Most of my soul was lost centuries ago. I threw much of it away, and then the breaking stole almost all of the remaining parts. I have clung to what's left and tried to rebuild it for five centuries now. But you, young one, only have a short life to live. I hope that you know what you are doing, my son, Joseph thought solemnly as he bowed once more at the door. He was unsure if he even wanted to speak to the prisoner. What help could he possibly be to this younger vampire?
After leaving the sitting room, he traversed the house to his own room in the servants' quarters. The servants lived in a large dormitory-like structure only a few hundred feet off of the main house. Another underground passageway connected the two buildings so that servants could traverse the way to the house without any problems. The rooms were about the size of most hotel rooms, and each slave was allotted a room to him or herself, so that if nothing else, each could have a modicum of privacy. There were also “family-sized” areas that were about twice as large, for those slaves who fell in love and wanted to live together. Such an arrangement had to be cleared by Master Alexi, through Joseph, but the elder vampire had never known the Lord of the house to deny two creatures who loved each other.
His room was at the end of the hall, identical to “family” quarters in both size and layout. Joseph did not have a family of his own, but he spent much of his spare time acting as “uncle,” counselor, scheduler, and manager to all the slaves that lived here. When two people had a problem, or if one person just wanted to talk, they could sit down with him nearly any time that he was at home, or schedule an appointment that worked with both of their work schedules. Anything discussed in those sessions was confidential, unless it was absolutely crucial that Joseph tell Master Alexi, which was rare.
But thankfully, today he was left alone. There were no appointments; no one came in, and he was free to put on headphones and play on his small digital piano. There was a Steinway grand in one of the main rooms of the house, but right now Joseph just wanted to be left alone. He played several pieces from memory to try and calm himself, but it was ineffective. Eventually he gave in, locked the door (something he hardly ever did), and quietly sobbed, trying not to allow himself to be heard. The walls were thick, but not totally soundproof, and many of the servants had excellent hearing.
I can't do this! I can't... I can't watch anyone go through that living hell. It would be easier if he just didn't resist. Perhaps I could just give him injections to get it over with faster. No... no... the first has to be his own “choice,” even if it's an instinctual decision to stay alive. It doesn't work otherwise. Besides, the worst of it isn't the pain. It's the end. It's knowing that you are nothing, that your life doesn't matter now. That you truly are property. That you have to struggle every minute to retain your freewill, to be more than a mere automaton. It has taken me more than three centuries to recover from the last breaking, and I still struggle with the ideologies that my original magical breaking put into me. And the 21st century versions are even more potent. But there is nothing I can do. Maybe Master Alexi is crazy. Maybe he has lost his mind. But surely I must follow him to the ends of the Earth regardless. I once relished in the screams of humans when I would steal their blood and their lives. Why is it that I cannot stand to see one of my own kind in pain? Have I truly changed so much? This is wrong. What I did was wrong, but this is just as horrible. Lord Alexi is my master though; I must not betray him. These tears, this pain, this is what I deserve. But he does not deserve it. I cannot simply free him. I cannot contact his resistance and tell them to mount a rescue. I cannot betray Master Alexi, even if he is wrong. And if he is right, then perhaps the sacrifice of one man for the good of many is worth it. I just wish I could take his place. He has only killed to defend the rights of slaves. He does not deserve that torture, but I do.
As the somewhat repetitive thoughts raced through his head, tears continued to stream down Joseph's face. But finally he took a deep breath and stood. He only needed a few hours of sleep a day. Any more was a luxury, but his chores were done for now, and he did most of his work at night anyway. As far as his new orders of cleaning the master bedroom, those were to wait until the next day, and the elder vampire had no desire to enter before then. Lord Alexi would not return for several hours, so he decided to take his afternoon nap.
Entering his small bedroom, he changed into some nightclothes and fell into a comfortable double bed. The stereotype that Vampires slept in coffins was a common misconception. Who wanted to be reminded of their impending death all the time?
~*~*~
Joseph awoke from his nap at sunset, and quickly bathed and dressed. Taking a salad, some water, and a small vial of animal blood out of his personal fridge, he sat down to have a meal. But he was finished quickly, and he son left the room. Master Alexi would return home within a couple of hours, and he wanted to oversee the preparation of dinner.