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Zamokra41The dog listened to Ken's lament and lowered his head, trying to veer his eyes off the pilot in case he got too nervous to unleash his inner torment. Like he expected, the airman had quite a load to take off his heart and no doubt it took effort to pull out his fears and thoughts out to the light. Hearing him sob pulled Aidan's gaze back up and drew a sigh from his chest; he refrained from trying to comfort him with a friendly pat on the shoulder or any word at all, he first had to put everything out so that there was nothing left but enough space for more positive thoughts. By the time he was finished and ended in a tough self-criticism, Aidan tisked and shook his head in disapproval, a sort of smile taking over his snout and eyes.
"You know what would have made you pathetic, Kensington?" He said in a low tone, expecting no answer from the pilot. "If you didn't have these feelings and thoughts you told me. It would have worried me to know you're completely unfazed by such a tragedy; don't let the illusion that everyone else copes better with death fool you, everyone suffers in their own way. And you hold no responsibility, and hear me out on this."
Aidan cleared his throat, stood up and took a seat beside the pilot, at enough distance to be heard but not close enough to violate personal space.
"Arcade died because I chose to make it my responsibility. I didn't want to pass a dying corpse to the medical team on board the cruiser. To me, it felt like I was trying to rid myself of responsibility and shove the problem off my shoulders and dump it in someone else's lap. They would have reached the same conclusion: he is a dying man, he needs to rest. And if you really want to throw a blame, put it on me. I was the one who decided to let Arcade die sooner, but not because I've gotten tired from keeping him alive; can you call it pride, though? Maybe. His life was in my hands from the beginning of the op and I wanted it to end by my hands."
"But you did nothing wrong. You've did your job exquisitely and you've even stepped beyond your boundaries, got out of the chopper's safety and helped me with Aihara; there's really nothing to reproach about your performance, Ken, I mean it! It's okay that you feel sorrow for losing one of our guys, even if we just met him, but just because it was your chopper that hauled him back to base doesn't tag you as guilty for anything. Even if it were somebody else's helicopter, or what other evac vehicle you can think of, Arcade was still a frying hunk of meat that would die sooner or later. In retrospect, maybe it would have been better to leave him there, in his GEAR. I'm not trying to be cruel or cold here, Ken, but what I am trying to do is to show you that no matter how hard you try to blame yourself for any of this, you're wasting your breath and thinking power: you've done a superb job and I can swear here, and in front of other people, that you just have to be the best medevac pilot I've had the chance to work with. I haven't met a medevac pilot that would willingly take the risk of stepping out of their comfortable seat and even glance at the wounded, let alone throw in a helping hand."
"So, tonight, I will toast for our fallen pilots, Myrina and Arcade, and to my new favorite medevac pilot, Kensington Maxwell. And if I promised you a six pack, you'll get it. Come on, champ-" he threw a healthy pat on the wolf's back to put him into motion "-get handsome and let's commemorate our guys, drown that sadness and when the time comes again, we'll burn and wreck whoever brought this sadness unto us. Return the favor. You agree, pilot?"
There was a certain heaviness in the air during the ceremony, Aidan could feel it with his fingertips; he wasn't too sure if people were indeed feeling bad for losing two GEAR pilots, though. It could be they were fearing what would come of the cruiser during the next mission, a much more daunting and delicate task that could mean the beginning of a war. The medic kept silent throughout the whole speech, but later, he raised his glass high and let his chest roar with the name of his unit "RUOGHRIDERS!"; he lowered his glass down for a little while, turned towards Ken and raised it again while he bowed his head down to him. The contents of the glass had a nice taste, a good sting to keep his throat warm, but an after-taste he wasn't sure if he wanted to let it linger for too long, so he quickly took another sip almost reflexively. It would be the only few milliliters of alcohol he would allow himself to drink, he didn't want to get too drowsy for tonight's special watch, but, he still had to fulfill his promise to Ken, so while most of the Riders were chattering, Aidan slipped unnoticed to the bar and paid for six bottles of cold beer, which he skilfully carried back to the group and placed them in front of Kensington.
"A promise is a promise." He stated with a tired smile. "I toast for our dear Kensington Maxwell for being THE best chopper pilot I had the honor to work with. I'd also like to toast for Captain Sprinsteam, a woman who saved my life and just nearly lost hers in the effort, to Adrian here for being a good sport, Michael Nawlin for keeping our backs safe throughout. Kuraiko Aihara, I'm almost out of energy, but I swore that I would murder you if you got killed while I was away, so expect a punch tomorrow at 0850 hours. To Naida, Ed and Nathan for their bravery and dedication. Finally, to Silverwind Blade, for whom I cannot find words to describe his... awesomeoness? That sounds bad. What I can say, though, he is an inspiration for this unit, a good leader and a good friend. Times will get harder, but together, we will harden and pull through. May the stars have mercy on our enemies, for we shall not. Roughriders."
He couldn't pull himself to yell again as his voice slowly failed him, exhaustion taking a toll on his body; he instead raised his hand and bowed his head solemnly.
"You know what would have made you pathetic, Kensington?" He said in a low tone, expecting no answer from the pilot. "If you didn't have these feelings and thoughts you told me. It would have worried me to know you're completely unfazed by such a tragedy; don't let the illusion that everyone else copes better with death fool you, everyone suffers in their own way. And you hold no responsibility, and hear me out on this."
Aidan cleared his throat, stood up and took a seat beside the pilot, at enough distance to be heard but not close enough to violate personal space.
"Arcade died because I chose to make it my responsibility. I didn't want to pass a dying corpse to the medical team on board the cruiser. To me, it felt like I was trying to rid myself of responsibility and shove the problem off my shoulders and dump it in someone else's lap. They would have reached the same conclusion: he is a dying man, he needs to rest. And if you really want to throw a blame, put it on me. I was the one who decided to let Arcade die sooner, but not because I've gotten tired from keeping him alive; can you call it pride, though? Maybe. His life was in my hands from the beginning of the op and I wanted it to end by my hands."
"But you did nothing wrong. You've did your job exquisitely and you've even stepped beyond your boundaries, got out of the chopper's safety and helped me with Aihara; there's really nothing to reproach about your performance, Ken, I mean it! It's okay that you feel sorrow for losing one of our guys, even if we just met him, but just because it was your chopper that hauled him back to base doesn't tag you as guilty for anything. Even if it were somebody else's helicopter, or what other evac vehicle you can think of, Arcade was still a frying hunk of meat that would die sooner or later. In retrospect, maybe it would have been better to leave him there, in his GEAR. I'm not trying to be cruel or cold here, Ken, but what I am trying to do is to show you that no matter how hard you try to blame yourself for any of this, you're wasting your breath and thinking power: you've done a superb job and I can swear here, and in front of other people, that you just have to be the best medevac pilot I've had the chance to work with. I haven't met a medevac pilot that would willingly take the risk of stepping out of their comfortable seat and even glance at the wounded, let alone throw in a helping hand."
"So, tonight, I will toast for our fallen pilots, Myrina and Arcade, and to my new favorite medevac pilot, Kensington Maxwell. And if I promised you a six pack, you'll get it. Come on, champ-" he threw a healthy pat on the wolf's back to put him into motion "-get handsome and let's commemorate our guys, drown that sadness and when the time comes again, we'll burn and wreck whoever brought this sadness unto us. Return the favor. You agree, pilot?"
There was a certain heaviness in the air during the ceremony, Aidan could feel it with his fingertips; he wasn't too sure if people were indeed feeling bad for losing two GEAR pilots, though. It could be they were fearing what would come of the cruiser during the next mission, a much more daunting and delicate task that could mean the beginning of a war. The medic kept silent throughout the whole speech, but later, he raised his glass high and let his chest roar with the name of his unit "RUOGHRIDERS!"; he lowered his glass down for a little while, turned towards Ken and raised it again while he bowed his head down to him. The contents of the glass had a nice taste, a good sting to keep his throat warm, but an after-taste he wasn't sure if he wanted to let it linger for too long, so he quickly took another sip almost reflexively. It would be the only few milliliters of alcohol he would allow himself to drink, he didn't want to get too drowsy for tonight's special watch, but, he still had to fulfill his promise to Ken, so while most of the Riders were chattering, Aidan slipped unnoticed to the bar and paid for six bottles of cold beer, which he skilfully carried back to the group and placed them in front of Kensington.
"A promise is a promise." He stated with a tired smile. "I toast for our dear Kensington Maxwell for being THE best chopper pilot I had the honor to work with. I'd also like to toast for Captain Sprinsteam, a woman who saved my life and just nearly lost hers in the effort, to Adrian here for being a good sport, Michael Nawlin for keeping our backs safe throughout. Kuraiko Aihara, I'm almost out of energy, but I swore that I would murder you if you got killed while I was away, so expect a punch tomorrow at 0850 hours. To Naida, Ed and Nathan for their bravery and dedication. Finally, to Silverwind Blade, for whom I cannot find words to describe his... awesomeoness? That sounds bad. What I can say, though, he is an inspiration for this unit, a good leader and a good friend. Times will get harder, but together, we will harden and pull through. May the stars have mercy on our enemies, for we shall not. Roughriders."
He couldn't pull himself to yell again as his voice slowly failed him, exhaustion taking a toll on his body; he instead raised his hand and bowed his head solemnly.