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    1. Merlin McWizard 11 yrs ago

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The next morning was a training session for the Maximus Gladiators before the public matches began. The fighters were gathered in the yard. "Listen up, dogs!" barked the arms master. "I'm told we get a new recruit today. Surely whoever they are will be less worthless than you lot. So brace yourselves, because you'll be sparring with them!" He grunted at the servants standing nearby. "Alright, bring 'em out!" And a little girl trotted out onto the field, much to the arms master's anger. "THIS is the new meat? Why, she's just a toothpick." The man blistered. "And dressed up like mommy's little whore-in-training. Unripe to be shanked by either of my swords..." He really hated his job. "I HAVE a name, you know!" Nolita replied, with a light accent and more than a hint of annoyance. The arms master glared at her. "Alright fine, whelp. It seems there are no more able bodied men left in all of Rome, so you're what we get. You'll make a nice little snack for the lions soon enough, but first I'll let this lot over here tender you up for them." He turned to the gladiators. "Alright dogs, who wants a go at our new little fairy princess first?"


name: Nolita Jugendlich

age: 14

gender: Female

nationality: Germania

weapons: She has a whip she got from her other profession. Also uses martial arts.

work outside being a gladiator: Courtesan

Bio: A young girl spirited away from her conquered homeland of Germania, Nolita was sold to one of the most prestigious brothels in all of Rome. Primarily meant for guests of rawer tastes, she is now being forced into the Maximus school as punishment for refusing to see a client. While her extravagant courtesan outfit offers little physical protection, it does give her a great deal of mobility and flexibility. While her entry into the gladiator ring is meant merely to provide a brief amusement for the plebs, Nolita has no intention of dying. She is prepared to fight for her freedom, by whatever means necessary.
David charged rashly into the tall grass after his prey soon-to-be best friend. He quickly found that the creature had circled around and snuck up on his pursuer from behind. "Very discreet. I admire your technique!" quipped David. Luckily his pants were firmly lifted. Nothing was getting the better of him this day. David pulled a crazy-ass wu-tang move and tripped the creature just as it was about to strike. Placing his boot firmly on the monster's crotch-area, he had the opportunity to better inspect his foe.

It was a meaty slab wrapped in a breaded exterior, complete with pickles and cheese. It was basically an overgrown cheeseburger, with angry little eyes on top. It also sported large muscular arms attached to the lower bun area. Although try as it might, it could not remove the mighty foot that was crushing down on it's nether region. "Aha! My first catch! And what a specimen you are! There is only one fitting name for a creature such as you!" David quickly typed "Cheeseburgasaur" into his pokedex. "As for you personally, I shall name you Alex, and we shall henceforth be bros!" He then right-hooked a pokeball into the face of his captive and captured it.
After detaching himself from his parachute, David Childharmer proudly took his gallant first steps upon this new continent.Though the situation was not entirely concurring with his plans, he was determined to make the most of his banishment. His pale eyes gleamed at the prospect of making many, many new furry friends. In the distance he spotted what looked to be a bun-shaped creature. Tugging fervently at his crotch, David hurried onward past the others to investigate.
At the sight of yet another ungodly presence defiling their most sacred sanctum, All hope Dakota had left instantly extinguished, his boner sagged sadly. The seal was broken, and both divine beings were free to face off against each other in a battle of divine might that transcended all mortal comprehension. The fabric of time and space began to tremble and convolute. "PEARL HARBO-" Ken managed to blurt out before being sucked into a singularity. The cock of Jupiter Himself dangled down from the heavens in order to witness the astronomical spectacle. It uttered a single word: "Bonjour." Things started getting more abstract. Across a variety of hidden dimensions, Dakota is dismayed. A crack echoed through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifted from randomness to a perfect C sharp. John Lennon hands Dakota a piece of gum. All he wanted was a reach around.
"NO, STOP!" Dakota tried to scream, but it was too late. This newcomer had inexplicably summoned what amounted to the phallic antichrist, he who used his shaft for destruction rather than enlightenment. Already orange juice was seeping into the room. Dakota ran to the door and flung it open, just as his fellow cult members were rushing in to assist him. They included Rowdy Pistols, Clifton Fumbledum, Nick Limes, Ken, Gat, and King Henry VIII.

"Quick, we must act! While he is still weakened!" Dakota barked. The group formed a circle around the awakening deity. They recited holy incantations, their boners quivering in unison as an encasing force field began to form around Mentulla. Would it be enough? Or would another universe fall victim to erectile eradication?
"So it seems you have discovered our meeting place..." Dakota chuckled menacingly to himself as he came into the room behind Eddy, and locked the door. His voice had dropped an octave, and his short skirt and blouse had been swapped for a toga, speckled with blood. From his neck hung a solid gold medallion shaped into a phallus. "How do you like the decorations? Do they not bring pleasure to the senses?" Dakota saw Eddy's face was contorted in shock and horror and perhaps pain from stomach cramps. He had been chewing an awful lot of gum. "Don't be afraid. Embrace our Lord Priapus and he will show you the way." He moved over to the altar and started applying holy lubricant to his hands and nether regions while Eddy looked on. "I suppose I should explain. I am a recruiter, of sorts. We knew there would be someone at the LGBT meeting worthy of joining the Church of Saint Priapus. You are that someone. You have a great power, Eddy. The sheer concentration of your gaiety is causing the physics of our world to break down, as you have seen. Join our church, and learn to channel that gayness for the greater glory of the Holy Cock!"
At his rejection by Eddy, Dakota grinned an evil grin so ferociously evil that even Caligula himself would feel mildly uncomfortable bearing witness to said grin. "Playing hard to get?" Dakota murmured to himself. "That's just fine. Keep it up sweetie, you'll be mine one way or another..." He couldn't let up. After all, when you play the game of making gay advances on someone, you either win or you have blue balls. Dakota skipped over to the design line. He knew how to spice things up, and this parade would be no exception. He couldn't help but notice that the lines for the two jobs weren't exactly split evenly.
Dakota let slip a giggle at Eddy's sly remark. "Ohhhh riiiight, I saw your name on the list in the RSO office. What an adorable name! Eddy..." He let the sound of it roll over his tongue. And then roll over it some more. He glanced back over the rest of the room. Even more people had come in. It was a respectable turnout. "May I..?" Not waiting for permission, Dakota sat himself down on the couch next to Eddy. He might be queer, but wasn't some timid autist. "It seems like the Prez is letting us mingle for a while before the meeting starts. So what's hippity-happening, Eddy?" He glanced at Eddy's notepad and saw what he had written. This time he LOL'd, in a girly way. "AHAHAHA! I guess Faeya didn't really leave the best first impression, did she? Poor thing..." He placed a manicured hand on Eddy's shoulder. "I like you, Eddy. You've got balls. Or at least I hope you do..." Dakota's eyes slowly slid downwards, until they were fixed shamelessly on Eddy's crotch...
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