Cecil wanted to just get to the next place at this point to see if it was where he was supposed to go, or rather where he felt was the right place to go. Even though he knew he needed to find his way to the city, he didn’t know what a city looked like or what he was supposed to do at the city, only that he had to go to a place of such a name and would probably know what it looked like. He was told the city was where he would find all the answers he needed and he believed that more than he believed in his eyes. If the city was where the Machina were accepted and often manufactured then there would be something for him, he could possibly get some faults fixed and a purpose finally. The others didn’t have that problem, they had lived long lives compared to him and probably had it all figured out along with their goals, but since he was manufactured he needed to have a purpose given to him rather than something he could choose. Even if he did have a free will of sorts he had zero experience with their world and had no way to choose what he wanted out of life.
Generally, once they had finally made their way through the day and the day slowly faded away it was time to stop for a while for the others to ‘recharge’ in a way. The most he could do was sit around and wait for them all to get up in a number of hours, or he could shut himself down and be left completely vulnerable and not entirely well off in the head. Shutting down generally meant in his existence he would just kind of blink and be in a completely different moment in time. It wasn’t something a conscious machine like him should experience, but it did help save power and meant he could still continue functioning without needing to refresh his battery. He didn’t know the limits of his current battery, it felt like a part of him had been replaced and he now didn’t know what he was supposed to do with it. He could probably compare it to if he lost his arm and had it replaced with his leg.
Cecil had other concerns that wasn’t his battery, at least for now. Since their guides had ran off after all the hassle they went through to getting them they were now with someone else he was unfamiliar with and someone else who didn’t know that he was actually artificial. He didn’t know what to make of this new lady, whether she was a good person and would understand him if he did show he was not made of flesh. If she ended up being somebody who also hated Machina for whatever reason then she could probably easily destroy him and disappear before the others could catch her. He felt at risk around new people, a risk that the others probably never had to experience for themselves. Their existence was secured, there were others like them out there in the world but he had yet to meet another Machina who could express like he could.
Maybe once he made it to the city his insecurities would be gone and he would find other Machina who were as expressive as he was, at least so he could tell the others that he wasn’t the only one and for them to not feel like they had come across something unusual on their travels. It was somewhat exciting to know he could find other Machina, but if there was no other like him then it was also going to be downright devastating for him and would have him questioning everything about himself and whether he should technically exist at all. It was a pretty terrible feeling, knowing there was a possibility that he would be the only one and that his purpose had been to remain at the factory he was made at. He didn’t want to go back there, even as the others insisted he should. If he had fought hard enough to not recall how he managed to escape then there must’ve been a reason for it.
Maybe he shouldn’t be thinking about such complicated questions and whether he had any place to ask them, especially when it was time for everyone to settle down. He didn’t particularly want to be near anyone right now, but Amuné seemed insistent on settling down with him even though he could never truly settle. He just wanted to be left alone, she would be better off resting with someone who wouldn’t act out randomly and someone who wasn’t simply metal coated in nano-technologically enhanced fibre. Looking to her as he sat at the camp he could only stare at Amuné as she asked the question, looking as if he had just been asked to perform some act. “I-I don’t understand why…but I guess so…” Maybe he was just too cowardly to say no for fear that he might be rejected the next day, he knew people could get angry at just about anything that didn’t go their way. Staring into the fire as she lay down beside him he frowned when he noticed Wyth, moving slightly in response he looked down at his gauntlet as Amuné took hold of it. Not understanding the gesture he looked back to the fire, feeling a little confused at her last words as everyone was settling down.
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The night was pretty nice looking for all the hours he spent sitting underneath the stars, his question still standing as to what they were exactly and why they lit up the sky when there was no weather. It was typically nice when there was none, he didn’t have to worry about hiding from the rain or trying to prevent his joints from stiffening up. While generally the nights were quiet and he often had to sit in silence as he listened to the weather and the world shifting, he was a little put off by Ethan constantly shifting around for some reason. He didn’t understand why he was and not doing what the others did, but then again he didn’t really know what they did either and just kind of accepted that they were ‘powered down’ themselves. Ethan’s constant moving around had him distracted and wanting to say something about it, but he would probably end up waking the others. It felt a lot longer than usual, that night, but with the sun soon rising again he knew he didn’t have to wait long before the others got off the ground.
Once everybody was starting to get up Cecil was quick to get to his feet. Feeling unsettled and wanting to get going. He didn’t like the thought of waiting around while some fire burned away in the middle of their group, it seemed dangerous and something that could signal to others their location. Everybody else was confident enough to lay around this thing, but Cecil was a little more cautious than that. There had been something annoying him throughout the night since a few hours after sundown, something that was telling him it was probably dangerous to have a fire telling everything and everyone where you were. There was a lot of people after them, having a signal like that would mean they would be easily found; however, since they all got up and it was now day time there was little to worry about when it came to being caught out and the others not being easy to ambush.
Maybe he was just overly paranoid. There wasn’t much different about being out and away from people than there was being surrounded by them in that town back there. He was pretty confident he could keep away bad news anyway, he was supposed to be built for fighting after all; however, with Ethan being all angry at him for doing so he didn’t know if he was still allowed to or not. Ethan would probably get mad at him again and try to toss him out of the group, it’s not like he knew whether Ethan could and might react like that or not at all. Friendship was still new to him so he didn’t know how fragile it could be and whether a mistake could end it just as easily as it started.
He had to stop thinking about all the bad stuff that could possibly happen when it hadn’t happened yet or showed signs that it even would happen. He was just so ‘young’, he hadn’t had any of the experiences they had and still didn’t know how the world functioned. Maybe everything was going to be okay and he won’t have to worry about Ethan being wrong about their friendship. He did truly believe he was worth nothing for a short time, but Ethan telling him he had a place with them made him feel slightly better.
Getting back on the road once everything seemed fine for everyone else just meant sitting around in the cart again minding his own business until they made it to where ever Nymira said they were going. He didn’t really know if he was supposed to do anything once they got there, everywhere they went so far he’s had something he had to do but if things went normally then he would just be standing or waiting around for Nymira to do whatever she wanted to do. He didn’t even know what Ethan was doing in the places they were going other than accompanying Nymira only sometimes. He didn’t understand Amuné’s goal, the words she used were foreign to him, and when it came to Asta he didn’t even know who she was other than hearing her name. He wondered if he even had a place with them, whether Ethan was just keeping him around because he had picked him up earlier and didn’t want to let him go. He had a lot he still didn’t understand, but he hoped he would be able to find something for himself that didn’t end with him being taken apart by those men in suits that were after him.
Staring down for a while as they travelled had him thinking a lot about these things instead of enjoying the environment. He usually enjoyed having a look around but these thoughts continued to linger and made things just a little bit harder to get a hold of. He wanted to try and understand the world but he wasn’t taking his time having a look around and actually taking everything in. People were certainly confusing, but the environment was so straight forward and pretty lovely to look at. Even if he couldn’t feel the same as the others could like temperature, the wind and the rough movements of the road, he could still enjoy travelling and looking and hearing everything around him. He should be enjoying this time being out travelling, but something was lingering and making him feel anxious and worried.
There was something definitely bothering him on an almost paranoid level, like he should be looking out for something. He didn’t know how to describe it even to himself but it was some sort of feeling that there was trouble around and that he was supposed to be making sure it never happened. He had that feeling before, but he didn’t know if it was just his head playing with him or if he had something on a technological scale that was trying to tell him something. A few times he went to speak up but nothing came out of his mouth, there was a few times he wanted to jump out of the cart too and go where the problem was coming from. He shouldn’t do such things when he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling right now, it would be silly if he jumped out and there was nothing.
Maybe there was something, though. He had rarely been wrong before and not much had changed for him to be doubting something he was feeling. Looking up quickly he glanced to the others, trying to see if they were noticing something as well. There had to be something if there was this feeling like an alert was being played in his head. Opening his mouth to speak he looked around instead, holding onto the edge of the cart before feeling the sudden urge to jump, which he did. He didn’t know what he was doing but he was out of the cart and now in the air, throwing his fist out in the direction they just came from before there was a sudden explosion of green rotten energy and electricity combining. Well he wasn’t wrong about there being something wrong, but now he was falling to the ground after blocking some sort of fast magic missile using his own energy.
ColonelCaboose