The battles of the past gave way to the relaxation of the present, and he felt like he'd sleep with little difficulty that night. Still, it wasn't entirely without reluctance that he approached USARILN East once more, and the cold embrace of the new life he had come to accept. For awhile at least, on the nearly deserted streets of a slumbering town, he had felt less like a weapon, and more like Lawrence. Losing that again came with no small reluctance.
Yet still he approached, and as the two stood in front of the Aberration wing, he looked up at Zoe once more, finishing off the coffee that had since gone cold. It took another moment after the cup was empty to settle on what he wanted to say, but finally he offered:
"When your stigma starts acting up, I'm usually around in the library. If you feel like getting some peace without having to destroy a bunch of shit- or you can't wait to get to ground zero, I'll do what I can for you."
As a demonstration, the two were briefly engulfed in a white light, although Lawrence didn't let his power take full effect before turning it off once more. It was merely meant to be a sample.
"Most Abes seem to like it, anyway. I'm sure word would have gotten to you eventually, but an invitation never hurts either."
As the white light surrounded her for a brief second, Zoe had felt ever so-slightly calmer than normal. It wasn't too potent, but then she doubted he was putting it on full blast right now. But it was nice, just having a few less worries for a moment. For once, she was calm enough on her own, but on a bad day... Well, she could see how it'd help out. Keep things under control.
"I can see why they would. It's... peaceful. I'll make sure to keep the offer in mind. Although if you wanted an excuse to talk to me, you could always just ask."
She smirked confidently, clearly joking, and looked at him with a slight laugh before turning to go back to the dorms. Pausing, she thought things over for a second. It didn't seem fair not to at least acknowledge his help properly before leaving. As she reached the door, she stopped before going in and spoke more sincerely.
"Seriously though, thanks for speaking to me back there, Lawrence. I appreciate it."
He chuckled in response, starting to move away and throwing a wave towards her with the back of his hand.
"Yeah yeah, let me know next time if you prefer taking up a career as a street sign instead. Goodnight though!"
