Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Hospital?
Kusari | Callan
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Collab with @Baklava @Piercing LightContrary to how most people seemed to feel, Kusari had always liked hospitals. People associated them with death and suffering for obvious reasons, but she'd always thought that was shortsighted. What safer place was there than a hospital? People didn't come to hospitals to be hurt, but to be healed, that was something to take solace in, wasn't it?
Regardless, Kusari didn't feel calm, she was visibly on edge. A nurse passing by took her tense expression as an aura of hostility and rubbed against the opposite side of the wall to avoid her. The fact that her clothes looked like the Tasmanian Devil had chewed on them probably didn't help... Well that and the horrible looking claws.
She ignored the nurse, she wasn't the first person in town to try and avoid her. Kusari had other things to worry about, like the fact that she had arrived at Callan's room three minutes ago and hadn't so much as knocked. The girl looked like a mess, still covered in grime and blood from the Wisford incident. And here Kusari thought she wasn't presentable, at least she was able to make use of the bathroom at the motel. She wanted to just walk in, but Callan looked as if her mind was a thousand miles away. Maybe she could crack a joke to ease the mood?
Hey, once you lose an arm once, the next time isn't so bad!"...I should leave right now." She grimaced, comedy was never her thing. However, acting with reckless abandon was. She decided to stick with what she knew.
She opened the door to Callan's room and walked inside. She could only offer a weak smile in greeting.
"Hey Callan... I uh, got some chips for you... Barbecue flavor. Not really my preferred flavor but I figured you might like them." They also happened to be the flavor that was hanging just barley from a hook in a vending machine, but that was besides the point. She sat down on the bed and handed the bag to Callan.
"I'm glad you made it back alive. You're alright, right?"The sound of the door creaking open sent Callan's heart racing for all the wrong reasons. Old tears stained her cheeks-- still dirty save the part the nurse had briefly wiped at before realizing there was no wound beneath the thick layer of blood. How long had she been sitting there? Callan furiously rubbed her cheeks to extinguish any trace of tears as the thoughts flooded in. She still hadn't showered. Her blood loss problem was fixed, but she was still horribly exhausted. She hadn't even thought about sleeping yet. What time was it??
Callan lifted her head up off her knees and blinked at the tall, lanky girl as she spoke before averting her eyes. She extended her hand to accept the small gift robotically, turning her attention to the bag for a moment too long. The crinkling noise it made between her fingers somehow sounded louder than the person speaking. She looked up, meeting Kusariβs eyes as she told her she was glad Callan was okay.
"
Yeah," Callan folded her legs and rocked back, eyes darting to the corner of the room as she shrugged and forced a smile, "
I'm fine." She ran her fingers through her bangs, "
Glad you're here. I owe you a thank you actually."
Kusari noticed the change in Callan's behavior, anyone could see that something was bothering her. But it would be rude to pry, wouldn't it?
"Thanks for what? I got there way too late, I barely did anythi-" She stopped herself, letting out an annoyed grumble and ruffling her hair.
"Anyway, I wasn't able to help you at all. I know how painful losing an arm can be, I should have been there to stop that from happening."Callan grimaced, despite herself. There was no way Kusari could have done anything about her arm. Was that something she really wanted to bring up, though? As far as she knew, Kusari never made good on that threat she made against Sander. Even so-- maybe Zoeβs arm melting episode wasnβt something she should be putting on blast right now. And not because she was worried about Zoe.
β
But you did help me out-- by getting Marcus and Emma out of trouble when I couldnβt,β Callan seemed slightly agitatedβ though it was mostly at herself. She'd known ahead of time that she wanted to thank Kusari for stepping in. Still didn't make it sting any less, knowing she could have done better. Remembering how reckless she'd been. Resting her hands in her lap, she picked at the corner of the chip bag, "
I don't honestly know what I'd have done if anything happened to them."
"Oh. Sure, no problem." Kusari didn't even think that Callan would thank her for saving someone else, she wasn't even aware she had gotten that close with Marcus and Emma. Why hadn't that occurred to her?
She knew why, she just didn't want to think about it. She was a living embodiment of the Hedgehog Dilemma. The two people closest to her, her roommates, got so sick of her they moved out. The moment she tried expressing her feelings to Callan she only put unnecessary pressure on her. There was an unsettling pain in her chest, as if a demon were sitting on her. It was the kind of pain her healing factor had no sway over.
"I'm glad I was... able to help." She said, her voice just barely audible. She didn't know what to do. She had thought helping in battle would be enough, but it wasn't. She didn't want to be alone, in fact she couldn't be alone. She rubbed the red claws on her fingers against each other, another nervous habit rapidly developing.
"I um, I'm staying in room seventeen at the motel they got for us. You wouldn't mind staying with me, would you?"Callan watched the movement of Kusariβs claws as she spoke, looking up at the sudden invitation. β
Huh?β her face contorted with confusion. Hadnβt she horribly offended Kusari the last time they spoke? Kusari hadnβt spoken to her all week! Of course, Callan had been avoiding her all week as well, butβ¦
The question caught her off guard. The cogs of her mind whirled away for a moment before she realized. Sander and Christmas had both requested to be in a room separate from her. Sheβd been alone all this time. Callan felt sorry for her behaviorβshe knew her fellow arbiter had seen her dodge a hallway more than once. But she was still wary. And while part of her thought the idea of company would be nice (even with someone with whom her feelings were so mixed up about)βa larger part felt like she should be alone. Sheβd gotten a little girl killed today after all.
β
Uhm,β Callan felt heat rushing to her face. She wasnβt an idiot and Kusari wasnβt exactly subtle. She could feel Kusariβs eyes on her as she averted her gaze, β
Iβ¦ I donβt knowβ¦.β
Kusari let out a sigh and pulled her left knee up to her chest, then resting her chin on it.
"Yeah. I don't know either. Sorry, it probably sounds like I'm just trying to get into your pants, not that it's not on my mind. I just, you know..." She wasn't sure what else to say, she was used to getting by just saying whatever was on her mind, but that wasn't cutting it now. How could she convey that she wanted to feel someone else, just
be with someone she liked? She was being selfish, it would make sense for nearly anyone to want to just be left alone right now. At least she hoped that's all it was.
Callanβs face burned, her mind numb with embarrassment. She did her best to look at Kusari instead of anywhere elseβfinally settling on the braid peeking out from the long tousled white tresses and resting on the girlβs shoulder. She justβ¦ what? What was she going to say? Did she really want to know?
She tried to will herself to calm down. Be less flustered. Now wasnβt the time to be so concerned about something soβ¦ petty? Sheβd heard comments similar to this beforeβparties sheβd stayed too long at with people who drank too much. But this wasnβt the same. Not at all the same. Kusari was stone cold somber. That or sheβd disguised the scent very wellβ¦.
β
Ku--..." the name stuck in her throat, so she started again. "
A-- ...are you okay??β she asked hesitantly, suddenly remembering what had happened the last time she asked that question.
Kusari laid down on the bed, her left eye not covered by her messy hair staring at the ceiling. Callan followed her with her eyes, but said nothing, scooting over ever so slightly to give the girl room.
"This is kinda messed up, I come to ask if you're alright and I'm the one making you worry. I'm a wreck honestly, it's taking everything I have just to keep from freaking out. I don't even care about having a normal life anymore. At the very least I want to pretend to be a human being. Even if it's with a girl that literally tore my guts out because I asked her to, I'd like to..." Kusari let out a frustrated groan.
"If I can't find anything to make me happy then what's the point of even living?"An uncomfortable knot was beginning to form in the pit of Callan's stomach. She frantically tried to think of something to say or do. Or maybe just say. Callan continued to notice the beast like appendages and felt a growing sympathy for Kusari. It... had to've been hard. Being expected to take on injuries just because she could heal them-- through Lily or otherwise. And then getting stuck with sharp, scary looking claws. Callan thought she could relate to wanting to feel normal, but part of her felt that was a lie. For all of its misuse, she... liked feeling this strong. This untouchable. Or at least she DID. Up until Zoe had taught her how very little her ability meant.
She felt small. And unimportant. And tired. And, most of all, still very very dirty. Callan self consciously rubbed at some of the dried blood caked onto the back of her hand. It flaked off in small particles and she stopped-- gross. Surely she was just... misreading whatever it was Kusari was trying to say. They'd only known each other for roughly a week or two after all.
"
Hey," a small, sympathetic smile wormed its way onto her face, shifting to one side as she did her best be encouraging, "
It's fine. It... it'll be okay. Really."
Hearing those words acted as a floodgate for Kusari's eyes. She had started crying before she could even fully think of something to say back. When was the last time she felt it was alright to let her guard down, to take a moment to allow her pent up stress out? She covered her eyes with her left arm, she rarely ever cried, and it was even more uncommon that someone saw it.
"You're probably just saying that, but thank you... Really. I think I just needed to hear that." Oh... nice work, Cal. You made her cry. "
H-hey," she stammered, "
It's--" Okay? Alright? She didn't want to sound like a broken record, but what else could she say? All her previous concerns about Savannah, Zoe, and the fight were temporarily forgotten, but the stress was still there. Coupled with a rising frustration. No amount of points scored or super strength was going to help here.
"
Kusari..." she said, at a loss. Callan reached a hand towards the girl's shoulder, but pulled back at the last moment. She simply sat and waited patiently. If Kusari wanted to talk, she would listen. Other than that, she wasn't quite sure what to do.
Kusari wiped the tears from her eyes and sat up.
"Enough of that. I need to say something to you too. The last time we talked I put you in an uncomfortable position. Um." Her face tensed as if she were thinking too hard about something.
"That is why you were avoiding me, right? I guess I can't blame you."Kusari seemed to be calming down. Relief quickly bled into tension again as she brought up that day, but Callan had understood it was an inevitable topic. She couldn't avoid talking about it forever. The odd question and her harebrained reaction that morning after breakfast... the claw marks on Sander's chest... and the peculiar argument she'd witnessed.
"She's dangerous.""I know monsters. Kusari doesn't even try."And then there was the matter of Kusari threatening Sander for her sake. It was such a mess. She hadn't avoided Kusari because she thought the girl might be dangerous (though, after today, it would probably be wise to reevaluate her total lack of concern when it came to the potency of her teammate's abilities). Kusari had confessed her feelings-- strong feelings-- and Callan hadn't known what to say. Kusari had seen and questioned the claw marks Misery had made that night. Kusari had made her feel upset by threatening Sander-- trying to fight her battles for her with no regard for how she felt.
A mess-- reflected in Callan's unreadable expression as she opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. One issue at a time. She nodded, still struggling to meet Kusari's eyes for longer than a second. "
I'm sorry about... all that...." she mumbled, hugging herself tightly. "
I, uh... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything. I just... didn't know what to say."
Kusari let out a stifled chuckle.
"It's fine, it's fine. It takes more than that to hurt my feelings." She said. She wasn't quite sure if she believed it, it felt true at least. She didn't think of herself as the type to hold a petty grudge just because someone refused to date her.
"It was my fault anyway, I was trying to rush things without taking how you'd feel into consideration. Heck we haven't even known each other that long. I mean jeez, you probably aren't even into girls." Kusari let out a sigh and stood from the bed.
"I'd like to know you better, Marcus, Emma, and the others too. I've been afraid of losing friends, but I can't let that stop me. Someone has to remember if one of us dies, someone has to care." Kusari let out a disdainful scoff.
"Those regular bastards won't care, that's for sure."Callan smiled uncomfortably. She wasn't so sure about that last part, but she wasn't about to go into detail about her more physical feelings towards Kusari. Especially when all her other feelings were still so uncertain. Clearly Kusari didn't suffer from the same indecision, but she was content to let the subject drop as Kusari kept talking.
'The regulars won't care.' A week ago, Callan might've argued that instantly. Her words were sad, though. Did Kusari think nobody would care if she died? ...was she right?
Callan frowned for a moment, mulling over her words, before a smile surfaced. "
If you wanna hang out with us, all you gotta do is ask. Always empty seats at our lunch table, you know...." Her expression became more serious and she paused. "
Did you... did you know Savannah?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"Yeah I know, I've just been avoiding eating with people like an idiot. Uhh. She tried to remember the child that died, but all she had was a face.
"I didn't know her, and that's just what I mean. She had an Irish accent... I think? That's about it. If I were to die I wouldn't want people to just remember me as 'that pale bitch with the freaky claws.'"Just remembering the sight of Savannah's dead body made her blood boil.
"Killing a kid like that... We should really just wipe all of those assholes off the face of the Earth."She hadn't known her. Callan shouldn't have felt relieved to hear that, but she was. She'd thought that maybe that was part of the reason Kusari had been crying before. Even so, Kusari's last remark made her feel all the more guilty. She couldn't help feeling just as responsible for killing Savannah as the gargoyle girl. She couldn't think of anything to say, falling back into the same far away stare as she lost herself in thought.
"Uh, did I say something wrong?" Kusari said, confused as to why Callan suddenly looked just as distant as when she walked in.
"Did you know her? You didn't... See it happen, did you?"Callan shook her head suddenly, squeezing herself tighter. "
No. I didn't know her at all." Callan chewed her lip. She didn't want to tell Kusari what happened.
Selfish. Putting something like that first on her list of concerns. Emma and Marcus saw what happened. Everybody was going to know eventually. Why try to hide it like this?
You can't hide forever, Cal."
I wish I could have saved her," she answered instead. An honest statement, though it was no easier to say out loud.
Kusari narrowed her eyes Callan, she had no reason to not believe her, but she was clearly disturbed by something she was remembering. Maybe seeing Savannah's dead body had shaken her more than she thought.
"You did your best, didn't you? Just do better next time, that's what I plan on doing. None of us are soldiers and we have next to no training. If you want to blame anyone-" Kusari looked down at the cuff on her leg.
"Blame them."Her best? Had she really? Though Kusari made a good point, Callan remained unconvinced. "
Yeah," she agreed anyway, falling silent again.
Kusari's lips wriggled into a frown. Callan looked like she'd need some time to adjust... or something.
"Alright, um, the motel is just down the street." Kusari kneaded her braid, not realizing she was doing it with her right hand.
"Again it's room seventeen, if you want to hang out." She stopped fiddling with her hair and lowered her hand.
"A-ah." She had cut her braid off, the severed follicles now in her hand.
"I'll uh, see you later." She stammered, trying to ignore the fact that her face was flushed red. Her hair would grow back overnight like it always did, but that didn't stop her from looking stupid.
Did... did she just? Surprised, Callan noted the tint of Kusari's cheeks immediately. Her skin was so fair-- it was kind of hard to miss. She pressed her knuckles to her lips, trying to stop the small laugh that escaped her in vain. Her smile contoured as she tried to look less amused. "
See you later," she chuckled softly.
Kusari faked a cough and turned towards the door.
"Right, at least I got you smiling again." She basically deserved to be laughed at, so she had no reason to be mad. The fact that Callan felt comfortable laughing felt nice in a way. It was better than her being too afraid of her to even consider it.
"Later." She opened the door and exited the room, then heading back to the motel.
Callan stopped chuckling abruptly as Kusari pointed it out. She really shouldn't be laughing at all after what happened... but it was a nice distraction. "
Bye, Kusari," she said, with a wave and a tentative smile. The door swung shut and Callan sighed heavily. That... hadn't been entirely horrible. It went a lot better than she'd thought it might anyway. Sliding off the bed, she made her way into the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. She ran her fingers over the layer of grime that still marred her face.Yuck. She really did look disgusting. Callan quickly turned on the faucet. Running her hands under the cold, steady stream, she quietly watched the blood and dirt mixture spin into the drain while she mulled over the conversation.
"--not that it's not on my mind." All at once, the blood came rushing back into her cheeks and she slumped over the counter, face buried in her hands. A muffled "
Uwaaagh." sounding from the bathroom signaled the mortified teenager's embarrassment as she tried her best to think of something else.